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Reviews tagging 'Pregnancy'
You're the Only One I've Told: The Stories Behind Abortion by Meera Shah
12 reviews
stirlingluci's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
no matter your views, this is a must read. it has an incredible amount of information, stories, and compassion
Content Warnings
Moderate: Miscarriage, Religious bigotry, Sexual assault, Suicidal thoughts, Pregnancy, Abortion, Grief, Medical trauma, and Infertility
kamrynkoble's review against another edition
emotional
informative
reflective
slow-paced
4.0
Women’s reproductive rights and care has always been something extremely important to me. I came to this book with the lens of a woman raised in a highly conservative, Christian environment who is pro-choice despite never needing abortion care myself. Because of my background, I do not think this book would be very effective to “sway” any conservative Christians.
It often seeks to identify abortion as something commonplace and completely devoid of shame. It included the stories of several women who had to have abortion for medical reasons, even though they wanted the pregnancy. In these situations, the grief and decision-making is difficult. But in the author, a physician’s, own narration, it comes across as “not that big of a deal.” There really isn’t any education on avoiding abortion in the first place as it’s apparent that the author sees no issue with women having as many abortions as they want, for whatever reason. I could see this almost irreverent tone as being off putting to those who are on the fence in any way, shape, or form.
The other factor is high attention to gender. This book focuses on inclusive language (pregnant person instead of pregnant woman, people with uteruses, etc), provides pronouns for every person mentioned at the beginning of their chapters, and often offers caveats that include nonbinary people and trans men. While I know these caveats are important, it can detract from this seeming like a woman’s issue, and turns the conversation to broader topics of gender and sexuality. For that reason I would also be extremely hesitant to recommend this book to a conservative Christian.
The author is obviously a physician, and I think this book could’ve benefitted from a ghost writer who could help organize the thoughts here in a more cohesive, easy-to-read way. It was often repetitive and ricocheted between people’s personal stories and then paragraphs of laws and court cases.
What was strong? I learned SO much. I feel like I have a much more comprehensive look at reproductive healthcare in the US. The most recent developments have terrified me, and I hope the author expands upon them in a second edition at some point.
I appreciated the wide breadth of the different stories offered here. It was obvious that all the interviewees had great rapport with the author.
As a decidedly pro-choice person, I found this educational, fascinating, and clarifying. With a different author tone, I could see these stories being helpful for those who’ve never been in these people’s shoes, and struggle to imagine what it would be like. I’ll gladly recommend this to my pro-choice friends, but if you’re looking for something to sway others, I don’t think this is the pick.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Abortion and Pregnancy
Moderate: Sexism, Religious bigotry, Medical content, and Medical trauma
gabbadabbadoo's review against another edition
5.0
got 93% through and had to return
first nonfiction i (sort of) got through and i liked it! the author does a fantastic job of telling the stories about the various people abortion affects - doctors, patients, partners, and the lives they touch. these don't feel like semi-anonymous descriptions of recipients of abortions, but being introduced to real, complex people in real complex situations spread across decades. i felt connected to each experience and never like i was just listening to words. amazing storytelling while weaving in the authors own experiences, perspectives, and facts about abortion in america.
first nonfiction i (sort of) got through and i liked it! the author does a fantastic job of telling the stories about the various people abortion affects - doctors, patients, partners, and the lives they touch. these don't feel like semi-anonymous descriptions of recipients of abortions, but being introduced to real, complex people in real complex situations spread across decades. i felt connected to each experience and never like i was just listening to words. amazing storytelling while weaving in the authors own experiences, perspectives, and facts about abortion in america.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Abortion, Grief, Child death, and Pregnancy
Moderate: Racism, Adult/minor relationship, Medical trauma, Misogyny, Domestic abuse, Sexism, and Rape
Minor: Medical content and Child abuse
applesodaperson's review
challenging
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.75
Wow. Just wow. This book is so incredibly powerful and so important. This book made me feel such a range of emotions, but also I learned so much about abortion from it. This is obviously a very controversial topic, but Shah gives it the maximum amount of nuance and respect possible.
This book very much made me focus on some really hard feelings, specifically, when hearing the stories that comprise most of the book. Many of them made me feel very bad for all the women who have had to go through birth complications, or who have trouble accessing abortion care.
I also absolutely loved how inclusive this book was, like I genuinely cannot think of a way it could have been more inclusive. It talked extensively about how race factors into abortion care and also used incredibly inclusive language surrounding gender, which I really appreciated.
I think this book is just so important, because it highlighted so many different experiences and like Shah says, the best way to get people who are opposed to abortion to better understand it is by sharing stories. There are so many myths around why people get abortions, and this book does such a good job at confronting those myths head on and disproving them. I just really think a lot of people need to take a more medical view of abortion, and realize that it is unethical of them to force their religious values onto someone else. It was also so gut wrenching to to know that Roe v. Wade has been overturned since this book came out, which has ruined so many lives and made things so much harder for so many people.
Overall, I loved this book and I genuinely think everyone should read it.
The one reason I did not give it a full 5 stars is because I think one or two of the stories felt a bit repetitive and could have been cut out.
But besides that, this book is pretty much perfect.
Listened to on Libby.
This book very much made me focus on some really hard feelings, specifically, when hearing the stories that comprise most of the book. Many of them made me feel very bad for all the women who have had to go through birth complications, or who have trouble accessing abortion care.
I also absolutely loved how inclusive this book was, like I genuinely cannot think of a way it could have been more inclusive. It talked extensively about how race factors into abortion care and also used incredibly inclusive language surrounding gender, which I really appreciated.
I think this book is just so important, because it highlighted so many different experiences and like Shah says, the best way to get people who are opposed to abortion to better understand it is by sharing stories. There are so many myths around why people get abortions, and this book does such a good job at confronting those myths head on and disproving them. I just really think a lot of people need to take a more medical view of abortion, and realize that it is unethical of them to force their religious values onto someone else. It was also so gut wrenching to to know that Roe v. Wade has been overturned since this book came out, which has ruined so many lives and made things so much harder for so many people.
Overall, I loved this book and I genuinely think everyone should read it.
The one reason I did not give it a full 5 stars is because I think one or two of the stories felt a bit repetitive and could have been cut out.
But besides that, this book is pretty much perfect.
Listened to on Libby.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Abortion, Pregnancy, Miscarriage, and Child death
Minor: Racism, Misogyny, and Child abuse
blissofalife's review against another edition
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
4.0
I would recommend this book to anyone who wanted to understand the nuances of abortion and see how it affects everybody.
Very informative, very well written. I didn’t love switching narrators on the audiobook, one was clear and loud the other was soft and fuzzy.
Very informative, very well written. I didn’t love switching narrators on the audiobook, one was clear and loud the other was soft and fuzzy.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Abortion, Medical trauma, Pregnancy, Grief, Child death, Death, and Medical content
Moderate: Classism, Miscarriage, and Misogyny
Minor: Emotional abuse, Blood, Suicidal thoughts, Sexual assault, Infertility, Physical abuse, Cursing, Religious bigotry, Sexual violence, Gaslighting, Mental illness, Addiction, Domestic abuse, Alcohol, Rape, Alcoholism, Chronic illness, and Toxic relationship
percys_panda_pillow_pet's review
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
4.5
Even as a staunch "pro-choice" activist, this book opened my eyes to many situations and facts about reproductive health that I was not aware of. After reading You're the Only One I've Told, I went straight to my friends that are in relationships and most at risk for impromptu pregnancies and relayed information that I felt was valuable to know. For example, I did not realize that the majority of insurance companies didn't cover abortion, and that abortion was so expensive. Logically, it makes sense given the political climate around abortion, but I was so caught up in whether or not abortion would be criminalized, that I never thought about other roadblocks that could prevent proper reproductive health care.
Because of this new information, I became more aware of the privilege of simply not being in a relationship. I don't have to worry about accidental pregnancy or abortion and all the nuances that come with it. I am so thankful for not just the author for putting together this anthology of stories, but also for being candid about facts, AND for the people who consented to their stories being published. I felt like Dr. Shah's point about the visibility of stories was so poignant after reading this book.
I think my only critique was that I wish that more queer perspectives could've been included, especially a trans man's experience. There really isn't enough about what it is like to be a trans man and experience something like pregnancy, whether wanted or not. However, I loved that Dr. Shah included the perspective of a man because they are integral to the conversation about abortion, just not in the way people expect. As well, Dr. Shah attempts to honor any perspective she could not include in the book in her introduction, and I understand that it would be impossible to represent everyone in one book.
Perhaps with more awareness of this topic, and the ability to speak more freely, more experiences and voices can be lifted up and heard. I highly recommend this book and hope more like it follow.
Because of this new information, I became more aware of the privilege of simply not being in a relationship. I don't have to worry about accidental pregnancy or abortion and all the nuances that come with it. I am so thankful for not just the author for putting together this anthology of stories, but also for being candid about facts, AND for the people who consented to their stories being published. I felt like Dr. Shah's point about the visibility of stories was so poignant after reading this book.
I think my only critique was that I wish that more queer perspectives could've been included, especially a trans man's experience. There really isn't enough about what it is like to be a trans man and experience something like pregnancy, whether wanted or not. However, I loved that Dr. Shah included the perspective of a man because they are integral to the conversation about abortion, just not in the way people expect. As well, Dr. Shah attempts to honor any perspective she could not include in the book in her introduction, and I understand that it would be impossible to represent everyone in one book.
Perhaps with more awareness of this topic, and the ability to speak more freely, more experiences and voices can be lifted up and heard. I highly recommend this book and hope more like it follow.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Abortion, Mental illness, Death, Medical trauma, Child abuse, Toxic relationship, Child death, Pedophilia, Terminal illness, Sexual assault, Rape, Medical content, Pregnancy, Miscarriage, and Grief
Moderate: Chronic illness, Transphobia, Domestic abuse, Addiction, Injury/Injury detail, Alcohol, Blood, Cancer, and Infertility
Minor: Infidelity and Car accident
shannonmmay's review
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
Content Warnings
Minor: Child abuse, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Rape, Emotional abuse, Medical content, Abortion, Child death, Domestic abuse, Grief, Infertility, and Medical trauma
yourbookishbff's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
slow-paced
5.0
You're the Only One I've Told, by Dr. Meera Shah, is an incredibly compelling collection of abortion stories. Dr. Shah is a physician who provides abortions and reproductive healthcare to patients in New York, but her compilation of stories spans experiences across (and outside of) the US. She highlights a diverse cross-section of people, effectively evidencing the thousands of intricacies in any reproductive healthcare decision. Each story is told in close collaboration with the story's owner, and each story is complemented by contextual details about the specific state/country the patient lived in (and thus, the various legal challenges they faced).
In bringing these stories together in a single collection, Dr. Shah examines the personal, relational, familial, religious, cultural, medical and legal layers in every decision, showing us just how complex pregnancy decisions can be. We hear the stories of single people, married parents with children, nonbinary and trans people, people of color, young and not-so-young people, people seeking care hundreds - and sometimes thousands - of miles from home, people who have had multiple abortions, people who have encountered planned pregnancies with complex diagnoses and people who have encountered unplanned pregnancies and so many more. No two stories are alike, making the black-and-white legal barriers they each face all the more absurd. It is particularly eye-opening to see just how inaccessible reproductive healthcare is to the people highlighted in these stories, and this was written and published BEFORE the reversal of Roe vs. Wade. Abortion access has been steadily eroding for decades, and when you see intimately in these accounts the real people that these mostly state-led restrictions have impacted, it's heart wrenching.
In bringing these stories together in a single collection, Dr. Shah examines the personal, relational, familial, religious, cultural, medical and legal layers in every decision, showing us just how complex pregnancy decisions can be. We hear the stories of single people, married parents with children, nonbinary and trans people, people of color, young and not-so-young people, people seeking care hundreds - and sometimes thousands - of miles from home, people who have had multiple abortions, people who have encountered planned pregnancies with complex diagnoses and people who have encountered unplanned pregnancies and so many more. No two stories are alike, making the black-and-white legal barriers they each face all the more absurd. It is particularly eye-opening to see just how inaccessible reproductive healthcare is to the people highlighted in these stories, and this was written and published BEFORE the reversal of Roe vs. Wade. Abortion access has been steadily eroding for decades, and when you see intimately in these accounts the real people that these mostly state-led restrictions have impacted, it's heart wrenching.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Medical trauma, Abortion, Sexual content, Pregnancy, Medical content, Miscarriage, Sexism, and Sexual assault
Moderate: Child abuse, Adult/minor relationship, and Racism
Minor: Suicidal thoughts, Transphobia, and Child death
mckeelyshannon's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual assault, Rape, Incest, Pregnancy, Miscarriage, Medical trauma, Abortion, Transphobia, Medical content, Infertility, and Domestic abuse
leweylibrary's review
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
reflective
sad
fast-paced
5.0
WHAT. A. BOOK.
Sorry for the all caps and bolded text, but seriously every single person needs to read this book. The stories of real people who have had abortions helps humanize and show the variety of people and situations that exist. I already feel like it's made me a lot more empathetic, particularly towards people who have to continue a pregnancy because abortion just isn't really an option for them even though it is technically legal in this country.
One of the biggest things I'll take away from this book is goes much I learned. I thought I knew quite a bit about abortion and the movement against it, but JEEZ. I had no idea that doctors are often required to make the patient see a sonogram or that the waiting periods have such dumb restrictions around them or that they have to follow a script full of misinformation. How the f is it possible for that to even be a thing?? They're doctors!! Ugh. I also learned about fake clinics (I've seen them around but had no idea just how vile they were) and that so many hospitals in this country are Catholic institutions and can just straight up deny you care or deny you crucial medical information because of it. The lengths that the anti-abortion movement has gone to is absolutely astounding and so much deeper and more varied and nuanced than I ever knew. I also learned about the teleabortion option like with Plan C. When I think of home abortions, I think of coat hangers and Call the Midwife.
I've also done a lot of reflecting, and I know I will continue to do so for a long time now because of this book. For example, the chapter from the man's perspective was so interesting because I've always been someone who thought men just don't really belong in this conversation in most instances, that ultimately it's a woman's decision. But because of that chapter and the chapter and language throughout focused on gender inclusivity and care, I'm shifting my opinions.
Two things that are sticking with me in particular is the man who says he's never been asked about his BC methods by doctors and the quote about how women are more than our reproductive organs. Especially as someone who is very adamantly childfree and has zero desire to ever birth children from my body, this sentence made me want to put it on a sign and fist pump it to the world.
I don't know if anyone else will ever read this, but please, if you managed to read all of this, now go read this book. There's a great notes section and resources section (I followed a lot on IG already!), and a portion of the proceeds from the book are used to promote reproductive health access.
Quotes:
Sorry for the all caps and bolded text, but seriously every single person needs to read this book. The stories of real people who have had abortions helps humanize and show the variety of people and situations that exist. I already feel like it's made me a lot more empathetic, particularly towards people who have to continue a pregnancy because abortion just isn't really an option for them even though it is technically legal in this country.
One of the biggest things I'll take away from this book is goes much I learned. I thought I knew quite a bit about abortion and the movement against it, but JEEZ. I had no idea that doctors are often required to make the patient see a sonogram or that the waiting periods have such dumb restrictions around them or that they have to follow a script full of misinformation. How the f is it possible for that to even be a thing?? They're doctors!! Ugh. I also learned about fake clinics (I've seen them around but had no idea just how vile they were) and that so many hospitals in this country are Catholic institutions and can just straight up deny you care or deny you crucial medical information because of it. The lengths that the anti-abortion movement has gone to is absolutely astounding and so much deeper and more varied and nuanced than I ever knew. I also learned about the teleabortion option like with Plan C. When I think of home abortions, I think of coat hangers and Call the Midwife.
I've also done a lot of reflecting, and I know I will continue to do so for a long time now because of this book. For example, the chapter from the man's perspective was so interesting because I've always been someone who thought men just don't really belong in this conversation in most instances, that ultimately it's a woman's decision. But because of that chapter and the chapter and language throughout focused on gender inclusivity and care, I'm shifting my opinions.
Two things that are sticking with me in particular is the man who says he's never been asked about his BC methods by doctors and the quote about how women are more than our reproductive organs. Especially as someone who is very adamantly childfree and has zero desire to ever birth children from my body, this sentence made me want to put it on a sign and fist pump it to the world.
I don't know if anyone else will ever read this, but please, if you managed to read all of this, now go read this book. There's a great notes section and resources section (I followed a lot on IG already!), and a portion of the proceeds from the book are used to promote reproductive health access.
Quotes:
- I've always believed that the simple act of sharing stories is one of the most effective ways to influence, teach, and inspire change. Storytelling creates emotional connections between people. By sharing the nuances of culture, history, and values, people and ideas are united through their stories. Even if an individual can't identify with another's exact experience, there's usually some component of the story, even a small as the fleeting, universal emotions a fear or happiness, that can be shared and appreciated. (5)
- When someone does share, they're immediately labeled as "brave" and "courageous." Maybe this is true. Given the hostile climate that often surrounds those topic, it is brave to talk about abortion openly. But I fear that this rhetoric may worsen the stigma as well. Should someone be called brave for doing what they felt was best for them? I don't think so. But we can say that someone is brave to choose themselves when often societal and familial actors actively try to take away their reproductive autonomy. When someone chooses the healthcare they need despite the backlash they may face, yes, that's brave. People should be treated with the same dignity and respect regardless of what decisions they make for themselves about pregnancy and parenting. (7)
- Telling stories about abortion is an important part of a movement towards acceptance of the breadth and diversity of human experience. (9)
- Saying That abortion should be rare is dangerous and worsen stigma. We cannot accept legislation that chips away at access to abortion and criminalizes people who seek abortion outside of the medical system. We must pay close attention to those who are the most affected by abortion restrictions, and not forget that race and ethnicity have become significant indicators of access. (28)
- Rose's experience bears a resemblance to many other young people's first sexual experiments. Her sexual awareness was beginning to blossom, though her environment didn't provide her with an education that developed at the same pace. This is unfortunately the context for so many instances of initial sexual contact--budding desires let loose without the proper context or support for them to be fostered safely. (52)
- The reality is that parental consent does not always translate to parental support. (58)
- ...moving forward we should not equate "women's health" with "reproductive health." Women should not be reduced to the reproductive anatomy and reproductive health should be inclusive of all people, of all gender identities, needing to access it. (85)
- "It's not about being pro-choice, it's about being pro-truth." (103)
- The pressure to have children always weighed heavily on Luna. She's heard about the topic "from every single person I know: my parents, my in-laws, every person on the planet. We've been married 10 years and people are like, 'When are you going to have a child?' As If that is the defining moment of my life." (113)
- Without any kind of parental leave... Having a baby was like taking a huge pay cut, not to mention all the added expenses. (129)
- What the script does is try to coerce people to continue a pregnancy and give birth...There is no other medical procedure that requires a doctor to read a propaganda-based script that has been written by politicians. (138)
- Abortion is healthcare. But there is no other form of healthcare that requires patients to face as many obstacles. The laws don't dictate how we counsel patients before their knee surgery. The laws don't make us lie to our patients before they're colonoscopy. Our system is feeling people, especially people of color. (139)
- It's frustrating to constantly see and correct lies and misinformation about abortion in the news. It feels like an unnecessary push and pull when the facts about abortion are proven science. (152)
- It's not a far stretch to link male predominance in the anti-abortion movement to the conservative Christian, right-wing ideal of the patriarchal male role in the family unit--the breadwinner, the provider, the caregiver, the protector. The decision maker. The knower of what's best. Whether we're ready to admit it or not, it's still seems to persist that the idea of abortion and bodily autonomy mean be perceived as a threat to masculinity. If not outright, then certainly and subtle, subconscious ways. (173)
- ...somewhere along the way, a woman's right to use birth control turned into a woman's responsibility to use birth control, which is not fair and not inclusive. (174)
- "It doesn't matter what the circumstance is or what's happening to a woman or to a family: that's her choice or their choice. And it's none of my damn business." (193)
- What she taught me was that it was unfair to make religion and abortion polarizing opposites when they can, in fact, reinforce one another. (216)
- We expect people to know exactly when they got pregnant, how far along they are, and how they are going to handle the pregnancy--This isn't fair. This way of thinking it doesn't take into account finances, emotions, ambivalence, support, coercion, abuse, culture, religion, and the countless other things that shape people's experiences. (250)
- All anyone is looking for is an opportunity to say, "That happened to me, too." (253)
- "The information is out there. You shouldn't have to sift through what is true and what is false. No one should have to go through that, ever." (253)
- There are about 4,000 fake health centers compared to the 780 real providers of abortion care. That means that for every one health center that provides abortion care, there are five fake clinics. (261)
- The waiting, mandated ultrasounds, and unscientific scripts are all founded on the assumption that the patients can't be trusted, that doctors can't be trusted, and that politicians know best. (272)
Content Warnings
Graphic: Abortion and Pregnancy