Reviews with content warning for Addiction - Moja mroczna Vanesso

I read this fresh off the heels of Know My Name by Chanel Miller, so it was a very interesting contrast. I know one was a memoir and one was inspired-by-true-events fiction, but My Dark Vanessa still felt very close to reality. I read the afterword where feedback from the author's early readers said Vanessa was an unlikable and incomprehensible character, and I do agree. As someone who has not experienced anything like this, it was very difficult to understand why Vanessa thought and did the things she did, as a victim who desperately refused to think of herself as a victim, or of what happened to her as abuse and grooming. I didn't like her or understand her, but I appreciate the different viewpoint Russell has offered us, because I'm sure there are plenty of people who have gone through similar trauma for whom this rings true.

Tangentially (concerning the afterword again), I found it really odd that Russell's early readers encouraged her to write from Strane's perspective instead of Vanessa's, given her unlikability and the inability to relate to her; were they suggesting we should relate/want to relate to the predator instead?? That's a troubling thought. I've never read it before, but if you want something like that, may as well read Lolita or any other number of book that I'm sure exists with this perspective. I applaud Russell for unapologetically sticking to Vanessa's perspective for her book.

I'm not sure I can say I really enjoyed this book, given that I didn't like any of the characters, it felt like reading a 17 year long train wreck get worse and worse, and the outcome at the end of it all was disappointing. But honestly, this is what roots the book in uncomfortable reality.

Strane offing himself, the school concluding the investigation on Strane and carrying on as normal, and Vanessa still struggling to come to terms with everything that has happened to her

are all things that are incredibly disappointing, frustrating, and heartbreaking, but it's what absolutely happens in real life. Brock Turner was sentenced to six months' incarceration, served only half that.

Strane killed himself because he was a coward who would not face up to the fact that he groomed and raped a 15 year old (and in fact justified it over and over to himself and Vanessa to the point where they both believed it), and never faced any formal consequences for his heinous actions.

Life imitates art indeed.

I think the author achieved what she set out to do. It might not have 100% been my cup of tea, but I admire the approach she took. It was different, difficult, and full of uncomfortable feelings in a way I thought felt realistic. Vanessa is complicated, she has a wealth of complex and painful emotions towards everyone in her life including herself, which I think reflects very well how terribly the abuse really affected her. She's not necessarily incomprehensible, she's fucking traumatised, and she's built a narrative around the abuse that she can accept so she can cope with the scale of it.

Special shoutout to Ruby the therapist, doing the hard yards trying to dig Vanessa out of the emotional hellscape she was buried in, and attempting to get her to understand what she experienced. Saving lives out there.

Content Warnings

nina_mk's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

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ruby_24's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional hopeful tense fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

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hiraeth_'s review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad tense slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

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_david_'s review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

The book tells its story in such a beautiful way. It's about a adult-minor relationship from the point of view of the minor (now grown up). The characters all feel like real people.

I've never before found such a good story which shows why to the grooming victim, it doesn't seem like an unbalanced relationship any more than if they were both adult. As an adult it is very easy to understand why grooming is disgusting, but this book uses its point of view to show how teenagers may experience it. More importantly, how careful you need to be with talking to a victim.

I really am thankful how the author made the sex scenes feel off, eventhough it wasn't necessary for the story itself. I would feel disgusted if instead I would read about a teenager having sex with an adult and enjoying it fully.

I could talk about this book for days, it's just so good. My only confusion at first was why the narrator didn't realise that the groomer was being manipulative, eventhough flashbacks revealed that she already had doubts in the moments themselves. However, this was explained by two moments. The first

was when she realised she never put it all in a neat chronological order, but only remembered snippets at a time

and even more strong, the moment she voiced the concern which is my favourite quote from the book:

"If it isn't a love story, then what is it?"

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bynniereads's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated

5.0

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nineinchnails's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

i feel weird reviewing and even rating this book considering the subject matter because even though it's technically fiction it feels horribly invasive, like reading someone's diary. it is very well written with beautiful prose and a protagonist who is extremely real and raw. the book did run a little long, especially considering there was little character development outside of vanessa but overall it was an extremely gripping read.

i would not recommend reading this as a survivor of rape and especially of child sexual abuse, more because of how adamant vanessa is that she was not abused than how graphic the abuse is written. it can be very hard to stomach her constant romanticisation and denial of strane's abuse, despite how obvious it us to us as readers that he manipulated her. 'manipulate' does not feel like anywhere near as strong of a word to portray how he controlled and exploited her.

vanessa is not a 'perfect victim' and she struggles with this well into adulthood; the idea that a woman must be perfectly chaste, perfectly humble, perfectly innocent, and perfectly untouched by the world to be believed or taken seriously as a victim is one that permeates our society to this day. what was she wearing?, she lead him on, she was asking for it, she wanted it. this novel does an incredible job at giving a voice to the many survivors who (unsurprisingly) don't fit that mould and showing a different perspective.

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