Reviews with content warning for Toxic relationship - If You Still Recognise Me

Reviews tagging 'Toxic relationship'

If You Still Recognise Me by Cynthia So

28 reviews

clovetra's review against another edition

hopeful lighthearted relaxing medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

3.0

ok, there are many thoughts & feelings, but first i need to preface this saying yet again i hate saying anything negative to a small indie writer! double hate because cynthia so seems lovely & i hate the thought of trying to "disregard" someones work. i will say though this book heavily leans to the Y/A genre, so for anyone wanting to read this, keep that in mind.
now i want to start this off by saying i did not like elsie. i don't think she reaches the realm of protagonists i love to hate, but i will say i found her quite.... insufferable.
like girl....

how did you expect ada to act finding her grandma's ex gf without permission.....

. some of her behaviours are very..... insane. that's a bad way of wording it but. there's no thought behind elsie's eyes ever. girl does NOT realise actions have consequences. and now that i am almost officially out of the teen age-range, i just cant buy a teen being *this* dumb. like yeah sure im autistic so obv i wouldn't have had the regular shmegular teen experience but.... i just couldn't buy elsie. that was defo my main issue.
another point is how elsie bounces between crushes is so annoying to me. girl what are you doing??? 😭 ive defo done that before........... as a child. like fully 12 years old. what are we doing here.
i also found this book to be a bit..... rushed in some aspects? the ending defo felt rushed, and that it went from 0-100 in a split second. some parts of the story dragged on and on and on, for instance with ada & the explanation of the in-universe comic book, and other parts rushed too quickly, like with her po po & uncle! like i want more of that!!!!
i will say tho i love me some queer rep esp with a cultural element. i related a lot with elsie's worry about coming out to her family, but i will say that it wore thin on me the more i progressed through the book.
i truly did enjoy this book and gobbled it tf up! i loved joan, but honestly i found i didn't care about the plot.... i just wanted to read about joan. she captivated me.
ill be real, im lacking words to describe how i felt about this book. on one hand i read it whenever i had the chance & it never felt like it was dragging, and that this was an overall "easy" (lighthearted & comfy) book to read..... but on the other hand it was a bit predictable and lacked substance. i don't know what i was expecting though because this was a very cute read i would defo recommend snuggling under your covers for. i just think this wasn't my style - sadly i think ive started to reach the point where Y/A is wearing thin on me which BREAKS MY HEART!
i reckon honestly if i read this book even 3 years ago i would've loved the shit out of it. but now im an adult doing Adult Things™, this book seems a bit too.... happy? 😭 im too cynical and this book was too happy for my perpetually grumpy ass.
i would defo recommend this book its super cute fluff that warms ur little heart!!! im just a massive cynic + im also beginning to realise i don't like the romance genre as much as i used to
anyways cynthia so if you see this thank you for giving us the lighthearted teen lesbian romance society needed.

Content Warnings

naisdayz's review against another edition

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adventurous emotional inspiring lighthearted reflective fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

If You Still Recognize Me is often compared to the Heartstopper series by Alice Oseman, though I don’t really understand why — besides the queer representation and ya/contemporary genre there aren’t any paralells, in my opinion.

I somewhat expected for the fandom-aspect to make me cringe a bit (as in that I’d feel like I’m reading an actual fan fiction), but I think it was executed really well (and realistically).

I was never really able to warm up to the subplot of Elsie trying to find Ada’s grandma’s friend, Theresa. Ada actually put it into words pretty well — it felt pretty invasive, and I didn’t really get why. That part of the book dragged it a bit for me, especially when Elsie used her and Ritika’s holiday to find more clues to where Theresa is. Like, really?
But I’m glad her and Ada talked about it, and Elsie seemed to have learned her lesson.

I really liked the side characters here as well, though I wish some of the relationships would have been a bit more fleshed out, like Elsie’s relationship to her dad.

When the real reason for the lack of contact between her family and Uncle Kevin was revealed, I gasped. I need an Uncle Kevin in my life.

Also, during that second to last Interstitial I didn’t realize the letter was from the past, and thought Joan was going back to Hong Kong?? omg

If You Still Recognize Me was a pretty smooth read, even if it had some downs every once and awhile. I loved that, despite this being a romance novel, the platonic and familiar relationships weren’t pushed to the side for the sake of giving the entire spotlight to the romantic relationship. I loved the bond between the different characters, especially Ritika and Elsie.

The book also talks a lot about self-discovery and making mistakes, which I think is very important in a book with characters and an audience this young. It’s normal to not know who you are fully, and to make mistakes, but you have to own up to it.

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evelynyle_88's review

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emotional lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Finally after a long time on my tbr, I decided to take this book and started to read it. I feel like this book is so sweet and the story is so heartwarming. I smile everytime I read such cute moments in this book. I love Elsie, Joan and Ritika a lot. And oh! Ada too!

This book is so perfect. Perfect to finish reading it on my birthday with a smile plastered on my face. I need more heartwarming stories like this.

Thank you so much, Cynthia for writing this heartwarming story of Elsie (and Joan; of course!). I must say, I love the ending. Nothing more to say about their dynamic. You are brilliant!

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rosereadsalot's review

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emotional hopeful inspiring reflective sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a copy of If You Still Recognise Me by Cynthia So. I really enjoyed seeing such a diverse cast of characters, from different races to cultures to sexualities! This was a deep and meaningful Young Adult book and which I would definitely recommend. It deals with emotional and sensitive topics, including but not limited to homophobia, abandonment, racism and prejudice, grief and loss of a parent.

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bookishmillennial's review against another edition

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emotional funny mysterious reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

disclaimer: I don’t really give starred reviews. I hope my reviews provide enough information to let you know if a book is for you or not. Find me here: https://linktr.ee/bookishmillennial

The worst thing is that I’ve never been able to figure out whether this sense of being set apart from others is something that I’ve internalized, so that I just feel like I’m unwelcome because of my long history of not fitting in, or whether it’s something that’s really happening to me in the actual moment, that I really am being treated differently, in a way I can’t articulate but can only feel because life has made me uniquely sensitive to it.

I absolutely adored this story about Elsie, Joan, and all of the queer honeys around them! This is everything I love about contemporary YA coming-of-age stories.

Chinese-British 18-year-old Elsie's exploration with her gender expression and her unrequited feelings for her online fandom bestie Ada (biracial Nigerian American) were so incredibly tender and moving. I cannot believe this is Cynthia So's first novel because they masterfully wrote a story with a carefully subdued, but artfully introspective narrative.

This book was packed with so many magical and beautiful themes and tenets of queerness, growth, and community! First of all, I could not get over how delightful the representation of fandom culture was! Elsie and Ada first connected through virtual fandom spaces due to their love of comic book series Eden Recoiling, and end up talking every day, becoming close friends. Elsie's crush that she develops on Ada is SO REAL OMG!

Elsie did "the most" by searching for Ada's grandma Rebecca's long lost "friend," Theresa as a way to impress and make a grand gesture for Ada, but here's the thing. I have been there. I can't sit here and pretend I didn't pull some embarrassingly extra and sometimes invasive bullshit to prove I was good enough for someone I had a crush on, while I was in this state of "PLEASE LOVE ME" and needing validation like air. Simultaneously, it's almost self-sabotage-ing as well, because you then get to say, "See? I'm horrible and they would never like me." It's a pitiful circle of despair and insecurity, and it's incredibly relatable and authentic to being a young adult and fumbling as you figure it out.

Ada and Elsie do discuss how it was invasive and Elsie should have communicated that she had interest in doing this. It did invade Ada, Rebecca's, and Theresa's privacy regardless. I don't condone anyone disrespecting anyone else's privacy! I do appreciate that Ada and Elsie had an honest dialogue about doing better in the future though, and Elsie is lucky it turned out okay! I think this goes to show none of us are infallible, and we have to take accountability and be fully transparent when we do miss the mark. Elsie does learn this lesson, however messy it was! And I do think she was projecting her own feelings onto this quest too, as she spent 7 years wondering what happened with her long lost best friend Joan, and 8 years wondering why she no longer saw her Uncle Kevin. Rediscovery is such a powerful theme in this book!

Siri, play "love is embarrassing" by Olivia Rodrigo. CS absolutely read us (read: past friendships that you look back on and think, 'omg, that was SO gay of me to pine after my bestie and I didn't even know it) to filth with the pining, longing, angst, second-guessing, embarrassment, daydreaming, and hope that comes with crushes, especially those we endured on our besties.

Another part of this book that I deeply appreciated was the representation across the board and the diversity of Elsie's family and friends group. There is an ace side character (won't say who so I don't spoil it for you!), Joan, our super hot masc butch lesbian, Elsie who is bi and queer/questioning her gender expression as she navigates a bit of dysmorphia and examining when she truly feels like *herself*, and multiple ethnicities represented too! Elsie's other sapphic bestie Ritika is Indian-British, and I actually think she handled most of the unprompted mess from Elsie very well - she was so direct, honest, and patient lol. I love a cast like this because it represents the world I live in. It represents the world I see when I go to the bookstore, or to the library, or to the shopping mall! I would absolutely watch a Freeform or Netflix tv show about these kids' coming-of-age stories!

Another part of this was the generational representation of elder queer folks, like Rebecca and Theresa.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention Uncle Kevin's introduction and his backstory, especially the disowning by his parents/Elsie's grandparents. Elsie's curiosity and determination in finding Theresa to reunite her with Rebecca, along with her wonder as to what happened to her uncle Kevin is so tender!

My friend @atmreads (IG) recently has been talking about how they want to see their communities grow old. Reading about elder queer folks who were just as dynamic, lively, hopeful, fierce, and full of self, platonic and/or romantic love was absolutely heartwarming.

Something else that really stood out to me was Elsie's ruminations on her past boyfriend, who we learn was extremely toxic and emotionally abusive. She also begins to recognize that he has documented behavior of fetishizing and sexualizing API women, and this is a fucked up truth to contend with, especially as an 18-year-old. Gosh, my heart hurt for her as she realized this in hindsight. This was another reason I appreciate pushing back on the "perfect victim" narrative, because does Elsie's past trauma forgive her current messy behavior? No, absolutely not. It does provide a bit more context for me though, and I appreciate the layers of discomfort and sadness that Elsie was working through introspectively, on top of everything else!

Okay, let me just get to the main romance between Joan and Elsie now, which felt like the warmest hug, and made me feel reminiscent of how I feel whenever I watch Nick and Charlie or Elle and Tao on Heartstopper, or any episode of Sex Education or Never Have I Ever. I felt giddy, hopeful, and nervous! I had butterflies as Joan and Elsie made their ways back to each other, first as friends after seven years of Elsie wondering what happened to her long lost bestie (my god, the miscommunication! the assumptions! the sad girl vibes!), and then again romantically! I smiled so hard when Elsie and Joan share a moment of Elsie exploring gender expression and feels so incredibly affirmed. It's such a unique, magical and humbling feeling.

I am in awe of CS, and will read whatever they write, even a grocery list!

rep: Chinese-British MC, biracial (Nigerian & white American) side character, Indian-British side character, questioning characters, ace-spec side character

Content Warnings

briaraq's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

4.0

I really enjoyed this book!

Being bi in a homophobic family is rough, and I'm glad Elsie has people around her to support her, including queer people she can relate to. I didn't have that growing up, and I don't really have that now, but I'm glad that I can read books like this and know that some people irl do have these people.

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nightstitch96's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful lighthearted reflective sad fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Content Warnings

mel_muses's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful lighthearted reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

”If you still recognize me, I must be doing something right. It means I haven’t changed so much that I’m no longer myself after all.”

IYSRM follows Elsie, a bi girl in the UK who has just one summer before starting at Cambridge for uni. Elsie is determined to use this summer to finally admit her crush on her Internet best friend, Ada. But then her childhood best friend comes back into the picture and Elsie’s summer turns into a whirlwind of evolving feelings, family secrets, and an attempt at reconnecting long-lost loves.

Elsie has so much of me: a queer girl who struggles to make friends, but when she does, it’s with her whole heart. An awkward person who uses fanfiction and fandom as an escape from her life, as something to keep her going. Even in our differences, there’s something about her that’s striking: where I’m obsessed with mounds of queer books, she’s obsessed with a queer-coded comic series. And as someone who is also academically-driven, I felt her need to escape into fiction in such a matter of fact way. Where I don’t crush on people, Elsie most certainly is in love with Ada. I can relate to that feeling of loving someone across thousands of miles, even if it isn’t romantic.

There are also so many parts of Elsie I don’t — and can’t — understand. I am not Chinese like Elsie, nor do I have trauma from a toxic relationship like she does. But the fact that she exists for other people too and has touched the lives of my friends — Meilin and Naomi, who I read this with, and Micah and Cel, who I associate with this story — makes this book needed.

But beyond the characters, I loved the journey Elsie goes on, trying to reconcile who she was with who she is with who she wants to be. The romance, the friendships, the family relationships are all handled with such nuance and care. There’s something so special about how feelings evolve, how they can bloom into something unexpected and make you realize some of the most personal discoveries.

This book is for all Elsies out there: I hope you find that there will always be someone who recognizes you.

Trigger Warnings: homophobia and biphobia (internalized, targeted, microaggressions), toxic relationship recounted, off-page grandparent death, off-page disownment, internalized racism, fetish for Asian women by an off-page side character

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sammy_nor's review

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emotional

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes

3.5

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emily_mh's review

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emotional hopeful lighthearted reflective slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? No

5.0

There’s part of a sentence in this novel that perfectly sums up what it is: “my summer imbued with a cosmic sheen of queer magic.” For this story is summery, and queer, and magical, and perhaps the sweetest softest sapphic romance I have ever read.

I am just in awe of the way in which So crafted this story. There are many different threads we follow, yet all of them are given the space and time they need, and all have satisfactory resolutions. They are expertly woven together to form this stunning book, giving the plot and the MC Elsie so much depth. It was a delight accompanying her on her summer of discovery!

I first need to discuss the ROMANCE. Oh my god does So know how to write pining!!! The fact that it was MUTUAL pining in a childhood-best-friends-to-lovers context just about finished my heart off. I also love love love when you can tell the LI is in love with the MC but the MC is oblivious, and that was the case here. Judging by the blurb, you’d think there’d be a love triangle but there really isn’t. Elsie’s changing feelings are handled really well. Simply based on how well these tropes were handled, I can tell that So writes really good fanfic. As well as loving the tropes, I totally saw and believed in the connection between Elsie and Joan. All their history, combined with Joan being a fully realised character outside of being a LI, meant their love was believable with a solid emotional base. I completely got what they saw in one another, and why they wanted to be together. And they were just so gentle, loving, earnest and open with each other. It just felt very healthy but no less passionate and devoted for it. Also, there is no third-act breakup here (another yay!) and the way they finally got together was perfect. The one critique I had here (and the only one I had for the whole book, really) was that Joan could sometimes get a bit lost in among the other plot threads. But this didn’t end up impacting my rating, obviously.

While romantic love is a major focus, So includes some wonderful depictions of platonic love. I appreciated that the story demonstrated how these relationships are not always perfect, but what I liked the most was how it showed that platonic connections are just as deep, meaningful and important as romantic ones. Elsie’s friendship with Ritika was my personal favourite; there was so much trust, understanding and fun there.

As well as navigating romance and friendship, Elsie is going through a process of coming to terms with her past and present. With the benefit of distance and hindsight, she is discovering that her first relationship was toxic and harmful, and that realisation is changing her perception of what love should look like in the present. Moreover, Elsie is trying to figure out why there is such a divide in her family, bringing to light just how complicated family dynamics can be. As well as these things, Elsie is understanding more about the intersection of her Chinese and queer identities, and how this has affected her view of herself and romance. All these elements are treated with care (as far as I can tell from my limited perspective), and make for a real richness in plot and character.

Another portion of the plot leads Elsie to meet queer people who aren’t young, which I loved. Representation of queer elders, and even queer middle-aged people, is so special not just because of its rarity, but because of how much hope it gives and beauty it shows.

Finally, the fandom element here was so fun. The book was like a letter to fanfiction in particular, the author really capturing what it’s like to be a part of that culture. So got me fully invested in the fictional fictional characters that Elsie was obsessed with, which is further testament to her skill as an author.

Basically, I am begging Cynthia So to write more books.

Rep: bi British-Chinese MC, lesbian British-Chinese LI, queer biracial Nigerian-American SC, questioning sapphic British-Indian SC, questioning ace SC

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