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se_wigget's review against another edition
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
tense
fast-paced
5.0
Fuck you, fucking piece of fucking shit fucking victim-blaming fucking rape apologists fucking misogynists. You are the fuck devoid of any redeeming quality. And that fucking includes you, fucking piece of fucking shit Washington fucking Post.
This is an intense personal account of the author's experience after rape. It has insightful cultural commentary. Make that... shitculture commentary.
This is an intense personal account of the author's experience after rape. It has insightful cultural commentary. Make that... shitculture commentary.
"Victims are often, automatically, accused of lying. But when a perpetrator is exposed for lying, the stigma doesn't stick. Why is it that we're wary of victims making false accusations, but rarely consider how many men have blatantly lied about, downplayed, or manipulated others to cover their own actions (p. 191)?"
"Nobody earns the right to rape. It is still rape when he is a good swimmer (p. 249)."
Sexual predators as gaslighters:
"Society [rape culture] gives women the near impossible task of separating harmlessness from danger, the foresight of knowing what some men are capable of. When we call out assault when we hear it, Trump says, I don't think you understand. Just words. You are overreacting, overly offended, hysterical, rude [projecting], relax!!! So we dismiss threatening statements and warning signs, apologizing for our [nonexistent] paranoia. We go into a party or meeting thinking it's just a party or meeting. But when we are taken advantage of, and come crawling back damaged, they say, How could you be so naive, you failed to detect danger, let your guard down, what did you think would happen? Trump made it clear the game is rigged, the rules keep changing. It doesn't matter what you think [or know] is assault, because in the end, he [the sexual predator] decides (p. 278)."
"When society questions a victim's reluctance to report, I will be here to remind you that you ask us to sacrifice our sanity to fight outdated structures that were designed to keep us down (p. 288)."
"This is not a out the victim's lack of effort. It's about society's failure to to have systems in place in which victims feel there's a probable chance of achieving safety, justice, and restoration rather than being traumatized, publicly shamed, psychologically tormented, and verbally mauled. The real question we need to be asking is not, Why didn't she report. The question is, Why would you (p. 288)?"
Content Warnings
Graphic: Medical trauma, Gaslighting, Bullying, Medical content, Emotional abuse, Rape, Sexual harassment, Misogyny, Sexism, Injury/Injury detail, Physical abuse, Racism, Sexual assault, and Sexual violence
kbecker813's review against another edition
emotional
informative
sad
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Sexual content
alwayskeara's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Sexual violence, and Sexual assault
mugsandmanuscripts's review against another edition
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
5.0
I listened to this on audio months ago, and I can honestly say that this one has stuck with me and will stick with me for a long time. It's the kind of book that has the power to change how you see the experience and road ahead of sex assault survivors.
Many years ago, I was trained and served as a sex assault victim advocate, and I showed up in hospitals as a support person for SA victims before/during/after their SART exam (aka an invasive exam done for evidence collection in case the survivor ever decided to press charges) for more women than I can count (and yet, somehow, I remember their stories). I'm not a stranger to this process. But it was still very hard to read/listen to this memoir. I'm so glad I did, but if you're a victim of SA, please be gentle with yourself and know that this book is extremely explicit and will likely be triggering.
That said, Chanel Miller's vulnerability—along with the voice she has found/taken back after her voice was repeatedly stolen from her both during the assault and afterwards repeatedly through the criminal system—is an absolute gift to the reader. I don't know her personally, but I'm so proud of her for the work she has done to heal and tell her story.
This book is a must-read for every single human who has ever victim-blamed or victim-shamed a woman who has experienced any form of sexual trauma or harassment. It should be mandatory for every human accused or convicted of sexual crime. It should be required in every social work, psychiatry, or psychology program in the US. And if you have a friend who has experienced SA, I highly encourage you to read this book.
Even if you haven't experienced SA, this is a heavy read. You should be gentle with yourself (as well as reflective on your own understanding of the experience of SA survivors and whether or not you've been part of the problem without meaning to be). But if you care about being an empathetic human, I absolutely recommend this read.
Many years ago, I was trained and served as a sex assault victim advocate, and I showed up in hospitals as a support person for SA victims before/during/after their SART exam (aka an invasive exam done for evidence collection in case the survivor ever decided to press charges) for more women than I can count (and yet, somehow, I remember their stories). I'm not a stranger to this process. But it was still very hard to read/listen to this memoir. I'm so glad I did, but if you're a victim of SA, please be gentle with yourself and know that this book is extremely explicit and will likely be triggering.
That said, Chanel Miller's vulnerability—along with the voice she has found/taken back after her voice was repeatedly stolen from her both during the assault and afterwards repeatedly through the criminal system—is an absolute gift to the reader. I don't know her personally, but I'm so proud of her for the work she has done to heal and tell her story.
This book is a must-read for every single human who has ever victim-blamed or victim-shamed a woman who has experienced any form of sexual trauma or harassment. It should be mandatory for every human accused or convicted of sexual crime. It should be required in every social work, psychiatry, or psychology program in the US. And if you have a friend who has experienced SA, I highly encourage you to read this book.
Even if you haven't experienced SA, this is a heavy read. You should be gentle with yourself (as well as reflective on your own understanding of the experience of SA survivors and whether or not you've been part of the problem without meaning to be). But if you care about being an empathetic human, I absolutely recommend this read.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Rape, and Sexual violence
m_a_j's review against another edition
challenging
dark
informative
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Rape
beatrizwithaz's review against another edition
dark
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
“You took away my worth, my privacy, my energy, my time, my safety, my intimacy, my confidence, my own voice, until today.”
I remember following the case as I was beginning college. I remember being devastated at the news of the sentencing. I remember being at Stanford graduation (on Chanel’s birthday, as I’ve now learned) and seeing the hundreds of protesting students holding signs in support of a girl we did not know the name of yet but whose story we have unfortunately heard too many times to count.
I’ve walked Stanford’s campus a hundred times. I think it can sometimes feel easier to try to forget how pervasive violence can be, but Chanel’s words have found their way into my heart. "To girls everywhere, I am with you." Sometimes, the same life that brings you light also brings darkness. And sometimes that feels like a neverending cycle, and you never know what side of things you're going to end up. You don’t always get to choose your topic, but we all have a story to tell.
I remember following the case as I was beginning college. I remember being devastated at the news of the sentencing. I remember being at Stanford graduation (on Chanel’s birthday, as I’ve now learned) and seeing the hundreds of protesting students holding signs in support of a girl we did not know the name of yet but whose story we have unfortunately heard too many times to count.
I’ve walked Stanford’s campus a hundred times. I think it can sometimes feel easier to try to forget how pervasive violence can be, but Chanel’s words have found their way into my heart. "To girls everywhere, I am with you." Sometimes, the same life that brings you light also brings darkness. And sometimes that feels like a neverending cycle, and you never know what side of things you're going to end up. You don’t always get to choose your topic, but we all have a story to tell.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Injury/Injury detail, Sexual violence, Medical trauma, Misogyny, Rape, and Sexual assault
Moderate: Mass/school shootings and Gun violence
sandakie's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
Everyone should read this book (when you’re in the right head/life space).
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Rape, Sexual harassment, Sexual violence, and Violence
kathrynclaire's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
fast-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Rape, Sexual assault, and Sexual violence
Minor: Suicide, Mass/school shootings, and Suicide attempt
wquindley's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
5.0
this is my first 5 star read of the year. this book is amazing and chanel’s ability to write her story so eloquently is admirable. my chest hurt so much while reading this book, and as much as i thought i knew about r*pe cases in courts, i really had no clue how much injustice really existed. every time i thought it was finally over, chanel and her family and friends finally had the ending they wanted something else would come up. i didn’t realize that a guilty sentence does not mean case closed. it is not that easy. it is so messed up and unfathomable how many injustices occur in the court system. chanel’s strength was insane and i felt the anger, the sadness, the frustration, the empathy with every setback, every negative comment, every person who made grossly inaccurate, invalidating, inconsistent claims about victims. i’m so grateful that chanel was empowered enough to keep going and had the support to because her story is so important and inspiring for others.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, Alcohol, Mass/school shootings, and Gun violence
Moderate: Sexism, Emotional abuse, Police brutality, and Racism
jalynn217's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual violence, Sexual content, and Sexual assault