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roksyreads's review
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
3.5
Graphic: Sexual content
Minor: Sexual violence, Gun violence, Sexual assault, Death, and Sexism
emmettdakool's review
3.0
Graphic: Sexual content, Stalking, Murder, and Gun violence
lizardgod's review
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
All jokes aside, what did I read? I can't even rate this because for how bad the plot and characters (and to some degree the writing) are, I can't tell if that was intentional or not. I went into this as a comedy and left it very bewildered, but laughing. Congrats to the author for writing such a cursed book, that it inevitably became a comedic masterpiece.
Graphic: Stalking, Cursing, Gun violence, Death, Sexual content, Sexual harassment, Blood, Violence, and Murder
Moderate: Alcohol, Sexism, Body horror, and Injury/Injury detail
cheeserue's review
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
3.0
that was a wild ride. at no point did I know what was coming next. don't pay attention to the fact that I read this. it's a private affair
Moderate: Gun violence
Minor: Murder and Sexual violence
hannahslit's review
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
4.0
The story is narrated by The Door, so we see everything from his point of view, which is so unique and works really well I think. It also means we don’t know much about Tana other than the things Drys (aka The Door) sees; her love of detective shows, the ice cream she eats to make herself feel better during her depressive episodes, the way she uses her “shivering blue stick” (I really love this joke) to give herself pleasure.
Weirdly, though I was curious to know things like Tana’s job, why she had moved to the apartment, her friends and family etc, I found myself accepting the mystery of her, perhaps because Drys, the narrator, had so willingly done the same. The short length of the book also made me more understanding to the author not needing to delve as deep as you may be required with a full length.
The danger to life element/threat of a murderous landlord gave the story a much needed edge and was a good plot driver, though at times I felt the landlords portrayal to be cartoonishly evil.
(SPOILER)
I thought adding the gods element to explain Drys being sentient was smart (also enjoyed Zeus’ cameo lmao), along with communicating with Tana through her dreams. I’m also realising whilst writing this review that Tana hinted at being more ‘kinky’ than she first thought by even agreeing to have sex with her front door, and this is later seen in her taking the lead sexually.
I kind of wanted to know what they looked like a bit more for my own personal visuals. I felt like it was hinted at (Drys saying Tana’s skin was closer to the original colour of his oak, if oak is a brown shade does this mean she’s Black or Mixed or simply has a tan?) but not explored. Maybe Drys could’ve had a scene where he looked in the mirror so that the readers could see a visual of him as a human too.
The way Valentine tied Drys need to protect and serve Tana into Tana awakening a sub kink in him was genius and I loved that. Tana being a dom was unexpected but appreciated! The sex between them was hot and I believed their chemistry. There were a few editing issues (e.g. when tenses would slip and Drys, who was our acting narrator would accidentally refer to himself in the third person) but otherwise this was a really original, sexy novelette and I REALLY enjoyed it.
P.S. I thought it was quite a cool touch that Drys turns into a door every full moon and only Tana’s “magic pussy” can bring him back to life. It’s an homage to myths and fairytales which fits with Drys’ existence.
Moderate: Gun violence, Murder, Death, and Stalking
vreyna20_2004's review
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? N/A
1.0
Graphic: Sexual content, Gun violence, and Stalking
Moderate: Murder and Death
Minor: Alcohol
gaymoonreader's review
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
3.0
Graphic: Sexual content
Moderate: Stalking and Gun violence
Minor: Alcohol and Murder
alixsbooktherapy's review
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
5.0
This book had me asking myself what the fuck I was reading and questioning myself so much especially when I got aroused
This is one of those odd smuts I recommend
The love tana and drys had was absolutely so cute even if he was previously her door
The aftercare was top tier and I've never seen books really go that detailed into it.
This book was sexy and wholesome at the same time the spice level was 🌶🌶🌶🌶🌶 I was so shocked I didn't think I'd like it
Shoutout to vera Valentine for making me even kinkier🤣 definitely can't wait to read more fucked up smut by her/others (give me recs😅)
I cried when Drys got shot by tanas creepy neighbor Randall.
My heart hurt so bad like what the actual fuck
Now to share some quotes
“That was a handjob, Drys, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a man completely reboot his hard drive over it like that. You okay, baby? I worried I’d broken you for a second there.”
Her light teasing made my cock throb pleasantly. She stroked me again, firmly enough that my hips kicked again and I moaned out loud, nodding frantically.
“I’m going to tell you a secret, Drys. I have a weakness for big, strong men who do as they’re told. Good boys who enjoy working for my praise. It makes me feel safe and protected. Do you know anyone like that?” (he got so nervous when she said this)
What do you want me to call you Tana asked Yours, I thought, before the question really sunk in. Right, a name. Humans had those. I didn’t.
“The look on your face when I told you what a good door you were for me.”
She was the most beautiful human I’d ever seen, and if I’d been in love with her before, I was entirely smitten now.
“Drys, I don’t know if you can hear me. I’m not even sure you weren’t a fever dream, but I can’t let you go. I made them bring you back to me after their investigation, after Randall was charged for the death of that poor girl.”
“My Beautiful Tana, how I’ve missed you. I’d die for you a thousand times to live this moment.”
Graphic: Torture, Injury/Injury detail, Alcoholism, Alcohol, Murder, Stalking, Physical abuse, Mental illness, Sexual content, Violence, Blood, Gore, Gun violence, Drug use, Sexual harassment, Death, and Body horror
leximoonbeam's review
3.5
Rating 3.5 stars - weird, but didn't take itself too seriously and was kind of funny
Would I recommend this book: on sheer weirdness alone, but the themes themselves are not particularly special
Overall: do you like weird books? Do you want a short read? Are you looking for a different kind of paranormal/fantasy boyfriend and don't want to take it too seriously? This is the book for you. I spent a lot of time wide eyed reading and laughing, but the door magic aside it's not particularly innovative in terms of trope - just enough new/weird with comfortable themes you already know. It's like the princess and the frog, but if the frog was a door.
Graphic: Sexual content, Gun violence, Stalking, and Violence
I read it so you don't have to. Now what the fuck did I just read:howboutjane's review
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
5.0
Graphic: Sexual content
Moderate: Stalking
Minor: Murder, Kidnapping, and Gun violence