Reviews with content warning for Sexual assault - Ace

Reviews tagging 'Sexual assault'

melodyseestrees's review

hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.5

This has plenty of information about asexuality and it best serves as a starting point to learning. There is some nuance within conversations about asexuality and differing experiences under the same label. I wish there was a bit more exploration into those people who are entirely sex-repulsed or sex-negative. It feels like a lot of detail went into sex-positive and sex-neutral before going "eh some people just hate sex."
The writing style was just okay. It isn't the most grabbing but there are moments that resonated with me. I managed to enjoy the read despite a few organizational quirks.

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abitofcourage's review against another edition

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emotional informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.0

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pandemonicbaby's review

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informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

5.0

I really enjoyed this book! I thought it was a very interesting read on sexuality in general and how asexuality brings a new perspective to our understanding of society (and social expectations) and intimacy, both on a broader and on an individual level.
It presented and described many different ace experiences, which just goes to show how no one community is homogenous, and how people are able to find different ways of finding love and happiness in their own existence.
This book also helped me reevaluate my own relationship with sexuality, and reflect upon how much of it has been molded by societal expectations and fear. This read has made me maybe a little bit less scared of maybe not conforming to what society expects of me, and of looking for intimacy in relationships in the way *i* want to have intimacy in relationships; not in the way societal expectations have told me to.

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theaceofpages's review

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medium-paced

2.5

I feel really bad for rating this book so low because education about asexuality is so important. But I found myself getting frustrated at several points. I'm going to write a review now but I might come back and add to it later. I feel like she covers a lot of important points but I found myself wishing that it had just been a book about compulsory sexuality (which it mostly was) since I didn't particularly enjoy the parts where she talks about herself (she keeps justifying why she ha sex with her boyfriend and often gets repetitive or off track). I'd say that this book is a good exploration of compulsory sexuality but I wouldn't necessarily send people here to learn about asexuality (although there aren't many options...) as this part feels very fragmented between the stronger thread of components of the harms of society's expectations around sex.

But anyway. Some of the things that annoyed me:

Firstly. The dedication. It made me uncomfortable as it very much plays into compulsory sexuality. Many of us don't feel like we are lacking anything because we don't experience sexual attraction. I have never wanted "more" because I am not missing something...

This is a big one because it's a trend I've seen a lot on the online asexual community. Whenever she mentions repulsed people (of which I am one) she has to go one to remind the reader that asexual can have and enjoy sex. Yes, there is a spectrum, but as someone who has had unwanted advanced because of the constant emphasis on neutral and favourable people (no hate to you!) I wish that repulsion could just stand by itself sometimes rather than a prelude to some kind of "but there are others not like THEM".

The author states several times that she's maybe not 100% confident in her sexuality. And this is perfectly okay. But maybe then put more focus on other people instead of trying to justify yourself to the reader?

The false equivalences. No means no doesn't mean that there isn't a range of consents. People saying rape is violence rather than sex doesn't mean that all sex is good.

It jumps around a lot. She'll mention "person X from place Y" in multiple very split up places and it's difficult to keep track of individual stories.

I didn't like the part about aro people and QPRs. It wasn't particularly clear and I often found it to be contradictory. And why, just why would you use killers to introduce this theme??? Aro people are already stereotypically pained as all kinds of negative related things.

The whole discussion about HSDD. Is it a problem that asexual people are diagnosed? Yes. I agree with that. But does that mean it shouldn't exist? No? Of course not? If people are genuinely distressed by their lack of desire (which is separate from attraction anyway?) they should have a way forward and diagnoses can help with that. Don't tell allos it isn't helpful and that maybe they should consider identifying as ace or just get over it instead. Does compulsory sexuality feed into this in a bad way? Of course. But that doesn't mean it's not helpful.

She criticises the asexual community for being too white and goes on to focus on a very small subset (white, middle class, largely American, etc). I mean, at least she was upfront about it but this could have been such a great opportunity to uplift the voices she feels are being drowned out. I also find it troubling that she presents a lot of it as truths. As someone who is from a very different part of the world I can tell you I've had very different experiences. The fact that she states what she's found as the absolute truth is... let's just say not good. Since she has never met a gold star asexual (i.e. no other reasons to not be having sex and never having wanted it) she concludes they can't exist. I have met a handful of aces (far fewer than her since she did research and reached out) and I can tell you they do. While maybe people being so certain about who they are may make others feel confused about their identity it doesn't mean we should be erasing these experiences (especially since most people confident in their asexuality doesn't even use it to belittle others???)

Anyway, I'm going to leave this for now. I had to delay writing this for internet reasons so I may be back later if I remember something else.

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samchase112's review against another edition

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hopeful informative fast-paced

4.5

Part cultural analysis, part introduction to asexuality and aromanticism, this is a well-written, well-researched exploration of sexuality in modern culture — mixed with experiences of people who identify as asexual. I knew this would be a fascinating, eye-opening read, and it lived up to those expectations. I hope this book continues to reach more people and educate, because this is an aspect of our culture that — as this book illustrates so clearly — needs to be understood on a wider scale.

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therainbowshelf's review against another edition

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challenging emotional hopeful informative reflective slow-paced

4.0

It took me a really long time to finish this, partially because I took a long break. It’s pretty dense, and several chapters covered some emotionally turbulent topics I wasn’t prepared to feel right then. Overall an excellent read and many interesting insights. I related to a lot of what was said and filled my copy with sticky tabs marking that and other content. A few times I felt this went off course or reached odd conclusions.

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dragon_s_hoard's review against another edition

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hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

4.0

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qteabeans's review against another edition

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hopeful informative reflective slow-paced

4.0

A well-rounded meditation on asexuality and how compulsive sexuality is suffused into the American cultural framework. I would recommend this to anyone wanting to challenge their thoughts about sexuality and romance.

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