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4.1 AVERAGE
4.1 AVERAGE
This book changed my life. Reema created the book that I needed in my life. It was relatable and so empowering to understand our power as females. Reema covered so many complex topics that people are uncomfortable talking about and embraced her vulnerability. Her words were true beauty and meant everything and more to me. I will never forget this book and I will reread again.
More like a 3.5 rating. The Dear Sugars podcast episode on emotional abuse that featured Reema Zaman was one of the most compelling things I heard in 2018. I pre-ordered her memoir as soon as I had Wi-Fi access again. I definitely felt seen by this book, especially the parts that describe her parents' relationship and her upbringing. It was as empowering as I expected, but there were a few aspects of the reading experience that ticked me off. I didn't appreciate her repetition of needing to be a voice for the voiceless and the silenced. I found the dialogue in the passages involving her romantic partners to be nauseatingly corny, but that's just a matter of personal preference. There were also moments where she described her ideas as feminist when they were ideas that struck me as empowering to her, but not necessarily empowering to women in general. Those aside, I deeply appreciated her writing about a childhood where she felt ugly and dismissed, and about the work that goes into healing parent-child relationships. She had some powerful insights into toxic masculinity and self-love.
Thank you, NetGalley, for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I fought car sickness to read this for several hours on a road trip (both ways) and ignored classwork in my hotel room later so I could stay up, lose sleep and read it some more. This memoir is poetry. Reema's writing is poetry. The poem in the beginning, not so much (that was kind of cringe-worthy, to be honest), but the story itself, absolutely. Everyone keeps using the word "lyrical" to describe this, because it is. I returned to change my rating for this memoir to a five, because wow. I haven't read a memoir yet that brought me to tears like this one did. Beauty brought me to tears.
Obviously, a writer can't address it ALL. Reema comes from a high place of privilege in many ways: easy and plentiful international travel, private school liberal arts education (full-time annual cost for Skidmore, at this point, is now up to almost 70k/YEAR), a connected social circle and the light skin of the upper class of her culture - BUT STILL... she makes her personal understood quite clearly, and there's plenty to speak to a lot of women here.
I'm not entirely sold on it being a "voice" for everyone, however, for these same reasons, and like others I was initially a little put off by how focused she was on being "beautiful" - though this is typical for women who feel forced to subscribe to stereotypical social standards of beauty and that, too, is part of this story, and of many women's stories. Finding self-love IS, In THIS particular way, so many of our stories - and by encouraging others to address and speak of the unique challenges of being who we are, by hearing each other, we can find some common ground.
I fought car sickness to read this for several hours on a road trip (both ways) and ignored classwork in my hotel room later so I could stay up, lose sleep and read it some more. This memoir is poetry. Reema's writing is poetry. The poem in the beginning, not so much (that was kind of cringe-worthy, to be honest), but the story itself, absolutely. Everyone keeps using the word "lyrical" to describe this, because it is. I returned to change my rating for this memoir to a five, because wow. I haven't read a memoir yet that brought me to tears like this one did. Beauty brought me to tears.
Obviously, a writer can't address it ALL. Reema comes from a high place of privilege in many ways: easy and plentiful international travel, private school liberal arts education (full-time annual cost for Skidmore, at this point, is now up to almost 70k/YEAR), a connected social circle and the light skin of the upper class of her culture - BUT STILL... she makes her personal understood quite clearly, and there's plenty to speak to a lot of women here.
I'm not entirely sold on it being a "voice" for everyone, however, for these same reasons, and like others I was initially a little put off by how focused she was on being "beautiful" - though this is typical for women who feel forced to subscribe to stereotypical social standards of beauty and that, too, is part of this story, and of many women's stories. Finding self-love IS, In THIS particular way, so many of our stories - and by encouraging others to address and speak of the unique challenges of being who we are, by hearing each other, we can find some common ground.
A marvelous debut, for a "non-writer" her writing was really poetic and well-paced, I was motivated to finish it in a weekend. Loved her metaphors and perspectives on people, interactions, experiences - some really beautifully-put sentiments.
Enjoyed the memoir and I do hear what she's saying re: not finding a book meant for her. There AREN'T that many books that speak to her personal perspective as an immigrant woman bridging two very different cultures and I'm glad there is one. We, as women telling our own stories, have so much catching up to do anyway! More women's stories! I can think of several women who either a) have a similar immigrant background to her, or b) those who don't but also don't usually read / see themselves as 'readers' who could relate to her lifestyle / personality and might be attracted to and can relate to this book.
I'm so glad too to that in effect this book treats emotional abuse so very seriously and she's taken the time to beautifully illustrate in words exactly what that story can look like for anyone, and what it meant to her personally. The 'simple' ways in which men keep women down like the men in her relationships have, happen ALL THE TIME and are SO IMPACTFUL. There was so much I could relate to as a woman, and found her simple-but-powerful observations and descriptions about the patriarchy and what it's like to be a woman (and how differently that can be depending on where you are) very effective and impactful. I thought her straightforward descriptions of the interactions she had with men she was dating really spoke for themselves re: how completely misogynist and inappropriate these otherwise 'prized' men were.
I was really worried there for a moment when the second-to last man entered the scene that it was about to end w/ a stupid happily-ever-after prince charming (who is really a king of assholes), but I'm SO GLAD it ended with her choosing HER and remaining single! I know she has much more life to live, and can see this book has catapulted her career, looking forward to what comes next. Really noted the lack of strong female friendships in her life, she mentions some w/ employers and smidge w/ some school friends momentarily, but what about current peers? I hope she finds these women in her life and her next several chapters can be focussed on how they inspire each other vs. centered around any man or men.
I hope a whole slew of gorgeous women who date terrible men and don't find themselves to be 'feminists' can read and relate to these sentiments and are encouraged to own the word, the label, and the identity as naturally as she does.
Enjoyed the memoir and I do hear what she's saying re: not finding a book meant for her. There AREN'T that many books that speak to her personal perspective as an immigrant woman bridging two very different cultures and I'm glad there is one. We, as women telling our own stories, have so much catching up to do anyway! More women's stories! I can think of several women who either a) have a similar immigrant background to her, or b) those who don't but also don't usually read / see themselves as 'readers' who could relate to her lifestyle / personality and might be attracted to and can relate to this book.
I'm so glad too to that in effect this book treats emotional abuse so very seriously and she's taken the time to beautifully illustrate in words exactly what that story can look like for anyone, and what it meant to her personally. The 'simple' ways in which men keep women down like the men in her relationships have, happen ALL THE TIME and are SO IMPACTFUL. There was so much I could relate to as a woman, and found her simple-but-powerful observations and descriptions about the patriarchy and what it's like to be a woman (and how differently that can be depending on where you are) very effective and impactful. I thought her straightforward descriptions of the interactions she had with men she was dating really spoke for themselves re: how completely misogynist and inappropriate these otherwise 'prized' men were.
I was really worried there for a moment when the second-to last man entered the scene that it was about to end w/ a stupid happily-ever-after prince charming (who is really a king of assholes), but I'm SO GLAD it ended with her choosing HER and remaining single! I know she has much more life to live, and can see this book has catapulted her career, looking forward to what comes next. Really noted the lack of strong female friendships in her life, she mentions some w/ employers and smidge w/ some school friends momentarily, but what about current peers? I hope she finds these women in her life and her next several chapters can be focussed on how they inspire each other vs. centered around any man or men.
I hope a whole slew of gorgeous women who date terrible men and don't find themselves to be 'feminists' can read and relate to these sentiments and are encouraged to own the word, the label, and the identity as naturally as she does.
{ **** } 4 stars
This was a charming memoir. Reema is one of those rare few voices that has been able to take their life experiences and reflect on it all from a place of genuine gratitude and sincerity. Similar platitudes may sound put-upon or contrived from other authors, but Reema really does seem to come from a deeply profound place of recognizing where she’s been and who she does and doesn’t want to be.
This was a charming memoir. Reema is one of those rare few voices that has been able to take their life experiences and reflect on it all from a place of genuine gratitude and sincerity. Similar platitudes may sound put-upon or contrived from other authors, but Reema really does seem to come from a deeply profound place of recognizing where she’s been and who she does and doesn’t want to be.
This book touched me
Even though our lives and struggles were very different, I see myself in Reema's writing. As she writes and refers to my love and you, she pulls you into her world, and you become part of her. Raw, honest, truly heartbreaking and yet hopeful and loving and lovely. This book will stay with me for a long time.
Even though our lives and struggles were very different, I see myself in Reema's writing. As she writes and refers to my love and you, she pulls you into her world, and you become part of her. Raw, honest, truly heartbreaking and yet hopeful and loving and lovely. This book will stay with me for a long time.
Thank you for writing this and sharing this. Ive never read anything like it. I didnt think id be able to relate to your experiences but there were sooo many moments that hit my heart and hugged my soul.
Highly recommend to all brown children.
Highly recommend to all brown children.
the most incredible book i’ve ever read, i’ve never felt so seen and understood before. i wept over and over, overwhelmed by how beautifully and profoundly reema articulates human experiences of joy, beauty, love, family as well as experiences of emotional abuse, sexual assault, eating disorders, and the belittlement from her father / cultural norms. her identity as a firstborn bangladeshi-american woman resonated with me so deeply.
“i remind myself everything in life is about love and it’s absence: every gesture is an act of love or a cry for love”
“there is always a way, and you will always thrive, by the simple skin of who you are.. you can always trust yourself”
“i am enough as i am. i don’t want to merely endure anymore. he is not my responsibility, failure, quandary, or purpose. i neither desire not deserve punishing love that lands hard. i don’t want love that includes silence, abuse, manipulation, or captivity. i long for a loving love.”
“why must i meet him now, when i’m doing so well? perhaps some characters are sent specifically when we are walking tall and steady, to test our loyalty to ourselves.”
“uncertainty is a form of limitlessness. there is nothing holding me here. there is nothing holding me back.”
“every man will bring out a different version of my self, unless, until, i arrive at the day when my self lives solidly, consistently, intact and anchored within.”
“i remind myself everything in life is about love and it’s absence: every gesture is an act of love or a cry for love”
“there is always a way, and you will always thrive, by the simple skin of who you are.. you can always trust yourself”
“i am enough as i am. i don’t want to merely endure anymore. he is not my responsibility, failure, quandary, or purpose. i neither desire not deserve punishing love that lands hard. i don’t want love that includes silence, abuse, manipulation, or captivity. i long for a loving love.”
“why must i meet him now, when i’m doing so well? perhaps some characters are sent specifically when we are walking tall and steady, to test our loyalty to ourselves.”
“uncertainty is a form of limitlessness. there is nothing holding me here. there is nothing holding me back.”
“every man will bring out a different version of my self, unless, until, i arrive at the day when my self lives solidly, consistently, intact and anchored within.”
This is an extraordinary memoir describing the events that make up the life experience for the author up until now. She has had a unique experience, different from many of us that is interesting to hear. Her strength is evident within the lines of her own story and so important with the ongoing inequality between people in society.
#IAmYours #NetGalley
#IAmYours #NetGalley
*I recieved this book from NetGalley in retirn for a honest review*
This book is such a lyrical, touching memoir. While it took a few pages to get into the rhythm of the writing but as soon as i did i was hooked.
Reema's story is sad and uplifting at the same time as we work our way through her life and root for her along the way. I am glad that the author chose to write her story down and that I got to read it.
This book is such a lyrical, touching memoir. While it took a few pages to get into the rhythm of the writing but as soon as i did i was hooked.
Reema's story is sad and uplifting at the same time as we work our way through her life and root for her along the way. I am glad that the author chose to write her story down and that I got to read it.