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1_800_fuck_off's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
ooohhh! where do i begin???
i deeply related to the religious aspect of this story. i was triggered by things that were discussed and it ripped my heart to shreds. i definitely had to take a few breaks to cry a bit and just take a breather. i feel a bit drained writing this right after i finished the book so i might come back later to revise this review but for now i’ll just say what i’m feeling at the moment.
i identified myself with sebastian so much, particularly about his struggle with his family and where he stood in the eyes of God. i also related with tanner in having a supportive family because, fortunately and unfortunately, i have both the really religious dad and the super supportive mom and they’re divorced so they have shown me two prominent paths of life. and unfortunately i’m also a bit of a people pleaser especially when it comes to my family so when your parents have two very differing ways of life they want you to live…well let’s just say that’s something i’m still struggling with. this book really felt like it took my soul apart and put it back together in the form of a book for all to see. i felt understood but it also made me feel vulnerable which made me feel what i struggle to suppress everyday so i’m not sure how i feel about that yet. many feelings, ew, lol.
for a good chunk of the story i believed this would be a five star read until that part where tanner sleeps with autumn. it jarred me to the point that it almost made me dnf the book. it completely disconnected me from tanner’s character and made me question why that was written in. i know it’s a real thing that happens and stuff but it’s just one of those things that i can’t comprehend and one of those actions i can’t bring myself to dismiss and move on about. so that affected my emotional investment from that point on. i didn’t feel as strongly as before and read on in a sort of detached state for the rest of the book. i no longer cried or felt much of anything for what happened. there were still things i related to, especially on sebastian’s pov chapters, but it’s like my heart closed itself off and didn’t allow me to feel it much anymore. maybe some sort of coping mechanism lol.
overall, i did really like the book, though, and i would recommend it. especially to queer kids struggling with religious expectations from their family. i see you, i feel you, i hear you. i hope you find some solace in these pages. i hope they make you feel seen and understood. you are not alone, you lovely soul. may life be kinder to you every day.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Religious bigotry and Homophobia
Moderate: Cursing
Minor: Sexism
your religious trauma will go brrr
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