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4.4 AVERAGE
4.4 AVERAGE
What I needed to read as a mom and a daughter, but wasn't prepared to mentally. I thought it was mostly about Alzheimer's, but it's not. Its about mothers, daughters and choosing taking care of ourselves.
I wish I did a better job tracking who recommends which titles. Somehow someone spoke highly enough of this for me to place it on hold, but by the time it was my turn for it, I'd forgotten where it had originated from. I had a long drive recently, and this audiobook was the perfect length to accompany me.
I resonated with this memoir on multiple levels. Maya speaks lovingly of her mother's involvement growing up and support through college, as well as changes that appear in her mother as Maya herself becomes a parent; later her mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Through her own adulthood, Maya is forced to reexamine her experiences and reassess what the reality was with her parents growing up.
For those who don't have a traditional experience of two loving, involved parents happily married, there is a lot to connect to. My mother has depression and schizophrenia, so the feelings and experiences Maya would share were familiar, even if our circumstances were different. I've had seasons where I recall a childhood experience through my adult eyes and have newfound insight or sympathy that shakes me.
One theme throughout is longing for support and feeling not good enough since the author wasn't able to easily do it all. As she pleads with her mother for help, for guidance, for advice, her mother is aloof and distant. Years later Maya learns her mother hadn't, in fact, done it all, and there are frank conversations when the details are learned.
There are also moments viewed as gifts, after Maya's mother moves in with them; a situation assumed to be fraught with hardship actually offers some beauty and gentleness and kindness.
Here were a couple excerpts I bookmarked:
"Maybe at our most maternal, we aren't mothers at all: we're daughters, reaching back in time for the mothers we wished we'd had and then finding ourselves. Caretaking offers a chance to atone. My mother didn't drop everything for me when I needed her, but I drop everything for her now. It feels like a do-over, a chance to get things right between us. I'm being the mom she should have been. In doing so, I'm helping us both. We forget, I think, in the act of caring, who is being cared for. ... We do what wasn't done for us and hope it will be enough."
"Her gifts to me may have been inadvertent, but that doesn't mean they weren't gifts. There is beauty in listening to a story in progress, in trusting the storyteller to find her own way."
I resonated with this memoir on multiple levels. Maya speaks lovingly of her mother's involvement growing up and support through college, as well as changes that appear in her mother as Maya herself becomes a parent; later her mother is diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Through her own adulthood, Maya is forced to reexamine her experiences and reassess what the reality was with her parents growing up.
For those who don't have a traditional experience of two loving, involved parents happily married, there is a lot to connect to. My mother has depression and schizophrenia, so the feelings and experiences Maya would share were familiar, even if our circumstances were different. I've had seasons where I recall a childhood experience through my adult eyes and have newfound insight or sympathy that shakes me.
One theme throughout is longing for support and feeling not good enough since the author wasn't able to easily do it all. As she pleads with her mother for help, for guidance, for advice, her mother is aloof and distant. Years later Maya learns her mother hadn't, in fact, done it all, and there are frank conversations when the details are learned.
There are also moments viewed as gifts, after Maya's mother moves in with them; a situation assumed to be fraught with hardship actually offers some beauty and gentleness and kindness.
Here were a couple excerpts I bookmarked:
"Maybe at our most maternal, we aren't mothers at all: we're daughters, reaching back in time for the mothers we wished we'd had and then finding ourselves. Caretaking offers a chance to atone. My mother didn't drop everything for me when I needed her, but I drop everything for her now. It feels like a do-over, a chance to get things right between us. I'm being the mom she should have been. In doing so, I'm helping us both. We forget, I think, in the act of caring, who is being cared for. ... We do what wasn't done for us and hope it will be enough."
"Her gifts to me may have been inadvertent, but that doesn't mean they weren't gifts. There is beauty in listening to a story in progress, in trusting the storyteller to find her own way."
Great memoir on Alzheimer's, a complicated mother-daughter relationship, perinatal mood disorders... everything.
Loved the short chapters. Was very relatable in some sections, and very honest too. Really, REALLY loved this one!
Highly recommended
Loved the short chapters. Was very relatable in some sections, and very honest too. Really, REALLY loved this one!
Highly recommended
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
This book honestly fueled my fear of watching my parents age, but in the future it might serve as a source of comfort. I’ll know that this author navigated the waters of parenting her parents before I have, and that countless people did before her. What We Carry is beautifully written and awfully sad, but it is a bittersweet reminder of how we continue to love our parents as they change and change again.
Reading 2021
Book 53: What We Carry by Maya Shanbhag Lang
Guys, the audio books this month have been so AMAZING. Again listened to this selection after reading about it when it debuted at the end of April.
Read by the author, this book has all the feels. Where does Maya fit in with her family. When her mother reveals she has the early stages of Alzheimer's, Maya moves her mother in with her family. She must now deal with the stages of this brutal disease all while reckoning the image she has had of her mother the super hero. Maya is the only of her family born in the US, her brother was very young when the family immigrated to the US. What Maya thought had happened in her life, what she thought of her upbringing, is jarred as she takes on the role of caregiver.
Again, all the feels. Have been recommending this audio book anytime I talk about books with people. Not sure anything I say here will do it justice. Sooooo gooood! 5
Book 53: What We Carry by Maya Shanbhag Lang
Guys, the audio books this month have been so AMAZING. Again listened to this selection after reading about it when it debuted at the end of April.
Read by the author, this book has all the feels. Where does Maya fit in with her family. When her mother reveals she has the early stages of Alzheimer's, Maya moves her mother in with her family. She must now deal with the stages of this brutal disease all while reckoning the image she has had of her mother the super hero. Maya is the only of her family born in the US, her brother was very young when the family immigrated to the US. What Maya thought had happened in her life, what she thought of her upbringing, is jarred as she takes on the role of caregiver.
Again, all the feels. Have been recommending this audio book anytime I talk about books with people. Not sure anything I say here will do it justice. Sooooo gooood! 5
challenging
reflective
medium-paced
This memoir spoke to me in so many ways - her struggle to communicate and relate to her mother, being the child of immigrants, navigating the daunting struggles of motherhood, finding her own identity. Lang was able to describe her experiences so poignantly, and many of thoughts were the same ones that went through my head as a new mother. Her battle with depression and finding her place in the world are conveyed in such an honest and raw manner, I could feel her anguish through the pages.
At its core, this is a story about a mother and her adult daughter and the complicated relationships that always ensues. It is about the expectations we think our parents have of us and the ways in which we try to make them proud. Lang delves into the difficulties in caring for your elderly parents and how it puts everyone in impossible situations. This book touched me much more than I expected it to.
At its core, this is a story about a mother and her adult daughter and the complicated relationships that always ensues. It is about the expectations we think our parents have of us and the ways in which we try to make them proud. Lang delves into the difficulties in caring for your elderly parents and how it puts everyone in impossible situations. This book touched me much more than I expected it to.
emotional