Reviews with content warning for Homophobia - I'm Afraid of Men

What caught me off guard was hearing my hometown and finding out the author also grew up there. Suddenly it felt so much more personal, like did I go to the same school as them? Did the same people bully us? Makes for a different kind of atmospheric experience when it’s suddenly a setting you’ve lived in and you’re picturing certain places that Vivek’s stories trigger.

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aileron's review against another edition

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challenging emotional reflective fast-paced

3.0

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clemrain's review against another edition

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challenging dark informative fast-paced

3.0

At the beginning of I’m Afraid of Men, I wasn’t impressed. Because when picking up a feminist piece from a trans author, I was expecting a trans perspective. A lot of what was being said, wrote like cliches of a cis women’s experience. We eventually did dive into the Trans experience, which was emphasized as a unique experience of Shraya. What I was looking for in this book. When we reach the end of the book, I was challenged as a feminine reader to also reflect on myself. The potential to create fear that I hold, and what rolling my eyes on the cliche of the beginning of this book means.

I wanted to see how the world shifts when living like and being seen as a man changes to accepting and being a woman. The answer is, from what I take from Shraya, it doesn’t change much. If you’re a woman at heart, you entire existence is exposed to the little misogynies in the world. And even as a man, you still experience the fall out. Because though the hatred stems from the stereotype built around femininity, the hurt is intended for anyone that partakes in it.

Race also blending into misogyny is a valid point, though I think this point took the back burner in this story. We had a small call back to it at the end, of reclaiming the goddesses and feminine spaces. However, the point wasn’t strong and fell apart as preaching rather than a firm conclusion and concept.

I think the story could’ve tightened itself to specifics. So that the ideas that were presented would’ve had more structure. The writing needed an edit on redundancy and purple prose. I want to give the melodrama of it a pass, because after all it’s such a personal piece. But I when the melodrama takes over the point, we get caught up in the nothingness rather than be delivered the point. I found myself asking a lot, what’s the point? Though I found the answer, it often needed a lot of a work from me. And then the lesson in this books doesn’t work for those who need it. It just works for those that already agree with it.

The vulnerability of this is astounding. There’s a balance of what should be shameful and the presentation of its regularity. Being open about the shaping of sexuality is difficult to read and I’m sure harder to write. There was no asking for pity or empathy. Just a presentation of thoughts, actions and a question of origin. These qualities make the memoir easy to read and only helps what is being said. This is normal, and it’s born from so much more than just us.

I like the poetics of You and Me. And the conclusion of “us”.

Do I think this book had anything new to say to me? Not every page did. Those that did, gave me new thought. In the details. That doesn’t make this a worthless read. But that’s me. Though if you’re well versed in feminist literature, it might not be a necessary read.

For those that are new to understanding this book’s message and have the patience for it—this is a good start.

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blackcatkai's review

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challenging informative fast-paced

5.0

CW: sexism, trans/homophobia, racism, bullying, infidelity, suicidal thoughts mentioned, casual ableism, body shaming, sexual assault in the form of nonconsensual touching, mental illness, harassment, mentions of toxic masculinity

a short memoir from Vivek Shraya about her growing up & into herself as a queer transwoman and all the internalized/societal issues shes faced involving men as well as women. she touches on tough topics but there's good things here, too. I love her writing and insights about gender itself as well as gender expression. I would definitely recommend this and will be reading more of her work in the future.

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mraddd's review against another edition

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challenging emotional reflective medium-paced

4.0

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frantically's review against another edition

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challenging informative inspiring reflective sad fast-paced

4.25

“I have always been disturbed by this transition, by the reality that often the only way to capture someone’s attention and to encourage them to recognize their own internal biases (and to work to alter them) is to confront them with sensational stories of suffering. Why is my humanity only seen or cared about when I share the ways in which I have been victimized and violated?”

This book not only spoke to me (as someone's who's — surprise, surprise — also afraid of men) it taught me so much about the intricate ways a trans-woman's fear of men, fear of masculinity/femininity is different from mine.

What I especially loved being themed is how it is often gay men that make queer spaces unsafe and uncomfortable for female-presenting people. Their gayness does not excuse the casual misogyny they often display.

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souplover2001's review

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informative reflective sad fast-paced

as always i tend to keep more personal memoirs unrated but i liked it! twas a quick read and brought up great insights about gender and it's relation to everyone (not just men) and abt fear and it's relationship to misogyny that i will continue to ruminate on!

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sydapel's review

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challenging emotional sad fast-paced

4.0

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