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hannahmadden's review against another edition
5.0
Caitlin Conlon processes loss and describes the human experience with grief in a way that is raw and beautiful
harrydaylight's review against another edition
3.75
Took me longer to finish than I would have liked, but I think I’m in a slump and it has nothing to do with the actual content of the book.
I thought it was well-written and beautiful, the way the author speaks about grief and mental health and love is just so clever and relatable, and some lines will truly stay with me for a long time (“this was never supposed to be a metaphor for anything. i just wanted to love you. i tried so hard to do it right.” absolutely made me lose my mind. or this, about grief: “why I’m here at all, meditating on grief, trying to say something that sounds nicer than I would like you to come home, now.” or “the point is that one of us is dead and it doesn’t matter anymore which is which. it just doesn’t matter.”)
My favorite poems were The Artist Paints a Favorable Portrait of Jack Torrance, 3:18 AM, Coded Signals, Lies, The Anxiety Speaks, Am Barely Holding It Together.
Would definitely recommend if you like contemporary poetry!
I thought it was well-written and beautiful, the way the author speaks about grief and mental health and love is just so clever and relatable, and some lines will truly stay with me for a long time (“this was never supposed to be a metaphor for anything. i just wanted to love you. i tried so hard to do it right.” absolutely made me lose my mind. or this, about grief: “why I’m here at all, meditating on grief, trying to say something that sounds nicer than I would like you to come home, now.” or “the point is that one of us is dead and it doesn’t matter anymore which is which. it just doesn’t matter.”)
My favorite poems were The Artist Paints a Favorable Portrait of Jack Torrance, 3:18 AM, Coded Signals, Lies, The Anxiety Speaks, Am Barely Holding It Together.
Would definitely recommend if you like contemporary poetry!
amylittleford's review against another edition
4.0
Firstly, I'd like to thank Netgalley and Central Avenue Publishing for the eARC for an honest review.
This poetry collection is a full exploration of grief, heartbreak and love and living fully while immersed in these deeply felt emotions. The many pieces about Caitlin's Grandma were my favourite of the whole collection. Having recently lost my Grandma, which only felt like yesterday but has actually been over 3 years, I felt every word from these poems. The honesty as Caitlin takes us back to that time, the hospital visits, the deterioration, that feeling of wanting to go back and soak up every word, really took me back in time. I felt it all. Caitlin explores grief beautifully.
Caitlin's writing style is beautiful and she has done so well with her debut collection. Her exploration of romantic relationships, from the heartache to finding the one is done really well. I did prefer the poems that focused on the grief that I could relate to on a deeper level but that is just my preference. I think I would have liked the poems more grouped based on topic only because sometimes when the poems about her partner popped up it can be hard to just change gears emotionally which meant the true meaning behind the poem wasn't appreciated. I'm looking forward to more from Caitlin in the future and wish her every success.
Amy x
This poetry collection is a full exploration of grief, heartbreak and love and living fully while immersed in these deeply felt emotions. The many pieces about Caitlin's Grandma were my favourite of the whole collection. Having recently lost my Grandma, which only felt like yesterday but has actually been over 3 years, I felt every word from these poems. The honesty as Caitlin takes us back to that time, the hospital visits, the deterioration, that feeling of wanting to go back and soak up every word, really took me back in time. I felt it all. Caitlin explores grief beautifully.
Caitlin's writing style is beautiful and she has done so well with her debut collection. Her exploration of romantic relationships, from the heartache to finding the one is done really well. I did prefer the poems that focused on the grief that I could relate to on a deeper level but that is just my preference. I think I would have liked the poems more grouped based on topic only because sometimes when the poems about her partner popped up it can be hard to just change gears emotionally which meant the true meaning behind the poem wasn't appreciated. I'm looking forward to more from Caitlin in the future and wish her every success.
Amy x
agentsab's review
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
fast-paced
3.5
Favorite Quotes:
“I’ve never needed an excuse
“I’ve never needed an excuse
to sacrifice myself for love.
I’m a martyr for everything soft.
I confess to you: I’d bleed for anything
if it held me the right way.” 11
“Do you ever get the impression
that you’re on the wrong side
of your own life?
I just mean that sometimes it feels like
a constant battle between wanting it
to feel the same, and knowing that it
shouldn’t.
Okay, so I wrote myself out of the dark
but I can feel it creeping back in.
Is it too late to outrun my fate?” 12
“That’s a lot of love, I want to
say, a lot of snow, but then I’d have to admit I’m not
listening as well as I should because I’m assuming
that there’s endless time to say everything I need to say.” 15
“At 19 I walk out of the room that
becomes our final private memory and think what if
this is the last time and promptly ignore it.” 16
“I gorged on happiness hours before its expiration date. Potential stretched before me like a dinner table.
Life is magnificent just before it tries to kill you.” 22
“I am COMMA granting you immortality on a page when the story is as simple as “you left” 23
“i feel like a papercut that never stops bleeding,” 28
“Which grief can I live with today? I’ve barely been awake five minutes when the question arrives, tail tucked between its legs, waiting for an answer.
This is what I’ve learned
after months of meandering between melancholies:
it’s easier to lick the wounds of a battered heart than it is to raise someone from the dead.” 29
“in a language that doesn’t have the word ‘love’ I say,
“the receipt from the film we watched on our first date is still tacked on my bulletin board.”
I say, “I bought four red sweaters after you told me your favorite” 30
“It’s been over a year and I still look for him
in everything. A reflex I can’t stop responding to.
I cling with blistered hands and bitter heart to any story, any fiction, any song remotely like ours, as if it’ll give our conclusion meaning.
Or, at the very least, a name I can call out
when I’m fading away.” 34
“The truth is not the truth until you say it
to the first thing you survived.
Joy is difficult to obtain when you most require it.
If my depression answers to anything it isn’t my reflection.
You can lose things while holding onto them.
The symphony of childhood sounds best
when played in reverse.
Forgiveness is not enough if” 50
“i haven’t done this in a while
so please forgive anything that may fall
out of my mouth when i’m touching you.
the firework show making an open field of my chest .
your face, the spark.” 57
“The years I’ve lost to my mind
haunt me like a bad memory.
I’m stuck inside the throat
of forgetfulness.
(I’m still naming my mistakes
after cities I’ve cried in.)
When you take a blade
to your past, where do you go
to bury the hatchet?
How do you forgive your name
for being your name?” 64
“the sadness feels like a weighted sweater
pushing me further and further into myself.
not every day.
but enough of them.” 68
“YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO BURY
THE PERSON YOU WERE WHEN YOU
LOVED THEM” 77
“At the age of 12 cruelty does not know its own voice.” 79
“all love is—
—constantly dreading the next collective moment of
departure, fearing anything that could complicate
returning.” 84
“Everything I have ever created is a love letter to my identity.” 89
“if i’ve learned anything about shame it’s that when you pass it down to your children they have no choice but to carry ittend to a deep
undeniable sadnessthey are unable
to name” 92
“The myths I told myself to keep you alive are slowly becoming obsolete without anyone to repeat them.
Time is erasing you without so much as an echo to commemorate it.” 94
“it’s easier to think of my life as one big epic poem rather than a series of events that thrust me into creativity as a means of survival. ” 95
“I grip the rage, the absence, tightly in my fists.” 121
“I AM BARELY HOLDING IT TOGETHER
and that gives me joy.
it implies that, at one point, I had it all together. it was there, a full life for the ripening.” 132
“I could write my hands to ruin and still never capture the timbre of your laughter after midnight” 158
“I could dedicate every poem I ever write to you and it wouldn’t be enough.
It just wouldn’t be enough to express the joy I’ve experienced through being loved well by you.” 159
softgalaxy's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
5.0
I think this is a poetry collection I’ll have to read again and much more slowly. There is so much imagery and metaphors to unpack, they stay with you long after reading.
Caitlin Conlon is one of my favourite poets, I enjoyed her work Cavity, but The Surrender Theory shows her growth as a writer.
Grief is tough terrain to navigate, but Conlon climbs through it without any expectation of a destination or completion of a journey. Grief just is
Caitlin Conlon is one of my favourite poets, I enjoyed her work Cavity, but The Surrender Theory shows her growth as a writer.
Grief is tough terrain to navigate, but Conlon climbs through it without any expectation of a destination or completion of a journey. Grief just is
Content Warnings
Graphic: Grief
Moderate: Injury/Injury detail, Death, and Toxic relationship