Reviews

Why Love Hurts: A Sociological Explanation by Eva Illouz

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michislibris's review against another edition

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informative reflective slow-paced

4.75

lesmotsdelivrants's review against another edition

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informative reflective slow-paced

2.5

je suis giga mitigé.e,le début était plutôt intéressant mais alors les 2 derniers chapitres ??? Elle dit des dingueries vrmt j'ai lu les 100 dernières pages en diagonale en sautant plus de la moitié des pages (grossi modo je lisais vitef quand y'avait des gens interrogés et c'est tout)

insimniac's review

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informative slow-paced

3.0

faith_the_librarian's review

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4.0

I'll be honest: I didn't finish the book because I skimmed through the last two chapters and didn't find them interesting (subject matter). However, this book is a great read because it really explains how issues that exists in modern relationships are not the fault of psychological pathology but a shift in the social criteria that people use to enter and exit relationships. For instance, Illouz discusses the "objective" criteria that was used in pre-modern societies. Illouz argues that endogamy helped to make the criteria for entering relationships as well as the roles performed by men and women in relationships unambiguous to pre-modern people. People within similar social groups had well established rules of how to show interest, who should show interest, what made a suitor suitable or unsuitable (Is he honest? Does he keep his promises or break them easily? What do his neighbors and family say about him?), etc. Illouz argues that with modernity, the criteria for who we enter relationships with became more subjective. There is more focus on whether we are sexually and emotionally attracted to a person. A person can have all the attributes that were considered attractive in pre-modern times but ultimately our personal attraction is the overriding criteria for whether or not we decide to enter a relationship. Additionally, Illouz illustrates how capitalism and it market ideal has transferred over to relationships. Illouz argues convincingly that we are now in a marriage market where our choices for partners have expanded greatly. While we have more freedom to pick our partners and more choices to choose from, we also end up having less stability in our relationships. This can be especially problematic for women who still want to marry and raise a family (especially in a society that still tells women that this is a sign of success) who end up being with men who know they have a variety of choices to choose from. Illouz argues that while women are still told to settle down, men are given a different message that bases their masculinity on how much currency they hold in the sex market. In other words, men gain more social currency by having more sexual partners for as long as possible whereas women gain social currency by creating families. This, rather than personal deficiencies and flawed psyches, creates conflict and tension in many modern relationships.

I didn't agree with everything that Illouz wrote but her core argument is sound and something that needs to be heard, especially by the millions of women who feed the massive relationship/self-help industry and nearly always blame themselves for the demise of relationships. It's about time someone began to look at the societal factors that influence modern relationships.

atmosphaera's review against another edition

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challenging informative reflective medium-paced

4.5

lindag_90's review against another edition

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5.0

Bei diesem Buch handelt es sich um eine großartige, umfassende soziologische Analyse über das Beziehungs- und Liebesverhalten von Menschen und zeigt auf, wie dies durch verschiedene Aspekte der Psychologie, gesellschaftlichen Konventionen, des Kapitalsimus etc. beeinflusst wird.
Es handelt sich nicht um ein Selbsthilfebuch, sondern um eine rein akademische Analyse, die den verschiedenen Verhaltensweisen auf den Grund geht und das Verständnis stärkt.
Meiner Meinung nach eine Pflichtlektüre für alle, die sich mit den Themen Liebe und Sexualität auf psychologischer und soziologischer Ebene näher beschäftigen möchten und sich selbst und andere besser verstehen lernen möchten.