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khakipantsofsex's review
1.0
I've never treated a book as badly as I've treated this. The spine is cracked more than my knuckles, and I've written in ink throughout the book, all of them criticisms. And I kept a note on my phone that I shall relate to you now.
- Actual quote from the main character of this book about how his nose got broken: "Once in the line of duty and once in defense of a lady." If he went to a rally for gender equality, he'd be the one with the sign saying 'Not all men'.
Kerley is trying to hard to make his character be PROGRESSIVE and A GOOD GUY. He makes a point on saying his character is open to ALL SEXUAL AND GENDER IDENTITIES and RACIAL IDENTITIES. He probably says 'my best friend is black'.
- The descriptive metaphors don't actually make sense, or aren't actually possible (like rivulets of blood that somehow continue the one foot gap between the dead guy's head and the floor). Also sometimes certain repetitions of descriptions or metaphors make it seem like the author couldn't decide which line he preferred. The solution, obviously, is to use them both (e.g. "invest heavily in Vaseline" and "stop at the commissary and get that Vaseline. They sell it in fifty-gallon drums").
- There are several suggestive lines that aren't actually suggestive enough to work, which I forgot to make a specific note of but trust me, there are many.
- The sentence structure is jumpy, excluding basic words like 'and' but not separating the sentences instead. Similarly, strange contractions like 'they've' where it sounds better to be 'they have' and just making it weird.
- 'Cars' is a stupid nickname to give the main character of your novel. It confused me several times where I thought they were talking about actual cars. Don't use nicknames that are actual common words.
- Kerley doesn't seem to know basic interrogation techniques. Don't intentionally scare the shit out someone who you've just told their kid is dead. That's not even basic interrogation. That's basic talking to another human.
- There was no 'aha!' moment. The two detectives barely solved any of it themselves. It was almost 100% luck. Any sort of moments that might have added to that final conclusion were ruined because they seemed like pointless scraps, of which there were many anyway. And the two cops could barely do their jobs well enough to have their own specialised unit for catching psychopaths or whatever it was for that was mentioned once at the beginning and literally never again. Both detectives are moved way too easily and are painted as (questionably) 'supersensitive but still badass lads just trying to do their job'. Give it up. They're so SHOCKED that a guy has a harpoon in his gut. That's not that scarring to a mind that supposedly specialises in psychopaths.
- Cliche relationship described as a relationship that "contemporary culture hadn't found a term for". Actual quote.
- Many colloquialisms or cop jargon that don't make sense to the average Joe, or make the characters sound like they are trying too hard to be 'cool' or 'hip'. Sometimes, it goes the other way, and Carson sounds like a Very Proper Gentleman with Proper Speech.
- Anyone else remember that the main bloke's brother was a psychopathic murderer in the last book? No? Well you probably won't be reminded in this book other than in one big chunk of description that adds nothing to the story. Except that the tag line for this book is "When it comes to murder, some things run in the family..." Very dramatic and all, but actually has nothing to do with the plot. Literally zero apart from the one aforementioned moment that changes nothing.
- I don't like first person narration.
- I wrote 'you're being a dick' multiple times throughout the book.
- Actual quote from the main character of this book about how his nose got broken: "Once in the line of duty and once in defense of a lady." If he went to a rally for gender equality, he'd be the one with the sign saying 'Not all men'.
Kerley is trying to hard to make his character be PROGRESSIVE and A GOOD GUY. He makes a point on saying his character is open to ALL SEXUAL AND GENDER IDENTITIES and RACIAL IDENTITIES. He probably says 'my best friend is black'.
- The descriptive metaphors don't actually make sense, or aren't actually possible (like rivulets of blood that somehow continue the one foot gap between the dead guy's head and the floor). Also sometimes certain repetitions of descriptions or metaphors make it seem like the author couldn't decide which line he preferred. The solution, obviously, is to use them both (e.g. "invest heavily in Vaseline" and "stop at the commissary and get that Vaseline. They sell it in fifty-gallon drums").
- There are several suggestive lines that aren't actually suggestive enough to work, which I forgot to make a specific note of but trust me, there are many.
- The sentence structure is jumpy, excluding basic words like 'and' but not separating the sentences instead. Similarly, strange contractions like 'they've' where it sounds better to be 'they have' and just making it weird.
- 'Cars' is a stupid nickname to give the main character of your novel. It confused me several times where I thought they were talking about actual cars. Don't use nicknames that are actual common words.
- Kerley doesn't seem to know basic interrogation techniques. Don't intentionally scare the shit out someone who you've just told their kid is dead. That's not even basic interrogation. That's basic talking to another human.
- There was no 'aha!' moment. The two detectives barely solved any of it themselves. It was almost 100% luck. Any sort of moments that might have added to that final conclusion were ruined because they seemed like pointless scraps, of which there were many anyway. And the two cops could barely do their jobs well enough to have their own specialised unit for catching psychopaths or whatever it was for that was mentioned once at the beginning and literally never again. Both detectives are moved way too easily and are painted as (questionably) 'supersensitive but still badass lads just trying to do their job'. Give it up. They're so SHOCKED that a guy has a harpoon in his gut. That's not that scarring to a mind that supposedly specialises in psychopaths.
- Cliche relationship described as a relationship that "contemporary culture hadn't found a term for". Actual quote.
- Many colloquialisms or cop jargon that don't make sense to the average Joe, or make the characters sound like they are trying too hard to be 'cool' or 'hip'. Sometimes, it goes the other way, and Carson sounds like a Very Proper Gentleman with Proper Speech.
- Anyone else remember that the main bloke's brother was a psychopathic murderer in the last book? No? Well you probably won't be reminded in this book other than in one big chunk of description that adds nothing to the story. Except that the tag line for this book is "When it comes to murder, some things run in the family..." Very dramatic and all, but actually has nothing to do with the plot. Literally zero apart from the one aforementioned moment that changes nothing.
- I don't like first person narration.
- I wrote 'you're being a dick' multiple times throughout the book.
opalthefruit's review
2.0
I'm pretty fond of the Carson Ryder series but this was naff. The televangelist, the 'genetic rainbow' baby, the Aryan Brotherhood, a dominatrix and a nutritionist kind of sounds like the making of a very weird joke but is infact the overly complicated cast of supporting characters in a semi dull novel. Also there's a bit that might be the most transphobic thing I've ever read but I don't know if I've got the wrong end of the stick there.
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