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jenniferbbookdragon's review
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
An introspective series of essays on gender, sexuality, nature, relationships, and life in the Midwest, this book is honest and raw. As a fellow Wisconsin native, I recognize the deep connection to the earth, the stoic nature of the culture, and the fish fries and potlucks that are much of life in communities across our state. The challenge of being different from the expectations in a small town, and how that upbringing followed the author into larger, more liberal cities ties reflections on everything from guns, moths, to the choice to have children.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Misogyny, Homophobia, Dysphoria, Lesbophobia, Suicidal thoughts, Self harm, Sexism, and Sexual harassment
Minor: Alcohol, Injury/Injury detail, Drug use, and Sexual content
BDSMciararenaud's review
challenging
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
slow-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcoholism, Dysphoria, Gun violence, Rape, Self harm, Sexual content, Alcohol, Animal death, Sexual violence, Biphobia, Mental illness, Misogyny, Grief, and Panic attacks/disorders
Moderate: Sexism
Minor: Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Police brutality, Religious bigotry, and Classism
abbie_'s review
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
4.25
My thanks to the publisher for my free review copy!
What I loved
- the discussion around bisexuality, biphobia, and bi erasure. Faliveno is bi and in a relationship with a man, and she talks about how she (and many of her other queer friends) often feels like she no longer belongs in the queer community, but also doesn’t belong among the cis-hets because of her gender ‘presentation’
- The discussion around gender presentation. The author does disclose her preference for she/her pronouns, but also identifies as genderqueer. Loved her discussion on how the world reacts to her because we’re all so obsessed with putting things (and people) into clearly delineated boxes
- Tomboy history - did you know the word tomboy has racist and heteronormative roots? I didn’t but I’m not surprised. Also people used to encourage girls to be tomboys so that they’d run around more and get healthy and fit and strong so they’d be more suited for child bearing later on?? Then when they hit 14 or 15 it was time to be a proper lady again
- Made me think about tornadoes, those things are scary and America just experiences them all the time?? Wild
- Everything she shares about found family and community, and the privilege she knows she has that she’s both close to her biological family and has such a great queer community surrounding her
- All the discussion around children and deciding to be child-free. I don’t think I’ve seen someone take such a complex deep dive into their feelings around this, especially as she admits to feeling some type of grief around not having children, but that grief doesn’t mean she wants to change her mind or regret her decision. A lot of things are presented as black and white these days, so it was nice to see someone admit to holding a lot of conflicting feelings at once
What I didn’t like so much:
- not much tbh! The last essay wasn’t as strong as the others so I feel like that could have been placed elsewhere in the collection
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape, Biphobia, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, and Suicide attempt
letmetakea_shelfie_'s review
challenging
reflective
slow-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Self harm and Sexual content
readerette's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
The essay/chapter entitled Motherland feels like a must read for anyone who's ever had children or not had children, or will/will not someday have children. It's a beautiful exploration of how complicated the decision is. As the author says, "...all choices are a sacrifice."
I found this an intriguing rumination on identity and how it develops, though as a Midwesterner, I don't agree with most of the generalizations the author makes about Midwesterners. I do believe those generalizations are how people outside the Midwest often think of us, but I don't believe they're factually true or that most Midwesterners consider them true.
I found this an intriguing rumination on identity and how it develops, though as a Midwesterner, I don't agree with most of the generalizations the author makes about Midwesterners. I do believe those generalizations are how people outside the Midwest often think of us, but I don't believe they're factually true or that most Midwesterners consider them true.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Homophobia, Biphobia, Mental illness, Sexual assault, Alcoholism, Grief, Self harm, Sexual content, and Alcohol
Minor: Death, Dysphoria, Eating disorder, Infidelity, Rape, Blood, Body shaming, Cursing, Suicide, Suicidal thoughts, Violence, Abortion, Colonisation, and Suicide attempt
br00k3a133n's review against another edition
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
fast-paced
2.25
I'm torn and a bit disappointed. The first half of this book was interesting and captivating and beautiful and depressing...but then the second half came along.
There was so much in this that was enjoying but as it went on ended up liking my time with it less and less.
Maybe if it had been half to a third shorter it might have not overstayed it's welcome (which know is strange to say with personal essay, but a lot of the back half just felt long and not as personal as it could have been)
There was so much in this that was enjoying but as it went on ended up liking my time with it less and less.
Maybe if it had been half to a third shorter it might have not overstayed it's welcome (which know is strange to say with personal essay, but a lot of the back half just felt long and not as personal as it could have been)
Content Warnings
Graphic: Self harm
Moderate: Suicidal thoughts, Biphobia, Drug abuse, and Addiction
Minor: Fatphobia
sandphin's review
emotional
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
I live in the area she's writing about, so it was neat to hear reflections on local people and places, our culture, and what it's like to be queer in this area. She's thoughtful and non-judgmental. I loved how she discusses embodiment, though as a disabled person I couldn't exactly relate to her depictions of strength and athleticism. I loved the positive and loving discussion of kink, polyamory, and various queer relationships and identities.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Self harm and Alcoholism
Minor: Domestic abuse
balladofreadingqueer's review
informative
reflective
slow-paced
3.5
I enjoyed this essay collection. The autobiographical essays explore a white Midwesterner, masc-of-centre bisexual woman.
The essays have a very particular perspective but I found points of connection and comparison with my own experiences throughout.
Many of the essays centre the Midwest, particularly Wisconsin, and the ways that she both belongs and does not belong, the landscape, tornados and gun ownership.
I particularly appreciated the essays that examine and probe her difficult relationship to the lgbtq community as a ‘visibly queer’ woman in a relationship with a man, as she seems to feel disconnected from queerness and queer community. The essays also discuss bdsm, self-harm, academia, moths, gun ownership, polyamory, gender identity, motherhood and more.
I wish that there had been more acknowledgement of her ‘social location’ in some essays and I found some of the essays repetitive as they discussed similar feelings or scenarios. But I did find it interesting and useful to consider white midwestern queerness from her perspective.
The essays have a very particular perspective but I found points of connection and comparison with my own experiences throughout.
Many of the essays centre the Midwest, particularly Wisconsin, and the ways that she both belongs and does not belong, the landscape, tornados and gun ownership.
I particularly appreciated the essays that examine and probe her difficult relationship to the lgbtq community as a ‘visibly queer’ woman in a relationship with a man, as she seems to feel disconnected from queerness and queer community. The essays also discuss bdsm, self-harm, academia, moths, gun ownership, polyamory, gender identity, motherhood and more.
I wish that there had been more acknowledgement of her ‘social location’ in some essays and I found some of the essays repetitive as they discussed similar feelings or scenarios. But I did find it interesting and useful to consider white midwestern queerness from her perspective.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Self harm and Alcoholism
katsbooks's review against another edition
challenging
informative
reflective
slow-paced
4.0
"In a small town, the promises of religion are the language of protection..."
"I wonder, sometimes, if I believed in God, would I still feel so afraid?"
"In a small midwestern town, darkness gets buried like a secret."
"So often, though, the things we hope to be true about ourselves and the things we really want are incongruous."
"...bucking a traditional system is never easy."
"It takes a great deal of privilege--by way of money, education, and access--to live within one's ideals."
"...there are no good guys or bad guys. There is only us."
I really enjoyed this collection of essays. Faliveno's writing was really amazing. I liked how the essays were split up into sections. The sections made it easy to pause when I needed to since the essay's were a little longer than I liked. I also liked how the different sections tied together larger themes within each essay, however, sometimes the sections could be a little disjointed. I expected these essays to focus more on gender and sexuality, and while that is definitely a large focus of many of the essays, they explore much more than that. I identified with a lot of the author's conversation on what it's like to grow up as a woman in the Midwest. In addition to midwestern culture, gender and sexuality, the text also explored themes like motherhood, grief, cultural expectations, gun culture and one essay about moths that, I have to admit, I didn't quite understand.
"I wonder, sometimes, if I believed in God, would I still feel so afraid?"
"In a small midwestern town, darkness gets buried like a secret."
"So often, though, the things we hope to be true about ourselves and the things we really want are incongruous."
"...bucking a traditional system is never easy."
"It takes a great deal of privilege--by way of money, education, and access--to live within one's ideals."
"...there are no good guys or bad guys. There is only us."
I really enjoyed this collection of essays. Faliveno's writing was really amazing. I liked how the essays were split up into sections. The sections made it easy to pause when I needed to since the essay's were a little longer than I liked. I also liked how the different sections tied together larger themes within each essay, however, sometimes the sections could be a little disjointed. I expected these essays to focus more on gender and sexuality, and while that is definitely a large focus of many of the essays, they explore much more than that. I identified with a lot of the author's conversation on what it's like to grow up as a woman in the Midwest. In addition to midwestern culture, gender and sexuality, the text also explored themes like motherhood, grief, cultural expectations, gun culture and one essay about moths that, I have to admit, I didn't quite understand.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Alcoholism, Biphobia, Death, Drug abuse, Gaslighting, Grief, Gun violence, Hate crime, Homophobia, Mass/school shootings, Mental illness, Misogyny, Pregnancy, Religious bigotry, Self harm, Sexism, and Sexual content
Moderate: Abortion and Pedophilia
theinfinitebookcase's review
challenging
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
This book was everything I wanted and more. Faliveno touches on many more topics than I had expected - sexuality, gender, womanhood, motherhood, depression and self harm, sexual assault, our relationship with our body, our relationship with our homeland - and I enjoyed the highs and lows, the funny moments and the dark ones as well. Faliveno’s complicated relationship with gender and sexuality mirror my own, which was a comfort to read as I’d never found it expressed in the same way before.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content, Homophobia, and Sexism
Moderate: Sexual assault and Self harm