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Absolutely amazing! Melissa shared her story and vulnerably confronts the balance of adoption. Amazing and so informative.
I skimmed this book and decided not to read it in full. It mostly covers things that I already know, have read about, and have thought through in detail. Also, less of the book is devoted specifically to transracial adoptees' experiences than I expected. A lot of this is just critique of the adoption industry in general, and the author sometimes takes an antagonistic tone without nuance or curiosity about why some people hold very different views than she does.
She also tends to share a monolithic perspective from the other adoptees she quotes. For example, when she is writing about how offensive and problematic she thinks adoption fundraisers are, she shares multiple quotes from other adoptees agreeing with her, but she doesn't include any counterpoint perspectives. The overall message is, "It's icky, it's like buying a child, and you shouldn't adopt if you can't afford to." That's a valid opinion, but others have valid opinions in favor of a community helping a family overcome financial obstacles to adopt. Part of why people do adoption fundraisers is because the adoption system is so broken, and it's possible to critique the system without believing that the parents are buying a child, or that adoption is only for wealthy people.
My goal here isn't to argue this specific point, but to push back against the author sharing quotes that support her position without opening the floor to adoptees who might have different views. Maybe no one did offer a different view, but in that case, I would question how broadly she talked to adult adoptees, and if the Facebook groups she asked questions in had enough diversity of thought to represent a broader range of opinions.
This book is a good primer for people who want to understand why and how adoption can be exploitative, what they can do to improve adoptees' experiences, and how they can change their language, assumptions, and behavior to prevent harm. However, if someone has already been engaging with adoption-related issues for years, most of this will be familiar to them, and the book is sometimes very one-sided, including adoptee voices that agree with the author without representing the variety of things adult adoptees think, feel, and believe about adoption and their own experiences.
She also tends to share a monolithic perspective from the other adoptees she quotes. For example, when she is writing about how offensive and problematic she thinks adoption fundraisers are, she shares multiple quotes from other adoptees agreeing with her, but she doesn't include any counterpoint perspectives. The overall message is, "It's icky, it's like buying a child, and you shouldn't adopt if you can't afford to." That's a valid opinion, but others have valid opinions in favor of a community helping a family overcome financial obstacles to adopt. Part of why people do adoption fundraisers is because the adoption system is so broken, and it's possible to critique the system without believing that the parents are buying a child, or that adoption is only for wealthy people.
My goal here isn't to argue this specific point, but to push back against the author sharing quotes that support her position without opening the floor to adoptees who might have different views. Maybe no one did offer a different view, but in that case, I would question how broadly she talked to adult adoptees, and if the Facebook groups she asked questions in had enough diversity of thought to represent a broader range of opinions.
This book is a good primer for people who want to understand why and how adoption can be exploitative, what they can do to improve adoptees' experiences, and how they can change their language, assumptions, and behavior to prevent harm. However, if someone has already been engaging with adoption-related issues for years, most of this will be familiar to them, and the book is sometimes very one-sided, including adoptee voices that agree with the author without representing the variety of things adult adoptees think, feel, and believe about adoption and their own experiences.
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
sad
medium-paced
i read this book in response to the “we’ll adopt your child!” pro life contingent and it gave great counterpoints with factual citations + personal opinions
informative
slow-paced
informative
slow-paced
I appreciate the information the author was trying to convey, but the information felt jumbled and often repetitive. The most valuable part was the index at the end where she documented important parts of her interviews with transracial adoptees.
As a white aunt to a BIPOC niece (currently a baby), I also did feel like I learned some of what she might feel as she grows. I do feel better equipped to not be surprised by her feelings of otherness, even in a family that adores her. I appreciated that knowledge immensely.
As a white aunt to a BIPOC niece (currently a baby), I also did feel like I learned some of what she might feel as she grows. I do feel better equipped to not be surprised by her feelings of otherness, even in a family that adores her. I appreciated that knowledge immensely.
Wonderful read that is filled with personal stories, questions for reflection, examples, and a large resource library that I plan to utilize when continuing my education on adoption. What was one of the most powerful things was how Melissa wove her story throughout all of the chapters, as it shows a “real life” that encapsulates not only a story but the thoughts and feelings that came with these experiences. For those who doubt her voice, Melissa also holds a wealth of knowledge, and the more factual chapters include many references from studies, books, news articles, and more. I found the book to be a perfect length to recommend while also including the hard questions and thoughts that are more likely to be present in books twice its size.
The only section I struggled with is the section on terminology and word choices in adoption. I don’t blame Melissa for this, however, as it really is a preference thing. I just struggle with word choice as someone who is extremely anxious about screwing up.
My favorite section was actually the last two pages, with the adoptive parent promise and the bill of rights for transracial adoptees. I love Angela Tucker’s adoptee bill of rights too, and I think both are so valuable for children who have been adopted.
Thank you, Melissa, for your work. This is definitely a book I will be recommending to families personally and professionally.
The only section I struggled with is the section on terminology and word choices in adoption. I don’t blame Melissa for this, however, as it really is a preference thing. I just struggle with word choice as someone who is extremely anxious about screwing up.
My favorite section was actually the last two pages, with the adoptive parent promise and the bill of rights for transracial adoptees. I love Angela Tucker’s adoptee bill of rights too, and I think both are so valuable for children who have been adopted.
Thank you, Melissa, for your work. This is definitely a book I will be recommending to families personally and professionally.