Reviews with content warning for Toxic relationship - Meine dunkle Vanessa

Dark, complex look into a woman's obsession and infatuation with the relationship she had with her teacher that began when she was a student. Her self-reflection is spurred by the public allegations made against the same teacher 17 years later by a different student.

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stellab247's review against another edition

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It was too hard to continue to read, I did not relate to any of the characters, and did not like the psychology behind the story.
I get it's a dark one and with a lot of trigger warnings but it was hard for me to read about a MFC that is in such denial about an abuse she went through and did not want to help herself. I don't judge her or anyone else in her place in real life but I felt like there is not enough for a story line to make want to continue reading this.

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lil_owl_reads's review against another edition

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challenging dark sad fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

“It’s funny to think how wrong Mom was about all that. Because there’s another option for those brave enough to take it: bypass boys altogether, go straight to men. Men who will never make you wait; men who are starved and grateful for scraps of attention, who fall in love so hard they throw themselves at your feet.”

This book is like acid. It cuts so deep and burns so hard that there are points where it’s hard to keep reading without throwing the book across a room or screaming at the top of your lungs. And yet it’s the most complex portrayal of abuse, consent, gaslighting, victimization, confession, and acceptance I’ve ever read. Vanessa is not the perfect victim, but the more important question should be why is that our goal? Perfection is not attainable; why should we demand that from those abused?

“With the sun on my face and a dog at my side, I have so much capacity for good.”

*Note: heavy on the trigger warnings. make sure you’re familiar before starting this.

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allidone's review against another edition

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slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

I've seen a lot of places have this listed as a "dark romance" and that is definitely NOT what this is. It's not romantic. It's heartwrenching and sickening and devastating. There is no actual love in these pages. There's nothing redeeming in the 'love story' told because it's between a 42 year old man and a 15 year old girl that continues until she is 22 years old (and he's 49) and the havoc that has wreacked on her life up until she's a 32 adult woman (and he's 59) and he's suddenly being called out for his pedophilia. This is a man that groomed a 15 year old child by touching her in class and giving her a copy of Lolita to read like a manual.
Most of this novel is the adult woman looking back on what happened to her and trying to reframe it in her mind. Most of what I read made me feel physically ill. My stomach hurt and I had to take frequent breaks from the book while also wanting to 'get it over with'. It's a beautifully written novel that takes a real look at all those "age gap" tropes and the ongoing fantasy that having an affair with a teacher is in anyway sexy. This takes a look at what that power imbalance, what that breaking of a young soul actually does to a person.
Vanessa isn't a loveable victim. In fact, she insists through most of the novel that she's not a victim at all. She wanted it and it was love and she knew what she was doing and he wasn't a monster. All things to cope with what actually happened to her and what kept happening to her all through her youth. The gaslighting and grooming that took place, the fact that while he initiated it all he turned it around and placed it on her. The fact that he was always covering his bases, telling coworkers she had a crush and it might end up being a problem. She coped the only way she knew how and that was to reclaim some of the agency she lost to him. Each sexual encounter reads as a loss of agency, that she didn't want to take all those steps but the secondary coping mechanism of continuing with it creates a sort of retroactive consent. It doesn't.
It's incredibly triggering as a woman and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone that has any experience of losing their agency, with rape or with assault. This novel, while beautifully written, created a physical response that I battled throught the novel. Ultimately I am glad I finished it, but it was a struggle and there were many moments that I considered DNFing the book entirely.

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geri_r's review against another edition

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dark emotional medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

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angelizamo's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

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allysontrinh's review against another edition

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dark emotional inspiring reflective tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

I read this immediately after finishing Lolita since I had heard that MDV was heavily inspired by it, some people calling it “Lolita from the girl’s perspective”. I was pleased to read this modern take on the situation. The writing was deeply reflective, thought-provoking, and a relatively simple and straightforward read. I often found myself so engrossed in imagery, only to come back to reality feeling repulsed, confused, and—quite simply—gross! Finished the book in three sittings; I couldn’t seem to put it down. The fact that I enjoyed reading this so much troubles me, hence the 4.5 star rating. The content is heavy, delivered lightheartedly as if you were experiencing everything alongside Vanessa. If you’re looking to feel and think things: this is your book.

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