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4.05 AVERAGE
4.05 AVERAGE
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
reflective
medium-paced
Quiet explores research about introversion and extroversion, the biological aspects, and the ways in which people can work with - rather than against - their own social preferences. I also appreciated how Cain also looked beyond just a Western culture lens, where extroversion is often treated as the gold standard.
I found a lot of this book highly relatable in the ways that I navigate the world as an extreme introvert, with some insights around why/how I'm able to present as an extrovert in some situations (e.g., co-workers are often surprised when I describe myself as an introvert).
The book offered additional insights that I found helpful - for me, it's always been a pain point when I'm asked to present on a topic - even one that I know incredibly well, as I'm not good at speaking on the fly, but I also hate feeling like I'm reading from a script when I'm presenting something. Recognizing that this may be less a "shortcoming" of mine, and may be more a reflection of my communication style overall helps me look at this barrier and how to improve on this in a very different way.
One thing that I wished had been included on this was a section that I felt was overlooked towards the end when speaking about parent/child personality match/mis-match. Cain discusses extroverted parents/introverted child and introverted parent/introverted child, but fails to look at the dynamic of an introverted parent/extroverted child.
I found a lot of this book highly relatable in the ways that I navigate the world as an extreme introvert, with some insights around why/how I'm able to present as an extrovert in some situations (e.g., co-workers are often surprised when I describe myself as an introvert).
The book offered additional insights that I found helpful - for me, it's always been a pain point when I'm asked to present on a topic - even one that I know incredibly well, as I'm not good at speaking on the fly, but I also hate feeling like I'm reading from a script when I'm presenting something. Recognizing that this may be less a "shortcoming" of mine, and may be more a reflection of my communication style overall helps me look at this barrier and how to improve on this in a very different way.
One thing that I wished had been included on this was a section that I felt was overlooked towards the end when speaking about parent/child personality match/mis-match. Cain discusses extroverted parents/introverted child and introverted parent/introverted child, but fails to look at the dynamic of an introverted parent/extroverted child.
I feel like I learned a lot about myself and I'm going to take steps towards accepting myself as I am. It's also helpful towards choosing a correct profession.
I could not love this book more. I might start carrying it around with me everywhere I go. And giving it to everyone I know as a gift.
Pretty much everyone could benefit from reading this book. Because even if you're not an introvert, you're married to one, or you work with one, or you have a good friend or a child who's one.
What I liked most about it was the discussion about how our culture has elevated and privileged extroversion over introversion to the point that we don't even really think about it anymore. We were convinced early on that extroversion was preferable, and at this point, every institution in our culture--from workplaces to churches to schools--is geared toward extroverts. The historical context for how this happened was really interesting.
Some might feel that Cain goes too far in elevating introversion, although I don't think that's her goal. For introverts who have felt that they just don't fit in or that there's something wrong with them, this book is very encouraging. I know that I have begun to see things differently since reading it.
What I liked most about it was the discussion about how our culture has elevated and privileged extroversion over introversion to the point that we don't even really think about it anymore. We were convinced early on that extroversion was preferable, and at this point, every institution in our culture--from workplaces to churches to schools--is geared toward extroverts. The historical context for how this happened was really interesting.
Some might feel that Cain goes too far in elevating introversion, although I don't think that's her goal. For introverts who have felt that they just don't fit in or that there's something wrong with them, this book is very encouraging. I know that I have begun to see things differently since reading it.
Fantastic book. Every educator should read this book. I feel like I understand so much more about myself after reading this.
Neen, er is op zich niets baanbrekends in dit boek te lezen, maar toch ben ik oprecht blij dat ik dit gelezen heb, en besef ik dat ik dit al vele jaren eerder had moeten doen toen ik dit boek op mijn to-read-lijst zwierde. In het begin is het boek erg Amerikaans gericht, maar gelukkig zwakt dit na de eerste hoofdstukken wat af.
Hoewel het geen kwaad kan dat een extravert dit boek leest (zeker als hij/zij een relatie heeft met een introvert of er leiding aan geeft) - maar goed, de wereld is op hen afgestemd, dus van mij moeten ze daar niet mee lastiggevallen worden -, denk ik dat dit boek vooral erg waardevol is voor de introverten onder ons. En daar ben ik er zelf ook een van, zoals het checklijstje in het begin van het boek maar al te goed demonstreerde.
Ik kan niet uitdrukken hoe belangrijk het was voor me om te lezen dat ik niet abnormaal of asociaal ben, dat hoe ik me in bepaalde situaties voel en hoe ik me regelmatig "tegen mijn natuur in" moet gedragen zelfs voorkomt bij 30 à 50% van de bevolking. Maar vooral, dat er ook waarde hangt aan mijn introverte kenmerken, en dat ik me bewust moet zijn van die sterktes in de plaats van me zorgen te maken over mijn zwaktes.
Oh ja, hoeveel gemakkelijker is het leven als een extravert! Die presentaties voor grote groepen, waar je quasi geen problemen mee hebt, die vlotheid om aan smalltalk te doen en (nog erger) networking! Het deed me vooral deugd om te lezen dat veel mensen sukkelen met dezelfde drempels als ik, en vooral, dat er manieren bestaan om die af en toe te overwinnen, als je maar passioneel en overtuigd in je schoenen staat.
Enkele jaren terug mountainbikete mijn man elke zondag met een groep kennissen in onze gemeente. Eén van die kennissen nam ook de trein, deel uitmakend van een gans "treingroepje". Aangezien ik hem niet echt kende, knikte ik altijd eens, waarna ik elders op de trein mijn boek ging zitten lezen. Blijkbaar hadden mijn man en hij het eens over me gehad, waarop mijn man me vroeg waarom ik nooit contact legde. Toen ik antwoordde dat ik graag mijn boeken las, zei mijn man "Jij kiest, maar wat is het belangrijkst, sociaal contact of boeken?"
Ik was diep beschaamd, en ik gaf toe dat sociaal contact belangrijker was. En dus heb ik nadien wél contact gelegd, en zo veel mensen leren kennen. Daartussen zitten een paar mensen die ik oprecht graag heb/had, maar eerlijk: was ik uiteindelijk gelukkiger? Ik kan daar geen antwoord op geven, want tegelijkertijd miste ik toch echt ook mijn kostbare leestijd.
Had ik dit boek toen al gelezen, had ik misschien wel anders gereageerd. Dan had ik me op zijn minst niet moeten schamen over mijn keuze om liever een boek te lezen dan me in een grote groep mensen te smijten. Dan was ik wat milder voor mezelf geweest, en na het lezen van dit boek, zal ik dat ook daadwerkelijk meer proberen te doen in de toekomst.
(Kleine noot over mijn man: ik denk dat hij zelf ook eerder introvert is, maar hij is vooral geen lezer, haha)
Hoewel het geen kwaad kan dat een extravert dit boek leest (zeker als hij/zij een relatie heeft met een introvert of er leiding aan geeft) - maar goed, de wereld is op hen afgestemd, dus van mij moeten ze daar niet mee lastiggevallen worden -, denk ik dat dit boek vooral erg waardevol is voor de introverten onder ons. En daar ben ik er zelf ook een van, zoals het checklijstje in het begin van het boek maar al te goed demonstreerde.
Ik kan niet uitdrukken hoe belangrijk het was voor me om te lezen dat ik niet abnormaal of asociaal ben, dat hoe ik me in bepaalde situaties voel en hoe ik me regelmatig "tegen mijn natuur in" moet gedragen zelfs voorkomt bij 30 à 50% van de bevolking. Maar vooral, dat er ook waarde hangt aan mijn introverte kenmerken, en dat ik me bewust moet zijn van die sterktes in de plaats van me zorgen te maken over mijn zwaktes.
Oh ja, hoeveel gemakkelijker is het leven als een extravert! Die presentaties voor grote groepen, waar je quasi geen problemen mee hebt, die vlotheid om aan smalltalk te doen en (nog erger) networking! Het deed me vooral deugd om te lezen dat veel mensen sukkelen met dezelfde drempels als ik, en vooral, dat er manieren bestaan om die af en toe te overwinnen, als je maar passioneel en overtuigd in je schoenen staat.
Enkele jaren terug mountainbikete mijn man elke zondag met een groep kennissen in onze gemeente. Eén van die kennissen nam ook de trein, deel uitmakend van een gans "treingroepje". Aangezien ik hem niet echt kende, knikte ik altijd eens, waarna ik elders op de trein mijn boek ging zitten lezen. Blijkbaar hadden mijn man en hij het eens over me gehad, waarop mijn man me vroeg waarom ik nooit contact legde. Toen ik antwoordde dat ik graag mijn boeken las, zei mijn man "Jij kiest, maar wat is het belangrijkst, sociaal contact of boeken?"
Ik was diep beschaamd, en ik gaf toe dat sociaal contact belangrijker was. En dus heb ik nadien wél contact gelegd, en zo veel mensen leren kennen. Daartussen zitten een paar mensen die ik oprecht graag heb/had, maar eerlijk: was ik uiteindelijk gelukkiger? Ik kan daar geen antwoord op geven, want tegelijkertijd miste ik toch echt ook mijn kostbare leestijd.
Had ik dit boek toen al gelezen, had ik misschien wel anders gereageerd. Dan had ik me op zijn minst niet moeten schamen over mijn keuze om liever een boek te lezen dan me in een grote groep mensen te smijten. Dan was ik wat milder voor mezelf geweest, en na het lezen van dit boek, zal ik dat ook daadwerkelijk meer proberen te doen in de toekomst.
(Kleine noot over mijn man: ik denk dat hij zelf ook eerder introvert is, maar hij is vooral geen lezer, haha)
Originally posted on my book blog.
A lot of people seem to assume that introversion is a synonym for shyness and extroversion for sociability, which is an oversimplification. It's more about how sensitive someone is to being overstimulated by their environment. Introverts are easily overstimulated, by socializing and noise and light, and extroverts are less sensitive to that. As a result, introverts tend to withdraw from that stimulation. Extroverts, on the other hand, can easily become bored without it.
Someone can be introverted and still enjoy speaking publicly or having a night out, but they may find a high level of social interaction will eventually leave them drained of energy. They may do fine in large groups but prefer to be alone or spend time with one or two close friends. They may want to talk for hours on topics that interest them but cower in fear at the thought of small talk.
Most people fall somewhere between the two extremes. I consider myself to be quite introverted. I can have a great night out, but I am not leaving my condo the next night and you can't make me. When I am out with friends I tend to always have a blast, but I have to admit I'm much more a fan of a quiet night in. When I was younger, I was constantly out and would feel terrible guilt if I declined an invitation without having a valid excuse, like I was doing something wrong. That's silly, obviously, but we do live in a society that tends to value extroversion and look down on introversion, and it's easy to let that sink into your psyche.
You would never write that you work better alone than in groups on a job application. If a child is shy at school or doesn't thrive in groups, it's not that the method of teaching isn't conductive to their personality, it's that there's something wrong with them and they need to 'come out of their shell'. Harvard Business School, a school that produces U.S. presidents and Fortune 500 CEOs, prizes sociability and confidence over academic achievements when accepting students, and gives advice such as "Speak with conviction. Even if you believe something only 55 percent, say it as if you believe it 100 percent". In those classrooms, the most important lesson is to participate in class discussions, even if your contribution is incorrect or adds nothing of value.
Extroversion is often synonymous with strong leadership and success, but Cain reminds us, through examples, that introverts can and do make great leaders, that their passion and focus often makes them natural leaders when they find themselves in that position.
Workplaces are becoming much more team-focused as well, tossing offices or even cubicles aside for open-floor plans. Sticking groups of people in a room together to brainstorm on a whiteboard instead of allowing them to work on their own ideas is a very common practice, even though research has shown at many points that this isn't necessarily the more productive approach. In a study Cain quotes, employees of a company were placed into random groups and asked to brainstorm ideas. They also asked the same number of people to brainstorm alone. In 23 out of 24 cases, the ideas people came up individually were more numerous and of a higher quality.
It's not that these approaches are wrong. The problem is that we treat everyone the same - either you're extroverted or you need to fake it - rather than acknowledging that different conditions suite different people. Cain provides recommendations for how to get the most of introverted employees, how to support your introverted child as they go through school, and how to deal with relationships between introverts and extroverts. My girlfriend really gets it, despite being fairly extroverted herself, so I thankfully don't have to deal with the pitfalls Cain describes in the book.
If nothing else, this book is a big ego boost for introverts, which is nice for a group that maybe grew up feeling a bit weird. John Cleese recommended it in a couple of interviews I listened to, so I eventually broke down and read it. Recommended for both introverts and those wanting to understand them, although she is such a cheerleader for introversion that extroverts may start to feel a bit picked on by the end.
A lot of people seem to assume that introversion is a synonym for shyness and extroversion for sociability, which is an oversimplification. It's more about how sensitive someone is to being overstimulated by their environment. Introverts are easily overstimulated, by socializing and noise and light, and extroverts are less sensitive to that. As a result, introverts tend to withdraw from that stimulation. Extroverts, on the other hand, can easily become bored without it.
Someone can be introverted and still enjoy speaking publicly or having a night out, but they may find a high level of social interaction will eventually leave them drained of energy. They may do fine in large groups but prefer to be alone or spend time with one or two close friends. They may want to talk for hours on topics that interest them but cower in fear at the thought of small talk.
Don't think of introversion as something that needs to be cured.
Most people fall somewhere between the two extremes. I consider myself to be quite introverted. I can have a great night out, but I am not leaving my condo the next night and you can't make me. When I am out with friends I tend to always have a blast, but I have to admit I'm much more a fan of a quiet night in. When I was younger, I was constantly out and would feel terrible guilt if I declined an invitation without having a valid excuse, like I was doing something wrong. That's silly, obviously, but we do live in a society that tends to value extroversion and look down on introversion, and it's easy to let that sink into your psyche.
You would never write that you work better alone than in groups on a job application. If a child is shy at school or doesn't thrive in groups, it's not that the method of teaching isn't conductive to their personality, it's that there's something wrong with them and they need to 'come out of their shell'. Harvard Business School, a school that produces U.S. presidents and Fortune 500 CEOs, prizes sociability and confidence over academic achievements when accepting students, and gives advice such as "Speak with conviction. Even if you believe something only 55 percent, say it as if you believe it 100 percent". In those classrooms, the most important lesson is to participate in class discussions, even if your contribution is incorrect or adds nothing of value.
Extroversion is often synonymous with strong leadership and success, but Cain reminds us, through examples, that introverts can and do make great leaders, that their passion and focus often makes them natural leaders when they find themselves in that position.
There's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.
Workplaces are becoming much more team-focused as well, tossing offices or even cubicles aside for open-floor plans. Sticking groups of people in a room together to brainstorm on a whiteboard instead of allowing them to work on their own ideas is a very common practice, even though research has shown at many points that this isn't necessarily the more productive approach. In a study Cain quotes, employees of a company were placed into random groups and asked to brainstorm ideas. They also asked the same number of people to brainstorm alone. In 23 out of 24 cases, the ideas people came up individually were more numerous and of a higher quality.
It's not that these approaches are wrong. The problem is that we treat everyone the same - either you're extroverted or you need to fake it - rather than acknowledging that different conditions suite different people. Cain provides recommendations for how to get the most of introverted employees, how to support your introverted child as they go through school, and how to deal with relationships between introverts and extroverts. My girlfriend really gets it, despite being fairly extroverted herself, so I thankfully don't have to deal with the pitfalls Cain describes in the book.
Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you're supposed to.
If nothing else, this book is a big ego boost for introverts, which is nice for a group that maybe grew up feeling a bit weird. John Cleese recommended it in a couple of interviews I listened to, so I eventually broke down and read it. Recommended for both introverts and those wanting to understand them, although she is such a cheerleader for introversion that extroverts may start to feel a bit picked on by the end.
I'll have to over look Cain's overuse of the phrase "at first blush" or her constant need to mention in exactly how many chapters we will discuss some other topic or another because she makes up for it with such athought provoking topic.
The idea I loved most about the book was the reclaiming of the work introvert; as an adjetive it tends to have a negative connotation when it doesn't need to. I also enjoyed the comments on parenting and education for introverts.
I can hardly go without mentioning the reaction I got from people when I mentioned that I was reading this book. A surprising number of friends mentioned that they had enjoyed it (surprising in that I wouldn't have guessed it was something they would read) I was also forced into may unwelcome conversations with strangers on planes and in coffee shops about how much they loved the book, and oh did they mention that they were introverts and this book taught them so much about themselves? All I'm saying is that it's little ironic that I was forced into so much small talk based on a book about how I probably don't like small talk and just want my alone time to read.
So overarching theme: awesome new ideas to ponder but I'm not so much a fan of the writing style.
The idea I loved most about the book was the reclaiming of the work introvert; as an adjetive it tends to have a negative connotation when it doesn't need to. I also enjoyed the comments on parenting and education for introverts.
I can hardly go without mentioning the reaction I got from people when I mentioned that I was reading this book. A surprising number of friends mentioned that they had enjoyed it (surprising in that I wouldn't have guessed it was something they would read) I was also forced into may unwelcome conversations with strangers on planes and in coffee shops about how much they loved the book, and oh did they mention that they were introverts and this book taught them so much about themselves? All I'm saying is that it's little ironic that I was forced into so much small talk based on a book about how I probably don't like small talk and just want my alone time to read.
So overarching theme: awesome new ideas to ponder but I'm not so much a fan of the writing style.
