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4.0 AVERAGE
4.0 AVERAGE
What does one do when called upon to parent the parents? This often comes after a terminal diagnosis and carries a need to assume the role of caretaker. I don’t know that Kate Mulgrew ever thought about how she would play this role but just as she has in so many roles before, she shares this one with us. This time through her own beautiful words and memories.
Kate Mulgrew’s mother has been diagnosed with atypical Alzheimer’s and is progressing in her disease when Kate’s father is diagnosed with terminal cancer and given only a few weeks to live. Kate steps away from her one-woman show and flies from West Palm Beach FL to her childhood home in Dubuque IA to be with family and to provide care to her dying parents.
From tender intimacies between her parents, to good and bad memories of growing up, to the most difficult decisions of administering palliative care we are privileged to share these final days with the family and to understand who T J and Joan Mulgrew really were. This is an honest and touching memoir by one of our favorite public figures.
Thank you to HarperCollinsUS for this advance readers copy.
Kate Mulgrew’s mother has been diagnosed with atypical Alzheimer’s and is progressing in her disease when Kate’s father is diagnosed with terminal cancer and given only a few weeks to live. Kate steps away from her one-woman show and flies from West Palm Beach FL to her childhood home in Dubuque IA to be with family and to provide care to her dying parents.
From tender intimacies between her parents, to good and bad memories of growing up, to the most difficult decisions of administering palliative care we are privileged to share these final days with the family and to understand who T J and Joan Mulgrew really were. This is an honest and touching memoir by one of our favorite public figures.
Thank you to HarperCollinsUS for this advance readers copy.
Kate Mulgrew's poignant and searing memoir of her parents final years captures a journey most of us will make as adult children. Her account of her stoic, alcoholic father's death from brain cancer, and her mother's death from Alzheimer's disease offer in full details what it's like for families going through these trials of love, in particular when siblings don't quite all feel the same way. Some moments, like that of her father's mistress helping her mother with Mulgrew's dying sister Tessie right up to the funeral (the surprising twists of the strong women of a certain era) or Mulgrew's account of her father's final hours (a brave description) are heartbreaking. But much of the book also brims with the Mulgrew family's brio and Irish humor. It's not unrelievedly dark by any means. A testament to the love of family, "How to Forget" is an altogether finer book than her first memoir, [b: Born with Teeth|22875097|Born with Teeth|Kate Mulgrew|https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1418768551s/22875097.jpg|42439387].
The audiobook, narrated by Mulgrew herself, is outstanding. I do not know how she manages to read some of the passages without audible tears.
I received a Digital Review Copy of this book from William Morrow/HarperCollins in exchange for an honest review.
The audiobook, narrated by Mulgrew herself, is outstanding. I do not know how she manages to read some of the passages without audible tears.
I received a Digital Review Copy of this book from William Morrow/HarperCollins in exchange for an honest review.
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
Great memoir about the bizarre upbringing and family history of Red from OITNB and Star Trek. She’s an eloquent writer, and love hearing her read aloud. I heard her interview with Teri Gross and I was hooked. Heavy content, but beautifully written.
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cancer, Chronic illness, Miscarriage, Medical content, Dementia, Medical trauma
Moderate: Adult/minor relationship, Alcoholism, Death, Infidelity, Sexual assault
Minor: Sexism, Sexual content
Narrated by the author, HOW TO FORGET: A DAUGHTER'S MEMOIR is an incredibly intimate and detailed account of how Kate Mulgrew and her family cared and provided for their sick parents.
In brief, her father had an aggressive form of lung cancer that spread throughout his body and her mother had Alzheimer's disease. I felt like I had to read this book as my dad also died from an aggressive form of lung cancer, and my mom is battling Alzheimer's disease right now.
I read Mulgrew's previous memoir BORN WITH TEETH, and I enjoyed it. She narrated that book as well. (She's an EXCELLENT narrator overall; I loved her performance of Joe Hill's NOS4A2.)
I found her account to be poignant and sad but I was also a bit peeved and I'll tell you why. This is a purely personal thing, and maybe it has a tinge of envy on my part, to be honest. In America, it is much easier to get old, get sick, or get old AND sick, if you have money. The choices available to you when you have money are varied and numerous. When you are poor or even middle class, that is not the case. Not everyone can take leave from their job to nurse a sick parent. Not everyone can hire people to move in with their parents to help take some of the burden off the family. Not everyone can buy an entire house to make caring for a family member easier either. It irked me that Ms. Mulgrew never acknowledged such in this book.
*Gets up on soapbox.* Let me be clear, I am not envious of Kate's money, she's an excellent actress, narrator and writer, she earned it. What I am envious of is the QUALITY OF CARE that Kate and her family were able to provide to their parents. Being a working class/middle class person, I cannot even begin to provide my mother the care she deserves. Quality of medical care and end of life care should not be based on wallet size. *Steps down from soapbox.*
That aside, I'm glad that I listened to this book. I feel less alone-I feel like other people have gone through what I am going through right now, and somehow that helps lessen my pain. I think I'm also able to empathize a bit more with my mom's situation, though I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it was viewing what she is going through, through a different set of eyes? Whatever the reason, I found myself more patient yesterday with my mom and I think that made it easier on both of us.
I recommend this book, especially to those trying to deal with sick parents, while still trying to work and maintain their own sanity. If only for the reason that HOW TO FORGET makes you feel less alone. Because that is no small thing.
*Thank you to my public library for the free audio download. Libraries RULE!*
In brief, her father had an aggressive form of lung cancer that spread throughout his body and her mother had Alzheimer's disease. I felt like I had to read this book as my dad also died from an aggressive form of lung cancer, and my mom is battling Alzheimer's disease right now.
I read Mulgrew's previous memoir BORN WITH TEETH, and I enjoyed it. She narrated that book as well. (She's an EXCELLENT narrator overall; I loved her performance of Joe Hill's NOS4A2.)
I found her account to be poignant and sad but I was also a bit peeved and I'll tell you why. This is a purely personal thing, and maybe it has a tinge of envy on my part, to be honest. In America, it is much easier to get old, get sick, or get old AND sick, if you have money. The choices available to you when you have money are varied and numerous. When you are poor or even middle class, that is not the case. Not everyone can take leave from their job to nurse a sick parent. Not everyone can hire people to move in with their parents to help take some of the burden off the family. Not everyone can buy an entire house to make caring for a family member easier either. It irked me that Ms. Mulgrew never acknowledged such in this book.
*Gets up on soapbox.* Let me be clear, I am not envious of Kate's money, she's an excellent actress, narrator and writer, she earned it. What I am envious of is the QUALITY OF CARE that Kate and her family were able to provide to their parents. Being a working class/middle class person, I cannot even begin to provide my mother the care she deserves. Quality of medical care and end of life care should not be based on wallet size. *Steps down from soapbox.*
That aside, I'm glad that I listened to this book. I feel less alone-I feel like other people have gone through what I am going through right now, and somehow that helps lessen my pain. I think I'm also able to empathize a bit more with my mom's situation, though I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it was viewing what she is going through, through a different set of eyes? Whatever the reason, I found myself more patient yesterday with my mom and I think that made it easier on both of us.
I recommend this book, especially to those trying to deal with sick parents, while still trying to work and maintain their own sanity. If only for the reason that HOW TO FORGET makes you feel less alone. Because that is no small thing.
*Thank you to my public library for the free audio download. Libraries RULE!*
This book was on sale for a day on Kindle, but I had to get the audio version because I love Kate Mulgrew's voice. The book shows the very real impact that Alzheimer's disease has on families, whether privileged or not. Compassionate and heartbreaking, read with tissues. Kate Mulgrew paints a vivid picture of a close-knit, large Irish Catholic family coping with an impossible, yet all too common, tragedy. The book must be listened to on audio to hear it performed magnificently by the author.
As with Born with Teeth Mulgrew's first memoir the prose in How to Forget is spare, skillful, and beautiful. She manages to do this while keeping a narrative voice that is sincere and authentic. The level of intimacy in this memoir is remarkable. There is so much Love, happiness, fear, despair grief, and pain in these pages. A celebration of life, family, and friendship through the hardship of losing your parents. Lucy the nanny to Mulgrew's boys is a hero in this story. How tenacious, how compassionate, loving, and selfless.