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4.24 AVERAGE
4.24 AVERAGE
At the beginning of this book, I really didn't like Elizabeth, young Elizabeth specifically. Her complete lack of empathy for her mother really pushed a nerve. I could appreciate the narrative that the memoir is painting, clearly Elizabeth Miki Brina has had a lot of time to reflect and possibly gone to therapy to finally understand and respect her mother. I wasn't sure I was going to finish this book to be honest. But I'm glad I did.
Brina paints beautiful stories, people in my book club said they felt like they were reading poetry at times, and I agree. I loved that through her memories, we also learn the history, the sad brutal history of Okinawa. I learned things I never knew.
Solid 5stars for me.
Brina paints beautiful stories, people in my book club said they felt like they were reading poetry at times, and I agree. I loved that through her memories, we also learn the history, the sad brutal history of Okinawa. I learned things I never knew.
Solid 5stars for me.
This was a hard memoir to read. Probably because I sit here in Okinawa on a base that is loathed, and I know why it’s loathed, and still I love this island and the people here.
Elizabeth’s memoir is really interesting - combining stories from her parent’s marriage before she was born, her trips to Okinawa, and feeling like an outsider in the United States because she was the only Asian kid in her town in New York.
There is so much history in Okinawa that clearly pervades Elizabeth’s being, and I think she connects these dots of herself, her parents, and the island so beautifully.
“My mother before me is a story. A story she can’t tell me in her own language. A story, she claims, she barely remembers. Or maybe she doesn’t want to remember. Or maybe she can’t remember because she was never taught how to remember. Because she was never told her life is important enough to remember. . I am trying to tell her now that her life is important enough to remember.”
Elizabeth’s memoir is really interesting - combining stories from her parent’s marriage before she was born, her trips to Okinawa, and feeling like an outsider in the United States because she was the only Asian kid in her town in New York.
There is so much history in Okinawa that clearly pervades Elizabeth’s being, and I think she connects these dots of herself, her parents, and the island so beautifully.
“My mother before me is a story. A story she can’t tell me in her own language. A story, she claims, she barely remembers. Or maybe she doesn’t want to remember. Or maybe she can’t remember because she was never taught how to remember. Because she was never told her life is important enough to remember. . I am trying to tell her now that her life is important enough to remember.”
This stood out from every memoir I've read so far because of how Brina weaves the past and the present, even juxtaposing similar memories or experiences while pulling in historical events and statistics to paint a full picture. We are learning as she learns, and she presents everything with elegance. It does the work of revealing Brina's life, her influences, her family, her difficulties and triumphs.
While her father and their relationship is mentioned multiple times, it's Brina's relationship with her mother and her Okinawan heritage that carries the story through.
The "My mother before me is a story. A story she can’t tell me in her own language. A story, she claims, she barely remembers. Or maybe she doesn’t want to remember. Or maybe she can’t remember because she was never taught how to remember. Because she was never told her life is important enough to remember. (119)"
The "I felt like I was losing myself and being replaced by him. I felt like...my mother (161)."
The "I’m sorry I couldn’t have been a happier daughter. I’m sorry I couldn’t redeem your sacrifice. I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry for everything. (267)"
I clenched my fists, wiped away tears, sighed in defeat, and felt my heart squeeze every time she wrote about her mother. An immigrant mother who traveled to a foreign country that refused to care for her. An immigrant mother who only had her husband and daughter in an otherwise all-white area. An immigrant mother who loved and stayed even as she drowned her liver in alcohol to cope with an unflinching reality. There is hope towards the end as Brina starts to repair her relationship with her mother, reconnect with her Okinawan roots, and reflect on everything she did before she understood, offering grace to the person she was while forging towards the person she wants to be.
While her father and their relationship is mentioned multiple times, it's Brina's relationship with her mother and her Okinawan heritage that carries the story through.
The "My mother before me is a story. A story she can’t tell me in her own language. A story, she claims, she barely remembers. Or maybe she doesn’t want to remember. Or maybe she can’t remember because she was never taught how to remember. Because she was never told her life is important enough to remember. (119)"
The "I felt like I was losing myself and being replaced by him. I felt like...my mother (161)."
The "I’m sorry I couldn’t have been a happier daughter. I’m sorry I couldn’t redeem your sacrifice. I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry for everything. (267)"
I clenched my fists, wiped away tears, sighed in defeat, and felt my heart squeeze every time she wrote about her mother. An immigrant mother who traveled to a foreign country that refused to care for her. An immigrant mother who only had her husband and daughter in an otherwise all-white area. An immigrant mother who loved and stayed even as she drowned her liver in alcohol to cope with an unflinching reality. There is hope towards the end as Brina starts to repair her relationship with her mother, reconnect with her Okinawan roots, and reflect on everything she did before she understood, offering grace to the person she was while forging towards the person she wants to be.
As a daughter and a mother and a military spouse this has me in all my feelings
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
I thought the book was well written, I liked the motifs and recurring stylistic choices.
As for content, I couldn’t stand the narrator and that’s a complete pitfall of a memoir. She centered herself in the history of Okinawa and her mother’s personal journey both of which were more interesting than her own POV. I also stopped feeling sympathy at a certain point bc the decisions she made were just so awful. She seems to recognize her toxic behavior but not really do anything about it until her mid-30s
As for content, I couldn’t stand the narrator and that’s a complete pitfall of a memoir. She centered herself in the history of Okinawa and her mother’s personal journey both of which were more interesting than her own POV. I also stopped feeling sympathy at a certain point bc the decisions she made were just so awful. She seems to recognize her toxic behavior but not really do anything about it until her mid-30s
this was really well done. very vulnerable, emotional, and so honest. i learned a lot about okinawa.
The last 5 chapters made it worth it to me. Overall it was a good story about the dynamics of race and misogyny, the military in Okinawa, and so so much more.
emotional
reflective
fast-paced
update bc first take was too harsh :/
this is a memoir that unearths the most intimate dregs of who the author is, her many personal and professional failures, internalized self hatred, an elaborate analysis of her parents marriage, lost decades unable to empathize or connect with her Okinawan mother, many many anecdotes of ways she hurt and failed her mother and herself, and asks us, readers, to understand her and absolve her of all this. can a book be both a sincere apology and also a public record of every horrible, hurtful thing you’ve ever thought about your mother, of her own most intimate failings, published for the whole world to see?
on one hand, memoir /is/ the most raw and intimate scraped out and presented for mass consumption — and this book is part of her healing process. none of us can fully know her life, her story to tell, and she has a right to present that narrative to us. as a thoughtful, searing look at complex people, the book sings. it’s not my job as a reader to judge, but to understand the slice of her life, her inner world, that she has shared.
on the other hand, does she share stories that are not hers to share, to frame ?
major themes here are reckoning with inter generational trauma, reclaiming a heritage once denied by overpowering whiteness and shame, reconnecting with her mother and finally understanding her mother’s experiences. including okinawan history narrative is great, vital for readers unfamiliar. but I question the use of the “we” so extensively on all these experiences of profound suffering of Okinawan women. it’s jarring to read the book, one page how disconnected she is from Okinawa and on another page claiming that trauma and history through the pronoun “we,” to me, speaking over Okinawan voices.
this is a memoir that unearths the most intimate dregs of who the author is, her many personal and professional failures, internalized self hatred, an elaborate analysis of her parents marriage, lost decades unable to empathize or connect with her Okinawan mother, many many anecdotes of ways she hurt and failed her mother and herself, and asks us, readers, to understand her and absolve her of all this. can a book be both a sincere apology and also a public record of every horrible, hurtful thing you’ve ever thought about your mother, of her own most intimate failings, published for the whole world to see?
on one hand, memoir /is/ the most raw and intimate scraped out and presented for mass consumption — and this book is part of her healing process. none of us can fully know her life, her story to tell, and she has a right to present that narrative to us. as a thoughtful, searing look at complex people, the book sings. it’s not my job as a reader to judge, but to understand the slice of her life, her inner world, that she has shared.
on the other hand, does she share stories that are not hers to share, to frame ?
major themes here are reckoning with inter generational trauma, reclaiming a heritage once denied by overpowering whiteness and shame, reconnecting with her mother and finally understanding her mother’s experiences. including okinawan history narrative is great, vital for readers unfamiliar. but I question the use of the “we” so extensively on all these experiences of profound suffering of Okinawan women. it’s jarring to read the book, one page how disconnected she is from Okinawa and on another page claiming that trauma and history through the pronoun “we,” to me, speaking over Okinawan voices.
emotional
informative
reflective