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sarah42783's review
4.0
Conan the Barbarian #14, aka My Cimmerian Paramour of the Lethal Beef-Bone Meets Elric the Brooding Albino of the Grumpy, Sentient Sword, aka When a Book is So Dreadfully, Ridiculously, Ferociously Bad, It’s Good (WaBiSDRFBIG™).
① Illustrations so frightfully horrendous you’d think I was the artist behind them.
My Barbarian Cutie Pie has gone all cross-eyed and stuff (I’m super offended on his behalf, just so you know):
Pretty sure such beautifully square, chiselled jaws would come in handy in the construction business. You know, in case you run out of bricks and stuff. Right. Never you mind.
The Babe of the Week—aka Zephra, aka the Wench of the Shapely Turn of Legs Whose Voice Resembles a Cat’s Soft Purring (you really can’t make thatshit scrumptious stuff up)—is the poster girl for plastic surgery gone wrong:
Now that looks painful as fish.
Elric the Grouchy Albino put on his Santa’s Elf costume and is all set for the Holiday season:
Conan dear, that untrusting-suspicious-as-fish-slanting-squinting-almond-shaped-eyes thingie looks SO hot on you! No wonder I fell in lurves at first sight.
② Colors so excruciatingly gaudy you end up thinking you overdid it with the acid before starting to read this comic.
See what I mean?
Then there’s the Green Chick, but since she’s called the Green Empress, I assume her skin coloring is perfectly natural and healthy and stuff:
Still looks to me like something she ate didn’t sit that well with her. I mean, see those eyes? Doesn’t the woman look slightly under the weather to you? She sure doesn’t look like someone with a thriving digestive track, if you ask me.
Oh, and my boyfriend has blue hair, in case that horribly alarming fact had previously escaped your notice:
Such a groovy haircut, much swooning.
And, last but not least, further explorations of the soft nuances of the pastel colorwheel:
So soothing for the eyes! So beautifully relaxing!
③ Dialogues so profound, deep and meaningful, you’d think you were reading an essay on the meaning of life.
You really can’t get more philosophical than the characters’ interactions in this story. Oh no, you really can’t. I mean, it’s all overripe melons-this, stink in the nostrils-that, abstract stuff about watching one’s pale backside and the relative merits of forearm sizes (yes, I said forearm, you perverts).
In fact, the dialogues are so incredibly complex, my Barbarian Paramour would kill for some Tylenol:
My baby’s head pounds, please someone do something! Hey, wait! Who do you think you’re calling “beloved,” you of the all-fished- up-Picasso-face?! The nerve some women have!
But I have to admit that the coolest thing about this comic is that it comes fully equipped with subtitled audio description. I kid you not. Don’t believe me? Check this out:
Ha! All-Fished-Up-Picasso-Face might be trying to steal my boyfriend, but at least she is gracious enough to describe the little pictures for the reader. Now isn’t that super cool indeed?!
➽ Nefarious Last Words (NLW™): This is Awfully Awful. This is Gloriousy Glorious. I want More.
• Conan The Barbarian #15 - to be read.
[Pre-review nonsense]
Oh my bloody shrimping hell. Those graphics. Those colors. Those dialogues. So horrible. So gaudy. So bad. Hahahahahahaha, it's absolutely amazing! I
① Illustrations so frightfully horrendous you’d think I was the artist behind them.
My Barbarian Cutie Pie has gone all cross-eyed and stuff (I’m super offended on his behalf, just so you know):
Pretty sure such beautifully square, chiselled jaws would come in handy in the construction business. You know, in case you run out of bricks and stuff. Right. Never you mind.
The Babe of the Week—aka Zephra, aka the Wench of the Shapely Turn of Legs Whose Voice Resembles a Cat’s Soft Purring (you really can’t make that
Now that looks painful as fish.
Elric the Grouchy Albino put on his Santa’s Elf costume and is all set for the Holiday season:
Conan dear, that untrusting-suspicious-as-fish-slanting-squinting-almond-shaped-eyes thingie looks SO hot on you! No wonder I fell in lurves at first sight.
② Colors so excruciatingly gaudy you end up thinking you overdid it with the acid before starting to read this comic.
See what I mean?
Then there’s the Green Chick, but since she’s called the Green Empress, I assume her skin coloring is perfectly natural and healthy and stuff:
Still looks to me like something she ate didn’t sit that well with her. I mean, see those eyes? Doesn’t the woman look slightly under the weather to you? She sure doesn’t look like someone with a thriving digestive track, if you ask me.
Oh, and my boyfriend has blue hair, in case that horribly alarming fact had previously escaped your notice:
Such a groovy haircut, much swooning.
And, last but not least, further explorations of the soft nuances of the pastel colorwheel:
So soothing for the eyes! So beautifully relaxing!
③ Dialogues so profound, deep and meaningful, you’d think you were reading an essay on the meaning of life.
You really can’t get more philosophical than the characters’ interactions in this story. Oh no, you really can’t. I mean, it’s all overripe melons-this, stink in the nostrils-that, abstract stuff about watching one’s pale backside and the relative merits of forearm sizes (yes, I said forearm, you perverts).
In fact, the dialogues are so incredibly complex, my Barbarian Paramour would kill for some Tylenol:
My baby’s head pounds, please someone do something! Hey, wait! Who do you think you’re calling “beloved,” you of the all-fished- up-Picasso-face?! The nerve some women have!
But I have to admit that the coolest thing about this comic is that it comes fully equipped with subtitled audio description. I kid you not. Don’t believe me? Check this out:
Ha! All-Fished-Up-Picasso-Face might be trying to steal my boyfriend, but at least she is gracious enough to describe the little pictures for the reader. Now isn’t that super cool indeed?!
➽ Nefarious Last Words (NLW™): This is Awfully Awful. This is Gloriousy Glorious. I want More.
• Conan The Barbarian #15 - to be read.
[Pre-review nonsense]
Oh my bloody shrimping hell. Those graphics. Those colors. Those dialogues. So horrible. So gaudy. So bad. Hahahahahahaha, it's absolutely amazing! I
More...