Reviews tagging 'Drug use'

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

358 reviews

amberreadsgood's review against another edition

challenging dark tense slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? No
• Loveable characters? No
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.25

I read this fresh off the heels of Know My Name by Chanel Miller, so it was a very interesting contrast. I know one was a memoir and one was inspired-by-true-events fiction, but My Dark Vanessa still felt very close to reality. I read the afterword where feedback from the author's early readers said Vanessa was an unlikable and incomprehensible character, and I do agree. As someone who has not experienced anything like this, it was very difficult to understand why Vanessa thought and did the things she did, as a victim who desperately refused to think of herself as a victim, or of what happened to her as abuse and grooming. I didn't like her or understand her, but I appreciate the different viewpoint Russell has offered us, because I'm sure there are plenty of people  who have gone through similar trauma for whom this rings true.

Tangentially (concerning the afterword again), I found it really odd that Russell's early readers encouraged her to write from Strane's perspective instead of Vanessa's, given her unlikability and the inability to relate to her; were they suggesting we should relate/want to relate to the predator instead?? That's a troubling thought. I've never read it before, but if you want something like that, may as well read Lolita or any other number of book that I'm sure exists with this perspective. I applaud Russell for unapologetically sticking to Vanessa's perspective for her book.

I'm not sure I can say I really enjoyed this book, given that I didn't like any of the characters, it felt like reading a 17 year long train wreck get worse and worse, and the outcome at the end of it all was disappointing. But honestly, this is what roots the book in uncomfortable reality.

Strane offing himself, the school concluding the investigation on Strane and carrying on as normal, and Vanessa still struggling to come to terms with everything that has happened to her

are all things that are incredibly disappointing, frustrating, and heartbreaking, but it's what absolutely happens in real life. Brock Turner was sentenced to six months' incarceration, served only half that.

Strane killed himself because he was a coward who would not face up to the fact that he groomed and raped a 15 year old (and in fact justified it over and over to himself and Vanessa to the point where they both believed it), and never faced any formal consequences for his heinous actions.

Life imitates art indeed.

I think the author achieved what she set out to do. It might not have 100% been my cup of tea, but I admire the approach she took. It was different, difficult, and full of uncomfortable feelings in a way I thought felt realistic. Vanessa is complicated, she has a wealth of complex and painful emotions towards everyone in her life including herself, which I think reflects very well how terribly the abuse really affected her. She's not necessarily incomprehensible, she's fucking traumatised, and she's built a narrative around the abuse that she can accept so she can cope with the scale of it.

Special shoutout to Ruby the therapist, doing the hard yards trying to dig Vanessa out of the emotional hellscape she was buried in, and attempting to get her to understand what she experienced. Saving lives out there.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual content, Adult/minor relationship, Rape, Emotional abuse, and Pedophilia

Moderate: Alcoholism, Drug use, Gaslighting, Addiction, Drug abuse, and Alcohol

Minor: Suicide

saramcaps's review

challenging dark emotional tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
• Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

I imagined the novel I wished I could have discovered alongside Lolita at fourteen, how it might have felt then to read a book that told her story rather than his. I wrote for my younger self. I didn’t try to transform her. I made myself take her seriously.

As a young lover of Lolita, this quote by the author really sums up my love for this book. We see Vanessa go through the depths of abuse and into a future misshapen around her trauma. It’s extremely well-written, truthful, deeply upsetting, and doesn’t shy away from some of the ugliest impulses you could put on paper.

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Toxic relationship, Emotional abuse, Sexual assault, Pedophilia, and Gaslighting

Minor: Drug use, Suicide, Suicidal thoughts, Alcoholism, and Grief

owls_rainbow's review against another edition

dark sad tense slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? No
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

2.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Suicide, Sexual assault, Pedophilia, Adult/minor relationship, Drug use, and Alcohol

nina_mk's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Mental illness, Pedophilia, Child abuse, Misogyny, Sexual harassment, Suicide, Suicide attempt, Rape, Animal death, Sexual violence, Sexual content, Adult/minor relationship, Death, Grief, Sexual assault, and Suicidal thoughts

Moderate: Death of parent, Emotional abuse, Alcohol, Drug abuse, Drug use, Body shaming, Addiction, Gaslighting, Terminal illness, Alcoholism, and Chronic illness

Minor: Classism, Fatphobia, Stalking, Eating disorder, Bullying, and Lesbophobia

asianadrienne's review

challenging dark sad tense fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? No
• Loveable characters? No
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? N/A

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape and Pedophilia

Moderate: Drug use

hiraeth_'s review against another edition

challenging dark emotional sad tense slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Child abuse, Pedophilia, Addiction, Emotional abuse, Sexual violence, Drug use, Sexual harassment, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Gaslighting, and Adult/minor relationship

Moderate: Alcoholism and Alcohol

Minor: Bullying, Death of parent, Grief, Toxic relationship, Misogyny, Suicidal thoughts, Vomit, Mental illness, Toxic friendship, Suicide attempt, Infidelity, and Animal death

sedgewren's review against another edition

challenging dark slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? No
• Diverse cast of characters? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.25

Only a truly masterfully written book could make me want to slap and shake the characters so hard to wake them out of their self-delusions, and yet still want to read it to the end. Russell managed to capture what it felt like to be 15 and sexualised, wanting love but not sure what that looks like, thinking you know it all and able to power through more than you can actually handle. It made me understand all the points of failure in a system, try and think what I would have done differently if I were Vanessa's friend, another teacher, or her parent.

I think it was painfully obvious the amount of self-delusion, romanticisation, and naivety that led to Vanessa's mis-interpretation of events, but I'm so glad that her therapist is able to pin them down and communicate with her to get her to see these events as what they really are; I also understand that Vanessa is only able to accept these truths when she is ready (she's been groomed and manipulated so long that she ends up manipulating herself so that she doesn't have to think too hard about anything that doesn't line up with her love story narrative).

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Gaslighting, Pedophilia, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Child abuse, Drug use, Emotional abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, and Rape

Moderate: Death of parent, Drug abuse, Panic attacks/disorders, Sexual content, Stalking, Toxic relationship, and Classism

mshantea's review against another edition

dark informative sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

This book really shows you the point of view of someone who was taken advantage of who thinks they weren’t and you go through this journey with her. It was so well written in my opinion. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Gaslighting, Rape, Sexual content, Sexual harassment, Death, Drug use, Pedophilia, Suicide, Child abuse, Self harm, Adult/minor relationship, Emotional abuse, Sexual assault, Toxic relationship, and Alcohol

_david_'s review against another edition

challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

The book tells its story in such a beautiful way. It's about a adult-minor relationship from the point of view of the minor (now grown up). The characters all feel like real people.

 I've never before found such a good story which shows why to the grooming victim, it doesn't seem like an unbalanced relationship any more than if they were both adult. As an adult it is very easy to understand why grooming is disgusting, but this book uses its point of view to show how teenagers may experience it. More importantly, how careful you need to be with talking to a victim. 

I really am thankful how the author made the sex scenes feel off, eventhough it wasn't necessary for the story itself. I would feel disgusted if instead I would read about a teenager having sex with an adult and enjoying it fully.

I could talk about this book for days, it's just so good. My only confusion at first was why the narrator didn't realise that the groomer was being manipulative, eventhough flashbacks revealed that she already had doubts in the moments themselves. However, this was explained by two moments. The first

was when she realised she never put it all in a neat chronological order, but only remembered snippets at a time

and even more strong, the moment she voiced the concern which is my favourite quote from the book:

"If it isn't a love story, then what is it?"

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, and Animal death

Moderate: Alcohol, Addiction, Toxic relationship, Alcoholism, Vomit, and Pedophilia

Minor: Death of parent, Stalking, Drug use, Grief, Toxic friendship, Gun violence, Kidnapping, Medical content, and Suicidal thoughts

Very graphic descriptions of physical child abuse are mentioned in the last few pages, around p. 351 in the text starting from "Bridget moves back to Rhode Island". You can skip to the next alinea (2 pages further) without missing anything.

eliseilou's review against another edition

dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.5

Torn between 3 and 4 stars as I liked the book but thought it started to drag a little after the 50% mark. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Gaslighting, Pedophilia, Alcoholism, Adult/minor relationship, Suicide, Rape, Child abuse, Death, Mental illness, Sexual harassment, Drug use, Toxic relationship, Slavery, and Stalking

Minor: Death of parent