Reviews with content warning for Domestic abuse - When I Hit You, Or, A Portrait of the Writer as a Young Wife

Reviews tagging 'Domestic abuse'

When I Hit You, Or, A Portrait of the Writer as a Young Wife by Meena Kandasamy

37 reviews

lobotomy's review against another edition

emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character

5.0

"The institution of marriage creates its own division of labour."

Spot on in its exploration of the ostensible radical politics of "leftist" men who use maxims of the far left to disguise their patriarchal hunger for dominance without ever comprehending the true essence of these philosophies.

I have also grown really fond of the way Kandasamy weilds her words.

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serendipitysbooks's review

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dark emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

When I Hit You is a chilling, confronting, courageous and creative exploration of an abusive marriage, all the more so when you learn the author experienced an abusive marriage herself, although she is very clear that this is a work of fiction. I felt tense and angry the whole time I was reading, despite knowing from the beginning that the narrator fled and survived; fully immersed in something I have thankfully not experienced in real life. While parts of the story are specific to India, most of it is, sadly universal. The descriptions of abuse - everything from control, isolation, gaslighting, emotional abuse including self-harm, anger, threats of violence, plus actual physical and sexual violence - are almost dispassionate but that in no ways lessens their impact. I really appreciated Kandasamy highlighting the way society enabled and excused the abuser - her parents encouraged her to stay, people witnessed physical abuse but did not intervene, doctors should have asked questions but did not, police who blamed her, his university employer passed the buck. Domestic abuse is a societal problem and we all have a role to play in stopping it. The story is told in episodic vignettes, and doesn’t rely solely on standard narrative techniques. There’s a scene presented as a screenplay, political and philosophical analysis, plus transcripts and summaries of conversations. Repetition is used to great effect, creating a trapped, claustrophobic feeling. Sometimes the prose is clinical, other times poetic and lyrical; frequently it’s fierce. This is a book that blends the personal and the political, the immediate lived experience with the abstract and theoretical. It starkly show the realities of an abusive marriage including why and how a woman - even a middle class, intelligent and educated woman - could marry a man who would go on to abuse her, and why it is so difficult to leave such a marriage. This is very much the story of a survivor, not a victim. I found it to be incredibly powerful.

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vaniafernandez_'s review against another edition

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adventurous challenging dark emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? N/A
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? N/A

5.0

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hattie's review against another edition

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challenging dark medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes

5.0

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jaclyn_sixminutesforme's review against another edition

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challenging dark medium-paced

5.0

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shukri's review against another edition

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challenging reflective sad tense medium-paced

4.5

Phenomenal, heart-wrenching, so so incisive and precise in its analysis of sexuality, gender dynamics, misogyny in india at large and especially in leftist spaces, and so poetic in its use of language. Words became the receptacle for the world Kandasamy created, near tangible objects that were stretched, exploded, inverted, and hollowed out – she created a forth dimension with linguistics.

An incredibly deliberate, artistic, and arresting novel. I will be reading more of Meena Kandasamy and rereading this soon.

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