Reviews with content warning for Mental illness - The Existence Of Amy

I'm so pleased to have met Amy.
Thank you to author Lana Grace Riva for putting The Existence Of Amy on my radar, and my gifted copy for review!
Amy is like so many of us. She has a high-stakes, high-stress job that she excels at and enjoys. She likes her coworkers and friends, likes to be liked.
But what she tries to hide is her often-crippling OCD, anxiety and depression.
Amy could be any of us.
This book is a beautiful read - it's eye-opening, heartbreaking, and simple. It's the portrait of a woman who doesn't want to be a prisoner to her own thoughts.
I especially felt the chapters about travel anxiety - for an activity so enjoyable "once I'm there", stress is definitely part of my preamble.
This is at times a difficult read as Amy's journey descends, then infused with hope as she finds help.
The Existence Of Amy will stick with me for a long time. Recommended!

Content Warnings

kari_f's review against another edition

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dark emotional hopeful inspiring reflective sad

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

We need more books with mental health representation from the perspectives of those who deal with not only neurodiversity and/or mental illness, but also the stigma that comes hand-in-hand with it. This was a unique book, in that we get a raw and unflinching glimpse into the mind of someone who has crippling OCD and depression. The combination of these two impacts every decision of every day for our main character, and through her eyes we get a feel for how exhausting it is to bear the burden it all entails.

We see how others perceive her decisions in stark contrast to how she goes through the process of making each one.

We see how much she wants to participate in her life and what consistently prevents this from happening.

We see how much effort it takes to do small things most others take for granted.

And we see the importance of true friendship in the midst of it all.

There were a few plot points I wish had been examined in a deeper way, and there were some writing style choices that took some getting used to, but overall I felt like this was a powerful and important story that I learned from and enjoyed!

Content Warnings

eljaytacang's review against another edition

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dark inspiring sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

“I have always known there are other people in the world who are like me, but still in my existence, it has felt unique.”

When the author reached out to me if I would like a copy of the book in exchange for a review, I didn't hesitate to say yes after reading the synopsis. I myself have been dealing with anxiety and (seasonal) depression so I was interested to see how it will be portrayed in the book. I was also really interested to read about how OCD would be tackled as I am not well-educated when it comes to this specific condition.

The first few chapters gave us a peek of how Amy's brain works and how anxiety and OCD manifested in her daily life, and how it takes a turn for the worse when she dips into depression. There were some parts that I could relate to, but it was really interesting for me to see how OCD disrupts her daily routine. From early on, though, it was very clear that Amy has not really processed nor accepted her current situation, and this was also revealed in her dream about the past before OCD and anxiety took over her life. I slowly found myself cheering for her and wanting her to get better.

Now with the people around her, it seems we were only really introduced to her workmates and I assume they're the only friends that Amy has. I really like how Ed is towards Amy. He seems to bring out the best in her. Or bring Amy out of whatever she is in at that moment. Just when she is about to spiral, a little interruption from Ed saves her from going all the way. He even brightens up her day, and I really appreciate how kind he is to her. Sally, well, she kind of struck a nerve with me

when she was ranting to Ed and Nathan behind Amy's back

so I'm not gonna talk much about her (also we didn't really see much development with her anyways). And with Nathan,

he steps up towards the end of the book and takes care of Amy when she was at her worst. I believe because Nathan has had depression before he truly understood more than the others.

Now onto the romance aspect of the book, I have some mixed feelings about it.

At first I thought we were gonna have something romantic with Ed, but it was then revealed much later on that he was married. I felt a bit conflicted with it because it kind of came of as a last minute decision to make him a married man. Amy was pretty detailed in describing Nathan's being single and Sally having a husband. So I don't know if it was a deliberate decision to make Ed married and just reveal much later. With Ben, too, they kept on going about the sparks that even other people can see — I honestly didn't. Amy and Nathan had more chemistry than Ben and Amy did, I'm sorry 😅

I do have a bone to pick with the whole job aspect of this book though. It just doesn’t feel realistic to me because of two things:

- The Sydney trip. Maybe because the company I work for is a medium-sized one that I cannot see how a company just goes to an overseas client, bringing the whole team, without it having to pass so many authorisations and approvals. Their trip felt like a “wanna go? okay let’s go!” kind of situation so it didn’t feel realistic to me.
- Another one is Amy’s prolonged absence being acceptable to the company. Again, maybe because it’s different where I am, but it just seems unlikely for a company to keep someone and hire a temp just to cover the work? But I guess they have a different dynamic in their workplace?
This part of the book is pretty much the thing that kind of made it feel like everything fell into place for Amy in the end, which is unrealistic because that is not what really happens in real life.

Overall though, I am glad I read this book. It gave me an inside look on something I knew nothing of, and it made me root for Amy as she faced her daily life. There was a part where it felt a bit raw and kind of took me back to one of my worst days, but I knew what I was getting into so not the author's fault 😂 Either way I’m glad to see that the author didn’t really make it seem like there is an easy way out for Amy, just that there is a way out of it.

Content Warnings

sophiareads_'s review against another edition

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emotional hopeful reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

2.5

A huge thank you to Lana Grace Riva, who sent me a copy of her novel in exchange for an honest review!

Content Warnings: depictions of mental illness (depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder), suicidal idealation

This short reflective novel follows Amy through her life as she suffers with OCD, depression, and anxiety; without wanting anyone else to know she is struggling.

I believe the author has lived experiences of the mental illnesses being portrayed here, which naturally lends a layer of authenticity to the character of Amy. I can't speak to OCD, but as someone who with lived experience of anxiety and depression, I certainly found their portrayal in this novel to be very well done. There were certainly plenty moments and thoughts of Amy's that rang very true for me.

I really didn't have an issue with the story in this novel at all, but I really think it would have benefitted from an extra round of editing. Unfortunately, I found myself getting distracted from the story by the actual writing here. I found it to be pretty clunky and awkward (almost like how you write when you're really struggling to meet the word count on an essay, you know?). I could sort of see this awkward, stilted writing being a stylistic choice to show how overanalytical Amy's brain is at times - especially since this novel is written in first person - but honestly, even if this is the case, I just found it too distracting to be effective. Along with just a few too many grammatical errors for me to comfortably ignore, I just really think this book would be vastly improved by a harsher editor.

Unfortunately, given my issues with the composition of the book, this one wasn't really for me, but I really admire the honest and quite raw depiction of life with mental illness which is given here.

Content Warnings

_nicolesbooknook's review against another edition

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challenging emotional hopeful reflective slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

This is a really hard one to rate. On the one hand, it literally is 'The Existence of Amy.' So going through every bit of her day made sense because the author is showing what it's like to live with Amy's particular version of OCD and depression. It's difficult to be in a first-person perspective because it's really difficult to live with these mental illnesses. It's a good look into what many people struggle with on a daily basis. It's also an important view of how recovery takes time and patience and effort.

However, it's hard to rate it since it's not just an explanation of mental health issues, but rather a novel. Although the characters felt relatively individual, there were some issues I had with it. So many characters seem to be in tune with Amy's struggles but don't really do anything about it. But they act like being aware of it is doing something about it. And they all make it so much about themselves. I know this is a reality for many people who struggle, but in a novel it was a bit of a slog. Amy seems extremely self-aware too, so why does the decision to get help have to be forced on her by another person? Ed and Nathan became interchangeable in the end. And Ed's whole thing was just strange to me. He basically admitted that he wanted to cheat on his wife with her. I normally don't have issues with cheating plot lines, but he knew she was struggling and was still making it about his feelings for her. And his marriage/feelings for Amy came out of left field. Almost 200 pages in before it's brought up at all when it could have been threaded in more gradually. Some of these issues really took me out of the story and instead of connecting with/sympathising with anyone, I found myself being annoyed at them.

All that being said, it is a quick read. There's a lot of important messaging through it. And the final pages are hopeful while still being realistic.

Content Warnings

sidekicksam's review

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challenging emotional funny lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

I was kindly gifted a copy of this book by the author, in exchange for an honest review. Thanks again Lana!

The story follows Amy, who works at a digital agency in London. Although she gets on well with her colleagues, she usually skips out on parties and outings with the team. Not because she's shy or introverted - Amy's got a difficult case of OCD.

I really appreciated getting a glimspe at life with a condition that is invisible to others, but so challenging for the sufferer. I think OCD is often misunderstood, and experiencing the despair and powerlessness through Amy's eyes was an eye-opening experience.

The book is super fast-paced, and despite the heavy topics, it is an easy read. I was also positively surprised by how funny and relatable the book (or really, Amy's character) was. You'll fly through this book and learn a lot on the journey.

I would definitely recommend this as your quick summer read!

Content Warnings

taurusbooklover's review against another edition

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emotional hopeful inspiring reflective sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

The Existence of Amy
By Lana Grace Riva

"Am I ever going to be able to properly function as a human being?".

Thank you @lanagraceriva for very kindly gifting me a copy of your book in exchange for an honest review 🙏🏻

I did struggle to get into this at first, but that is a reflection of my own headspace at the time of picking this up not the story itself.

Lana has produced a very easy to read, beautifully written story following the day-to-day life of Amy and how she deals with the challenges of living with OCD and depression/anxiety.

I found it to be an emotional and reflective read, yet refreshing. Amy is a very lovable and relatable character with the story being written from the perspective of her inner dialogue; giving the reader a very realistic depiction of trying to juggle mental illness with a career, triggering situations, social events and opinions of others.

As someone who suffers with anxiety I found I could relate on a very personal level.

I would recommend this book for anyone who may also be living with these struggles or someone who is wanting to gain a little more understanding about those who do 💙, if you're interested it is available on Amazon.

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