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It was around the time I realized I was picturing Lori with my mother's face that I realized I was strapped onto a roller coaster.
3.5 stars
“‘It’s not cute when people try to ‘fix’ each other. It’s cringey and dysfunctional.’”
“‘It’s not cute when people try to ‘fix’ each other. It’s cringey and dysfunctional.’”
The whole time reading this book I felt kind of uneasy and queasy. For me this is a great thing because this book really got to me. I hated, I loved and it shocked me.
The only problem for me was to understand why the church has such strict rules on this thing and therfore why Nate had such a hard time admitting his feelings to himself and God. It was like he had his own rulebook with the definition of what is okay to do and what is strictly forbidden.
Last: I'm really happy that I don't really know what it feels like to experience the two main themes of this book. And that really is the point. Everyone should read more books to feel and understand the feelings that will never come your way. In this way you can change your view on the world and stop hating on other people and stop downgrading their feelings. And maybe even help.
The only problem for me was to understand why the church has such strict rules on this thing and therfore why Nate had such a hard time admitting his feelings to himself and God. It was like he had his own rulebook with the definition of what is okay to do and what is strictly forbidden.
Last: I'm really happy that I don't really know what it feels like to experience the two main themes of this book. And that really is the point. Everyone should read more books to feel and understand the feelings that will never come your way. In this way you can change your view on the world and stop hating on other people and stop downgrading their feelings. And maybe even help.
I have THOUGHTS.
First off, whew boy was I a basketful of emotions during this book. From shaking with anger to full on crying, I did it all.
Second, each character was so well done, I changed my mind several times over whether or not I hated certain people (in the end my answer was obvious).
As a first book, I am so incredibly impressed and will 100% be reading more of this author in the future.
*special thanks to TJ Reads the Stars for putting this book on my radar and influencing my decision to buy it*
First off, whew boy was I a basketful of emotions during this book. From shaking with anger to full on crying, I did it all.
Second, each character was so well done, I changed my mind several times over whether or not I hated certain people (in the end my answer was obvious).
As a first book, I am so incredibly impressed and will 100% be reading more of this author in the future.
*special thanks to TJ Reads the Stars for putting this book on my radar and influencing my decision to buy it*
A lot of this didn‘t work for me personally but it does address a lot of important topics like religion and sexuality, parental abuse and the stigma of bisexuality. Yet, the narrative framing didn‘t work and I feel like the book could have done without the thriller like interrogation as the mystery of ˋwhy did this happenˋ wasn‘t really important and the conclusion didn‘t really have that much of an impact. The way these teenagers talked didn‘t feel very realistic, and I had a hard time liking both of the main characters which might have been the point but hindered my enjoyment of the book.
I really liked the ending, though. it was bittersweet and very fitting and something I want to see other authors do as well.
I really liked the ending, though. it was bittersweet and very fitting and something I want to see other authors do as well.
It starts with a joke in biology class. Almost a year later, it ends with one boy beaten within an inch of his life and the other stabbed not by an outside force, but by each other. Deposing Nathan is a difficult, yet gripping read that explores religion, bisexuality, and abuse while running parallel to the boys on-going legal case. What comes to light is both frustrating and devastating, as Zack Smedley skillfully intertwines the boys relationship with their newly discovered sexual orientations and the Catholic church, exploring what it's like to have your entire world turned upside down, to fear that what once gave you comfort, and to find comfort in that what you once feared. Smedley’s writing gives just enough, and just too little at the perfect times, creating a tightrope walk of tension and curiosity while watching the scene unfold. This is one of those books that needs to be finished in the same instance as it was started- literally unputdownable.
The balancing of conflicting emotions between both his characters is artful, yet realistic; for once, we see a YA book where resolution does not mean happy ending. Watching the boys grow to a breaking point, before shattering and picking up the pieces is done in a way that makes you want and yearn for them to be happy, especially after getting a glimpse of what could have been, but in the end, you will applaud the mature decisions of the characters to do what is necessary for themselves to thrive.
Subjectivity and bias twist both narration of the deposition, and Nathans interior monologue about the events leading up to it; be prepared for instances of frustration, anger, and sorrow all at once, as he struggles to work through his biased assumptions of bisexuality and internalized homophobia. While Smedley starts out by giving us some respite from the intense reality of the deposition with tender relationship building and character introspection, he weans you off bit by painful bit before delivering the first of many gut wrenching blows. Just when you think you cannot bear another of these devastating interactions, he pulls back into the deposition room, essentially calling a time out. These small breaks are needed for breathing room, but also act as a way for us to see Nate and Cam in current time. We don’t get a lot, but what we do get from these scenes, is essential; filling in the gaps Nate leaves out of the deposition, and learning why there are gaps in his story at all.
Each boys differing relationships with the church is fascinating and beautiful, while being vastly different from each other. Cam is ignostic and skeptic, but still finds respite within Catholicism after coming out, whereas Nate, who once found church to be a safe and comforting part of his life, is destroyed by the homophobic narrative preached at him by his aunt and the church. What was once a tool to give Nate safety and comfort becomes a restrictive cage within his own mind, as he tries to wrap his head around his attraction to his best friend. At the peak of his confusion, Nate goes to confession, hoping for something to guide him on the right path. The response he gets from his pastor is so much better than I expected, I was so thrilled to see someone give this kid a wholesome and kind piece of advice while in the midst of personal turmoil. The pastors response was not what Nate was expecting, but it was exactly what he needed. Its honestly one of my favourite scenes in the book, and it was what started him on the path towards acceptance.
Cameron is such a great character, his unfiltered and honest voice really brought this book to life for me. He rejects the idea that he cannot be the change, and despite being bullied, never hides who he is. His “memory attacks” are some of the more interesting scenes at the start of the book, and I appreciate how he is willing to openly discuss emotions with his friends; we need more male character who are not afraid to cry or discuss emotions. He is also the voice of so many amazing one-liners and introspective thoughts, and incredibly mature when it comes to knowing what is best for himself. I respect him greatly for working to repair the relationship between him and Aria, but also knowing when best to walk away for his own sake.
As I read, I found myself becoming more and more frustrated with Nate’s character. I watched him struggle with his sexuality, endure abuse at the hands of his aunt, and question his belief in the system he has been a part of his entire life; Nate is going through a lot, and lashing out is an understandable response, so why was I so frustrated with him? Sometimes it was due to his selfish actions, the way he treated his girlfriend, Aria, and Cam, or just his lack of willingness to accept himself. When I really stepped back though, I realized it’s easy to victim blame, as a spectator of the situation Nathan is in. It is hard to break out of the cycle of abuse that Nathan is stuck in, and unfortunately, we witnessed it in continue in himself that fateful night. Who I should really should be mad at are the people who knew about Nates home situation, but kept quiet, especially the teachers at Nate’s school. When no adults stepped in to protect him, or Cam for that matter, that crossed a line for me, and left me simmering with rage, to the point where I had to put the book down and pace around my apartment. Thankfully, Cam’s support and trust in his friend, along with a revealing letter from Nate’s mysterious friend Violet, allowed Nate to speak his truth, break the cycle, and begin the path towards healing for everyone involved.
I first saw Deposing Nathan while I was researching queer book lists for pride month, and its premise immediately stood out to me. I am incredibly grateful to my bookstore rep for sending me a copy of this book to review, and eagerly recommend it for its discussion around queerness and religion, as well as to those readers looking for something different out of the YA genre. As anxious and emotional as I was reading this book, the ending brought me a real sense of closure. Smedley has done something amazing and important with these characters while keeping their teenager-ness, and I thank him for not only bringing more bisexual representation into the space, but also creating a riveting story about growth and acceptance.
The balancing of conflicting emotions between both his characters is artful, yet realistic; for once, we see a YA book where resolution does not mean happy ending. Watching the boys grow to a breaking point, before shattering and picking up the pieces is done in a way that makes you want and yearn for them to be happy, especially after getting a glimpse of what could have been, but in the end, you will applaud the mature decisions of the characters to do what is necessary for themselves to thrive.
Subjectivity and bias twist both narration of the deposition, and Nathans interior monologue about the events leading up to it; be prepared for instances of frustration, anger, and sorrow all at once, as he struggles to work through his biased assumptions of bisexuality and internalized homophobia. While Smedley starts out by giving us some respite from the intense reality of the deposition with tender relationship building and character introspection, he weans you off bit by painful bit before delivering the first of many gut wrenching blows. Just when you think you cannot bear another of these devastating interactions, he pulls back into the deposition room, essentially calling a time out. These small breaks are needed for breathing room, but also act as a way for us to see Nate and Cam in current time. We don’t get a lot, but what we do get from these scenes, is essential; filling in the gaps Nate leaves out of the deposition, and learning why there are gaps in his story at all.
Each boys differing relationships with the church is fascinating and beautiful, while being vastly different from each other. Cam is ignostic and skeptic, but still finds respite within Catholicism after coming out, whereas Nate, who once found church to be a safe and comforting part of his life, is destroyed by the homophobic narrative preached at him by his aunt and the church. What was once a tool to give Nate safety and comfort becomes a restrictive cage within his own mind, as he tries to wrap his head around his attraction to his best friend. At the peak of his confusion, Nate goes to confession, hoping for something to guide him on the right path. The response he gets from his pastor is so much better than I expected, I was so thrilled to see someone give this kid a wholesome and kind piece of advice while in the midst of personal turmoil. The pastors response was not what Nate was expecting, but it was exactly what he needed. Its honestly one of my favourite scenes in the book, and it was what started him on the path towards acceptance.
Cameron is such a great character, his unfiltered and honest voice really brought this book to life for me. He rejects the idea that he cannot be the change, and despite being bullied, never hides who he is. His “memory attacks” are some of the more interesting scenes at the start of the book, and I appreciate how he is willing to openly discuss emotions with his friends; we need more male character who are not afraid to cry or discuss emotions. He is also the voice of so many amazing one-liners and introspective thoughts, and incredibly mature when it comes to knowing what is best for himself. I respect him greatly for working to repair the relationship between him and Aria, but also knowing when best to walk away for his own sake.
As I read, I found myself becoming more and more frustrated with Nate’s character. I watched him struggle with his sexuality, endure abuse at the hands of his aunt, and question his belief in the system he has been a part of his entire life; Nate is going through a lot, and lashing out is an understandable response, so why was I so frustrated with him? Sometimes it was due to his selfish actions, the way he treated his girlfriend, Aria, and Cam, or just his lack of willingness to accept himself. When I really stepped back though, I realized it’s easy to victim blame, as a spectator of the situation Nathan is in. It is hard to break out of the cycle of abuse that Nathan is stuck in, and unfortunately, we witnessed it in continue in himself that fateful night. Who I should really should be mad at are the people who knew about Nates home situation, but kept quiet, especially the teachers at Nate’s school. When no adults stepped in to protect him, or Cam for that matter, that crossed a line for me, and left me simmering with rage, to the point where I had to put the book down and pace around my apartment. Thankfully, Cam’s support and trust in his friend, along with a revealing letter from Nate’s mysterious friend Violet, allowed Nate to speak his truth, break the cycle, and begin the path towards healing for everyone involved.
I first saw Deposing Nathan while I was researching queer book lists for pride month, and its premise immediately stood out to me. I am incredibly grateful to my bookstore rep for sending me a copy of this book to review, and eagerly recommend it for its discussion around queerness and religion, as well as to those readers looking for something different out of the YA genre. As anxious and emotional as I was reading this book, the ending brought me a real sense of closure. Smedley has done something amazing and important with these characters while keeping their teenager-ness, and I thank him for not only bringing more bisexual representation into the space, but also creating a riveting story about growth and acceptance.
Well...holy hell that was wonderful. I don't really have enough words to describe this book, but I'll try to make them on my blog soon.
Peace out, y'all, read this book.
-Book Hugger
Peace out, y'all, read this book.
-Book Hugger
funny
sad
tense
medium-paced
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
august 23, 2020: second read
as i'm becoming a more mature reader who can pick out pacing problems and plot holes, this read was definitely a different experience. first go around, i claimed that it was my new favorite book of all time and it's kind of wild to me that that statement hold true for even a year.
with all that said, i still have such a love for this story and the ending made me cry this time?? thank you zack smedley, i still love you.
✩ 4 stars
————————————————————————
november 2, 2019: first read
i have no words... EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS
✩ 5 stars
as i'm becoming a more mature reader who can pick out pacing problems and plot holes, this read was definitely a different experience. first go around, i claimed that it was my new favorite book of all time and it's kind of wild to me that that statement hold true for even a year.
with all that said, i still have such a love for this story and the ending made me cry this time?? thank you zack smedley, i still love you.
✩ 4 stars
————————————————————————
november 2, 2019: first read
i have no words... EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS
✩ 5 stars
dark
emotional
reflective
tense
medium-paced
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes