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ariana3's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
inspiring
lighthearted
reflective
relaxing
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
I've been debating reading this for so long and just kept putting it off, thinking it would be some cheesy, predictably annoying beach read. It is somewhat predictable and it is a beach read, but it was so much better than I expected!!! It's a will-they-won't-they story for sure, but there was so much emotion behind the book. It was so much deeper than I anticipated, exploring relationships with friends, family, friends that truly are family, and romantic ones also. The big underlying feature that felt specifically relevant for me was the relationship of one's self and their identity and happiness being intertwined with their job. Woof that was all too relevant and a doozy to see reflected back to you on paper 😮💨
Plot summary:A group of 3 friends (Harriet, Sabrina, and Cleo) all meet each other while living together in a dorm in college and instantly become family. They become inseparable and eventually add 2 guys to their group, Wyn and Parth. They take yearly vacations to Sabrina's ridiculously huge and nice family "cottage" in Maine and it becomes Harriet's "happy place." Harriet and Wyn begin dating and it's an instant connection. They fall in love and he eventually moves out with her to San Francisco where she's completing a grueling residency for neurosurgery. The grow apart, fight (or lack thereof), and just arent communicating effectively, so Wyn abruptly ends it, leaving Harriet in the dark and with no closure. 5 months later, Sabrina invites them for one last trip to the cottage before her dad sells it. Harriet doesn't know Wyn is there until she shows up...they haven't told anyone that they've ended their engagement and are no longer together (turns out Sabrina knew the entire time but she didn't tell them and concocted an entire plan to get them back together). So they fake being together, there's chemistry, confusion, they talk it out, etc. Already long story short, the friends fight then come back together because they know they're family. Wyn and Harriet don't get back together because Harriet needs to figure out what she truly wants and to not just do what other people tell her she should do. At the airport on her way back to SF, she realizes she hates her job and she was only doing it to please her parents. In the process, she's pushed away everyone she loves, including the love of her life. So she decides to run out of the airport to leave, only to see Wyn running into the airport 🥹 she says that she wants to be with him where she's happy, she withdraws from her residency and moves to Montana with him and his mom, and she works at a pottery studio doing what she loves!
Plot summary:
Content Warnings
Graphic: Grief, Mental illness, and Sexual content
Moderate: Cursing, Alcohol, Death of parent, Medical content, Toxic friendship, and Toxic relationship
Minor: Pregnancy
emmy_likes_2_read's review
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
1.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Drug abuse, Cursing, Alcohol, and Toxic friendship
Minor: Death of parent and Medical trauma
flamesocks's review against another edition
emotional
funny
lighthearted
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death of parent
Moderate: Cursing, Pregnancy, Mental illness, and Alcohol
melina_30's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
reflective
sad
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
Really enjoyed the read despite the genre being not something I read very often. The only thing I didn't really like was the insinuation that the drugs and the alcohol they were consuming were solving all their problems because they were doing things they normally wouldn't which created a reason to talk about it and then making up. Except for that it was a great book and I loved the message that even though a friend group could grow apart because of differing life circumstances, that doesn't have to result in the group not being friends altogether anymore but just that they won't see each other as often and that they will create very different memories than they did in their youth. Also I loved the revelation about not being happy with your job and having to find out what you really want to do for yourself and not what other people expect you to do with your job and life in general. This message really hit home for me.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Grief, Alcohol, Sexual content, and Drug use
Moderate: Death of parent, Mental illness, and Cursing
Minor: Pregnancy and Toxic friendship
jkribbit's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
lighthearted
4.75
Content Warnings
Moderate: Cursing and Sexual content
Minor: Chronic illness and Death of parent
nitar8's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
funny
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
3.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Drug use, Sexual content, Mental illness, Pregnancy, Grief, Death of parent, Emotional abuse, Cursing, Alcohol, and Toxic relationship
hmwoodward's review against another edition
adventurous
emotional
funny
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Emily Henry delivers with her usual humor, chemistry, and banter with this one. I always feel like I'm there beside the characters in her books from the way she describes everything. I'm seriously craving the smell and feel of sunscreen and ocean water and the smell and taste of buttery lobster thanks to this read!
While not dissimilar to her other books, this one is a second chance romance and has a different feel and tension to it because of that dynamic. Harriet and Wyn are stuck together because of the group vacation and because the years of their relationship have led to a friend group that's venn diagram is just a circle. They are navigating the ramifications of their breakup for themselves and how it complicates things for everyone around them. All this while an old group of friends tries to live out their glory days for the last trip to their go-to spot ever and are all dealing with their own separate issues.
This book realistically address the challenges of a relationship where you grow up together and friendships where you grow up together. If you aren't careful, you can grow apart entirely.
I also really felt for the main character in her struggles with her career and her future - I have certainly been there before myself. It was just another relatable and realistic aspect in this one.
While not dissimilar to her other books, this one is a second chance romance and has a different feel and tension to it because of that dynamic. Harriet and Wyn are stuck together because of the group vacation and because the years of their relationship have led to a friend group that's venn diagram is just a circle. They are navigating the ramifications of their breakup for themselves and how it complicates things for everyone around them. All this while an old group of friends tries to live out their glory days for the last trip to their go-to spot ever and are all dealing with their own separate issues.
This book realistically address the challenges of a relationship where you grow up together and friendships where you grow up together. If you aren't careful, you can grow apart entirely.
I also really felt for the main character in her struggles with her career and her future - I have certainly been there before myself. It was just another relatable and realistic aspect in this one.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death of parent, Alcohol, Medical content, and Grief
Moderate: Cursing, Panic attacks/disorders, Chronic illness, Terminal illness, Drug use, Mental illness, and Sexual content
Minor: Pregnancy and Infidelity
redefiningrachel's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Death of parent, Alcohol, and Grief
Moderate: Cursing and Drug use
Minor: Medical content
shelfreflectionofficial's review
funny
reflective
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
“Even when something beautiful breaks, the making of it still matters.”
I read this one right after The Clinic which was a thriller so it took me a few chapters to stop my brain from trying to figure out who the killer or the victim was because there wasn’t one…
Once I stopped being suspicious of everyone I was able to enjoy it! It’s the reverse of the enemies to lovers trope. Here we have lovers to enemies to fake lovers.
About halfway through I was feeling disappointed by the book because it felt like one long book about sexual tension between two people who should be together but aren’t and we don’t know why and they won’t talk about.
I’ve read two other books by Emily Henry- People We Meet on Vacation and Book Lovers. Both of which won best romance in the Goodreads Award Challenge in their respective years. Apparently Henry is the queen of romance and everybody knows it.
I will say that I liked both of those books better than this one. Both of those felt like like they had more plot or side story happening to move things along, a little more depth. I also think I liked the main characters better in those. The former had weirdness which I liked. The latter had a really good familial component which I liked.
Happy Place eventually got to some meat at the end which left me with a better taste in my mouth than I was at halfway, but I still wish there had been more to the story throughout.
It was basically just a week-long friend-party-bash-rave-celebration time at a house in Maine. Sure the town had its charm and we got to see all the memories of that house that bonded the friends together but I just felt like it was too focused on this tension between the two main characters- Harriet and Wyn- and not enough on anything meaningful.
The basic premise of the book is this:
The background is that Harriet, Cleo, and Sabrina were put together as roommates at their college in Vermont. While they all had different personalities and backgrounds, they became the best of friends and vacationed every summer at Sabrina’s family house in Maine.
They eventually accumulated their significant others (Parth for Sabrina, Kimmy for Cleo, and Wyn for Harriet) to vacation with them.
This year Sabrina finds out her dad is selling the house (because of his seventh wife) so she plans an elaborate ‘last vacation’ week for everyone, ending with an impromptu wedding between her and Parth.
Things get complicated when Harriet arrives and sees Wyn there who wasn’t supposed to be. They had been engaged for a long time but had broken up five months ago, not telling anyone about it. Now they have to pretend to still be together for the week so they don’t ruin it and make Sabrina sadder than she already is or take away from the happiness of their wedding.
The break-up had basically been a four minute phone call and while they both think the other one is happy without them and that breaking up is the best thing, you can tell that they both still want each other.
The book chapters are labeled ‘happy place,’ ‘real life,’ ‘dark place,’ and ‘almost happy place,’ as we sometimes jump back in time to previous memories of Harriet and Wyn’s relationship in college and afterwards(happy place), the dark place being after the break up and real life being the present day celebration week.
I Just Want You to Be Happy
It is titled ‘Happy Place’ for a few reasons. The most overt reason is that this house is their happy place. The place they’ve bonded and shared so many memories as first a group of three but then with their loved ones. It’s an escape from ‘real life’ and a place of freedom and possibility.
The more subtle reason is because in a relationship the other person becomes your happy place, your home, your escape from real life.
In this book both of Harriet’s happy places are fading.
“Our house, this pocket universe where we always belong, no matter what else is happening, we’re safe and happy—that’s going away.”
Life isn’t what it used to be. Relationships have changed. Can she still be happy without her happy places?
Now this is where we finally started to see some depth in the book (unfortunately it was at the end) because now we’re looking at how these characters’ parents’ relationships influenced how they handled their own.
Sabrina’s parents became unhappy with each other and divorced. Her dad multiplied that a few times. Harriet’s parents stayed together but she could tell they were unhappy because they married because of pregnancy and missed out on what their lives could have been. Conflict was avoided but resentment lingered.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this concept of happiness when it comes to relationships and jobs and life in general.
(I’m about to go on a soap box about happiness and relationships in terms of this book because I don’t have much to say about sexual tension and there’s no other alternative; if this does not interest you, scroll past…)
The characters eventually realize that their happy place that week was a mirage because they were hiding all of their feelings and not talking about the hard stuff. To them happiness and sadness couldn’t co-exist.
“I was afraid of ruining this place where they’ve always been happy. I was afraid they would resent me and never say it, afraid they wouldn’t like me… They’d know I wasn’t enough.”
Harriet grew up thinking it was up to her to make everyone happy. She wanted to do what people expected of her, to make them happy, to make them proud of her and be who they wanted her to be instead of making her own choices about her life.
There is truth to this part of the whole topic. That is not a healthy way to live or to build relationships on because it’s not honest and it’s not one person’s job to sustain everyone else- that’s impossible.
We did get to see growth in Harriet’s recognition of this about herself which was good.
But there was also this underlying message of what it means to have happiness in a relationship that I’m not sure I agree with. It’s possible what I’m about to throw down is actually what Henry was getting at and I interpreted it wrong but I don’t know so here are some things…
Harriet looks at a picture of her parents with her baby sister from years ago and thinks they look tired and she can see their dreams dying in their eyes. They looked, “not miserable. Just like it’s not enough. Like he and mom both know there are other universes where they’re more, bigger, happier.”
When talking with Wyn about their break-up she says, “If we’re making each other unhappy, we can’t keep going. I need to know we’re never going to hurt each other like this.”
We can look at the abominably high divorce rate and know that this idea of ‘happiness’ has pervaded what people think is a good relationship. The cultural idea is: the pinnacle of life is to be happy. If you’re not happy you need to do something different, find someone new, move somewhere else, etc. If the other person doesn’t make you happy, end the relationship. Taking care of kids is exhausting and sucking you dry so go ahead and leave them.
But where is the commitment to that? No wonder Harriet never spoke up, she didn’t want Wyn to leave. But you can’t build a relationship that is dependent on the feeling of happiness. There would be no commitment, no trust, and no growth. It would be shallow and fear-driven because in reality, we don’t feel happy all the time.
Hard things happen. There is conflict. There is selfishness. But a relationship (a marriage or with the goal of marriage in mind) is for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health. It grows during those times, it doesn’t give up during those times.
Obviously there is space here, especially in dating relationships where if you know it’s not going to work, you end things before you get married. I’m not saying you should marry someone you’re not attracted to and don’t enjoy being with. And of course marriages often end because of abuse or infidelity.
But the idea behind finding your person is not that they make you happy all the time, although they may, but that they are the person you’re going to want to ‘make things work with’ when the feelings fade. You find the person you want to fight for when conflict arises.
The cultural idea of relationships lacks this commitment.
Harriet’s mom tells her: “I’m terrified for you that you’re going to wake up one day and realize you built your life around someone else and there’s no room for you.”
Perhaps I’m interpreting this wrong, but based on what we know of her mom’s past, I read this as a warning that if you get married and sacrifice your dreams, you will regret it and you won’t be the person you were supposed to be.
I think this because I hear and see it all the time. Follow your heart at all costs, it could never lead you astray. You deserve better. You deserve to chase every dream you have. Don’t let others hold you back from your potential. You will be less of a person.
But I don’t see very many messages about sacrificial love. That circumstances don’t dictate happiness. That happiness is not determined by achievements or dreams pursued, or lifestyle met.
Having a marriage. Having a family. Are those inconveniences that keep you from your dreams? Or are those WORTH giving other things up for? Worth sacrificing your dream because you can build new dreams. Worth adapting a dream for the betterment of the family because people are more important than dreams or achievements. Maybe if you really think about it- they ARE the dream. Having a person/s to experience life with, discover the world with.
If you think there’s no room for yourself in a marriage that is based on commitment and sacrifice then your concept of self needs to change. Our identity can’t be in the things we do, the places we go, the dreams we achieve or the things we have because those will inevitably be taken away and then what will you be?
My identity is Christ. Yes, I’m a wife. I’m a mom. I’m a reader. I’m a creative. If I lose any of those things, I will feel loss, but I won’t lose myself because my purpose and my worth is not dependent on them. My worth and purpose is in the unchanging love of Christ. Period. And that gives me freedom to let go of what I think will make me happiest and trust that what the Lord has for me is worth anything I lose, even when it feels impossible. Because I trust him and he is faithful.
And that’s why, to me, a ‘happy place’ is a place of trust, commitment, and faithfulness. That your people will love and stand by you even when they don’t feel like it because they have chosen you and are determined to sacrifice and grow with you. To be one. Where unhappiness doesn’t make you lean out, it makes you lean in. It makes you look at your selfishness and re-evaluate your priorities. It’s a mutual sacrificing, a joint decision to move this way or that. It says, ‘I can let go of this because you’re worth it.’ That sounds safe. That sounds like love.
And now we understand why marriage is a reflection of God’s love for his people. It’s a relationship of faithfulness, trust, and sacrificial love. And we tarnish that image when we view a relationship on a spectrum of happiness and drop it when we feel like it, because there might be something bigger or better.
In terms of jobs— I think Harriet gave a lot of good reasons to change her job. I don’t think we’re required to stay at a job that makes us miserable, and her change made sense in a lot of ways, though I'm not sure only doing pottery is the best move considering her skills.
But for some reason there is an idea that floats around that says you should be excited to go to work everyday. Just jumpin’ outta bed all bubbly to go do something you love. That’s cool if you found that, but if that’s what we’re telling people to go find, we’re setting them up for disappointment and a long resume of short job stints.
There is usually and probably always going to be an element of work that is unpleasant and monotonous. And sometimes we are able to find a new and better job— there is no problem in seeing what’s out there, but we also often have a responsibility to care for and provide for loved ones, and that might mean working a job that doesn’t give you warm fuzzies every morning.
That doesn’t mean you are stagnant and held back and destined to be unhappy. It means you get up every morning for work knowing that you are being faithful to your family and sacrificing for their good because you love them and you get to still come home to them every day and share life together.
I also think that there is this idea that ‘just wanting someone else to be happy’ is a noble thing to claim. Do whatever you want in your life, as long as you’re happy I’m happy. Happy wife happy life. We just want our kids to grow up and be happy.
But while it sounds lovely, we should have better aspirations for people. At least in terms of how the world defines happiness.
Don’t get me wrong. I love happiness. And God is a happy God. Look at all the good things, the fun things, the funny things that he has given us. Happiness is from the Lord.
As Alisa Childers explains in her book Live Your Truth (and Other Lies):
“Biblical happiness doesn’t come from having stuff, feeling good about our circumstances, or even finding romantic fulfillment. Those things feel good, but they can’t bring ultimate happiness. In some cases, they may even distract us from real happiness. True biblical happiness is knowing deep down that no matter our circumstances, we were lost and now we’re found. We have experienced the love of Christ, which always brings encouragement and comfort.”
Chasing cultural happiness sounds like an exhausting life. I hope my kids learn contentment, patience, trust, perseverance, and endurance. I hope above all, not that they’ve secured happiness by the world’s standards but that they’ve clung to the Lord and found that in all the ups and downs, they trust him and live in obedience to Him. Everything else will pass away.
Timothy Keller says, "While other world views lead us to sit in the midst of life's joys, foreseeing the coming sorrows, Christianity empowers its people to sit in the midst of this world's sorrows, tasting the coming joys."
Okay.
Thanks for tuning into tonight’s episode of Brittany’s Soap Box: Happiness Edition. I’ll just leave you with one last quote from Randy Alcorn who wrote an entire book on Happiness:
“If you believe in the God of the Bible, if you've placed your faith in Jesus Christ as your Redeemer, then the following things are true: The price for your happiness has been paid; The basis for your happiness is secure; The resources for your happiness are provided daily; The assurance of your eternal happiness is absolute, providing an objective reason for your happiness today.”
The Funnies
As usual, Henry has good wit and humor and I like her descriptions:
“‘Surprise.’ His gray eyes communicate something more akin to ‘Welcome to hell; I’ll be your host, the devil.’”
“I manage to say something that sounds sort of like ‘oh… good’ and sort of like someone with both stage fright and strep throat has taken a crack at public yodeling.”
And I think my favorite is the part where Harriet tells Wyn she wants to be a potter. He says “A happy potter’s better for this world than a miserable surgeon.” Which I don’t disagree with. But I read it as ‘Harry Potter’ and then I realized they called Harriet Harry and it was just too perfect! I don’t know if it was intentional, but it was excellent.
[Speaking of potters, if the first quote of my review (and pottery related analogies in general) resonate with you, you should read It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way by Lysa Terkeurst.]
Some Randos
I got tired of hearing about that singular lock of hair Wyn had always falling places and doing things. It was like it’s own character, but not sure if we saw any growth there.
I’m not sure if these characters had as much personality as her other books. Kimmy did (probably because she seemed like an Amy Schumer type), maybe Cleo because she was artsy, but the others seemed a little bleh to me. Although as I write that it feels like I’m saying only loud or abnormal people have personalities and that’s not fair. Maybe because those are easier to picture they seem to overshadow the others.
They actually give some good advice on fighting: “There doesn’t need to be a winner and a loser. You just have to care how the other person feels. You have to care more about them than you do about being right.” I’ve been married for almost 13 years and I wish I could say this didn’t just come up recently for me… if I wasn’t right so much it wouldn’t be so hard… ha.
[If you are interested in more information on how to fight better, check out Kim and Penn Holderness’s book Everybody Fights: Why Not Get Better at It?]
In her acknowledgements Henry mentions Brittany Cavallaro, another author. I’ve had her book, A Study in Charlotte, on my TBR so that’s fun that they’re friends!
Recommendation
If you haven’t read Emily Henry before, I don’t think I would start with this one. I think her other books are better.
If you’re already a fan of hers, you'll probably like it.
It wasn’t her strongest book but the ending helped and I do like her writing style. She has a new book coming out this year in April (Funny Story) which I think I will plan to read.
We all have different thresholds for swearing and sexual content, so just be aware of what I listed below to make a decision whether or not this book is a good fit for you.
[Content Advisory: lots of f- and s-words; sexual tension throughout with graphic scenes primarily taking place in Chapter 29 and the end of Chapter 32 if you wish to skip them; two main characters are lesbians; there’s some space dedicated to getting high]
I read this one right after The Clinic which was a thriller so it took me a few chapters to stop my brain from trying to figure out who the killer or the victim was because there wasn’t one…
Once I stopped being suspicious of everyone I was able to enjoy it! It’s the reverse of the enemies to lovers trope. Here we have lovers to enemies to fake lovers.
About halfway through I was feeling disappointed by the book because it felt like one long book about sexual tension between two people who should be together but aren’t and we don’t know why and they won’t talk about.
I’ve read two other books by Emily Henry- People We Meet on Vacation and Book Lovers. Both of which won best romance in the Goodreads Award Challenge in their respective years. Apparently Henry is the queen of romance and everybody knows it.
I will say that I liked both of those books better than this one. Both of those felt like like they had more plot or side story happening to move things along, a little more depth. I also think I liked the main characters better in those. The former had weirdness which I liked. The latter had a really good familial component which I liked.
Happy Place eventually got to some meat at the end which left me with a better taste in my mouth than I was at halfway, but I still wish there had been more to the story throughout.
It was basically just a week-long friend-party-bash-rave-celebration time at a house in Maine. Sure the town had its charm and we got to see all the memories of that house that bonded the friends together but I just felt like it was too focused on this tension between the two main characters- Harriet and Wyn- and not enough on anything meaningful.
The basic premise of the book is this:
The background is that Harriet, Cleo, and Sabrina were put together as roommates at their college in Vermont. While they all had different personalities and backgrounds, they became the best of friends and vacationed every summer at Sabrina’s family house in Maine.
They eventually accumulated their significant others (Parth for Sabrina, Kimmy for Cleo, and Wyn for Harriet) to vacation with them.
This year Sabrina finds out her dad is selling the house (because of his seventh wife) so she plans an elaborate ‘last vacation’ week for everyone, ending with an impromptu wedding between her and Parth.
Things get complicated when Harriet arrives and sees Wyn there who wasn’t supposed to be. They had been engaged for a long time but had broken up five months ago, not telling anyone about it. Now they have to pretend to still be together for the week so they don’t ruin it and make Sabrina sadder than she already is or take away from the happiness of their wedding.
The break-up had basically been a four minute phone call and while they both think the other one is happy without them and that breaking up is the best thing, you can tell that they both still want each other.
The book chapters are labeled ‘happy place,’ ‘real life,’ ‘dark place,’ and ‘almost happy place,’ as we sometimes jump back in time to previous memories of Harriet and Wyn’s relationship in college and afterwards(happy place), the dark place being after the break up and real life being the present day celebration week.
I Just Want You to Be Happy
It is titled ‘Happy Place’ for a few reasons. The most overt reason is that this house is their happy place. The place they’ve bonded and shared so many memories as first a group of three but then with their loved ones. It’s an escape from ‘real life’ and a place of freedom and possibility.
The more subtle reason is because in a relationship the other person becomes your happy place, your home, your escape from real life.
In this book both of Harriet’s happy places are fading.
“Our house, this pocket universe where we always belong, no matter what else is happening, we’re safe and happy—that’s going away.”
Life isn’t what it used to be. Relationships have changed. Can she still be happy without her happy places?
Now this is where we finally started to see some depth in the book (unfortunately it was at the end) because now we’re looking at how these characters’ parents’ relationships influenced how they handled their own.
Sabrina’s parents became unhappy with each other and divorced. Her dad multiplied that a few times. Harriet’s parents stayed together but she could tell they were unhappy because they married because of pregnancy and missed out on what their lives could have been. Conflict was avoided but resentment lingered.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this concept of happiness when it comes to relationships and jobs and life in general.
(I’m about to go on a soap box about happiness and relationships in terms of this book because I don’t have much to say about sexual tension and there’s no other alternative; if this does not interest you, scroll past…)
The characters eventually realize that their happy place that week was a mirage because they were hiding all of their feelings and not talking about the hard stuff. To them happiness and sadness couldn’t co-exist.
“I was afraid of ruining this place where they’ve always been happy. I was afraid they would resent me and never say it, afraid they wouldn’t like me… They’d know I wasn’t enough.”
Harriet grew up thinking it was up to her to make everyone happy. She wanted to do what people expected of her, to make them happy, to make them proud of her and be who they wanted her to be instead of making her own choices about her life.
There is truth to this part of the whole topic. That is not a healthy way to live or to build relationships on because it’s not honest and it’s not one person’s job to sustain everyone else- that’s impossible.
We did get to see growth in Harriet’s recognition of this about herself which was good.
But there was also this underlying message of what it means to have happiness in a relationship that I’m not sure I agree with. It’s possible what I’m about to throw down is actually what Henry was getting at and I interpreted it wrong but I don’t know so here are some things…
Harriet looks at a picture of her parents with her baby sister from years ago and thinks they look tired and she can see their dreams dying in their eyes. They looked, “not miserable. Just like it’s not enough. Like he and mom both know there are other universes where they’re more, bigger, happier.”
When talking with Wyn about their break-up she says, “If we’re making each other unhappy, we can’t keep going. I need to know we’re never going to hurt each other like this.”
We can look at the abominably high divorce rate and know that this idea of ‘happiness’ has pervaded what people think is a good relationship. The cultural idea is: the pinnacle of life is to be happy. If you’re not happy you need to do something different, find someone new, move somewhere else, etc. If the other person doesn’t make you happy, end the relationship. Taking care of kids is exhausting and sucking you dry so go ahead and leave them.
But where is the commitment to that? No wonder Harriet never spoke up, she didn’t want Wyn to leave. But you can’t build a relationship that is dependent on the feeling of happiness. There would be no commitment, no trust, and no growth. It would be shallow and fear-driven because in reality, we don’t feel happy all the time.
Hard things happen. There is conflict. There is selfishness. But a relationship (a marriage or with the goal of marriage in mind) is for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health. It grows during those times, it doesn’t give up during those times.
Obviously there is space here, especially in dating relationships where if you know it’s not going to work, you end things before you get married. I’m not saying you should marry someone you’re not attracted to and don’t enjoy being with. And of course marriages often end because of abuse or infidelity.
But the idea behind finding your person is not that they make you happy all the time, although they may, but that they are the person you’re going to want to ‘make things work with’ when the feelings fade. You find the person you want to fight for when conflict arises.
The cultural idea of relationships lacks this commitment.
Harriet’s mom tells her: “I’m terrified for you that you’re going to wake up one day and realize you built your life around someone else and there’s no room for you.”
Perhaps I’m interpreting this wrong, but based on what we know of her mom’s past, I read this as a warning that if you get married and sacrifice your dreams, you will regret it and you won’t be the person you were supposed to be.
I think this because I hear and see it all the time. Follow your heart at all costs, it could never lead you astray. You deserve better. You deserve to chase every dream you have. Don’t let others hold you back from your potential. You will be less of a person.
But I don’t see very many messages about sacrificial love. That circumstances don’t dictate happiness. That happiness is not determined by achievements or dreams pursued, or lifestyle met.
Having a marriage. Having a family. Are those inconveniences that keep you from your dreams? Or are those WORTH giving other things up for? Worth sacrificing your dream because you can build new dreams. Worth adapting a dream for the betterment of the family because people are more important than dreams or achievements. Maybe if you really think about it- they ARE the dream. Having a person/s to experience life with, discover the world with.
If you think there’s no room for yourself in a marriage that is based on commitment and sacrifice then your concept of self needs to change. Our identity can’t be in the things we do, the places we go, the dreams we achieve or the things we have because those will inevitably be taken away and then what will you be?
My identity is Christ. Yes, I’m a wife. I’m a mom. I’m a reader. I’m a creative. If I lose any of those things, I will feel loss, but I won’t lose myself because my purpose and my worth is not dependent on them. My worth and purpose is in the unchanging love of Christ. Period. And that gives me freedom to let go of what I think will make me happiest and trust that what the Lord has for me is worth anything I lose, even when it feels impossible. Because I trust him and he is faithful.
And that’s why, to me, a ‘happy place’ is a place of trust, commitment, and faithfulness. That your people will love and stand by you even when they don’t feel like it because they have chosen you and are determined to sacrifice and grow with you. To be one. Where unhappiness doesn’t make you lean out, it makes you lean in. It makes you look at your selfishness and re-evaluate your priorities. It’s a mutual sacrificing, a joint decision to move this way or that. It says, ‘I can let go of this because you’re worth it.’ That sounds safe. That sounds like love.
And now we understand why marriage is a reflection of God’s love for his people. It’s a relationship of faithfulness, trust, and sacrificial love. And we tarnish that image when we view a relationship on a spectrum of happiness and drop it when we feel like it, because there might be something bigger or better.
In terms of jobs— I think Harriet gave a lot of good reasons to change her job. I don’t think we’re required to stay at a job that makes us miserable, and her change made sense in a lot of ways, though I'm not sure only doing pottery is the best move considering her skills.
But for some reason there is an idea that floats around that says you should be excited to go to work everyday. Just jumpin’ outta bed all bubbly to go do something you love. That’s cool if you found that, but if that’s what we’re telling people to go find, we’re setting them up for disappointment and a long resume of short job stints.
There is usually and probably always going to be an element of work that is unpleasant and monotonous. And sometimes we are able to find a new and better job— there is no problem in seeing what’s out there, but we also often have a responsibility to care for and provide for loved ones, and that might mean working a job that doesn’t give you warm fuzzies every morning.
That doesn’t mean you are stagnant and held back and destined to be unhappy. It means you get up every morning for work knowing that you are being faithful to your family and sacrificing for their good because you love them and you get to still come home to them every day and share life together.
I also think that there is this idea that ‘just wanting someone else to be happy’ is a noble thing to claim. Do whatever you want in your life, as long as you’re happy I’m happy. Happy wife happy life. We just want our kids to grow up and be happy.
But while it sounds lovely, we should have better aspirations for people. At least in terms of how the world defines happiness.
Don’t get me wrong. I love happiness. And God is a happy God. Look at all the good things, the fun things, the funny things that he has given us. Happiness is from the Lord.
As Alisa Childers explains in her book Live Your Truth (and Other Lies):
“Biblical happiness doesn’t come from having stuff, feeling good about our circumstances, or even finding romantic fulfillment. Those things feel good, but they can’t bring ultimate happiness. In some cases, they may even distract us from real happiness. True biblical happiness is knowing deep down that no matter our circumstances, we were lost and now we’re found. We have experienced the love of Christ, which always brings encouragement and comfort.”
Chasing cultural happiness sounds like an exhausting life. I hope my kids learn contentment, patience, trust, perseverance, and endurance. I hope above all, not that they’ve secured happiness by the world’s standards but that they’ve clung to the Lord and found that in all the ups and downs, they trust him and live in obedience to Him. Everything else will pass away.
Timothy Keller says, "While other world views lead us to sit in the midst of life's joys, foreseeing the coming sorrows, Christianity empowers its people to sit in the midst of this world's sorrows, tasting the coming joys."
Okay.
Thanks for tuning into tonight’s episode of Brittany’s Soap Box: Happiness Edition. I’ll just leave you with one last quote from Randy Alcorn who wrote an entire book on Happiness:
“If you believe in the God of the Bible, if you've placed your faith in Jesus Christ as your Redeemer, then the following things are true: The price for your happiness has been paid; The basis for your happiness is secure; The resources for your happiness are provided daily; The assurance of your eternal happiness is absolute, providing an objective reason for your happiness today.”
The Funnies
As usual, Henry has good wit and humor and I like her descriptions:
“‘Surprise.’ His gray eyes communicate something more akin to ‘Welcome to hell; I’ll be your host, the devil.’”
“I manage to say something that sounds sort of like ‘oh… good’ and sort of like someone with both stage fright and strep throat has taken a crack at public yodeling.”
And I think my favorite is the part where Harriet tells Wyn she wants to be a potter. He says “A happy potter’s better for this world than a miserable surgeon.” Which I don’t disagree with. But I read it as ‘Harry Potter’ and then I realized they called Harriet Harry and it was just too perfect! I don’t know if it was intentional, but it was excellent.
[Speaking of potters, if the first quote of my review (and pottery related analogies in general) resonate with you, you should read It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way by Lysa Terkeurst.]
Some Randos
I got tired of hearing about that singular lock of hair Wyn had always falling places and doing things. It was like it’s own character, but not sure if we saw any growth there.
I’m not sure if these characters had as much personality as her other books. Kimmy did (probably because she seemed like an Amy Schumer type), maybe Cleo because she was artsy, but the others seemed a little bleh to me. Although as I write that it feels like I’m saying only loud or abnormal people have personalities and that’s not fair. Maybe because those are easier to picture they seem to overshadow the others.
They actually give some good advice on fighting: “There doesn’t need to be a winner and a loser. You just have to care how the other person feels. You have to care more about them than you do about being right.” I’ve been married for almost 13 years and I wish I could say this didn’t just come up recently for me… if I wasn’t right so much it wouldn’t be so hard… ha.
[If you are interested in more information on how to fight better, check out Kim and Penn Holderness’s book Everybody Fights: Why Not Get Better at It?]
In her acknowledgements Henry mentions Brittany Cavallaro, another author. I’ve had her book, A Study in Charlotte, on my TBR so that’s fun that they’re friends!
Recommendation
If you haven’t read Emily Henry before, I don’t think I would start with this one. I think her other books are better.
If you’re already a fan of hers, you'll probably like it.
It wasn’t her strongest book but the ending helped and I do like her writing style. She has a new book coming out this year in April (Funny Story) which I think I will plan to read.
We all have different thresholds for swearing and sexual content, so just be aware of what I listed below to make a decision whether or not this book is a good fit for you.
[Content Advisory: lots of f- and s-words; sexual tension throughout with graphic scenes primarily taking place in Chapter 29 and the end of Chapter 32 if you wish to skip them; two main characters are lesbians; there’s some space dedicated to getting high]
Content Warnings
Graphic: Cursing and Sexual content
Moderate: Drug use
immovabletype's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
I laughed, I cried, I swooned; I did all three at the same time and ended up choking on my own spit. Emily Henry is my happy place.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcohol, Mental illness, Cursing, Drug use, Death of parent, Grief, and Sexual content
Moderate: Pregnancy
Minor: Medical content, Vomit, Chronic illness, and Infidelity