Scan barcode
zoemig's review against another edition
The Council of Dads by Bruce Feiler is the heartbreaking and powerful true story of what happens when a father of two young girls is diagnosed with an extremely aggressive and life-threatening cancer. Bruce Feiler was only in his forties when he learned he had bone cancer, and he was instantly concerned about what life would be like for her his twin girls if he was no longer in their life. Within a few days he had come up with the concept of a Council of Dads, a group of men who were not biologically related to him but rather friends that represented different facets of himself and would be able to give his daughters advice and let them in on what their dad would have thought.
Feiler is the author of several acclaimed non-fiction books but with The Council of Dads he lets the reader into his own life and what an extremely difficult year in his life was like. The memoir intertwines with a lesson and short biography of each of the six dads on Feiler's council, as well as letters he sent to family and friends about his illness, and of course some of his own advice for his daughters.
Instantly upon reading the synopsis of The Council of Dads I knew it would be a sad book, but because of Feiler's skilled writing it is so much more than that. It makes you laugh and smile and it warms your heart. It's a powerful testament to the strength that people can find in impossible situations, and the bravery of an ordinary man. The Council of Dads is an emotional and moving story which sticks with the reader, reminding them of the value of each day. Unlike Two Kisses for Maddy by Matthew Logelin which I read recently and is also about a man's relationship with his daughter in tragic circumstances, the reader is able to maintain a sense of optimism throughout The Council of Dads because we know that Feiler comes out okay and that is how he is able to write the memoir in the first place. I think that Feiler's positive attitude throughout his experiences, even though he is realistic about his chances of surviving, means that despite its serious subject matter this is not a bleak book.
An interesting aspect of The Council of Dads that I didn't expect is the insight into the uniqueness of male friendships, and how important good friends are. There is so much talk in the world about deadbeat dads, it is definitely a nice change to read a book written by a man who is clearly a loving and caring father and is more concerned than anything about the impact his absence would have on his daughters. With Father's Day approaching, I could not think of a better book to recommend than The Council of Dads.
Feiler is the author of several acclaimed non-fiction books but with The Council of Dads he lets the reader into his own life and what an extremely difficult year in his life was like. The memoir intertwines with a lesson and short biography of each of the six dads on Feiler's council, as well as letters he sent to family and friends about his illness, and of course some of his own advice for his daughters.
Instantly upon reading the synopsis of The Council of Dads I knew it would be a sad book, but because of Feiler's skilled writing it is so much more than that. It makes you laugh and smile and it warms your heart. It's a powerful testament to the strength that people can find in impossible situations, and the bravery of an ordinary man. The Council of Dads is an emotional and moving story which sticks with the reader, reminding them of the value of each day. Unlike Two Kisses for Maddy by Matthew Logelin which I read recently and is also about a man's relationship with his daughter in tragic circumstances, the reader is able to maintain a sense of optimism throughout The Council of Dads because we know that Feiler comes out okay and that is how he is able to write the memoir in the first place. I think that Feiler's positive attitude throughout his experiences, even though he is realistic about his chances of surviving, means that despite its serious subject matter this is not a bleak book.
An interesting aspect of The Council of Dads that I didn't expect is the insight into the uniqueness of male friendships, and how important good friends are. There is so much talk in the world about deadbeat dads, it is definitely a nice change to read a book written by a man who is clearly a loving and caring father and is more concerned than anything about the impact his absence would have on his daughters. With Father's Day approaching, I could not think of a better book to recommend than The Council of Dads.
smithy361's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
funny
informative
reflective
sad
slow-paced
3.0
ayanez427's review against another edition
5.0
I won this through the First Reads program...and LOVED it! The author does well telling the story on three different fronts. He alternates between present interactions with people, letters to family and friends, and most importantly, asking the 6 men he feels best represent his personality and views to act as his Council of Dads. This Council is supposed to share his views with his daughters in case he passes from the rare bone cancer he has been diagnosed with.
Even not having children myself, this book made me think about how I view my life and what perceptions I want to put out in the world. My favorite part was asking his friend "Ben the Second" to be on the Council. The section is sub-titled Live the Questions and has a quote from Rainier Maria Rilke that I love- "Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves. Do not seek the answers themselves, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions."
Even not having children myself, this book made me think about how I view my life and what perceptions I want to put out in the world. My favorite part was asking his friend "Ben the Second" to be on the Council. The section is sub-titled Live the Questions and has a quote from Rainier Maria Rilke that I love- "Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves. Do not seek the answers themselves, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions."
carm_caught_reading's review against another edition
5.0
This is how much a daddy is supposed to love his kids. Makes me wish I had been blessed more in that regard as there were so many times I could’ve used a man’s input and guidance in my life. Truly beautiful the lessons this book teaches.
papi's review against another edition
5.0
The Council of Dads recounts the thoughts and feelings and (to a lesser extent) experiences of Bruce Feiler as he goes through treatment for a particular virulent form of cancer. But the unique and enticing aspect of this memoir is his notion of the council of dads. Knowing that he might not be around to see his twin daughters, Eden and Tybee, grow up, he conceived of the idea of creating a council of the men who were uniquely qualified to teach his daughter the most important parts of himself…what he might not be able to teach them. I would like to have read his book many years ago…he writes with clarity and passion about the values and ideas he most wanted to pass long.
He spoke with six of his closest friends, each of whom embodied a value or attribute he wanted them to share with, or teach to, his daughters. And in writing of his experiences, and his invitations to his friends, there is much to be learned. What follows are those insights that resonated most strongly with me.
An excerpt from the letter he prepared as an in-person invitation to his council of dads:
“I believe my daughters will have plenty of resources in their lives. They’ll have loving families. They’ll have welcoming homes. They’ll have each other. But they may not have me. They may not have their dad.
“Will you help be their dad?
Will you listen in on them? Will you answer their questions? Will you take them out to lunch every now and then? Will you go to a soccer game if you’re in town? Will you watch their ballet moves for the umpteenth time? When they get older, will you indulge them in a new pair of shoes? Or buy them a new cell phone, or some other gadget I can’t even imagine right now? Will you give them advice? Will you be as tough as I would be? Will you help them out in a crisis? And as time passes, will you invite them to a family gathering on occasion? Will you introduce them to somebody who might help one of their dreams come true? Will you tell them what I would be thinking? Will you tell them how proud I would be?
“Will you be my voice?”
I think above anything else, this book has reinforced for me the truth that deep, abiding friendship is an indispensable part of life. Being more introverted than not, and something of a loner by preference, yet I have felt the lack of that kind of friendship in my life, and nothing pleases me more than to see others who enjoy it.
He write of his grandfather who, when confronted with his own mortality, took his own life, a man who was insular and seemingly distant from those who loved him most. In learning more about his grandfather’s life, and pondering on his aloneness, he came to believe that what his grandfather wanted most was to be heard. As he says, “We’re listening, Papa. We hear you. You are not alone.” I think that is what many fathers want most, and too often do not feel that they have, the careful, loving, listening ear and heart of their loved ones.
Quotes I liked:
1. On what he learned from his illness: “Cancer…is a passport to intimacy.”
2. At the end of each of his letters to friends and family: “Take a walk for me.”
3. On his father: “His goal was to provide the shoulders on which we would climb into the sky. He wanted nothing more than to be “between the commas” in some magazine, as in “Bruce Feiler, son of Mr. and Mrs. Edwin J. Feiler, reached some milestone this week…The higher joy is not the light, it’s the reflection. The greater pleasure is not climbing up; it’s handing down. Between the commas.”
4. On negotiation and business dealings – three rules: “(1) Keep your cool – the other side will believe you are much more powerful than you really are; (2) Never threaten; (3) Give them a graceful out – Even though you may prevail, let them believe you didn’t get everything you wanted.”
5. On the mundanity of extraordinary experiences: “…cancer is not linear. Our lives rock along unaccountably – and unpredictably – among moments of hardship, stress, joy, pride, laughter, and exhaustion. There is profundity to explore, but also laundry to do. Someone asked me recently whether the “up days” of chemo, following the “down days,” suddenly seem beautiful and full of hope. Maybe, but I’m usually too busy unclogging the sink.”
6. From Mark Twain, after a visit to New York City: “Every man seems to feel that he has got the duties of two lifetimes to accomplish in one, and so he rushes, rushes, and never has time to be companionable – never has any time at his disposal to fool away on matters which do not involve dollars and duty and business.”
7. Feiler’s doctor, John Healy, on how cancer changes its survivors: “They understand themselves better. They are less distracted by the transient, unimportant things. Family becomes more central. Plus, they usually develop a constructive spirituality, one not based on dogma but real-life experience. And they are more sensitive to the suffering of others. They have an empathy that is part of the greatness of human beings.”
Throughout the book, Feiler introduces us to the values and attributes his council of dads will bring to his daughters. In the end, he summarizes them as follows:
He spoke with six of his closest friends, each of whom embodied a value or attribute he wanted them to share with, or teach to, his daughters. And in writing of his experiences, and his invitations to his friends, there is much to be learned. What follows are those insights that resonated most strongly with me.
An excerpt from the letter he prepared as an in-person invitation to his council of dads:
“I believe my daughters will have plenty of resources in their lives. They’ll have loving families. They’ll have welcoming homes. They’ll have each other. But they may not have me. They may not have their dad.
“Will you help be their dad?
Will you listen in on them? Will you answer their questions? Will you take them out to lunch every now and then? Will you go to a soccer game if you’re in town? Will you watch their ballet moves for the umpteenth time? When they get older, will you indulge them in a new pair of shoes? Or buy them a new cell phone, or some other gadget I can’t even imagine right now? Will you give them advice? Will you be as tough as I would be? Will you help them out in a crisis? And as time passes, will you invite them to a family gathering on occasion? Will you introduce them to somebody who might help one of their dreams come true? Will you tell them what I would be thinking? Will you tell them how proud I would be?
“Will you be my voice?”
I think above anything else, this book has reinforced for me the truth that deep, abiding friendship is an indispensable part of life. Being more introverted than not, and something of a loner by preference, yet I have felt the lack of that kind of friendship in my life, and nothing pleases me more than to see others who enjoy it.
He write of his grandfather who, when confronted with his own mortality, took his own life, a man who was insular and seemingly distant from those who loved him most. In learning more about his grandfather’s life, and pondering on his aloneness, he came to believe that what his grandfather wanted most was to be heard. As he says, “We’re listening, Papa. We hear you. You are not alone.” I think that is what many fathers want most, and too often do not feel that they have, the careful, loving, listening ear and heart of their loved ones.
Quotes I liked:
1. On what he learned from his illness: “Cancer…is a passport to intimacy.”
2. At the end of each of his letters to friends and family: “Take a walk for me.”
3. On his father: “His goal was to provide the shoulders on which we would climb into the sky. He wanted nothing more than to be “between the commas” in some magazine, as in “Bruce Feiler, son of Mr. and Mrs. Edwin J. Feiler, reached some milestone this week…The higher joy is not the light, it’s the reflection. The greater pleasure is not climbing up; it’s handing down. Between the commas.”
4. On negotiation and business dealings – three rules: “(1) Keep your cool – the other side will believe you are much more powerful than you really are; (2) Never threaten; (3) Give them a graceful out – Even though you may prevail, let them believe you didn’t get everything you wanted.”
5. On the mundanity of extraordinary experiences: “…cancer is not linear. Our lives rock along unaccountably – and unpredictably – among moments of hardship, stress, joy, pride, laughter, and exhaustion. There is profundity to explore, but also laundry to do. Someone asked me recently whether the “up days” of chemo, following the “down days,” suddenly seem beautiful and full of hope. Maybe, but I’m usually too busy unclogging the sink.”
6. From Mark Twain, after a visit to New York City: “Every man seems to feel that he has got the duties of two lifetimes to accomplish in one, and so he rushes, rushes, and never has time to be companionable – never has any time at his disposal to fool away on matters which do not involve dollars and duty and business.”
7. Feiler’s doctor, John Healy, on how cancer changes its survivors: “They understand themselves better. They are less distracted by the transient, unimportant things. Family becomes more central. Plus, they usually develop a constructive spirituality, one not based on dogma but real-life experience. And they are more sensitive to the suffering of others. They have an empathy that is part of the greatness of human beings.”
Throughout the book, Feiler introduces us to the values and attributes his council of dads will bring to his daughters. In the end, he summarizes them as follows:
Approach the cowI think I’ll leave it to you to read the book and find out what he meant.
Pack your flip-flops
Don’t see the wall
Tend your tadpoles
Live the questions
Harvest miracles
yooperann's review against another edition
3.0
Disappointing. It's hard to criticize anyone writing about his year as a young parent facing a potentially lethal cancer, or begrudge an author for turning his email updates into a book in order to help compensate for his missed year of writing. It's a perfectly sweet idea, but there's not enough here to make a book. I look forward to the Bruce Feiler books yet to come.
mdeanda's review against another edition
5.0
It was AMAZING! One of the best books I have ever read!