Reviews with content warning for Death of parent - Self-Portrait with Nothing

This is now one of my favorite books!! The story is unique and sci-fi-esque, but what really sold me was the characters themselves.

Often, I feel like authors fall back on one-dimensional stereotypes to describe mentally ill or traumatized characters; they’ll list symptoms from the DSM and call it a day. But Pokwatka paints a more nuanced picture: sometimes, how Pepper feels and how she acts make no sense, even to her. She feels incredibly human. Pokwatka has managed to capture aspects of mental illness (or even human nature in general) that have always been so difficult for me to describe.

Furthermore, I love the varied, realistic ways the people in Pepper’s life react to her.

Her moms are immediately and unconditionally accepting, while her husband struggles to be supportive because he thinks he needs to understand the reasoning behind her actions.

Dealing with other humans can be difficult, but I think this book shows that it’s worth the effort.

Finally, I want to talk about Ula. Pepper’s (lack of a) relationship with Ula has been a source of pain and grief her whole life. When she finally meets Ula, it’s clear that Ula views Pepper as a tool more than a person with her own thoughts and feelings. But this is how Ula treats the other versions off her too — she ripped them from their universes with no consideration for their lives and feelings because she was lonely. And because she did not try to empathize or understand others, Ula suffered greatly.

There is so much to unpack, but my main takeaway from this book was being emotionally vulnerable and putting in the effort to understand others is the key to living a fulfilling life.

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sarah984's review

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emotional mysterious reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

This is a book that I will be thinking about for a while. It starts out pretty slowly as a kind of family drama about a woman who was abandoned as an infant trying to deal with the demands of her (in)famous biological mother, who has gone missing, and then becomes a sort of sci-fi thriller.

I loved the characters (every side character is memorable), the relationships and the ending.

My only real complaint is that I wish the book had been a bit more clear on the job that Pepper was doing and who those people were - that felt kind of glossed over. Otherwise, phenomenal.

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displacedcactus's review

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emotional mysterious sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

This was such a weird book. I honestly had no idea what to expect from it, but it ended up being an emotional mystery dealing with alternate universes and family and art. It has a very literary feel in terms of how it handles the characters and the emotional content, so this could be an ideal read for anyone looking to dip their toes into "genre fiction", or for anyone who likes genre-bending stories.

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