alayamorning's review

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challenging emotional hopeful informative inspiring reflective medium-paced

3.5

There are a lot of important concepts and perspectives shared in this book. I'm really glad I read it. And... it was not at all what I expected. 

This book primarily focuses on pleasure via sex and drug use. (On one level I get this as they are the most overtly stigmatized avenues for pleasure.) I was expecting (and hoping!) the book would cover a wider scope of pleasure practices -- nature! music! food! swimming! dancing/movement! laughter! ceremony/ritual! spiritual practice! beautifying self and space! following your curiosity! expressing creativity! community gathering! -- more thoroughly. The opening and closing sections of the book were probably my favorite, as they held a wider scope for what prioritizing pleasure could look like. 

I had some discomfort reading the "Skills for Sex in the #MeToo Era" section. I agree that we need better conversations around consent, including getting better as individuals at discerning and speaking our own boundaries and desires. However, the way this section continually juxtaposed consent and #metoo felt irresponsible and edged toward victim-blaming. As if a clear "no" is all that is lacking in instances of sexual assault. (This may not have been brown's intention - in fact, I suspect it wasn't - but it was easy to read it this way.)

Overall, I experienced this book as a handful of seeds scattered over top of the soil, rather than as a flourishing, fully flowering/fruiting garden. Each essay/interview held the seed of an important idea, but each felt underdeveloped. The interview sections especially felt too short. They seemed to end abruptly just as they were getting interesting! (I also had the thought while reading that I would have preferred to experience these interview sections as a longer form podcast, to actually hear these conversations in real time with space to play all the way out. I will have to check out brown's podcast next.)

I think, in the end, this was an offering from adrienne marie brown that outlines how she and some of the members of her extended community have cultivated pleasure in their own lives. If you read it as a model of what living wholeness through pleasure looks like for one person, it may also serve as an invitation to begin exploring what your own pleasure story might look like. (An idea which is encapsulated by brown on the final page:)

"Pleasure is the point. Feeling good is not frivolous, it is freedom. We can gift it to each other in a million ways: with authentic presence, abundant care, and honesty; with boundaries that keep us from overextending; with slower kisses; with foot massages in the evening; with baby hugs and elder hugs; with delicious food; with supported solitude and listening to our bodies, our shameless desire, and coordinated longing.

Find the pleasure path for your life and follow it. Let it reverberate healing back into your ancestors' wounds. Let it open you up and remind you that you are already whole. Let it shape a future where feeling good is the normal, primary experience of all beings." pp. 441

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