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4.34 AVERAGE
4.34 AVERAGE
This destroyed me. I am NOT a cryer. I do not cry. But the last 10% of this book had me ugly crying, snot running down my face, and I was hiccuping. The ending hurt even though I saw it coming.
The age gap in this was hard to read at first. 18 and 30 is difficult. And reading it solely from Mike’s perspective even more difficult. But he hates himself it. Hates himself for falling for and loving Liam. There are things I wish I could know but Mike isn’t exactly a reliable narrator. It’s all colored by his view of the world. But I never doubted for a moment his love for Liam or Liam’s profound love for surly Mike.
The topic of this book is hard. I’m a huge fan of football so CTE is something I very much understand. What athletes go through for our entertainment … this book made that even more profound to me.
Although they’re fictional characters I find myself hoping that Liam was able to move on despite his almost 20 year love with Mike. Ultimately, that’s what Mike wanted for him.
Anyway. A difficult read for many reasons but also a profoundly beautiful love story.
The age gap in this was hard to read at first. 18 and 30 is difficult. And reading it solely from Mike’s perspective even more difficult. But he hates himself it. Hates himself for falling for and loving Liam. There are things I wish I could know but Mike isn’t exactly a reliable narrator. It’s all colored by his view of the world. But I never doubted for a moment his love for Liam or Liam’s profound love for surly Mike.
The topic of this book is hard. I’m a huge fan of football so CTE is something I very much understand. What athletes go through for our entertainment … this book made that even more profound to me.
Although they’re fictional characters I find myself hoping that Liam was able to move on despite his almost 20 year love with Mike. Ultimately, that’s what Mike wanted for him.
Anyway. A difficult read for many reasons but also a profoundly beautiful love story.
i am currently hiding under my covers and sobbing so hard. this book was so beautiful and it has broken my heart — despite that i loved it so much.
I don't normally write reviews, but this book gutted me. I try not to read books that will make me sob because I'd rather read something happy and funny than something so sad, but I gave this book a try. I kept seeing reviews that it wasn't really a romance because there was no HEA, but I would wholeheartedly disagree. You can see the love between them grow throughout the years and throughout all the challenges and obstacles thrown their way. It wasn't a cookie-cutter romance, but it was a raw and emotional love story.
The only thing that really annoyed me throughout the book was Mike's inability to say "I love you" to Liam, not even when Mike's health was severely declining. I get that a case could be made that maybe his actions towards Liam (being less grumpy, getting out of his comfort zone, etc.) as the book progressed could be taken as his way of showing love, but his overall stubbornness to say those three words really frustrated me. Like here he has a guy who loves him unconditionally, and he refuses to say anything to Liam that could be considered romantic.
I'm an avid hockey fan, so I'm well aware of the ongoing debate about fighting in the NHL and the consequences they have on a player's health later in life, but reading about the dark side of the role while being woven into a love story made me seriously ugly cry before the last chapter. I literally think I cried for a solid minute. Even after finishing the book, whenever I thought about the book again, I started to get choked up and had to stop myself from getting emotional.
Also, I could see where the ending was headed after the first "concussion" Mike got in the book and his constant throbbing pain, but it still didn't stop me from bawling as he started losing control of his body.
I do wish we got more of Liam's POV in the book, even if it were a few chapters thrown randomly in the book. While Mike does say a few times that Liam is super expressive when it comes to his facial and body language, it would have been nice to read what was going through Liam's head during some key moments.
Overall, I'm really glad I decided to read this book, even though it's going to take me a while to process all my emotions.
The only thing that really annoyed me throughout the book was Mike's inability to say "I love you" to Liam, not even when Mike's health was severely declining. I get that a case could be made that maybe his actions towards Liam (being less grumpy, getting out of his comfort zone, etc.) as the book progressed could be taken as his way of showing love, but his overall stubbornness to say those three words really frustrated me. Like here he has a guy who loves him unconditionally, and he refuses to say anything to Liam that could be considered romantic.
I'm an avid hockey fan, so I'm well aware of the ongoing debate about fighting in the NHL and the consequences they have on a player's health later in life, but reading about the dark side of the role while being woven into a love story made me seriously ugly cry before the last chapter. I literally think I cried for a solid minute. Even after finishing the book, whenever I thought about the book again, I started to get choked up and had to stop myself from getting emotional.
Also, I could see where the ending was headed after the first "concussion" Mike got in the book and his constant throbbing pain, but it still didn't stop me from bawling as he started losing control of his body.
I do wish we got more of Liam's POV in the book, even if it were a few chapters thrown randomly in the book. While Mike does say a few times that Liam is super expressive when it comes to his facial and body language, it would have been nice to read what was going through Liam's head during some key moments.
Overall, I'm really glad I decided to read this book, even though it's going to take me a while to process all my emotions.
hopeful
reflective
medium-paced
DNF a 38%
Meio aborrecido... começou bem e parecia interessante mas do nada o Liam gosta do Mike e não se percebe porquê, não há um desenvolvimento, nem plot
Demasiado drama chato
Acabei por ver spoilers nos comentários e não perdi nada
Meio aborrecido... começou bem e parecia interessante mas do nada o Liam gosta do Mike e não se percebe porquê, não há um desenvolvimento, nem plot
Demasiado drama chato
Acabei por ver spoilers nos comentários e não perdi nada
1/5
did i... read the same book as everyone else? serious question. someone please point me in the direction of the story that was supposed to be worthy of 4 and a half stars—i'll gladly trash this review and go read that book instead.
i initially had no intentions of reading this, for several reasons: a) the uncomfy age gap between the MCs (18 and 30), b) the cover didn't appeal to me, and c) i wasn't a huge fan of coming in first place, the only other book i've read by this author. i probably should've taken all those things as signs to leave the book alone, but (as i tend to do) i ended up caving because of the unusually high average rating (the day i learn to stop using those as a reference point will be the day world peace is finally achieved) and all the reviews praising it as one of the most tragic and profound stories in existence. in hindsight, the only tragedy to be found here was me actually reading this entire mess cover-to-cover.
even still, like always, i made sure not to go into it with a negative mindset. i gave it the benefit of the doubt from the very start, keeping an open mind and not diving in preparing to hate every second of it.
that being said—i hated every second of it.
am i too cynical? do i set my standards unrealistically high? clearly i'm the problem if everyone else adored this, right?
i'll start by saying that i did enjoy the writing style at first; its very straightforward and no-nonsense tone perfectly represented the type of character mike is. but, very quickly, everything began to tumble downhill for me, snowballing and snowballing until all i was left with was a huge, disappointing ball of disappointment.
my issues began when liam and mike first had sex (beginning of chapter two—yup, we love a good buildup). it was sudden and basically came out of nowhere. and, at the beginning, they don't do anything together but have sex. no hanging out or getting to know each other. just sex, so much sex, sex every other scene, and i literally cared about none of it.
at the beginning (when he's 18), liam is characterized as bratty and petulant, someone who constantly whines and complains. i'll admit that he did a bit too much pouting and sulking for my personal taste. honestly, the guy pouted more than a preschooler whose favorite toy was stolen from them at playtime.
and speaking of him acting like a kid... i know a lot of people enjoy it or find it hot, but i personally wasn't a fan of how much emphasis was placed on the juxtaposition of liam being a small kid and mike being much bigger and older. it's never been my thing to read, especially when one of the MCs is just barely legal, and truthfully, their relationship at the start made me uncomfortable.
i realize that it's just fiction, but irl i'd side-eye any 30-year-old who has sex with an 18-year-old, let alone one who constantly refers to his younger partner using infantilizing adjectives like "innocent", "childish", and "naïve" like mike loved to do.
like... no shit he's all those things? he's the age of a literal high-schooler, and you're a grown ass man. oh, but don't worry—mike constantly tells the reader that he's not a good person, so at least he's self-aware.
it didn't help that the author took every opportunity she could to liken liam to an actual child, making everything feel even stranger. he's whiny, he's clingy, he's stubborn, he's baby-faced, he likes cartoons, so on and so forth. he's written like he's 8, not 18.
once again...
on the other hand, mike was über-angsty and depressing and acted like a complete and utter dick most of the time. like DPMO and say this was a grumpy vs. sunshine story—no, no, this was very much a selfish jerk vs. his emotional punching bag story. and every time liam did something to try and help him (undeservedly, too, might i add), he'd not only immediately shut him down, but he'd do so in the rudest way possible. we're told several times that mike loved liam, but his actions never reflected that.
and get this: not once did he say the words to him in the entire almost *checks notes* two decades they spent together. seventeen years, and not a single goddamn time. liam, honey... have some self-respect.
some readers might view that as an epic, romantic love story: aw, mike loved liam so much that he didn't even have to say the words out loud and liam still knew he loved him!
if it wasn't obvious enough already... i'm not one of those readers. mike (supposedly) has these strong feelings for liam, but he never shares them and lets liam know how (supposedly) loved he is because he's so adamant on keeping up his self-loathing woe-is-me act, never stopping even for a second to consider how liam might've felt.
to use the above gif as a segue:the author mike uses some variation of the word "fuck" (i.e. fucking, fucked, fucker) almost every single paragraph like some edgy 12-year-old trying out curse words for the first time. usually something like that wouldn't bother me as much, but here it stuck out and felt excessive and annoying. we get it, dude, you're a brooding ball of angst and you say the word "fucking" a lot.
also—funnily enough, i had this exact same problem with the MCs in the other book i read by this author—what the actual hell does liam see in mike to be so fucking besotted and obsessed with him? i'm truly and genuinely asking. let's see... it's definitely not his personality or how caring he was towards him, because he wasn't. that leaves sex. is it because he liked the way mike fucked him? that's why he fell in love with the guy? that's why he put up with his ridiculous cranky asshole bullshit time after time after time again? please BFFR.
the story dragged a lot due to the lack of dialogue. it's mostly just mike narrating how he's feeling about situations that happen, which grew repetitive. at times, it honestly felt more like i was reading a summary of the book or the sparknotes version rather than experiencing the events of the story myself.
if nothing else, i did my best to keep high spirits while awaiting the heart-wrenching, swoon-worthy, tear-inducing ending everyone was gushing about, but i'm sorry to say that i read the last two chapters with a completely straight face. was i supposed to feel sad? i didn't.
in fact, if the author had made me care about liam's character at all, i probably would've been rejoicing and crying tears of joy for him.
i'm fully aware that this is the second book in a row largely beloved by the community that turned out to be less than satisfactory for me (cough, cough), so please believe me when i say that i'm not a sardonic, cruel, black-hearted hater, nor am i on a mission to be a special snowflake who spits on every book everyone else seemed to enjoy.
at the time i type this review out, the majority of my ratings are actually 5 stars. i do have the capability of enjoying books! i don't set out to read ones i think i'll hate, either—but i also don't take joy in wasting precious time reading one that i paid for and wholeheartedly despised.
all in all, i think it's safe to say that this author isn't for me, so i won't be torturing myself with her works any longer. and if i have any GR friends left after this review, love y'all! xx
did i... read the same book as everyone else? serious question. someone please point me in the direction of the story that was supposed to be worthy of 4 and a half stars—i'll gladly trash this review and go read that book instead.
i initially had no intentions of reading this, for several reasons: a) the uncomfy age gap between the MCs (18 and 30), b) the cover didn't appeal to me, and c) i wasn't a huge fan of coming in first place, the only other book i've read by this author. i probably should've taken all those things as signs to leave the book alone, but (as i tend to do) i ended up caving because of the unusually high average rating (the day i learn to stop using those as a reference point will be the day world peace is finally achieved) and all the reviews praising it as one of the most tragic and profound stories in existence. in hindsight, the only tragedy to be found here was me actually reading this entire mess cover-to-cover.
even still, like always, i made sure not to go into it with a negative mindset. i gave it the benefit of the doubt from the very start, keeping an open mind and not diving in preparing to hate every second of it.
that being said—i hated every second of it.
am i too cynical? do i set my standards unrealistically high? clearly i'm the problem if everyone else adored this, right?
i'll start by saying that i did enjoy the writing style at first; its very straightforward and no-nonsense tone perfectly represented the type of character mike is. but, very quickly, everything began to tumble downhill for me, snowballing and snowballing until all i was left with was a huge, disappointing ball of disappointment.
my issues began when liam and mike first had sex (beginning of chapter two—yup, we love a good buildup). it was sudden and basically came out of nowhere. and, at the beginning, they don't do anything together but have sex. no hanging out or getting to know each other. just sex, so much sex, sex every other scene, and i literally cared about none of it.
at the beginning (when he's 18), liam is characterized as bratty and petulant, someone who constantly whines and complains. i'll admit that he did a bit too much pouting and sulking for my personal taste. honestly, the guy pouted more than a preschooler whose favorite toy was stolen from them at playtime.
and speaking of him acting like a kid... i know a lot of people enjoy it or find it hot, but i personally wasn't a fan of how much emphasis was placed on the juxtaposition of liam being a small kid and mike being much bigger and older. it's never been my thing to read, especially when one of the MCs is just barely legal, and truthfully, their relationship at the start made me uncomfortable.
i realize that it's just fiction, but irl i'd side-eye any 30-year-old who has sex with an 18-year-old, let alone one who constantly refers to his younger partner using infantilizing adjectives like "innocent", "childish", and "naïve" like mike loved to do.
like... no shit he's all those things? he's the age of a literal high-schooler, and you're a grown ass man. oh, but don't worry—mike constantly tells the reader that he's not a good person, so at least he's self-aware.
"Wake up,” Liam repeats, nudging Mike’s shoulder. Actually, nudging is too generous a term. He is poking. He is poking Mike’s shoulder like he’s five years old and it’s fucking Christmas morning..
Liam quickly figures out the position that is the most intensely, annoyingly cuddly, and also avoids hurting his nose. Mike tolerates it, but he puts his foot down when Liam tries to make him watch cartoons. He may be fucking a kid, but he sure as hell isn’t becoming one.
Fuck, Mike’s impressed that Liam remembered Mike existed after he left the country. He’s heard that infants lack object permanence.
it didn't help that the author took every opportunity she could to liken liam to an actual child, making everything feel even stranger. he's whiny, he's clingy, he's stubborn, he's baby-faced, he likes cartoons, so on and so forth. he's written like he's 8, not 18.
once again...
on the other hand, mike was über-angsty and depressing and acted like a complete and utter dick most of the time. like DPMO and say this was a grumpy vs. sunshine story—no, no, this was very much a selfish jerk vs. his emotional punching bag story. and every time liam did something to try and help him (undeservedly, too, might i add), he'd not only immediately shut him down, but he'd do so in the rudest way possible. we're told several times that mike loved liam, but his actions never reflected that.
and get this: not once did he say the words to him in the entire almost *checks notes* two decades they spent together. seventeen years, and not a single goddamn time. liam, honey... have some self-respect.
some readers might view that as an epic, romantic love story: aw, mike loved liam so much that he didn't even have to say the words out loud and liam still knew he loved him!
if it wasn't obvious enough already... i'm not one of those readers. mike (supposedly) has these strong feelings for liam, but he never shares them and lets liam know how (supposedly) loved he is because he's so adamant on keeping up his self-loathing woe-is-me act, never stopping even for a second to consider how liam might've felt.
to use the above gif as a segue:
also—funnily enough, i had this exact same problem with the MCs in the other book i read by this author—what the actual hell does liam see in mike to be so fucking besotted and obsessed with him? i'm truly and genuinely asking. let's see... it's definitely not his personality or how caring he was towards him, because he wasn't. that leaves sex. is it because he liked the way mike fucked him? that's why he fell in love with the guy? that's why he put up with his ridiculous cranky asshole bullshit time after time after time again? please BFFR.
the story dragged a lot due to the lack of dialogue. it's mostly just mike narrating how he's feeling about situations that happen, which grew repetitive. at times, it honestly felt more like i was reading a summary of the book or the sparknotes version rather than experiencing the events of the story myself.
if nothing else, i did my best to keep high spirits while awaiting the heart-wrenching, swoon-worthy, tear-inducing ending everyone was gushing about, but i'm sorry to say that i read the last two chapters with a completely straight face. was i supposed to feel sad? i didn't.
in fact, if the author had made me care about liam's character at all, i probably would've been rejoicing and crying tears of joy for him.
i'm fully aware that this is the second book in a row largely beloved by the community that turned out to be less than satisfactory for me (cough, cough), so please believe me when i say that i'm not a sardonic, cruel, black-hearted hater, nor am i on a mission to be a special snowflake who spits on every book everyone else seemed to enjoy.
at the time i type this review out, the majority of my ratings are actually 5 stars. i do have the capability of enjoying books! i don't set out to read ones i think i'll hate, either—but i also don't take joy in wasting precious time reading one that i paid for and wholeheartedly despised.
all in all, i think it's safe to say that this author isn't for me, so i won't be torturing myself with her works any longer. and if i have any GR friends left after this review, love y'all! xx
This was a hard one for me to get through. Mainly because I did not like the writing style AT.ALL. This is told in third person POV. After about 5 pages of 'Mike think the coaches agree with him', 'Mike thinks Liam is a kid', Mike doesn't understand why Liam...' I wanted to scream. The last chapter is told from Liam's POV. This I believe was first person and so very much better.
I didn't buy into this relationship. And again, that might've been the writing. Mike, while he's a jerk, we see that he does care. He never seems to voice it though. Liam I'm not sure what I thought about him. It was clear he loved Mike, but I'm not sure we ever found out why.
Oh well, this wasn't for me. And now I know I absolutely will stay clear of any book written in this person because this was not fun or enjoyable for me.
I didn't buy into this relationship. And again, that might've been the writing. Mike, while he's a jerk, we see that he does care. He never seems to voice it though. Liam I'm not sure what I thought about him. It was clear he loved Mike, but I'm not sure we ever found out why.
Oh well, this wasn't for me. And now I know I absolutely will stay clear of any book written in this person because this was not fun or enjoyable for me.
I've had this book on my TBR shelf for a while and decided to pick it up today because I've been missing hockey a lot lately. I am disappointed there was barely any hockey in this book, but I am grateful that it finally made me pick up this book because that was an emotional rollercoaster that I think I actually needed instead.