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4.33 AVERAGE
4.33 AVERAGE
Lacy Crawford's powerful memoir addresses her time at the elite private high school, St. Paul's in rural New Hampshire during the early 1990s. During her fifth form year at the young age of 15, Lacy was viciously assaulted by two boys, aged 18. Confused, scared, and alone, Lacy reacted like many individuals may, she retreated.
Quickly, the situation spiraled out of control. Ashamed, Lacy hadn't said a word to anyone about the assault. In fact, she wasn't even certain she had been assaulted as she kept trying to minimize the event in her mind. But when her throat hurt weeks later and she was barely able to eat, she realized she required medical attention. Never however did the school ask how her throat had become so infected. In fact, the school never even told her what was wrong. Only later did Lacy learn that she had contracted herpes from the assault - so far down her throat that they couldn't even be seen without a medical device.
Later that year, after suffering more violence at the hands of men and more cruelty from her peers, the St. Paul's coaching staff humiliate her even more by informing their student athletes that if they had been intimate with Lacy Crawford, they were at risk for contracting a sexual disease.
Violating her privacy, shaming her into silence, and opening the door for ridicule and abuse, the very teachers, chaplains, and authority figures that should have been protecting her, failed Lacy again and again.
This was a challenging read. The trauma Lacy endured and her reactions to it were devastating and heartbreaking. So much of her story resonated with me. Victimized again and again by the boys, the system, her school, doctors, and even her family, Lacy was utterly alone.
We learn Lacy's story - the ugly truth of it. Lacy is brutally honest not only about the attacks, but also about her ownership to her reaction and all events surrounding the attacks. Her honesty is refreshing and reminds us that the violence she endured was because of no fault of her own.
I also loved how she opened the story by addressing language and the various terminology surrounding rape and sexual assault. She raised so many excellent points that really make you think about how society has normalized violence against women - so much so, that many women aren't even sure when they've been the victim of an assault.
The timeline was a bit challenging as it's nonlinear. Overall, I did think it worked for the book because it gave us a bigger picture of Lacy's entire life at St. Paul's, it didn't easily define a "before" and "after" the initial assault, and I think it put us more in the mindset of a 15 year old.
Quickly, the situation spiraled out of control. Ashamed, Lacy hadn't said a word to anyone about the assault. In fact, she wasn't even certain she had been assaulted as she kept trying to minimize the event in her mind. But when her throat hurt weeks later and she was barely able to eat, she realized she required medical attention. Never however did the school ask how her throat had become so infected. In fact, the school never even told her what was wrong. Only later did Lacy learn that she had contracted herpes from the assault - so far down her throat that they couldn't even be seen without a medical device.
Later that year, after suffering more violence at the hands of men and more cruelty from her peers, the St. Paul's coaching staff humiliate her even more by informing their student athletes that if they had been intimate with Lacy Crawford, they were at risk for contracting a sexual disease.
Violating her privacy, shaming her into silence, and opening the door for ridicule and abuse, the very teachers, chaplains, and authority figures that should have been protecting her, failed Lacy again and again.
This was a challenging read. The trauma Lacy endured and her reactions to it were devastating and heartbreaking. So much of her story resonated with me. Victimized again and again by the boys, the system, her school, doctors, and even her family, Lacy was utterly alone.
We learn Lacy's story - the ugly truth of it. Lacy is brutally honest not only about the attacks, but also about her ownership to her reaction and all events surrounding the attacks. Her honesty is refreshing and reminds us that the violence she endured was because of no fault of her own.
I also loved how she opened the story by addressing language and the various terminology surrounding rape and sexual assault. She raised so many excellent points that really make you think about how society has normalized violence against women - so much so, that many women aren't even sure when they've been the victim of an assault.
The timeline was a bit challenging as it's nonlinear. Overall, I did think it worked for the book because it gave us a bigger picture of Lacy's entire life at St. Paul's, it didn't easily define a "before" and "after" the initial assault, and I think it put us more in the mindset of a 15 year old.
This book needed (and deserved) a better editor. The nonlinear timeline was unnecessarily confusing, and there were large boring chunks which contributed nothing to the main story. The “silencing” itself doesn’t happen until the last quarter of the book. The prose also seemed pretentious, like the author is still trying to prove that she is intelligent and special and belonged at an elite boarding school. I do like that her story is realistically messy; she doesn’t fit into a neat script of how society believes a victim should behave. The coverup itself is absolutely infuriating. I’d recommend skimming this one or reading the beginning and the end.
Brutal read. Important.
Hard to hear such concrete details of the horrific injustices done to one young woman, only multiplied by untold numbers of other young women in every corner of the world. As women we are taught early that we are to assume responsibility for much of what happens to our bodies despite usually being dwarfed in all areas of our stature (be it physical, economic, social, political...) We are told early to smile, be a nice girl, and not to make waves, but this brave writer didn’t listen to convention. One voice is a shout. Many can become a choir.
So much more to say-about how victims rewrite scripts in their heads, about how long it can take for words to formulate to give voice to experiences that happened years and years ago, about the way shame and trauma mold us and distort relationships...highly recommend.
Hard to hear such concrete details of the horrific injustices done to one young woman, only multiplied by untold numbers of other young women in every corner of the world. As women we are taught early that we are to assume responsibility for much of what happens to our bodies despite usually being dwarfed in all areas of our stature (be it physical, economic, social, political...) We are told early to smile, be a nice girl, and not to make waves, but this brave writer didn’t listen to convention. One voice is a shout. Many can become a choir.
So much more to say-about how victims rewrite scripts in their heads, about how long it can take for words to formulate to give voice to experiences that happened years and years ago, about the way shame and trauma mold us and distort relationships...highly recommend.
What a brave retelling of the underbelly of a nation that coverups for powerful, wealthy families.
1 ⭐️ - I really wanted to like it, but I couldn't get into the general narrative around the author's experience at their school. the book description is very compelling, but I ended up skimming the majority of the book, and while the story is tragic, it felt like the book wavered and lost its focus for a sizeable 100 - 150 pages.
“It is only when power is threatened that power responds.”
A shocking account of sexual assault at a boarding school from over three decades ago. This highlighted how oppressive systems meant to keep privileged, white, old men (and their successors) in power, ruins lives over and over. The reason women don’t come forward is this story right here. Even decades later this woman is being silenced and slandered, her records destroyed and called a liar. What happened to this 15 year old girl is criminal, and has colored her whole life even 30+ years later. I felt sick and outraged almost constantly while listening to this book.
A shocking account of sexual assault at a boarding school from over three decades ago. This highlighted how oppressive systems meant to keep privileged, white, old men (and their successors) in power, ruins lives over and over. The reason women don’t come forward is this story right here. Even decades later this woman is being silenced and slandered, her records destroyed and called a liar. What happened to this 15 year old girl is criminal, and has colored her whole life even 30+ years later. I felt sick and outraged almost constantly while listening to this book.
Written at times like a literary psychological thriller, Lacy Crawford’s memoir is a powerful exposé of a scandal that...well, never really happened. With lucid precision and poignant crafting, she reexamines her time at a prestigious New Hampshire boarding school, an elite organisation training the future leaders of America, whilst also covering up her shocking sexual abuse, effectively silencing her from coming forward.
Courageously, Crawford takes her silencers head-on, revealing the toxic patriarchal culture prevalent not just in her former school but in society itself, a society that permits victims to be abused and shunned and isolated, whilst continuing to celebrate the abusers. It is powerful and compelling stuff. Crawford’s memoir acts as a vital account of how systemic corruption, entangled with privilege, causes irrevocable devastation and lifelong trauma for so many.
As a teacher, entrusted to be in ‘loco parentis’ on a daily basis, this hit pretty hard. We must do better. I’m so glad Lacy Crawford found her ‘louding voice’. Books like this are essential.
Courageously, Crawford takes her silencers head-on, revealing the toxic patriarchal culture prevalent not just in her former school but in society itself, a society that permits victims to be abused and shunned and isolated, whilst continuing to celebrate the abusers. It is powerful and compelling stuff. Crawford’s memoir acts as a vital account of how systemic corruption, entangled with privilege, causes irrevocable devastation and lifelong trauma for so many.
As a teacher, entrusted to be in ‘loco parentis’ on a daily basis, this hit pretty hard. We must do better. I’m so glad Lacy Crawford found her ‘louding voice’. Books like this are essential.
challenging
dark
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
tense
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Rape, Medical trauma