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defenders_iris's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
informative
slow-paced
4.0
Definitely one of those books that requires multiple read throughs to achieve a comprehensive understanding, but a very good book. Centers around the thesis of true understanding of the self, including the parts you shy away from, and actually understanding those at a core level, so you can bring those parts of yourself to God. It has a great approach to how to do this without coming across as self-help-y or going down the rabbit hole of "your efforts alone will save you."
Took off a point as some sections would benefit from more detail and techniques - as much as I love the thesis, meditation alone I don't believe is enough for it, and there aren't recommended alternatives for those who struggle with meditation like myself.
Took off a point as some sections would benefit from more detail and techniques - as much as I love the thesis, meditation alone I don't believe is enough for it, and there aren't recommended alternatives for those who struggle with meditation like myself.
megan_mac_'s review against another edition
5.0
This was my third time reading this book. (First time was in 2014, second time in 2018, third time in 2023). Unfortunately, this time I read it so sporadically over several months, and during a really hard season, that I wasn't as present and willing to dig in as I have previously. However, I still rate it a 5 because this book has been transformational for me in the past.
drewhawkins's review against another edition
4.0
Likely one I will need to slowly re-read. Like sections of it as a morning devotional or something like that.
sabrinahan's review against another edition
5.0
Shortie but goodie. Great for self awareness & growth in attunement. Love how it challenges the rather uncomfortable feelings Christianity, as a culture, tends to ignore. Less “lay down your life & put others before you” message and more “accept your human limitations which in turn make you more like Christ”
nrt43's review against another edition
4.0
Benner begins with a quote from Thomas Merton:
There is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace, and my happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him.
We often hear the dictum to "know thyself" or "follow your heart," but how on earth do we turn inward and know ourselves, from a Christian perspective? This little book explains how, helping us to turn inward, evaluate our heart and emotions, and in the process find God by finding our true selves, without getting washed away by the common understanding of self.
It's divided into 6 chapters with a preface and epilogue:
Preface: Identity and Authenticity
1. Transformational Knowing of Self and God.
2. Knowing God
3. First Steps Toward Knowing Yourself
4. Knowing Yourself as You Really Are
5. Unmasking Your False Self
6. Becoming Your True Self
Epilogue: Identify and the Spiritual Journey
I recommend the expanded edition which includes an organized six-session discussion guide as well as a one-session discussion guide.
Chapter 1 establishes the importance of understanding ourselves within Christian spirituality. He writes, "Leaving the self out of Christian spirituality results in a spirituality that is not well grounded in experience. It is, therefore, not well grounded in reality."
Chapter 2 emphasizes the importance of experiencing God rather than having the right beliefs or right doctrine. It's about "wasting time" with God, learning to dwell and experience God's presence. "Transformational knowing of God comes from meeting God in our depths, not in the abstraction of dusty theological propositions." He emphasizes the spiritual disciplines of examen and gospel meditation, where you imagine being with Jesus in the gospel stories.
In chapter 3 he begins with the fundamentals of self-knowledge, namely that we are beloved. "Love is our identity and our calling, for we are children of Love. Created from love, of love and for love, our existence makes no sense apart from Divine love." Our identity is not our job or what we do. Second, we are many parts - "While we tend to think of ourselves as a single, unified self, what we call 'I' is really a family of many part-selves." We must learn to accept these parts, even the ones we are ashamed of. "Reality must be embraced before it can be changed."
Chapter 4 is about the ways we deceive ourselves. "We learn to fake it" and do what we believe others deem important. Self-deception is part of us. "Spiritual transformation involves the purification of sight.... We have to learn to see - and accept - what is really there. Stripping away our illusions is part of this process, as it reorients us toward reality." In short, we are sinners - "a deeply loved sinner." Here he briefly introduces the enneagram.
Chapter 5 is about the ways we try to create an image for others. "Initially the masks we adopt reflect how we want others to see us. Over time, however, they come to reflect how we want to see our self." He goes on later to explain: "The core of the false self is the belief that my value depends on what I have, what I can do and what others think of me."
In chapter 6 he writes, "We do not find our true self by seeking it. Rather we find it by seeking God.... The anthropological question (Who am I?) and the theological question (Who is God?) are fundamentally inseparable." He goes on to found identity in God and explore the idea of vocation and wrestling with God, self, and the devil (as Jesus did in the wilderness). It's a combination of both solitude and communal discernment at different times.
Overall, I felt Benner did a superb job of introducing the importance of self-discovery and connecting it solidly to Christian theology and practice. It seems that we in the West are going through a collective identify crisis, unable to distinguish our feelings from our identity, and he is able to ground identity in God and love, yet brokenness. For further resources, be sure to check out the footnotes section at the back.
That being said, this book is not for everyone. I used it for a high school book group, and it flopped. For them, it felt fluffy and unhelpful. "Jesus loves me... yay, pretty sure I've been singing that one for a few years now..." Richard Rohr has a helpful framework that we move from order to disorder to reorder. Young people generally are at the "ordered" stage where life and faith and God are secure and make sense. As you grow older, much of the youthful enthusiasm and convictions fade away, or are stripped from us. This feeling of disorder is often painful. To me, Benner's book is for those who've gone through the disorder and confusion and need to be put back together. Or to put it another way, if you like Thomas Merton, you'll appreciate The Gift of Being Yourself. Otherwise, you might be disappointed. :)
There is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace, and my happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God. If I find Him I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him.
We often hear the dictum to "know thyself" or "follow your heart," but how on earth do we turn inward and know ourselves, from a Christian perspective? This little book explains how, helping us to turn inward, evaluate our heart and emotions, and in the process find God by finding our true selves, without getting washed away by the common understanding of self.
It's divided into 6 chapters with a preface and epilogue:
Preface: Identity and Authenticity
1. Transformational Knowing of Self and God.
2. Knowing God
3. First Steps Toward Knowing Yourself
4. Knowing Yourself as You Really Are
5. Unmasking Your False Self
6. Becoming Your True Self
Epilogue: Identify and the Spiritual Journey
I recommend the expanded edition which includes an organized six-session discussion guide as well as a one-session discussion guide.
Chapter 1 establishes the importance of understanding ourselves within Christian spirituality. He writes, "Leaving the self out of Christian spirituality results in a spirituality that is not well grounded in experience. It is, therefore, not well grounded in reality."
Chapter 2 emphasizes the importance of experiencing God rather than having the right beliefs or right doctrine. It's about "wasting time" with God, learning to dwell and experience God's presence. "Transformational knowing of God comes from meeting God in our depths, not in the abstraction of dusty theological propositions." He emphasizes the spiritual disciplines of examen and gospel meditation, where you imagine being with Jesus in the gospel stories.
In chapter 3 he begins with the fundamentals of self-knowledge, namely that we are beloved. "Love is our identity and our calling, for we are children of Love. Created from love, of love and for love, our existence makes no sense apart from Divine love." Our identity is not our job or what we do. Second, we are many parts - "While we tend to think of ourselves as a single, unified self, what we call 'I' is really a family of many part-selves." We must learn to accept these parts, even the ones we are ashamed of. "Reality must be embraced before it can be changed."
Chapter 4 is about the ways we deceive ourselves. "We learn to fake it" and do what we believe others deem important. Self-deception is part of us. "Spiritual transformation involves the purification of sight.... We have to learn to see - and accept - what is really there. Stripping away our illusions is part of this process, as it reorients us toward reality." In short, we are sinners - "a deeply loved sinner." Here he briefly introduces the enneagram.
Chapter 5 is about the ways we try to create an image for others. "Initially the masks we adopt reflect how we want others to see us. Over time, however, they come to reflect how we want to see our self." He goes on later to explain: "The core of the false self is the belief that my value depends on what I have, what I can do and what others think of me."
In chapter 6 he writes, "We do not find our true self by seeking it. Rather we find it by seeking God.... The anthropological question (Who am I?) and the theological question (Who is God?) are fundamentally inseparable." He goes on to found identity in God and explore the idea of vocation and wrestling with God, self, and the devil (as Jesus did in the wilderness). It's a combination of both solitude and communal discernment at different times.
Overall, I felt Benner did a superb job of introducing the importance of self-discovery and connecting it solidly to Christian theology and practice. It seems that we in the West are going through a collective identify crisis, unable to distinguish our feelings from our identity, and he is able to ground identity in God and love, yet brokenness. For further resources, be sure to check out the footnotes section at the back.
That being said, this book is not for everyone. I used it for a high school book group, and it flopped. For them, it felt fluffy and unhelpful. "Jesus loves me... yay, pretty sure I've been singing that one for a few years now..." Richard Rohr has a helpful framework that we move from order to disorder to reorder. Young people generally are at the "ordered" stage where life and faith and God are secure and make sense. As you grow older, much of the youthful enthusiasm and convictions fade away, or are stripped from us. This feeling of disorder is often painful. To me, Benner's book is for those who've gone through the disorder and confusion and need to be put back together. Or to put it another way, if you like Thomas Merton, you'll appreciate The Gift of Being Yourself. Otherwise, you might be disappointed. :)
rmmiller13819's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
3.0
jennmair's review against another edition
5.0
A small book with a lot to think about. Finished but getting ready to read it again. Such a fantastic book on identity.