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erinjp123's review against another edition
3.0
More like a 3.5. A very readable memoir about navigating life with some really interesting perspectives thrown in.
tmvallehoag's review against another edition
2.0
This book sold itself as a series of comedic essays about existing in predominantly white spaces as a Black person, which isn't incorrect, but slightly misleading.
The way this is misleading is that it's really Ben Phillipe's memoirs, and they also aren't that funny. Perhaps Philippe's humor isn't my cup of tea, but he relied very heavily on breaking from the narrative and directly addressing the reader to slip his jokes into an otherwise relatively sober memoir. I find that lazy, and a poor method of disguising the fact that Phillipe is, by his own admission in this book, kind of an asshole.
That being said, his prose is engaging enough and his reflections on race relations thoughtful enough that I finished the book quickly. It's not that it's a bad book, it just disappointed me.
Having read some of the one-star reviews, I'd like to make clear: Ben Phillipe is not an asshole because he "hates white people" (he doesn't) or "incites violence" (get over yourself). He is an asshole because these memoirs are about how he systematically alienated every relative and friend in his life, be they black or white, while simultaneously having to navigate being a Black man in white-dominated spaces. Turns out racism is hard on assholes too. The fanciest prose from the best writing institutions in the world can't cover up the adultery, apathy, and general misanthropy endemic to Phillipe's life. I'm happy for him that he is comfortable enough in his skin to out himself like this, but it would have killed his memoirs if he wasn't so good at describing just how bad it made him feel to ruin a marriage via a craigslist hookup.
In closing, I find the title of this book ironic considering that anyone who reads it wouldn’t want to be Phillipe’s friend regardless of his race.
The way this is misleading is that it's really Ben Phillipe's memoirs, and they also aren't that funny. Perhaps Philippe's humor isn't my cup of tea, but he relied very heavily on breaking from the narrative and directly addressing the reader to slip his jokes into an otherwise relatively sober memoir. I find that lazy, and a poor method of disguising the fact that Phillipe is, by his own admission in this book, kind of an asshole.
That being said, his prose is engaging enough and his reflections on race relations thoughtful enough that I finished the book quickly. It's not that it's a bad book, it just disappointed me.
Having read some of the one-star reviews, I'd like to make clear: Ben Phillipe is not an asshole because he "hates white people" (he doesn't) or "incites violence" (get over yourself). He is an asshole because these memoirs are about how he systematically alienated every relative and friend in his life, be they black or white, while simultaneously having to navigate being a Black man in white-dominated spaces. Turns out racism is hard on assholes too. The fanciest prose from the best writing institutions in the world can't cover up the adultery, apathy, and general misanthropy endemic to Phillipe's life. I'm happy for him that he is comfortable enough in his skin to out himself like this, but it would have killed his memoirs if he wasn't so good at describing just how bad it made him feel to ruin a marriage via a craigslist hookup.
In closing, I find the title of this book ironic considering that anyone who reads it wouldn’t want to be Phillipe’s friend regardless of his race.
kim_j_dare's review against another edition
5.0
Disclaimer: I was already a huge fan of Ben Philippe’s YA novels before starting this book.
Now, I’m an even bigger fan— of Ben the writer and Ben the person. His memoir in essays was originally intended to describe the “quirks and maybe light trauma of having been the Black friend in white spaces all my life.” And there is a good amount of that... he recounts his childhood and college experiences with humor, but also with honesty and vulnerability. He calls out the microaggressions he experienced, and sprinkles further reading suggestions throughout— since, as he puts it, “there will be no expertise here. That is Ta-Nehisi Coates’s lane.”
But his goal is not to entertain or to make white readers comfortable. While he was writing this book, spring and summer 2020 happened— Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd. And the final chapters of the book are very much about his anger and his exhaustion and his frustration with “this important summer that I fear we won’t remember next year.” He talks at length about the privileges he’s had, the choices he’s made, and how he realizes he is seen as “one of the good ones.” And the two-pronged frustration this instills: first, that there is a measuring stick of white approval; and second, that he could still very easily become a statistic.
Several months ago, I reviewed Frederick Joseph’s The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person. It garnered some starred reviews. There were things I thought Joseph did well, but his patronizing tone really put me off. I didn’t get the impression Joseph had friendly feelings for his readers. That’s not the case with Ben’s book. Ben’s friendship is the one I’d fight a lot harder for.
The audience is general adult. The conversational tone will appeal to teens, but the book does include a somewhat explicit (though not gratuitous) sex scene.
Thanks to Harper Perennial and NetGalley for the electronic arc.
Now, I’m an even bigger fan— of Ben the writer and Ben the person. His memoir in essays was originally intended to describe the “quirks and maybe light trauma of having been the Black friend in white spaces all my life.” And there is a good amount of that... he recounts his childhood and college experiences with humor, but also with honesty and vulnerability. He calls out the microaggressions he experienced, and sprinkles further reading suggestions throughout— since, as he puts it, “there will be no expertise here. That is Ta-Nehisi Coates’s lane.”
But his goal is not to entertain or to make white readers comfortable. While he was writing this book, spring and summer 2020 happened— Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd. And the final chapters of the book are very much about his anger and his exhaustion and his frustration with “this important summer that I fear we won’t remember next year.” He talks at length about the privileges he’s had, the choices he’s made, and how he realizes he is seen as “one of the good ones.” And the two-pronged frustration this instills: first, that there is a measuring stick of white approval; and second, that he could still very easily become a statistic.
Several months ago, I reviewed Frederick Joseph’s The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person. It garnered some starred reviews. There were things I thought Joseph did well, but his patronizing tone really put me off. I didn’t get the impression Joseph had friendly feelings for his readers. That’s not the case with Ben’s book. Ben’s friendship is the one I’d fight a lot harder for.
The audience is general adult. The conversational tone will appeal to teens, but the book does include a somewhat explicit (though not gratuitous) sex scene.
Thanks to Harper Perennial and NetGalley for the electronic arc.
daumari's review against another edition
4.0
More of a memoir than I was expecting (though perhaps I shouldn't be surprised), about Ben Philippe's life navigating predominantly white spaces from a childhood in Canada to MFA programs in Texas. Funny and insightful.
jephapha's review against another edition
4.0
This was great. Philippe has a way with words. Sometimes, that way can be overly verbose. Or outrageous and colorful. Or raw and insightful. And it's all good. I think Ben is a very real person, who is by no means perfect but is real and open and I appreciated this book.
s_smiadak's review against another edition
5.0
His insights are not necessarily new but delivered in a concise, witty (at times snarky) manner that had me chuckling through the whole book. This may not be the book for those needing a gentle guiding hand introducing them to racism/privilege or for those who harbor a lot of white guilt though.
cassiesnextchapter's review against another edition
4.0
I really enjoyed this book - go pre-order your copy! {Thanks to Harper Perennial for the gifted copy of this book.}
This book of essays centers on loneliness through one man’s journey from Haiti to the US - of always feeling on the outside of people and events, just trying to find the right balance and sense of belonging and purpose. The serious and impassioned sections are tempered with some well-placed snark and humor, often aimed at himself. There are also some really funny tidbits sprinkled throughout (why DID they gender and sexualize the green M&M? And did you know that a group of entitled white ladies is called a “Privilege of Karens”? ha!). Equal parts funny and insightful, impassioned and reflective, this memoir was a joy to read.⠀
⠀
If you enjoyed Born a Crime, You’ll Never Believe What Happened To Lacey, and What Doesn’t Kill You Makes you Blacker, then Sure, I'll Be Your Black Friend is for you.
Haven’t read any of those? Then there’s a great list of books to read.
This book of essays centers on loneliness through one man’s journey from Haiti to the US - of always feeling on the outside of people and events, just trying to find the right balance and sense of belonging and purpose. The serious and impassioned sections are tempered with some well-placed snark and humor, often aimed at himself. There are also some really funny tidbits sprinkled throughout (why DID they gender and sexualize the green M&M? And did you know that a group of entitled white ladies is called a “Privilege of Karens”? ha!). Equal parts funny and insightful, impassioned and reflective, this memoir was a joy to read.⠀
⠀
If you enjoyed Born a Crime, You’ll Never Believe What Happened To Lacey, and What Doesn’t Kill You Makes you Blacker, then Sure, I'll Be Your Black Friend is for you.
Haven’t read any of those? Then there’s a great list of books to read.
jwinchell's review against another edition
4.0
I got a little lost reading this work of nonfiction that is mostly a memoir. I got lost mostly because of my own life things, which rarely happens, so I feel like my experience with this book is a two-parter and I can’t remember the first part because of the trauma that is sometimes my life. But today I laid down and decided to finish this and I’m so glad I did. I am a huge fan of The Fieldguide to the North American Teenager and love that Philippe won a Morris Award for it, so of course I was going to read this pithy set of incisive essays about Blackness and his experiences as a Haitian-born Canadian writer living in NYC. Weird funny and smart as hell.
smalltownbookmom's review against another edition
5.0
This book is EXCELLENT! Part memoir, part searing social commentary on race relations in America -all told with a humor that packs a serious emotional punch. Ben was born in Haiti, moved to Canada at a young age and grew up in Montreal, then went to Columbia and now lives and writes in NYC. We like to claim him as Canadian but he has very much been a witness to what life is like in America, especially for a dark-skinned Black man. While a LOT of this book is funny pop culture references (he mentions Gossip Girl and Gilmore girls SOOOOO many times lol), as a fellow born in the 80s child, I connected with a lot of the same things. However, he is also justifiably angry at the state of Black lives in America and minces no words in these essays. HIGHLY recommend, especially for fans of Samantha Irby, Emmanuel Acho or R Eric Thomas.
Favorite quotes (there were so many):
"I'm Black, dark skinned-Black if you want to go there, you should SEE that. In America, a race-blind world simply amounts to a white world in which the rest of us are quiet with pursed lips not making a fuss."
"My Blackness was not fake in my mind, but secondary, an aside to the equation, I didn't quite know what to do with it...it was easily disregarded by friends who did not necessarily have the highest regard for cultural Blackness."
"Being a Black boy in Canada had not prepared me for the task of being a Black man in America. It's a boss level I don't have the right weapons for...People don't want to think of themselves as actively unfriending a Black guy for being too angry about the world. I don't want to be alone again, so my politics make way for a polite and functioning sort of social hypocrisy."
"Being Black in America, like most things today, means angry."
Favorite quotes (there were so many):
"I'm Black, dark skinned-Black if you want to go there, you should SEE that. In America, a race-blind world simply amounts to a white world in which the rest of us are quiet with pursed lips not making a fuss."
"My Blackness was not fake in my mind, but secondary, an aside to the equation, I didn't quite know what to do with it...it was easily disregarded by friends who did not necessarily have the highest regard for cultural Blackness."
"Being a Black boy in Canada had not prepared me for the task of being a Black man in America. It's a boss level I don't have the right weapons for...People don't want to think of themselves as actively unfriending a Black guy for being too angry about the world. I don't want to be alone again, so my politics make way for a polite and functioning sort of social hypocrisy."
"Being Black in America, like most things today, means angry."