Reviews tagging 'Panic attacks/disorders'

For Real by Alexis Hall

1 review

galleytrot's review

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  • Plot- or character-driven? Character
  • Strong character development? Yes
  • Loveable characters? Yes
  • Diverse cast of characters? No
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

FIRST READ: Aug 2022 (originally reviewed as 4.5 ⭐)
SECOND READ: Feb 2023
FORMAT: Digital, then Audio + Digital 
 
BRIEF SUMMARY: 
In this contemporary romance set in London, Laurie has grown unfulfilled by the Scene, having lost the only connection that ever felt meaningful and real to him. Going through the motions and growing more and more empty inside, it isn’t until he finds Toby – young, lost, inexperienced, intense, vibrant, and completely certain of what he wants – that Laurie can once again feel what he’s longed for. 
 
ENTERTAINMENT VALUE: 5 / 5⭐ 
I first read this book five months ago, and I have never forgotten it since, nor gone very long without thinking of it. After reading a complete disaster of a ‘young daddy/mature boy’ book, the urge to come back and revisit ”For Real“ grew so strong that I couldn’t ignore it any longer. From the moment I started my re-read, every vivid beat and plot point came rushing back to me like the most precious memory and I felt like coming home. These characters are both so important to me, so well-realized, so intense, so heartbreakingly honest. 
 
Laurie is struggling with the culture of the BDSM Scene. Submission, to him, means so much more than a word like “play” could ever adequately portray. What he needs is a deeper connection that he could never find through his past six years of endless one-off encounters. He had that connection once, for many long years, until things went wrong and he was left in the settled dust – completely and devastatingly alone. 
 
Toby is a young and wild thing, so full of heart and passion and intensity but also so new to exploring his true passions. He’s more than a little lost in his love life and his schooling and his career, but he isn’t looking for someone to hold his hand and parent him through it. What he needs is a partner, an equal, who will support him and never ridicule him for being exactly who he is meant to be – even if he’s still figuring out precisely what that means. 
 
Together, the two harmonize shockingly well. I wish I had more to say, something a bit more eloquent, but I honestly can’t know where to begin without somehow just writing out the entire book. 
 
TECHNICAL / PRODUCTION: 4.75 / 5⭐ 
For all of Hall’s works that I’ve read so far, “For Real” is easily my favourite and the one I most strongly connected with. It is a starkly compelling portrayal of not just what submission is, but what it means. This book is thorough, passionate, sensitive, educational, cultured, beautiful, and just so well-written that it has a permanent place in my heart and on my bookshelf. 
 
On my second read-through, I picked up the audiobook to play alongside my digital copy, and this was my first exposure to both Paul Berton and John Hartley as narrators. They both did an absolutely magnificent job with their performances, with both nailing the energy of the main characters dead-on. Toby’s animated stream-of-consciousness lends itself to a chaotic liveliness, with Laurie’s more peaceful and steadier inner-monologue acting as a steadying counterpoint, and each narrator handled this balance quite beautifully. 
 
I guess my only complaint is in Berton’s incorrect and inconsistent pronunciation of Dalziel. It’s mildly distracting, but can easily be forgiven. It’s one of those names that is pronounced nothing like how it’s spelled. I get it.
 
FINAL THOUGHTS - OVERALL: 5 / 5⭐ 
Read this book. Read this. Read it, read it, read it. If you’re into bondage and kink, read this book. If you’re not, read this book. If you aren’t really certain and maybe a bit nervous about it, absolutely read the heck out of this book. The SM part of the equation is never pushed into an uncomfortable territory; this book isn’t about that. It’s much more about the meaning than it is about the act. 
 
This book has representation for gay and bi sexualities. There is non-binary representation, with a character with they/them pronouns. There is no noteworthy diversity otherwise. 
 
The following elaborates on my content warnings. These may be interpreted as spoilers, but I do not go into deep detail. 
This book contains: flashes of the trauma and anxiety that can come with handling trauma on a near-daily basis; brief mention of being outed and bullied (homophobia, unconventional family); terminal cancer leading to the death of a parental figure; grief, loss; mentions of an injury caused by unsafe bondage (accidental); cheating, emotional abandonment; mentions of outdated values that were normal at the time (casual racism, hitting to discipline a child); and, mild alcohol and drug use (snuff).
 
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