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4.4 AVERAGE
4.4 AVERAGE
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
I read this book in like a day and a night and when i had to put it down i was eager to get back to reading it. it shows how dementia can really take away the life of someone you love and how memories are really crucial to someone's soul. i liked the mother sacrifice myth and how it changed in meaning for the author over time. i also liked how she was reflecting on her own parenting styles while parenting for her own mother, which was probably a whiplash-ing experience.
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
fast-paced
What We Carry is writer Maya Shanbhag Lang’s memoir about her relationship with her mother. Maya's parents had traveled from India to the USA for her mother’s medical training and ended up staying on permanently after she became a psychiatrist. Lang had always thought of her mother as a superwoman who managed a career alongside parenthood....doing everything for everyone all whilst making it look effortless and never asking for help.
After having her daughter, Zoe, Maya struggled with severe post-partum depression, even having suicidal thoughts. She reached out to her mother for help and was abruptly denied. When her mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's Maya is confronted with the fact that the mother she thought she knew had more facets to her.
Lang frames her experiences around an Indian folktale of a woman who enters a rising river, her child in her arms. She must decide between saving her child or herself. For one reason or another neither choice would bring praise, only criticism. “Until we are in the river, up to our shoulders—until we are in that position ourselves, we cannot say what the woman will do. We must not judge. That is the lesson of the story. Whatever a woman decides, it is not easy.”
I listened to this as an audiobook narrated by the author and quickly realized that I needed a copy of this book in order physically take notes and highlight the meaningful passages. Loved it and would recommend it.
After having her daughter, Zoe, Maya struggled with severe post-partum depression, even having suicidal thoughts. She reached out to her mother for help and was abruptly denied. When her mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's Maya is confronted with the fact that the mother she thought she knew had more facets to her.
Lang frames her experiences around an Indian folktale of a woman who enters a rising river, her child in her arms. She must decide between saving her child or herself. For one reason or another neither choice would bring praise, only criticism. “Until we are in the river, up to our shoulders—until we are in that position ourselves, we cannot say what the woman will do. We must not judge. That is the lesson of the story. Whatever a woman decides, it is not easy.”
I listened to this as an audiobook narrated by the author and quickly realized that I needed a copy of this book in order physically take notes and highlight the meaningful passages. Loved it and would recommend it.
A poignant, heart-breaking, thoughtful, beautiful book! It’s a lovely, aching reflection on the realities of being a mom and even more so, a daughter. The author wrote this with so much vulnerability & care that I could feel myself empathizing and understanding deeply how she was feeling in any given moment. A tough book to swallow, but one that feels so important and steeped in layers of gray - life isn’t easy, there are no black and white decisions. An absolute must read! And I made the decision to listen to the author herself narrate the book, even thought I’m not a traditional audio book listener, I thought it added yet another element for this particular story. It deserves all the stars!
Growing up we all need an idea, a solid unshakeable foundation to put our faith in. A belief that we can always fall back to this idea/notion and it will back us no matter what.
As children in numerous ways we are taught that this foundation is our family, specifically our parents. Even if we grow up in dysfunctional families, the world continues to tell us that despite everything it is our parents who are that myth of perfection, that unshakeable rock we can relay on.
Learning that our parents are just people. Their role as parents began only when we were born; they learnt as we grew is not the easiest understanding to wrap our head around. And yet as life unfolds, we learn that more and more everyday.
In What We Carry, Maya Shanbhag writes of her relationship with her mother. The enigma that she believed her mother to be, and the puzzle she turned out to be. It's a hard journey to walk, and the book illustrates just that.
Do you forgive them for what they couldn't do for you as children? Is it for you to forgive, should they be seeking forgiveness? Should they had hid what they did? Would knowing those things have made your life easier in reality?
How do we answer these questions?
In retrospect we wish were privy to it all, in belief that it would have built us stronger, but it is just that, a wish. For we do not know how it would have actually played out.
Watching our parents come undone is painful to witness. Maya documents her mother's illness and her slow submission to it. She also speaks of her journey as a mother, as she sees her mother reveal herself, years of veils falling away.
I also really appreciate how she records her experience with depression. I think for me, the book reminds us in small and big ways that it is important to address our parents for who they chose to be, and not who we make them to be in our minds. An extremely treacherous journey, but one that will heal us for life.
As children in numerous ways we are taught that this foundation is our family, specifically our parents. Even if we grow up in dysfunctional families, the world continues to tell us that despite everything it is our parents who are that myth of perfection, that unshakeable rock we can relay on.
Learning that our parents are just people. Their role as parents began only when we were born; they learnt as we grew is not the easiest understanding to wrap our head around. And yet as life unfolds, we learn that more and more everyday.
In What We Carry, Maya Shanbhag writes of her relationship with her mother. The enigma that she believed her mother to be, and the puzzle she turned out to be. It's a hard journey to walk, and the book illustrates just that.
Do you forgive them for what they couldn't do for you as children? Is it for you to forgive, should they be seeking forgiveness? Should they had hid what they did? Would knowing those things have made your life easier in reality?
How do we answer these questions?
In retrospect we wish were privy to it all, in belief that it would have built us stronger, but it is just that, a wish. For we do not know how it would have actually played out.
Watching our parents come undone is painful to witness. Maya documents her mother's illness and her slow submission to it. She also speaks of her journey as a mother, as she sees her mother reveal herself, years of veils falling away.
I also really appreciate how she records her experience with depression. I think for me, the book reminds us in small and big ways that it is important to address our parents for who they chose to be, and not who we make them to be in our minds. An extremely treacherous journey, but one that will heal us for life.
Such a lovely memoir. Couldn’t put it down!
I love how Maya uses the theme of the mother in the River and her choice throughout the book. It left me feeling empowered and wanting to fight more for self care, especially for women.
I love how this tells of a story of heartache and learning in regards to her mother’s Alzheimer’s.
“We move forward by going back”.
I plan to purchase this book to keep in my small collection.
I love how Maya uses the theme of the mother in the River and her choice throughout the book. It left me feeling empowered and wanting to fight more for self care, especially for women.
I love how this tells of a story of heartache and learning in regards to her mother’s Alzheimer’s.
“We move forward by going back”.
I plan to purchase this book to keep in my small collection.
dark
emotional
funny
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
This was a beautiful, heartbreaking, and insightful memoir that covered so many topics. The major plotline of this novel is how Maya copes with her mother’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis; however, there were so many additional subjects covered - a few that I found particularly insightful and interesting were: mother-daughter relationships, mental health, and memory loss.
I connected with Maya’s relationship with both of her parents, and will forever relate to page 67, where she describes her relationship with her father after her parents’ divorce. I could see her vulnerability through the pages many times and I am so grateful that Maya has let her story into the world. “The telling of stories isn’t a pastime. It isn’t a way to distract us from life. It is life.”
A huge thank you to the author and the publisher for the gifted copy of this wonderful memoir.
I connected with Maya’s relationship with both of her parents, and will forever relate to page 67, where she describes her relationship with her father after her parents’ divorce. I could see her vulnerability through the pages many times and I am so grateful that Maya has let her story into the world. “The telling of stories isn’t a pastime. It isn’t a way to distract us from life. It is life.”
A huge thank you to the author and the publisher for the gifted copy of this wonderful memoir.
“Maybe at our most maternal, we aren’t mother’s at all. We’re daughters, reaching back in time for the mother’s we wish we’d had and then finding ourselves.”
'Maybe at our most maternal, we aren’t mothers at all. We’re daughters, reaching back in time for the mothers we wish we’d had and then finding ourselves.'
—Maya Shanbhag Lang, What We Carry: A Memoir
•
Most families are dysfunctional, some more than the others. And to seek some modicum of normalcy, we adopt certain roles; even idolize other family members to provide us with comfort. For Maya Shanbhag Lang, her comfort was her mother. She was her home. But the pedestal Lang had put her beloved mother on started to break, slowly and heartbreakingly, when her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
•
I'm not a mother yet, don't know if/when I'll be one. But this memoir opened my eyes and heart to countless emotions and struggles we not only carry but also burden others with.
This absolutely beautiful memoir is peppered with little nuggets of wisdom and eye-opening situations that will stay with you for a long time. This memoir is an honest portrayal of mother-daughter relationships, which is, in many ways, feminist in its theme as well. I admired the way Lang talked about how women, as mothers, don't have to sacrifice themselves for their children, rather show them the way by following their own dreams and choosing themselves; moreover, be open about their struggles and feelings. Because as she put it, sometimes even strength can be a weakness.
•
From seamless writing to soul-stirring moments, I couldn't find a flaw in this book.
Watching your loved ones wither in front you is difficult, it makes you wonder how they were in the spring of their lives because we've only seen their winter. It made me ruminate a lot, and I suggest every mother and every daughter to read this gem.
—Maya Shanbhag Lang, What We Carry: A Memoir
•
Most families are dysfunctional, some more than the others. And to seek some modicum of normalcy, we adopt certain roles; even idolize other family members to provide us with comfort. For Maya Shanbhag Lang, her comfort was her mother. She was her home. But the pedestal Lang had put her beloved mother on started to break, slowly and heartbreakingly, when her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
•
I'm not a mother yet, don't know if/when I'll be one. But this memoir opened my eyes and heart to countless emotions and struggles we not only carry but also burden others with.
This absolutely beautiful memoir is peppered with little nuggets of wisdom and eye-opening situations that will stay with you for a long time. This memoir is an honest portrayal of mother-daughter relationships, which is, in many ways, feminist in its theme as well. I admired the way Lang talked about how women, as mothers, don't have to sacrifice themselves for their children, rather show them the way by following their own dreams and choosing themselves; moreover, be open about their struggles and feelings. Because as she put it, sometimes even strength can be a weakness.
•
From seamless writing to soul-stirring moments, I couldn't find a flaw in this book.
Watching your loved ones wither in front you is difficult, it makes you wonder how they were in the spring of their lives because we've only seen their winter. It made me ruminate a lot, and I suggest every mother and every daughter to read this gem.