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4.2 AVERAGE
4.2 AVERAGE
This genuinely freaked me out so much. I was nauseous reading multiple times, but that’s what’s expected with these kinds of stories. The writing is great and the story is absolutely heartbreaking. I also enjoyed the fact that Vanessa is struggling to understand the gravity of what happened, even in present day. She is by no means a “perfect victim”, and I think that’s what makes this book so real and human.
I’m speechless, really. It has been three days since I’ve finished reading and even now, I still can’t make up my mind on words that would be sufficient enough to summarise it. I don’t know whether this review should be considered as spoiler but I’m just marking it as a precaution.
Dark Vanessa, you can’t help but keep on flipping the pages because there’s no stale moment. Every little bit just fit and fit the puzzle more as we dwell deeper into the tale.
Vanessa, I would say in my opinion, is considered to be an unreliable narrator. She has this delusion that pops out people near her viewpoint when they’re not even there and she has a hard time remembering the details, remarks that she doesn’t remember it that way that make you second guessing the flow of what had actually happened. And that, wasn’t supposed to happen. When Ruby, her therapist had said if someone knows her, they’ll know she’s not exactly someone who would exaggerate, she’s someone that would minimise the detail and that hits me.
She tends to hear people’s opinion and then applies it to her own personal view. Like the time when her friend said that her mother loves her enough that she wouldn’t be allowed to go to a boarding school, and Vanessa had thought of herself as not loved by her mother. Or when people had said someone who would sleep with the teachers is a slut and she has scribbled it down and said, what if she’s indeed one ? Vanessa, in my opinion is someone who would sculpture her life in the viewpoint of an outsider and circumstance had shape her that way.
She’s traumatised, and all this while she has been reaching out for help but time and time again, people had let her down. Different people react differently to a similar situation. But I think deep down, I put the blame of her abuser as much on the roommate and all those that had failed her. And that is a flaw on my part.
One instance that struck me deeply is that, when the heavy question of “Who’s to blame?” had been addressed by Strane in class that carries to other part of the story. Shifting the blame of the perpetrator towards another shouldn’t be a thing but the people who had seen it firsthand and just choose to let it happen, shouldn’t they be considered as an accomplice (?). The teacher who had caught them in a compromising situation, the people at the boarding school who had choose to rely heavily on the words of their colleague and the students, who had scoff at Vanessa as if she could be the one pulling the string. Gosh, I can’t help but blame everyone who had seen her crash and burn and just let her be. I think the only other characters that I like are Ruby and Ira.
Maybe this is my emotion talking but even with the fast gripping urge to get to the finishing line, I had to take some time off and just put the book down, and just get a breather. That’s how affected I was, I still am. Read it and experience it on your own cause I don’t think I’ll ever forget this story. This is not a love story and my heart bleed for Vanessa who knows that too.
Dark Vanessa, you can’t help but keep on flipping the pages because there’s no stale moment. Every little bit just fit and fit the puzzle more as we dwell deeper into the tale.
Vanessa, I would say in my opinion, is considered to be an unreliable narrator. She has this delusion that pops out people near her viewpoint when they’re not even there and she has a hard time remembering the details, remarks that she doesn’t remember it that way that make you second guessing the flow of what had actually happened. And that, wasn’t supposed to happen. When Ruby, her therapist had said if someone knows her, they’ll know she’s not exactly someone who would exaggerate, she’s someone that would minimise the detail and that hits me.
She tends to hear people’s opinion and then applies it to her own personal view. Like the time when her friend said that her mother loves her enough that she wouldn’t be allowed to go to a boarding school, and Vanessa had thought of herself as not loved by her mother. Or when people had said someone who would sleep with the teachers is a slut and she has scribbled it down and said, what if she’s indeed one ? Vanessa, in my opinion is someone who would sculpture her life in the viewpoint of an outsider and circumstance had shape her that way.
She’s traumatised, and all this while she has been reaching out for help but time and time again, people had let her down. Different people react differently to a similar situation. But I think deep down, I put the blame of her abuser as much on the roommate and all those that had failed her. And that is a flaw on my part.
One instance that struck me deeply is that, when the heavy question of “Who’s to blame?” had been addressed by Strane in class that carries to other part of the story. Shifting the blame of the perpetrator towards another shouldn’t be a thing but the people who had seen it firsthand and just choose to let it happen, shouldn’t they be considered as an accomplice (?). The teacher who had caught them in a compromising situation, the people at the boarding school who had choose to rely heavily on the words of their colleague and the students, who had scoff at Vanessa as if she could be the one pulling the string. Gosh, I can’t help but blame everyone who had seen her crash and burn and just let her be. I think the only other characters that I like are Ruby and Ira.
Maybe this is my emotion talking but even with the fast gripping urge to get to the finishing line, I had to take some time off and just put the book down, and just get a breather. That’s how affected I was, I still am. Read it and experience it on your own cause I don’t think I’ll ever forget this story. This is not a love story and my heart bleed for Vanessa who knows that too.
dark
emotional
sad
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
No
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
The writing was beautiful and it was an honest depiction of abuse and its aftermath. I did find parts slow at points
Tremendous writing. Dark materials. Not for the feint of heart.
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
I don’t want to rate this just yet as I feel just as emotionally stunted as Vanessa
I have lots of thoughts about being a teen with low self esteem and looking to your teachers to define you as a person
I have lots of thoughts about being a teen with low self esteem and looking to your teachers to define you as a person
“I’m starting to understand that the longer you get away with something, the more reckless you become, until it’s almost as if you want to get caught.”
Breathless. Breathless is the one word that I would use to describe my reading experience with My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell. It’s almost as if the more you progress with the book, the tighter the air in your lungs gets and it feels like you’re on the verge of having a panic attack with every single conversations and thoughts. Which is why I’d like to advise everyone to mentally prepare yourself before picking this book up. Research into the trigger warnings (pedophilia, rape, manipulation, abuse, grooming, suicide) before picking it up so that if any of the warnings bothers you, then DO NOT pick it up because it is a very serious book that could be detrimental to some people. It took me months—almost a year even—for me to prepare myself to dive into this book. Even after I bought it, it took me a month to brave myself up enough to read it.
My Dark Vanessa truly is an important story. It’s not the Lolita of our time as some would call it, but it is simply it’s own dark, new and riveting take on the way one deals with trauma that comes after abuse. It’s powerful, sharp and intensely unsettling.
I was perplexed when I found out that Vanessa was still in contact with her abuser, after all these years. It was heartbreaking to read how vulnerable she was then and now. All she wanted was to be loved. To feel something. And yet that was taken from her and what was left was a huge scar that forever contains the memory of a child, exploited, abuse, manipulated.
It sickens me how people like Strane do exist in real life. Never in my reading experience have my annotations become so pessimistic and full of slanders as much as it is in this book. The blatant manipulation that he continuously insists on young Vanessa who was then too innocent to notice anything was absolutely horrendous and revolting.
Kate Elizabeth Russell was excellent in writing the conflicting thoughts that Vanessa had when she was with Strane. The raw struggle of braving one’s self to opening up about a dark past not only to close friends and family but a therapist. It was absolutely captivating and overwhelming at the same time. This has been such an experience, this book is so important and despite how heavy the topic is, I’m glad that it’s out here for people to indulge so that everyone can understand better on how such things impact certain people. The permanent scar of the memory. How manipulation can easily convince a person that abuse is some form of love meanwhile it was never a sign of anything but ruthless psyche. I hope everyone can give this book a go when you’re ready. 5 stars is what it deserves. Thank you for such a bold and important masterpiece, Kate Elizabeth Russell.
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