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melodyseestrees's review
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
This has plenty of information about asexuality and it best serves as a starting point to learning. There is some nuance within conversations about asexuality and differing experiences under the same label. I wish there was a bit more exploration into those people who are entirely sex-repulsed or sex-negative. It feels like a lot of detail went into sex-positive and sex-neutral before going "eh some people just hate sex."
The writing style was just okay. It isn't the most grabbing but there are moments that resonated with me. I managed to enjoy the read despite a few organizational quirks.
The writing style was just okay. It isn't the most grabbing but there are moments that resonated with me. I managed to enjoy the read despite a few organizational quirks.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism, Acephobia/Arophobia, and Sexual content
Moderate: Racism, Rape, and Sexual assault
Minor: Gaslighting
hellavaral's review against another edition
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Acephobia/Arophobia, Racism, and Ableism
Minor: Rape
theaceofpages's review
medium-paced
2.5
I feel really bad for rating this book so low because education about asexuality is so important. But I found myself getting frustrated at several points. I'm going to write a review now but I might come back and add to it later. I feel like she covers a lot of important points but I found myself wishing that it had just been a book about compulsory sexuality (which it mostly was) since I didn't particularly enjoy the parts where she talks about herself (she keeps justifying why she ha sex with her boyfriend and often gets repetitive or off track). I'd say that this book is a good exploration of compulsory sexuality but I wouldn't necessarily send people here to learn about asexuality (although there aren't many options...) as this part feels very fragmented between the stronger thread of components of the harms of society's expectations around sex.
But anyway. Some of the things that annoyed me:
Firstly. The dedication. It made me uncomfortable as it very much plays into compulsory sexuality. Many of us don't feel like we are lacking anything because we don't experience sexual attraction. I have never wanted "more" because I am not missing something...
This is a big one because it's a trend I've seen a lot on the online asexual community. Whenever she mentions repulsed people (of which I am one) she has to go one to remind the reader that asexual can have and enjoy sex. Yes, there is a spectrum, but as someone who has had unwanted advanced because of the constant emphasis on neutral and favourable people (no hate to you!) I wish that repulsion could just stand by itself sometimes rather than a prelude to some kind of "but there are others not like THEM".
The author states several times that she's maybe not 100% confident in her sexuality. And this is perfectly okay. But maybe then put more focus on other people instead of trying to justify yourself to the reader?
The false equivalences. No means no doesn't mean that there isn't a range of consents. People saying rape is violence rather than sex doesn't mean that all sex is good.
It jumps around a lot. She'll mention "person X from place Y" in multiple very split up places and it's difficult to keep track of individual stories.
I didn't like the part about aro people and QPRs. It wasn't particularly clear and I often found it to be contradictory. And why, just why would you use killers to introduce this theme??? Aro people are already stereotypically pained as all kinds of negative related things.
The whole discussion about HSDD. Is it a problem that asexual people are diagnosed? Yes. I agree with that. But does that mean it shouldn't exist? No? Of course not? If people are genuinely distressed by their lack of desire (which is separate from attraction anyway?) they should have a way forward and diagnoses can help with that. Don't tell allos it isn't helpful and that maybe they should consider identifying as ace or just get over it instead. Does compulsory sexuality feed into this in a bad way? Of course. But that doesn't mean it's not helpful.
She criticises the asexual community for being too white and goes on to focus on a very small subset (white, middle class, largely American, etc). I mean, at least she was upfront about it but this could have been such a great opportunity to uplift the voices she feels are being drowned out. I also find it troubling that she presents a lot of it as truths. As someone who is from a very different part of the world I can tell you I've had very different experiences. The fact that she states what she's found as the absolute truth is... let's just say not good. Since she has never met a gold star asexual (i.e. no other reasons to not be having sex and never having wanted it) she concludes they can't exist. I have met a handful of aces (far fewer than her since she did research and reached out) and I can tell you they do. While maybe people being so certain about who they are may make others feel confused about their identity it doesn't mean we should be erasing these experiences (especially since most people confident in their asexuality doesn't even use it to belittle others???)
Anyway, I'm going to leave this for now. I had to delay writing this for internet reasons so I may be back later if I remember something else.
But anyway. Some of the things that annoyed me:
Firstly. The dedication. It made me uncomfortable as it very much plays into compulsory sexuality. Many of us don't feel like we are lacking anything because we don't experience sexual attraction. I have never wanted "more" because I am not missing something...
This is a big one because it's a trend I've seen a lot on the online asexual community. Whenever she mentions repulsed people (of which I am one) she has to go one to remind the reader that asexual can have and enjoy sex. Yes, there is a spectrum, but as someone who has had unwanted advanced because of the constant emphasis on neutral and favourable people (no hate to you!) I wish that repulsion could just stand by itself sometimes rather than a prelude to some kind of "but there are others not like THEM".
The author states several times that she's maybe not 100% confident in her sexuality. And this is perfectly okay. But maybe then put more focus on other people instead of trying to justify yourself to the reader?
The false equivalences. No means no doesn't mean that there isn't a range of consents. People saying rape is violence rather than sex doesn't mean that all sex is good.
It jumps around a lot. She'll mention "person X from place Y" in multiple very split up places and it's difficult to keep track of individual stories.
I didn't like the part about aro people and QPRs. It wasn't particularly clear and I often found it to be contradictory. And why, just why would you use killers to introduce this theme??? Aro people are already stereotypically pained as all kinds of negative related things.
The whole discussion about HSDD. Is it a problem that asexual people are diagnosed? Yes. I agree with that. But does that mean it shouldn't exist? No? Of course not? If people are genuinely distressed by their lack of desire (which is separate from attraction anyway?) they should have a way forward and diagnoses can help with that. Don't tell allos it isn't helpful and that maybe they should consider identifying as ace or just get over it instead. Does compulsory sexuality feed into this in a bad way? Of course. But that doesn't mean it's not helpful.
She criticises the asexual community for being too white and goes on to focus on a very small subset (white, middle class, largely American, etc). I mean, at least she was upfront about it but this could have been such a great opportunity to uplift the voices she feels are being drowned out. I also find it troubling that she presents a lot of it as truths. As someone who is from a very different part of the world I can tell you I've had very different experiences. The fact that she states what she's found as the absolute truth is... let's just say not good. Since she has never met a gold star asexual (i.e. no other reasons to not be having sex and never having wanted it) she concludes they can't exist. I have met a handful of aces (far fewer than her since she did research and reached out) and I can tell you they do. While maybe people being so certain about who they are may make others feel confused about their identity it doesn't mean we should be erasing these experiences (especially since most people confident in their asexuality doesn't even use it to belittle others???)
Anyway, I'm going to leave this for now. I had to delay writing this for internet reasons so I may be back later if I remember something else.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Acephobia/Arophobia and Ableism
Moderate: Murder, Transphobia, Medical trauma, Sexual assault, Sexual content, and Racism
Minor: Rape
suzannasbookshelf's review against another edition
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Minor: Suicide, Sexism, Religious bigotry, Homophobia, Acephobia/Arophobia, Rape, Racism, Suicidal thoughts, Domestic abuse, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Outing
jostro's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
funny
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Minor: Acephobia/Arophobia, Ableism, and Racism
butlerebecca's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
reflective
slow-paced
3.75
Content Warnings
Moderate: Ableism, Sexual content, and Sexual assault
Minor: Racism
cris_is_in_crisis's review
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
A book dealing with asexuality, its meaning and all that derives from it told from the perspective of actual ace people. An intriguing lense in a world that is too often forgotten in the vast ocean of civil and LGBTQ+ rights (so much so that the book states that some people in the LGBTQ+ community don't even recognise aces or aros as their own sexualities).
Content Warnings
Moderate: Ableism, Biphobia, Body shaming, Classism, Dysphoria, Homophobia, Mental illness, Misogyny, Outing, Panic attacks/disorders, Rape, Sexism, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Transphobia, Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Racism, Sexual assault, and Sexual harassment
All the trigger warnings are dealt in a way as to explain why they are wrong, if so, and minimise the impact that they could have on a reader.thewordsdevourer's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
angela chen's ace is an informative, revelatory book on asexuality and its implications for society, though it's not as earth-shattering as i thought it'd be.
while the book can be repetitive at times, it affirms many of my own previous conjectures, reiterates the existence and importance of a variety of identities, and definitively offers a new and ace perspective thru which to see and exist in a hetero- and amatonormative world, in turn offering possibilities and hope for a society that values non-sexual relationships more, though reality def has a lot to catch up to.
overall im glad to have come across and read this book - esp since it's very intersectional - learn from it, and hope to go back for another more thorough read.
while the book can be repetitive at times, it affirms many of my own previous conjectures, reiterates the existence and importance of a variety of identities, and definitively offers a new and ace perspective thru which to see and exist in a hetero- and amatonormative world, in turn offering possibilities and hope for a society that values non-sexual relationships more, though reality def has a lot to catch up to.
overall im glad to have come across and read this book - esp since it's very intersectional - learn from it, and hope to go back for another more thorough read.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Acephobia/Arophobia, Toxic relationship, Ableism, and Sexual content
Moderate: Lesbophobia, Racism, Sexism, Transphobia, and Homophobia
oh_bother's review against another edition
challenging
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
5.0
I am so grateful this book exists. Whether you are questioning your sexuality, want to learn more about the ace experience, or just want to question and learn more about your views on sex in general this is a fantastic book. Having words for my experience as an ace person is so valuable. I left this book feeling accepted and less alone.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Ableism, Rape, Homophobia, Sexual assault, and Racism
ashylibrarian's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
informative
inspiring
medium-paced
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism, Sexual content, and Acephobia/Arophobia
Moderate: Rape, Sexual assault, and Racism