Reviews with content warning for Drug abuse - Moja mroczna Vanesso

I read this fresh off the heels of Know My Name by Chanel Miller, so it was a very interesting contrast. I know one was a memoir and one was inspired-by-true-events fiction, but My Dark Vanessa still felt very close to reality. I read the afterword where feedback from the author's early readers said Vanessa was an unlikable and incomprehensible character, and I do agree. As someone who has not experienced anything like this, it was very difficult to understand why Vanessa thought and did the things she did, as a victim who desperately refused to think of herself as a victim, or of what happened to her as abuse and grooming. I didn't like her or understand her, but I appreciate the different viewpoint Russell has offered us, because I'm sure there are plenty of people who have gone through similar trauma for whom this rings true.

Tangentially (concerning the afterword again), I found it really odd that Russell's early readers encouraged her to write from Strane's perspective instead of Vanessa's, given her unlikability and the inability to relate to her; were they suggesting we should relate/want to relate to the predator instead?? That's a troubling thought. I've never read it before, but if you want something like that, may as well read Lolita or any other number of book that I'm sure exists with this perspective. I applaud Russell for unapologetically sticking to Vanessa's perspective for her book.

I'm not sure I can say I really enjoyed this book, given that I didn't like any of the characters, it felt like reading a 17 year long train wreck get worse and worse, and the outcome at the end of it all was disappointing. But honestly, this is what roots the book in uncomfortable reality.

Strane offing himself, the school concluding the investigation on Strane and carrying on as normal, and Vanessa still struggling to come to terms with everything that has happened to her

are all things that are incredibly disappointing, frustrating, and heartbreaking, but it's what absolutely happens in real life. Brock Turner was sentenced to six months' incarceration, served only half that.

Strane killed himself because he was a coward who would not face up to the fact that he groomed and raped a 15 year old (and in fact justified it over and over to himself and Vanessa to the point where they both believed it), and never faced any formal consequences for his heinous actions.

Life imitates art indeed.

I think the author achieved what she set out to do. It might not have 100% been my cup of tea, but I admire the approach she took. It was different, difficult, and full of uncomfortable feelings in a way I thought felt realistic. Vanessa is complicated, she has a wealth of complex and painful emotions towards everyone in her life including herself, which I think reflects very well how terribly the abuse really affected her. She's not necessarily incomprehensible, she's fucking traumatised, and she's built a narrative around the abuse that she can accept so she can cope with the scale of it.

Special shoutout to Ruby the therapist, doing the hard yards trying to dig Vanessa out of the emotional hellscape she was buried in, and attempting to get her to understand what she experienced. Saving lives out there.

Content Warnings

nina_mk's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

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sedgewren's review against another edition

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challenging dark slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.25

Only a truly masterfully written book could make me want to slap and shake the characters so hard to wake them out of their self-delusions, and yet still want to read it to the end. Russell managed to capture what it felt like to be 15 and sexualised, wanting love but not sure what that looks like, thinking you know it all and able to power through more than you can actually handle. It made me understand all the points of failure in a system, try and think what I would have done differently if I were Vanessa's friend, another teacher, or her parent.

I think it was painfully obvious the amount of self-delusion, romanticisation, and naivety that led to Vanessa's mis-interpretation of events, but I'm so glad that her therapist is able to pin them down and communicate with her to get her to see these events as what they really are; I also understand that Vanessa is only able to accept these truths when she is ready (she's been groomed and manipulated so long that she ends up manipulating herself so that she doesn't have to think too hard about anything that doesn't line up with her love story narrative).

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nineinchnails's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

i feel weird reviewing and even rating this book considering the subject matter because even though it's technically fiction it feels horribly invasive, like reading someone's diary. it is very well written with beautiful prose and a protagonist who is extremely real and raw. the book did run a little long, especially considering there was little character development outside of vanessa but overall it was an extremely gripping read.

i would not recommend reading this as a survivor of rape and especially of child sexual abuse, more because of how adamant vanessa is that she was not abused than how graphic the abuse is written. it can be very hard to stomach her constant romanticisation and denial of strane's abuse, despite how obvious it us to us as readers that he manipulated her. 'manipulate' does not feel like anywhere near as strong of a word to portray how he controlled and exploited her.

vanessa is not a 'perfect victim' and she struggles with this well into adulthood; the idea that a woman must be perfectly chaste, perfectly humble, perfectly innocent, and perfectly untouched by the world to be believed or taken seriously as a victim is one that permeates our society to this day. what was she wearing?, she lead him on, she was asking for it, she wanted it. this novel does an incredible job at giving a voice to the many survivors who (unsurprisingly) don't fit that mould and showing a different perspective.

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shakattxck's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional mysterious reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.75

Content Warnings

alicia_belcourt's review against another edition

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dark emotional reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? A mix
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

This book for me was a very slow read. It had taken me forever to finish it once I had started it, due to the fact that I had to keep taking breaks every so often. This book had a very dark plot about a student who is faced with the reality that she was abused by her teacher when she was in high school.

The concept of the plot alone intrigued me because I have never read anything like this book before, and it quickly continued to intrigue me the more I read. The writing style of this book was beautifully executed in my opinion because I feel that not many authors could so greatly execute a juxtaposition of the mind quite like Kate Elizabeth Russell did. She was constantly building on the idea of the relationship being romantically sought after by the main character, Vanessa. I also really loved reading how she continued to recount the key details that sparked and arose during the abusive relationship. As well as when Vanessa had continued to age and was still in contact with her abuser, I enjoyed the way Kate wrote about how Vanessa felt 'out of her body' because there were times when she described herself walking around or being 'far off' during scenes of the abuse. However there were aspects of the book that made it a bit of a tougher read for me. For example, Vanessa was at times made to be extremely unlikeable, and I mean this in the way that there were times of her recounting the events of abuse where she was constantly in a state of denial, even when presented with substantial 'evidence'. I understood the reasoning for this as I reached the end of the book, but at the moment it was very hard to stay focused in the book when the main character seemed so unlikable.

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