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naridhi's review against another edition
challenging
dark
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
megajojo's review against another edition
5.0
god, this book fucking hurt. i wanted so much more for emma. also content warnings galore. but it was so well done
rachd24's review against another edition
4.0
4.5/5* review.
I have a detailed and impassioned review on my blog:
http://confessionsofabookgeek.com/2015/09/25/review-asking-for-it/
As well as a response post called #NotAskingForIt: http://confessionsofabookgeek.com/2015/10/05/notaskingforit/
It took me three days after finishing this book to collect my thoughts, and longer to calm the anger and astonishment I felt by the end of it. Not towards the author, or the book, but towards the characters, who sadly are very much based on real life people.
Asking For It is so much more than a YA novel. It is a heart-breaking and cutting piece of social commentary, wrapped up as literature, and presented in an easy-to-read, but not-so-easy-to-digest book. It has been a long, long time since I’ve felt incensed by the content of a book, to the point where my stomach is in knots and my fingers are flying over the keyboard to put all of my thoughts into a review.
Asking For It is a complex book that touches on so many important and controversial issues, from rape and sexual assault, to mental health and family dynamics. O’Neill takes on taboo subjects, such as victim-blaming and consent, and handles them so well, delivering hard-hitting literary punches with ease, while engaging the reader right until the end of the story. The topics covered in this novel evoke so many varied opinions and stances in society, that the storyline could easily have ended up being confused and diluted by an author trying to cover all bases. O’Neill handles them expertly, and ensures that the reader is not left questioning her stance, or the focus of this book.
Asking For It is divided into two main sections, one pre-incident, and one post-incident, around one year after the event. Pre-incident, there is a Mean Girls vibe to the story, with our protagonist and her group of “friends” coming across as fairly unlike-able. I say “friends” because the friendships in this story are tenuous at best. Post-incident, the story becomes much darker as the reader is shown the long-term aftermath of sexual assault on the victim, her family, and the local town. The far-reaching impact of social media is a key focus of the story, which is particularly relevant today, as well as some of the hurdles and difficulties a victim faces when bringing a criminal case against alleged rapists, even when the evidence is overwhelming.
If I am being brutally honest with myself, this book made me uncomfortable, and not just for the obvious reasons you may expect. It made me uncomfortable because the victim’s parents are less than useless at supporting their daughter, and at times their reactions made me feel physically sick. It also made me uncomfortable because even though I proclaim to be a feminist, and even though I know what my views are on rape, and consent, and victim-blaming, I could still hear my inner monologue saying things like, “she was being promiscuous”, “she was wearing very revealing clothes”, “she was drunk and on drugs”, “she should have known better than to put herself in that situation” – the very things I consistently argue (even with peers and family members!) are not by any means an excuse for sexual assault. Because these thoughts were creeping into my head, this book highlighted to me just how conditioned we are as a society to think this way, that women should be intrinsically taught how to prevent themselves from being raped, as opposed to men being taught (if they should even HAVE to be taught) that rape is wrong and never acceptable.
By the end of this book I was emotionally raw. I was drained. I was disappointed and heartbroken. I wanted to crawl into the book and DO something. I really wanted to scream at Emma’s parents. But I was also oddly hopeful. Hopeful that this book will be picked up and read by many, that others will share in my heartache and help prevent this kind of thing from happening, that this story will inspire us to change.
I have a detailed and impassioned review on my blog:
http://confessionsofabookgeek.com/2015/09/25/review-asking-for-it/
As well as a response post called #NotAskingForIt: http://confessionsofabookgeek.com/2015/10/05/notaskingforit/
It took me three days after finishing this book to collect my thoughts, and longer to calm the anger and astonishment I felt by the end of it. Not towards the author, or the book, but towards the characters, who sadly are very much based on real life people.
Asking For It is so much more than a YA novel. It is a heart-breaking and cutting piece of social commentary, wrapped up as literature, and presented in an easy-to-read, but not-so-easy-to-digest book. It has been a long, long time since I’ve felt incensed by the content of a book, to the point where my stomach is in knots and my fingers are flying over the keyboard to put all of my thoughts into a review.
Asking For It is a complex book that touches on so many important and controversial issues, from rape and sexual assault, to mental health and family dynamics. O’Neill takes on taboo subjects, such as victim-blaming and consent, and handles them so well, delivering hard-hitting literary punches with ease, while engaging the reader right until the end of the story. The topics covered in this novel evoke so many varied opinions and stances in society, that the storyline could easily have ended up being confused and diluted by an author trying to cover all bases. O’Neill handles them expertly, and ensures that the reader is not left questioning her stance, or the focus of this book.
Asking For It is divided into two main sections, one pre-incident, and one post-incident, around one year after the event. Pre-incident, there is a Mean Girls vibe to the story, with our protagonist and her group of “friends” coming across as fairly unlike-able. I say “friends” because the friendships in this story are tenuous at best. Post-incident, the story becomes much darker as the reader is shown the long-term aftermath of sexual assault on the victim, her family, and the local town. The far-reaching impact of social media is a key focus of the story, which is particularly relevant today, as well as some of the hurdles and difficulties a victim faces when bringing a criminal case against alleged rapists, even when the evidence is overwhelming.
If I am being brutally honest with myself, this book made me uncomfortable, and not just for the obvious reasons you may expect. It made me uncomfortable because the victim’s parents are less than useless at supporting their daughter, and at times their reactions made me feel physically sick. It also made me uncomfortable because even though I proclaim to be a feminist, and even though I know what my views are on rape, and consent, and victim-blaming, I could still hear my inner monologue saying things like, “she was being promiscuous”, “she was wearing very revealing clothes”, “she was drunk and on drugs”, “she should have known better than to put herself in that situation” – the very things I consistently argue (even with peers and family members!) are not by any means an excuse for sexual assault. Because these thoughts were creeping into my head, this book highlighted to me just how conditioned we are as a society to think this way, that women should be intrinsically taught how to prevent themselves from being raped, as opposed to men being taught (if they should even HAVE to be taught) that rape is wrong and never acceptable.
By the end of this book I was emotionally raw. I was drained. I was disappointed and heartbroken. I wanted to crawl into the book and DO something. I really wanted to scream at Emma’s parents. But I was also oddly hopeful. Hopeful that this book will be picked up and read by many, that others will share in my heartache and help prevent this kind of thing from happening, that this story will inspire us to change.
maddiejohnstone's review against another edition
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
bookph1le's review against another edition
5.0
Easily one of the most gut-wrenching books I've ever read. I was wiping away tears seconds before typing this. I really recommend both this book and [b:All the Rage|21853636|All the Rage|Courtney Summers|https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1410879862s/21853636.jpg|18982890] to everyone, male and female alike. Some spoilers to follow.
We need to keep talking and talking and talking about sexual assault, doing our best to wipe out its scourge. Just as importantly, we need to change the conversation, to get away from the horrific victim-blaming and general rape culture that contribute to the problem of women and young girls being treated like objects rather than human beings. We need to change the conversation so that we're telling men not to rape instead of telling women how not to get raped. Yes, it may sound cliched and heavy-handed to call a book important, but this book is Important.
I don't doubt that there will be reviews that mention how unsympathetic Emma is. I'm positive this was a deliberate decision. In the beginning of the book, we do see how petty and mean-spirited Emma can be, and it is hard to sympathize with her. I can make plenty of arguments about how she's a product of her culture, about how the constant emphasis on a girl's looks lead girls to focus on those looks to the exclusion of all else. I can talk about how girlhood has become the ultimate competition in which the grand prize is earning the attention and adulation of every desirable boy because, after all, don't we teach our girls that their job is to be adored, and that the only proof of their success lies in a boy's demanding their attention? Yes, Emma makes some bad choices, and yes she is often not a nice person, but in the end, none of that matters. She is a victim. No human being deserves to be treated the way she is treated, both during her assault and throughout its aftermath.
There is so much in this book that O'Neill does well. She's so good at making her words brutal and devastating and unadorned. But the most disturbing part is that a lot of what she writes isn't a product of her inventive mind, it's a reflection of what's visible in society. She is holding a mirror up to what's actually going on and giving readers a chance to get on the inside. How many times do newspapers take a disturbingly sympathetic tone toward rapists, talking about how their lives are "ruined", as if the heinous truth of the acts they've committed is somehow worse than their violating their victims, robbing them of their bodily autonomy, their security, and far too often their very sense of self? Talk about a life being ruined. And yet we still have court systems in which it's deemed accessible for victims to be grilled about what they were wearing, what they drank, and peppered with questions about their sexual history and if they might have mislead their attacker. How many times have we all heard pundits debating over girls being too forward, dressing too sexily, and inciting in their victims a frenzied need to take advantage, as if men are one step above beasts, all but unable to control their own impulses? It's deplorable to me that in the 21st century, it's still so common to hear such talk.
I also found it very real and raw how O'Neill handled the reactions of the people around Emma, some of whom are ready to thrust all responsibility on her until her case is investigated, giving it a sheen of authenticity that causes them to change their tune and hasten to position themselves as being on her side. There's a reason why advocates talk about the importance of bystander interventions, and this book does a stellar job of pointing them out. Emma isn't alone in worrying about appearing too shrill or too bossy or too unlikable, to each and every person's detriment. Passivity is an enabler, and while the blame for a crime always lies with the perpetrator, there's no denying that standing idly by is tantamount to aiding and abetting. We all need to learn that keeping our mouths shut is exactly the wrong thing to do.
Another thing that struck me was how Emma's family personalized the experience. Of course something like this is going to affect the people close to her, but it was excruciating to watch the way her family reacted to her assault. Really, I think there's a larger point here: as a society, we're very uncomfortable with crimes like these--as well we should be--so many people seek to deal with that discomfort by sweeping the crime under the rug. By ignoring it and fooling ourselves into believing it doesn't happen, that it's not that common, that victims can somehow prevent themselves from becoming victims, we comfort ourselves with this: not in my house. It's so much easier to pretend that something that terrible could never happen to ourselves or someone we love than it is to confront the problem and do something about it. As horrified as I was by Emma's parents' reactions in particular, I didn't think they seemed unrealistic. I could buy that some parents would be unable to deal with a situation like that, that they would struggle with believing their daughter bore some responsibility.
Honestly, I think books like this should be part of school curriculum, because this is a conversation that's far too important not to be had. I know the likelihood of that is low because there are far too many people who would be violently opposed, but burying our heads in the sand is not going to make this problem go away. All you need to do is spend a little time looking at dating violence and sexual assault statistics for minors and you'll have trouble ever sleeping again. This problem is real, it is happening far too often, and it is not going to go away until we actually do something about it. If a book like this can spur even one person into taking action, even it can wake one person up to things they refused to see, then this book is doing us all a great service.
We need to keep talking and talking and talking about sexual assault, doing our best to wipe out its scourge. Just as importantly, we need to change the conversation, to get away from the horrific victim-blaming and general rape culture that contribute to the problem of women and young girls being treated like objects rather than human beings. We need to change the conversation so that we're telling men not to rape instead of telling women how not to get raped. Yes, it may sound cliched and heavy-handed to call a book important, but this book is Important.
I don't doubt that there will be reviews that mention how unsympathetic Emma is. I'm positive this was a deliberate decision. In the beginning of the book, we do see how petty and mean-spirited Emma can be, and it is hard to sympathize with her. I can make plenty of arguments about how she's a product of her culture, about how the constant emphasis on a girl's looks lead girls to focus on those looks to the exclusion of all else. I can talk about how girlhood has become the ultimate competition in which the grand prize is earning the attention and adulation of every desirable boy because, after all, don't we teach our girls that their job is to be adored, and that the only proof of their success lies in a boy's demanding their attention? Yes, Emma makes some bad choices, and yes she is often not a nice person, but in the end, none of that matters. She is a victim. No human being deserves to be treated the way she is treated, both during her assault and throughout its aftermath.
There is so much in this book that O'Neill does well. She's so good at making her words brutal and devastating and unadorned. But the most disturbing part is that a lot of what she writes isn't a product of her inventive mind, it's a reflection of what's visible in society. She is holding a mirror up to what's actually going on and giving readers a chance to get on the inside. How many times do newspapers take a disturbingly sympathetic tone toward rapists, talking about how their lives are "ruined", as if the heinous truth of the acts they've committed is somehow worse than their violating their victims, robbing them of their bodily autonomy, their security, and far too often their very sense of self? Talk about a life being ruined. And yet we still have court systems in which it's deemed accessible for victims to be grilled about what they were wearing, what they drank, and peppered with questions about their sexual history and if they might have mislead their attacker. How many times have we all heard pundits debating over girls being too forward, dressing too sexily, and inciting in their victims a frenzied need to take advantage, as if men are one step above beasts, all but unable to control their own impulses? It's deplorable to me that in the 21st century, it's still so common to hear such talk.
I also found it very real and raw how O'Neill handled the reactions of the people around Emma, some of whom are ready to thrust all responsibility on her until her case is investigated, giving it a sheen of authenticity that causes them to change their tune and hasten to position themselves as being on her side. There's a reason why advocates talk about the importance of bystander interventions, and this book does a stellar job of pointing them out. Emma isn't alone in worrying about appearing too shrill or too bossy or too unlikable, to each and every person's detriment. Passivity is an enabler, and while the blame for a crime always lies with the perpetrator, there's no denying that standing idly by is tantamount to aiding and abetting. We all need to learn that keeping our mouths shut is exactly the wrong thing to do.
Another thing that struck me was how Emma's family personalized the experience. Of course something like this is going to affect the people close to her, but it was excruciating to watch the way her family reacted to her assault. Really, I think there's a larger point here: as a society, we're very uncomfortable with crimes like these--as well we should be--so many people seek to deal with that discomfort by sweeping the crime under the rug. By ignoring it and fooling ourselves into believing it doesn't happen, that it's not that common, that victims can somehow prevent themselves from becoming victims, we comfort ourselves with this: not in my house. It's so much easier to pretend that something that terrible could never happen to ourselves or someone we love than it is to confront the problem and do something about it. As horrified as I was by Emma's parents' reactions in particular, I didn't think they seemed unrealistic. I could buy that some parents would be unable to deal with a situation like that, that they would struggle with believing their daughter bore some responsibility.
Honestly, I think books like this should be part of school curriculum, because this is a conversation that's far too important not to be had. I know the likelihood of that is low because there are far too many people who would be violently opposed, but burying our heads in the sand is not going to make this problem go away. All you need to do is spend a little time looking at dating violence and sexual assault statistics for minors and you'll have trouble ever sleeping again. This problem is real, it is happening far too often, and it is not going to go away until we actually do something about it. If a book like this can spur even one person into taking action, even it can wake one person up to things they refused to see, then this book is doing us all a great service.
emilyhoey's review against another edition
dark
emotional
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.25
lucyclaydonsmith's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
slavic_bookworm's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
4.25
Content Warnings
Graphic: Rape
olivia_b2509's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.5
dunder_mifflin's review against another edition
5.0
i can't stop crying it was so real and i could relate so much to some of emma's thoughts/feelings/whatever and it was just so awful and i hate men