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jinglebellyee's review against another edition
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
I am conflicted!!! I really liked how the author explored the non-romantic side of love, like what goes beyond the typical “how did you guys meet?” and how choosing to stay in love is really a huge commitment especially when work and kids come into the picture.. The blend between fiction (the story of Rabih and Kirsten) and non-fiction (author’s commentary) was very interesting. And inside I think it was the author’s commentary that made me kind of want to finish the book? Because the fictional story was quite plain – I acknowledge that not every love story needs to be super dramatic and in fact I love how mundane and normal they love story was but I think it was the lack of character building that made me feel a bit distant from the both of them.
I hated how the author justified Rabih’s infidelity. It should never ever be justified, not in any circumstances. And the author chose to have Rabih cover up for the sake of their “marriage”. At one point he even suspected Kirsten being disloyal to him?? That was really the epitome of male gaze and misogyny
I hated how the author justified Rabih’s infidelity. It should never ever be justified, not in any circumstances. And the author chose to have Rabih cover up for the sake of their “marriage”. At one point he even suspected Kirsten being disloyal to him?? That was really the epitome of male gaze and misogyny
Content Warnings
Moderate: Infidelity
slim's review against another edition
challenging
dark
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? N/A
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.75
The author employs a pleasant and enjoyable writing style that is well-paced, clear and easy to understand. The book maintains an appropriate length for the story being told. However, there are instances where characters engage in unnatural dialogue, occasionally veering into monologues that reflect the author's "philosophical voice" rather than the character's authentic expression. Moreover, the overall structure of the book can be categorised into two distinct aspects: the fictional narrative and the italicised author's thoughts. While these italicised segments offer the author's opinions on the fictional story, they sometimes disrupt the flow of the narrative and appear contrived.
The blend of fiction and non-fiction in The Course of Love is intriguing, and when successful, effectively conveys the author's argument. Unfortunately, the fictional aspect can be rather dull. While the characters are mostly believable, with the exception of moments of monologuing, their portrayal greatly accentuates their flaws. Whilst acknowledging that people can indeed have negative aspects, the novel tends to overemphasise these flaws, dwelling excessively on the negative aspects of their lives. It is apparent that this is the author's intention in advocating for an "anti-Romantic" worldview, but the narrative goes too far in this direction, sapping all joy from the world.
Ultimately, if you have watched any School of Life videos on this topic before, this novel does not say anything new; nor does the fiction/non-fiction hybrid justify its existence.
The novel's central thesis is thus: Life is challenging, and we should give up romantic ideals; not because it will make us happier, but because it makes this disappointing world "good enough". However, in this pursuit, the novel over-emphasises this aspect of life, portraying a pretty miserable existence. There's very little depiction of the happy moments in life from this anti-Romantic lens, with the one or two exceptions where the main characters enjoy a fancy hotel dinner or a family photograph. Even here, though, this joy lasts merely the evening at most. In fact, I would almost be willing to argue that de Botton's anti-Romanticism romanticises misery. I would have liked to seen the novel explore a more positive, happy rendition of what an anti-Romantic worldview looks like. In its current rendition, it seems pretty depressing.
P.S. The author kind of justifies infidelity and lying about it, because that is the more correct representation of the character's love for his partner, rather than telling the truth and destroying the marriage.
———
Writing: 4/5, story: 2/5, and impact: 2/5.
The blend of fiction and non-fiction in The Course of Love is intriguing, and when successful, effectively conveys the author's argument. Unfortunately, the fictional aspect can be rather dull. While the characters are mostly believable, with the exception of moments of monologuing, their portrayal greatly accentuates their flaws. Whilst acknowledging that people can indeed have negative aspects, the novel tends to overemphasise these flaws, dwelling excessively on the negative aspects of their lives. It is apparent that this is the author's intention in advocating for an "anti-Romantic" worldview, but the narrative goes too far in this direction, sapping all joy from the world.
Ultimately, if you have watched any School of Life videos on this topic before, this novel does not say anything new; nor does the fiction/non-fiction hybrid justify its existence.
The novel's central thesis is thus: Life is challenging, and we should give up romantic ideals; not because it will make us happier, but because it makes this disappointing world "good enough". However, in this pursuit, the novel over-emphasises this aspect of life, portraying a pretty miserable existence. There's very little depiction of the happy moments in life from this anti-Romantic lens, with the one or two exceptions where the main characters enjoy a fancy hotel dinner or a family photograph. Even here, though, this joy lasts merely the evening at most. In fact, I would almost be willing to argue that de Botton's anti-Romanticism romanticises misery. I would have liked to seen the novel explore a more positive, happy rendition of what an anti-Romantic worldview looks like. In its current rendition, it seems pretty depressing.
P.S. The author kind of justifies infidelity and lying about it, because that is the more correct representation of the character's love for his partner, rather than telling the truth and destroying the marriage.
———
Writing: 4/5, story: 2/5, and impact: 2/5.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Infidelity
Moderate: Toxic relationship
Minor: Cancer and War
leabharlady's review against another edition
emotional
inspiring
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Sexual content, Emotional abuse, and Infidelity
05hamiltonk's review against another edition
emotional
funny
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
I found this book insightful and it helped me to reflect on the way I behave in my own relationship. It encourages you to have empathy for your partner and consider your own role in conflict. I found some parts really funny and relatable.
It was definitely one kind of relationship and was also a very heteronormative perspective. But I think most people could draw some meaning from the lessons taught.
It was definitely one kind of relationship and was also a very heteronormative perspective. But I think most people could draw some meaning from the lessons taught.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Infidelity, Death of parent, and Abandonment
fleursreads's review against another edition
informative
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
very informative, feels like a schoolbook on how to be a good partner (in a good sense)
Content Warnings
Graphic: Infidelity
brogan7's review against another edition
Threw it across the room.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Infidelity
therese_nook68's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
I really enjoyed the book! I thought it put a more human approach to the happily ever after trope where it ends at happily ever after. It made Rabih and Kirsten’s struggles realistic and breaks down why they were the way that they were.
My biggest issue was Rabih — I felt like not only did he romanticize everything, but he never grew out of it. And toward the end when he makes his decision to not tell his wife something that would shift their entire relationship. And only on the basis that he’d rather figure out why it happened in therapy — as if that makes it any better.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Infidelity
korinnagarcia's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? N/A
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Minor: Death of parent and Infidelity
macykey's review against another edition
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
This book is essentially a case study/psychological profile of a relationship. It ultimately focuses more on the man in the relationship, so there were times that it felt kind of blame-y. It does seem that a lot of the ‘advice’ is easier said than done. But it definitely gave me some things to think about when it comes to relationships.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Infidelity
Minor: Death of parent and Violence
ci_reads's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.5
I loved it. The novel takes you beyond the happily ever after into the the mundane, flawed, and sometimes frustrating and difficult parts of love in a committed relationship. This is explored through the relationship of Kristen and Rabih from the time they meet to about 13 years into their marriage. The story of the novel was interspersed with psychological commentary, and each chapter reads almost more like an anecdote for that commentary than a part of a larger story. Some people won't like the lack of compelling story and plot, but the style worked for me.
de Botton doesn't pull punches about the reality of marriage, but I appreciated the anti-Romantic message of love being deliberate choices over the course of a lifetime, not the miracle of finding "the one".
de Botton doesn't pull punches about the reality of marriage, but I appreciated the anti-Romantic message of love being deliberate choices over the course of a lifetime, not the miracle of finding "the one".
The Romantic vision of marriage stresses the importance of finding the “right” person, which is taken to mean someone in sympathy with the raft of our interests and values. There is no such person over the long term. We are too varied and peculiar. There cannot be lasting congruence. The partner truly best suited to us is not the one who miraculously happens to share every taste but the one who can negotiate differences in taste with intelligence and good grace. Rather than some notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate dissimilarity that is the true marker of the “right” person. Compatibility is an achievement of love; it shouldn’t be its precondition.
Much of what de Botton says about romance, choices in love, and the wear and tear of marriage feel really recognizable. I also felt so seen at times, sometimes through the actions of Kristen and at other times Rabih. The style of the book gave me a chance to really think and analyze about why I am a certain way, and how to be a better partner to my husband of four years. Ultimately, the take-away lesson for me was the deliberateness of making a daily choice to accept your partner and their flaws, treat them with empathy, and try to spend time understanding how they view the world.
My only complaints were the handling of some topics that seemed to justify or even glorify some terrible behavior in marriage. Particularly de Botton's treatment of blame and infidelity really rubbed me the wrong way. The overall male-centric view throughout the book may have contributed to this. I do wish we could have heard from Kristen's point of view too.
Love stories begin not when we fear someone may be unwilling to see us again but when they decide they have no objection to seeing us all the time.
We don't need to be constantly reasonable in order to have good relationships; all we need to have mastered is the occasional capacity to acknowledge with good grace that we may, in one or two areas, be somewhat insane.
The child teaches the adult something else about love: that genuine love should involve a constant attempt to interpret with maximal generosity what might be going on, at any time, beneath the surface of difficult and unappealing behavior.
He knows that perfect happiness comes in tiny, incremental units only, perhaps no longer than five minutes at a time. This is what one has to take with both hands and cherish."
Content Warnings
Graphic: Infidelity