Reviews

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

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khaufnaak's review against another edition

4.0

When I first read this book, I put it down 80% through. But recently, I had been having some difficult and incomprehensible life experiences. So I picked up this book again. Firstly, because of the unusual romantic relationship it represent (Jude and Wilhem’s) that I hoped could teach me a lesson, and also because this book hurts so much to read.

Something I’d change from my original review is that I appreciate how Jude picks up some more imperfection in the end. A terrible ending that makes sense for him. But perhaps of course it could have been better. That potential is still made clear to us. And I am happy that Jude and Wilhem enter a romantic relationship. It is actually a very good representation of a romantic relationship with someone who has trauma. The having sex when it hurts. How the one who wants to have sex has to be the one to say no. It’s good.

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Original review from April 8, 2023, 3 stars.

DNF at 80%

I loved this book at first. The characters were exploring their identities, being these overly theoretical college students harping on about postmodernism, forming deep connections with each other, having rich experiences, a little bit of that (dark) academia super intelligent and talented students feel. Most of them are artists in some shape or form, this romantic view of life. Ugh, I loved it, everything I fantasize of and envy.

I remember telling all I loved about this book to a friend, and then I paused and said, “But it’s kind of like pity porn.” And she asked me what I meant. And I tried to explain to her, it’s like, there’s this character who so much bad stuff happens to, it’s kind of unrealistic, it’s kind of reveling on his suffering. But I tried to rationalize it to myself, well, very rarely you will find people who’ve gone through terribly atrocious things, and the rest of the characters do have more “normal” pains and sufferings following their lives. So maybe he’s just meant to be an unusual case.

Also, very early on there was a part of me that was like, “there are too many minorities together,” like, this unrealistic. But as I read on and my own time passed I realized that this was actually a great quality. We got to hear from the different backgrounds characters came with. And I realized too lol, as a minority, we just flock together. Don’t know why I became blind to that.

I did appreciate how the story navigated disability and trauma, the latter to still maybe a lesser degree. We get to see how life changes and is in flux when you’re disabled, how society fails you in particular, the thoughts and worried that you have because you recognize society isn’t supporting you. Then there is the trouble of trauma, how it’s hard to talk about, the nightmares, the shame. There were moments where I did see myself in Jude.

And I loved how supportive the friends were of each other. I’ve always admired and been envious of supportive friendships. When you struggle, they show up. They give you medical aid, rides, drive to your home to help you up stairs, deal with you when you’re out of your mind on drugs. I just love all the dynamic friendships going on. And we get to be in each of their heads and hear the different perspectives, we get to see why each of them is thinking wrong. No, he didn’t say that because he hated you, he didn’t think of it like that.

And then there was the parent-child relationship Jude formed with Harold. I loved it. The aspect of found family, the connection with an academic mentor. The holes they fill for each other. The lapse of their relationship because of Jude’s discomfort. The persistence. The fear of abandonment. Love it.

I especially loved JB’s storyline. His life and upbringing seems relatively okay, he’s this tortured artist, he wants to be loved, he wants to be picked first. He has this pain he can’t explain through a painful childhood. The curse of a happy childhood. I relate to this so deeply. And then he had that romantic art-obsessed thing going on, I loved that too. The decrepit dedication to creativity. And then how he feels his friends are distancing themselves from him and they all feel he’s distancing himself. The lapse of a friendship that no one really wanted to lapse at all.

And I love how lovingly all the friends think about JB. He curates these magnificent social circles, people who live of fellowships and grants, the parties are great, we miss going out to eat together. Once against all the social college-esque stuff I love, envy, and admire. And then JB goes to therapy and can’t take it seriously. He loves his highs, he hated his new friends, and he digs his hole deeper and deeper. And then his friendship with the group breaks down.

I really appreciate how Yanagihara delves into each of the characters backstories, shows their lives as they progress. Shows different childhoods, different class backgrounds, etc. You get the idea.

Just, eventually, the pity porn got too much. For a while I appreciated that we knew what Jude went through vaguely but not in detail. But then we got more and more details for childhood molestations, rapes, adult sex that was unwanted. And then we got more and more descriptions of cutting wrists, self injury. So much self harm. I have never been triggered by mentions of self harm before, but this time I was. The awfulness of the stuff described reminded me of reading eating disorder fiction and abusive romance on Quotev and Wattpad in middle school. Not good. It just gets so unrealistic, too intense, like, what’s the point of this all? It’s like brain rot inducing. And then Jude is so perfect. He’s just sad, he just hates himself, he’s an amazing lawyer, successful, intelligent. This is not… common at all. And, not the best representation perhaps? I don’t know.

Also I don’t like that Jude and Willem form a romantic relationship. We need more intimate male friendships. They could’ve been snuggling in bed as friends or something. I do appreciate the pivot to them having a non-sexual relationship, which makes sense for them. I also didn’t mind the storyline of Jude forcing himself to have sex with Willem. I think it represents well how sometimes trauma can make you sex repulsed, yet you still have the desire to serve, and it creates this self-hating cycle, you don’t want to hate the one you love because of it, but it slowly kind of starts to make you.

Anyways, that’s the review.

Side note: Don’t like how eating Za’tar at an Israeli restaurant is just casually mentioned.