Reviews tagging 'Toxic friendship'

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell

48 reviews

david_slack110507's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional informative mysterious reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.25

I had to space out listening to this audiobook as it is not really something that you can easily consume given the content and topic matters that it expertly focuses on and tackles. The book follows the relationship between 15-year-old student Vanessa and her much older English teacher Jacob Strane in 2000. The book follows their initial hidden relationship as well as how it evolves as the two get older to the point that in 2017, the second timeline, we see where the two are following multiple previous students of Strane coming out against him with allegations of sexual abuse, grooming and being inappropriate with them, against the backdrop of the MeToo movement. The topics that the book deals with are very heavy and can be quite triggering to some but it's never done in an exploitative way or without care. 

Vanessa is such an interesting character because she goes against the typical depiction of a victim being that she is not squeaky clean or 'good' and aware of what has been done to her but instead she isn't an incredible person, often being quite rude to those around her as a result of what has happened to her as well as also being adamant that what she and Strane had was "love" rather than acknowledging the grooming and abuse that took place and I think portraying Vanessa this way made her avoid becoming a cliche of a character that is only defined by their trauma or what has happened to them. It really is tough to see Vanessa first be so obviously taken advantage of and manipulated, through our viewpoint, and then continue to go through life seeing the relationship as loving to the point of putting down other women with similar stories as well as the women that come out against Strane over what he did to them. I really liked how the book also tackled some questions about the treatment of victims such as them being defined by what happened to them and nothing more as well as also this expectation that they should come forward about what has happened to them as soon as they can to help the cause or the movement and I think it allows the reader to take their own stance on whether or not they agree with how victims are treated in the media and by others when their trauma is made public. 

Strane is a truly despicable character and I hated him and this hate didn't just come about because he is a groomer as that would elicit hate from me already but the way that Kate Elizabeth Russell writes him is incredibly well done as he is even more hateable due to how manipulative he is and how unapologetic he is in his actions and what he has done, even going so far as to blame Vanessa for making him fall in love with her, a teen with no actual power (even lacking the power to consent at times during the book), as if it isn't his own fault. The continued hold he had over Vanessa to the point that she even wanted to try and replicate what their relationship was like with her professor later on in her life shows just how much he messed her up and I'm so glad that the book didn't try and be sympathetic to him because he doesn't deserve any. The book allows him to be complex such as him being emotional and open to Vanessa almost like a normal relationship as well as being aware of what he is doing without ever portraying him as someone who is good but has just done a bad thing. The resolution to his character and the investigation into his allegations being unresolved was very fitting for how many victims don't end up getting any resolution or any justice even with Strane's suicide in the face of these allegations, there lacks a feeling of comeuppance over what he has done. 

I really liked the topics and themes that this book deals with and with listening to this as an audiobook, Grace Gummer did an excellent job at bringing to life Vanessa as well as all the other characters and I didn't have any faults with her performances or really the book as a whole other than it sort of being a book you can only read once due to how heavy and disturbing it can be and the lack of a big revelation may disappoint some people but it feels true to life. I found myself researching more into the process that Russell wrote this book including responses to the backlash/polarising opinions that have come about due to its publication as well as the additional chapter in the audiobook featuring an interview between Russell and Gummer as well as the book's editor about the book and I found them all really interesting. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Sexual assault, Sexual harassment, Cursing, Gaslighting, Rape, Sexual content, Toxic relationship, Sexual violence, Pedophilia, Child abuse, Grief, and Emotional abuse

Moderate: Addiction, Medical content, Mental illness, Toxic friendship, Drug use, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Violence, Alcohol, Death, Suicide, Alcoholism, and Stalking

Minor: Animal death, Animal cruelty, and Infertility

hiraeth_'s review against another edition

challenging dark emotional sad tense slow-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Rape, Child abuse, Pedophilia, Addiction, Emotional abuse, Sexual violence, Drug use, Sexual harassment, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Gaslighting, and Adult/minor relationship

Moderate: Alcoholism and Alcohol

Minor: Bullying, Death of parent, Grief, Toxic relationship, Misogyny, Suicidal thoughts, Vomit, Mental illness, Toxic friendship, Suicide attempt, Infidelity, and Animal death

_david_'s review against another edition

challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

The book tells its story in such a beautiful way. It's about a adult-minor relationship from the point of view of the minor (now grown up). The characters all feel like real people.

 I've never before found such a good story which shows why to the grooming victim, it doesn't seem like an unbalanced relationship any more than if they were both adult. As an adult it is very easy to understand why grooming is disgusting, but this book uses its point of view to show how teenagers may experience it. More importantly, how careful you need to be with talking to a victim. 

I really am thankful how the author made the sex scenes feel off, eventhough it wasn't necessary for the story itself. I would feel disgusted if instead I would read about a teenager having sex with an adult and enjoying it fully.

I could talk about this book for days, it's just so good. My only confusion at first was why the narrator didn't realise that the groomer was being manipulative, eventhough flashbacks revealed that she already had doubts in the moments themselves. However, this was explained by two moments. The first

was when she realised she never put it all in a neat chronological order, but only remembered snippets at a time

and even more strong, the moment she voiced the concern which is my favourite quote from the book:

"If it isn't a love story, then what is it?"

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, and Animal death

Moderate: Alcohol, Addiction, Toxic relationship, Alcoholism, Vomit, and Pedophilia

Minor: Death of parent, Stalking, Drug use, Grief, Toxic friendship, Gun violence, Kidnapping, Medical content, and Suicidal thoughts

Very graphic descriptions of physical child abuse are mentioned in the last few pages, around p. 351 in the text starting from "Bridget moves back to Rhode Island". You can skip to the next alinea (2 pages further) without missing anything.

platypusinrainboots's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional mysterious reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

This book is incredibly heavy, but it's beautifully written, and it's deeply important. I was nervous it would be twee, or just "of the #MeToo moment" in some shallow, hollow way, but it's not. I listened to the audiobook which was incredible, though if you're sensitive to graphic content, the print edition might be better so you can see what's coming a little bit. Content warnings for graphic descriptions of statutory rape, child abuse, and emotional abuse and manipulation of a minor. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Emotional abuse, Sexual harassment, Child abuse, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Pedophilia, Sexual violence, Gaslighting, Suicidal thoughts, Rape, Mental illness, and Adult/minor relationship

Moderate: Alcoholism

Minor: Death of parent, Animal death, and Toxic friendship

edietz22's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Suicide, Sexual content, Rape, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide attempt, Adult/minor relationship, Emotional abuse, Toxic relationship, Pedophilia, and Sexual assault

Minor: Death, Stalking, Cursing, Physical abuse, Sexual harassment, Alcohol, Alcoholism, Sexual violence, Death of parent, Drug use, Vomit, Toxic friendship, Suicidal thoughts, and Gaslighting

ziggypop's review

challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual assault, Adult/minor relationship, Pedophilia, Rape, and Sexual content

Moderate: Suicide, Drug use, Self harm, Toxic friendship, and Gaslighting

Minor: Animal death and Vomit

katreena's review against another edition

dark emotional mysterious sad tense medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? It's complicated
• Diverse cast of characters? N/A
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Infidelity, Mental illness, Suicide attempt, Toxic relationship, Gaslighting, Rape, Toxic friendship, Misogyny, Physical abuse, Suicide, Adult/minor relationship, Sexual harassment, Suicidal thoughts, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Pedophilia, and Sexual content

cecilialau_'s review against another edition

5.0

I am in awe.
This book was frustrating to no end with how human and inhuman it was. Such brilliant storytelling that keeps you turning page after page until the very end. I’ve just put it down, and I honestly feel it was a masterpiece. Heartbreakingly raw and with incredibly crafted ambivalence in the feelings of guilt on Vanessa’s part. I could go on in praising this book. It really is a tough read while a read that I think, if you can, it offers a unique insight to sth that we as a society simply cannot ignore. It’s so nuanced and insightful and all-encompassing and, yeah, wow.

It goes without saying that Strane is a manipulative pos. To put it mildly. I was also horrified by Mrs. Giles, a truly terrible person who lack any and all sense of empathy and care and compassion and integrity. I could go on. Absolutely disgusted with her as well. Again, speaks to the great writing bc we all know that her behaviour is fully unacceptable. 

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual assault, Adult/minor relationship, Child abuse, Gaslighting, and Rape

Moderate: Toxic friendship, Alcohol, Animal death, Death of parent, Self harm, Suicide, Toxic relationship, Drug use, Dysphoria, Stalking, Emotional abuse, Grief, and Pedophilia

kelsey22's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional reflective sad fast-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? A mix
• Strong character development? It's complicated
• Loveable characters? No
• Diverse cast of characters? No
• Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual violence, Pedophilia, Adult/minor relationship, Emotional abuse, Child abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Rape, and Toxic friendship

itsdanibee's review against another edition

challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

• Plot- or character-driven? Character
• Strong character development? Yes
• Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

I-

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Content Warnings

Graphic: Sexual harassment, Adult/minor relationship, Gaslighting, Sexism, Sexual content, Child abuse, Grief, Pedophilia, Rape, and Sexual assault

Moderate: Alcohol, Emotional abuse, Suicide, Alcoholism, Drug use, Death, Misogyny, and Sexual violence

Minor: Animal death, Death of parent, Stalking, Toxic friendship, Vomit, and Suicidal thoughts