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theaceofpages's review
medium-paced
2.5
I feel really bad for rating this book so low because education about asexuality is so important. But I found myself getting frustrated at several points. I'm going to write a review now but I might come back and add to it later. I feel like she covers a lot of important points but I found myself wishing that it had just been a book about compulsory sexuality (which it mostly was) since I didn't particularly enjoy the parts where she talks about herself (she keeps justifying why she ha sex with her boyfriend and often gets repetitive or off track). I'd say that this book is a good exploration of compulsory sexuality but I wouldn't necessarily send people here to learn about asexuality (although there aren't many options...) as this part feels very fragmented between the stronger thread of components of the harms of society's expectations around sex.
But anyway. Some of the things that annoyed me:
Firstly. The dedication. It made me uncomfortable as it very much plays into compulsory sexuality. Many of us don't feel like we are lacking anything because we don't experience sexual attraction. I have never wanted "more" because I am not missing something...
This is a big one because it's a trend I've seen a lot on the online asexual community. Whenever she mentions repulsed people (of which I am one) she has to go one to remind the reader that asexual can have and enjoy sex. Yes, there is a spectrum, but as someone who has had unwanted advanced because of the constant emphasis on neutral and favourable people (no hate to you!) I wish that repulsion could just stand by itself sometimes rather than a prelude to some kind of "but there are others not like THEM".
The author states several times that she's maybe not 100% confident in her sexuality. And this is perfectly okay. But maybe then put more focus on other people instead of trying to justify yourself to the reader?
The false equivalences. No means no doesn't mean that there isn't a range of consents. People saying rape is violence rather than sex doesn't mean that all sex is good.
It jumps around a lot. She'll mention "person X from place Y" in multiple very split up places and it's difficult to keep track of individual stories.
I didn't like the part about aro people and QPRs. It wasn't particularly clear and I often found it to be contradictory. And why, just why would you use killers to introduce this theme??? Aro people are already stereotypically pained as all kinds of negative related things.
The whole discussion about HSDD. Is it a problem that asexual people are diagnosed? Yes. I agree with that. But does that mean it shouldn't exist? No? Of course not? If people are genuinely distressed by their lack of desire (which is separate from attraction anyway?) they should have a way forward and diagnoses can help with that. Don't tell allos it isn't helpful and that maybe they should consider identifying as ace or just get over it instead. Does compulsory sexuality feed into this in a bad way? Of course. But that doesn't mean it's not helpful.
She criticises the asexual community for being too white and goes on to focus on a very small subset (white, middle class, largely American, etc). I mean, at least she was upfront about it but this could have been such a great opportunity to uplift the voices she feels are being drowned out. I also find it troubling that she presents a lot of it as truths. As someone who is from a very different part of the world I can tell you I've had very different experiences. The fact that she states what she's found as the absolute truth is... let's just say not good. Since she has never met a gold star asexual (i.e. no other reasons to not be having sex and never having wanted it) she concludes they can't exist. I have met a handful of aces (far fewer than her since she did research and reached out) and I can tell you they do. While maybe people being so certain about who they are may make others feel confused about their identity it doesn't mean we should be erasing these experiences (especially since most people confident in their asexuality doesn't even use it to belittle others???)
Anyway, I'm going to leave this for now. I had to delay writing this for internet reasons so I may be back later if I remember something else.
But anyway. Some of the things that annoyed me:
Firstly. The dedication. It made me uncomfortable as it very much plays into compulsory sexuality. Many of us don't feel like we are lacking anything because we don't experience sexual attraction. I have never wanted "more" because I am not missing something...
This is a big one because it's a trend I've seen a lot on the online asexual community. Whenever she mentions repulsed people (of which I am one) she has to go one to remind the reader that asexual can have and enjoy sex. Yes, there is a spectrum, but as someone who has had unwanted advanced because of the constant emphasis on neutral and favourable people (no hate to you!) I wish that repulsion could just stand by itself sometimes rather than a prelude to some kind of "but there are others not like THEM".
The author states several times that she's maybe not 100% confident in her sexuality. And this is perfectly okay. But maybe then put more focus on other people instead of trying to justify yourself to the reader?
The false equivalences. No means no doesn't mean that there isn't a range of consents. People saying rape is violence rather than sex doesn't mean that all sex is good.
It jumps around a lot. She'll mention "person X from place Y" in multiple very split up places and it's difficult to keep track of individual stories.
I didn't like the part about aro people and QPRs. It wasn't particularly clear and I often found it to be contradictory. And why, just why would you use killers to introduce this theme??? Aro people are already stereotypically pained as all kinds of negative related things.
The whole discussion about HSDD. Is it a problem that asexual people are diagnosed? Yes. I agree with that. But does that mean it shouldn't exist? No? Of course not? If people are genuinely distressed by their lack of desire (which is separate from attraction anyway?) they should have a way forward and diagnoses can help with that. Don't tell allos it isn't helpful and that maybe they should consider identifying as ace or just get over it instead. Does compulsory sexuality feed into this in a bad way? Of course. But that doesn't mean it's not helpful.
She criticises the asexual community for being too white and goes on to focus on a very small subset (white, middle class, largely American, etc). I mean, at least she was upfront about it but this could have been such a great opportunity to uplift the voices she feels are being drowned out. I also find it troubling that she presents a lot of it as truths. As someone who is from a very different part of the world I can tell you I've had very different experiences. The fact that she states what she's found as the absolute truth is... let's just say not good. Since she has never met a gold star asexual (i.e. no other reasons to not be having sex and never having wanted it) she concludes they can't exist. I have met a handful of aces (far fewer than her since she did research and reached out) and I can tell you they do. While maybe people being so certain about who they are may make others feel confused about their identity it doesn't mean we should be erasing these experiences (especially since most people confident in their asexuality doesn't even use it to belittle others???)
Anyway, I'm going to leave this for now. I had to delay writing this for internet reasons so I may be back later if I remember something else.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Acephobia/Arophobia and Ableism
Moderate: Murder, Transphobia, Medical trauma, Sexual assault, Sexual content, and Racism
Minor: Rape
samchase112's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
fast-paced
4.5
Part cultural analysis, part introduction to asexuality and aromanticism, this is a well-written, well-researched exploration of sexuality in modern culture — mixed with experiences of people who identify as asexual. I knew this would be a fascinating, eye-opening read, and it lived up to those expectations. I hope this book continues to reach more people and educate, because this is an aspect of our culture that — as this book illustrates so clearly — needs to be understood on a wider scale.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Deportation, Sexism, Rape, Death, Murder, Sexual assault, and Sexual content
Minor: Religious bigotry, Terminal illness, Medical content, Homophobia, Toxic relationship, Panic attacks/disorders, and Transphobia
cris_is_in_crisis's review
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
A book dealing with asexuality, its meaning and all that derives from it told from the perspective of actual ace people. An intriguing lense in a world that is too often forgotten in the vast ocean of civil and LGBTQ+ rights (so much so that the book states that some people in the LGBTQ+ community don't even recognise aces or aros as their own sexualities).
Content Warnings
Moderate: Ableism, Biphobia, Body shaming, Classism, Dysphoria, Homophobia, Mental illness, Misogyny, Outing, Panic attacks/disorders, Rape, Sexism, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Toxic relationship, Transphobia, Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Racism, Sexual assault, and Sexual harassment
All the trigger warnings are dealt in a way as to explain why they are wrong, if so, and minimise the impact that they could have on a reader.thewordsdevourer's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
angela chen's ace is an informative, revelatory book on asexuality and its implications for society, though it's not as earth-shattering as i thought it'd be.
while the book can be repetitive at times, it affirms many of my own previous conjectures, reiterates the existence and importance of a variety of identities, and definitively offers a new and ace perspective thru which to see and exist in a hetero- and amatonormative world, in turn offering possibilities and hope for a society that values non-sexual relationships more, though reality def has a lot to catch up to.
overall im glad to have come across and read this book - esp since it's very intersectional - learn from it, and hope to go back for another more thorough read.
while the book can be repetitive at times, it affirms many of my own previous conjectures, reiterates the existence and importance of a variety of identities, and definitively offers a new and ace perspective thru which to see and exist in a hetero- and amatonormative world, in turn offering possibilities and hope for a society that values non-sexual relationships more, though reality def has a lot to catch up to.
overall im glad to have come across and read this book - esp since it's very intersectional - learn from it, and hope to go back for another more thorough read.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Acephobia/Arophobia, Toxic relationship, Ableism, and Sexual content
Moderate: Lesbophobia, Racism, Sexism, Transphobia, and Homophobia
cube_corners's review against another edition
reflective
Good explanations of asexuality and good attempts at intersectionality with inclusion of disobility. But Chen states that sex-negative feminists (ie radfems) should be listened to and cites radfems like Dworkin and people like Adrienne Rich. I think Chen is trying to make good points here, and I agree that sex shouldn't be seen as a given etc., but by presenting radical feminist ideas as having the same merit as intersectional feminism, Chen (who is cis) creates a foothold for radical feminism in her framework. As an ace person myself, I do appreciate her efforts to educate the broader society about asexuality. But as a trans person, I will never quite be comfortable endorsing anyone who in turn is comfortable giving radfems a seat at their table.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape and Transphobia
neonpomegranate's review against another edition
informative
slow-paced
1.0
This topic needs and deserves a well written and thoughtful book, but this isn't it. The author doesn't understand that books are maps, especially this type of book that's trying to be a resource. Books are maps in the sense that they point to previous writers, activists, and thinkers, and curious readers will follow those trails, read those works. Unfortunately, this book uncritically creates a map to huge numbers of disgusting terfs. There is no question in my mind that the existence of this book is going to lead to more people becoming horrifying transphobes. I'm sure the author didn't mean to do that, but nonetheless that's what this is. It was extremely painful to read uncritical and often flattering references to the most infamous terfs of the past.
The author also undermines her own points constantly - for example she says aromantics are often seen as unfeeling and dangerous, and yet in the same chapter she muses that some famous murderers must have been aromantic. What?!? The book is full of harmful and bafflingly illogical collections of thoughts that create meanings that seem to be outside of the author’s stated intent over and over. This writer seems to lack any ability to imagine how a narrative or idea is built.
I just looked this author up and saw she's a science journalist and I'm shocked. This is not the writing of someone who thinks systematically or knows how to write at all. This book maybe could have been ok if it had a rigorous editor, which I hear basically no longer exists as a standard part of publishing.
My friend who asked me to read this is ace and trans, as am I. They loved feeling seen in the book. They’re also extremely naive and lack critical reading skills - something I’ve seen up close many times. They are exactly who I’m scared this book will harm in self-hating, shameful, long term ways.
Ace is unreadably bad. The ace community deserves a much better book than this ghastly, transphobic thing.
The author also undermines her own points constantly - for example she says aromantics are often seen as unfeeling and dangerous, and yet in the same chapter she muses that some famous murderers must have been aromantic. What?!? The book is full of harmful and bafflingly illogical collections of thoughts that create meanings that seem to be outside of the author’s stated intent over and over. This writer seems to lack any ability to imagine how a narrative or idea is built.
I just looked this author up and saw she's a science journalist and I'm shocked. This is not the writing of someone who thinks systematically or knows how to write at all. This book maybe could have been ok if it had a rigorous editor, which I hear basically no longer exists as a standard part of publishing.
My friend who asked me to read this is ace and trans, as am I. They loved feeling seen in the book. They’re also extremely naive and lack critical reading skills - something I’ve seen up close many times. They are exactly who I’m scared this book will harm in self-hating, shameful, long term ways.
Ace is unreadably bad. The ace community deserves a much better book than this ghastly, transphobic thing.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Murder and Transphobia
Transphobic through and througherinwolf1997's review against another edition
challenging
informative
slow-paced
3.75
Content Warnings
Graphic: Racism, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual violence, and Acephobia/Arophobia
Moderate: Transphobia
linblythe_pub22's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
relaxing
fast-paced
5.0
This book helped me so much to understand myself and others. Ace is a reassuring and eye opening read for aces but also anyone who has questions about the roles of sex and romance in our society. Everyone should read it.
Content Warnings
Minor: Xenophobia, Rape, Transphobia, Toxic relationship, Sexual content, Religious bigotry, Pregnancy, Medical trauma, Infidelity, and Acephobia/Arophobia
takarakei's review against another edition
informative
medium-paced
4.5
I highly recommend this book to everyone, especially those in the LGBTQIA+ community and allies. This is a fascinating examination of our wider (mostly American) culture, and how sex obsessed it is. As someone who is alo (not ace), there was so much I gained from listening. I really enjoyed the intersectionality of acephobia and homophobia, racism, ableism, transphobia - basically the oppression of all marginalized groups.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Ableism, Sexual content, and Acephobia/Arophobia
Moderate: Rape, Racism, Transphobia, Sexism, Dysphoria, Religious bigotry, Homophobia, Sexual assault, and Misogyny
sexual content: discussed in generally fairly clinical terms, but as this book deals with sex in society it is the main topic of the book.thebookpaiges's review against another edition
challenging
informative
Content Warnings
Graphic: Transphobia and Acephobia/Arophobia
Moderate: Sexual assault, Ableism, Racism, Rape, and Medical trauma