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seilahuh's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
"'The desire to love is not itself love. Love is as love does. Love is an act of will—namely, both an intention and action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.'"
this is just one of those books you come out on the other side a different person. it's maddening to me that bell originally published this well over 20 years ago, yet all about love remains incredibly relevant. we still live in a very loveless society that denies that love is definable, that it's not as hard or confusing as we make it, and that this obsfucation of what it is only exists to further keep us away from its splendor. all about love is an essential guide to how we all can make the love we want and deserve. my entire worldview has been changed.
i'll admit, though, some of the elements in AAL demonstrate that the book is definitely a product of its time, specifically the portion on Lewinsky which was very...cruel to me. i really wish it wasn't there as it truly detracted from what was otherwise a beautiful ode to the transformative power of love.
this is just one of those books you come out on the other side a different person. it's maddening to me that bell originally published this well over 20 years ago, yet all about love remains incredibly relevant. we still live in a very loveless society that denies that love is definable, that it's not as hard or confusing as we make it, and that this obsfucation of what it is only exists to further keep us away from its splendor. all about love is an essential guide to how we all can make the love we want and deserve. my entire worldview has been changed.
i'll admit, though, some of the elements in AAL demonstrate that the book is definitely a product of its time, specifically the portion on Lewinsky which was very...cruel to me. i really wish it wasn't there as it truly detracted from what was otherwise a beautiful ode to the transformative power of love.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Misogyny
sderi's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Chronic illness, Death, Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, Mental illness, Misogyny, Racism, Sexism, Toxic relationship, Grief, Religious bigotry, Gaslighting, Abandonment, and Colonisation
savvylit's review
emotional
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.5
This book begins with hooks stating that historically, discussing love has always been viewed as something to ridicule - since it is seen as something that only women do. Right away, she dissuades readers of that notion. hooks establishes that love being seen as unserious and only a feminine concern is both false and a reflection of the greater patriarchal and sexist culture of the U.S. She states that love is such an essential part of life that it only makes sense that it be discussed and evaluated just as logically as any other topic. (On a personal note, I really appreciate that the book began this way because it helped me realize that I have some internalized misogyny when it comes to discussing love. I have generally tried to avoid saying anything that I deem "too sappy" probably because I always want to be taken seriously.)
After firmly establishing her feminist thesis, hooks delves into types of love and how to approach love in a thoughtful and considerate manner. She emphasizes the importance of intentional and empathetic knowing in any relationship. Though the mass media often represents love as a magical mystery, this idea is damaging and promotes miscommunication. "Being aware enables us to critically examine our actions to see what is needed so that we can give care, be responsible, show respect, and indicate a willingness to learn."
Later in the book, hooks also discusses the myth of the nuclear family and focuses on the importance of communal care. Despite what has been established as the norm, families can be based on so much more than just two married partners. hooks uses historical precedent to reveal to readers the ways in which extended family and community are necessary and often better models of love for children than a parent.
This review has barely scratched the surface of why all about love is such a fascinating and important work. If you enjoy cultural criticism and sociology, this book is an absolute must-read.
After firmly establishing her feminist thesis, hooks delves into types of love and how to approach love in a thoughtful and considerate manner. She emphasizes the importance of intentional and empathetic knowing in any relationship. Though the mass media often represents love as a magical mystery, this idea is damaging and promotes miscommunication. "Being aware enables us to critically examine our actions to see what is needed so that we can give care, be responsible, show respect, and indicate a willingness to learn."
Later in the book, hooks also discusses the myth of the nuclear family and focuses on the importance of communal care. Despite what has been established as the norm, families can be based on so much more than just two married partners. hooks uses historical precedent to reveal to readers the ways in which extended family and community are necessary and often better models of love for children than a parent.
This review has barely scratched the surface of why all about love is such a fascinating and important work. If you enjoy cultural criticism and sociology, this book is an absolute must-read.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Misogyny and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Domestic abuse
tersirat's review against another edition
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Misogyny
Moderate: Child abuse and Grief
itszosia's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
Content Warnings
Moderate: Misogyny and Sexism
Minor: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Emotional abuse, and Physical abuse
keeganrb's review
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Domestic abuse, Misogyny, and Sexism
Moderate: Child abuse, Toxic relationship, and Grief
Minor: Addiction, Emotional abuse, and Suicidal thoughts
unsuccessfulbookclub's review
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
reflective
fast-paced
5.0
Transformative.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Domestic abuse, Emotional abuse, Misogyny, Racism, Sexism, and Violence
Minor: Suicidal thoughts
jayisreading's review
reflective
slow-paced
2.25
I’m a bit surprised that I ended up not enjoying All About Love as much as I thought I would. I greatly admire bell hooks and the knowledge she has shared with the world (Teaching to Transgress is one that I found quite impactful). I entered All About Love to learn about… well, love. I suppose I did, but I didn’t anticipate it to be as spiritually guided as it ended up being. Not that this is a bad thing, but there was almost a New Age quality to this book that made me roll my eyes a little.
More than that, though, I was shocked that despite the incredible focus on the ways in which issues such as misogyny, sexism, and capitalism stop us from truly loving one another, hooks’ ideas did not apply to everyone. For example, her comment on Monica Lewinsky (called a “young woman”) as “greedy” took me by surprise. What happened to respect, which she emphasized was a necessary part of love? I also took issue with hooks’ insistence that queer people should find ways to stay in touch with toxic family members. This isn’t a possibility for many members of the queer community, especially if they want to put their happiness and well-being at the forefront, which are important because they lead to the finding of a deep sense of love that they weren’t given before.
I want to step away from the criticisms to at least highlight things I appreciated about this book, though. For one, I truly appreciated that hooks challenged the idea of love being exclusive to romance. I was most taken to her points on how we can learn from platonic love and community building to deepen other forms of love. I also liked that she showed love to be a multifaceted thing, that it is comprised of care, respect, responsibility, commitment, among other traits that displays the complexity of loving.
All things considered, writing about love is a huge undertaking, especially to break it down the way hooks did. However, I think this book is of its time (first published in 1999) in its language and understanding of the world. If there’s anything I’ve come to realize while making my way through this book, it’s that love is ever-changing and difficult to explain given everything that’s happening in the world every day. hooks tried, and I think there were some valuable points to take away from this book, but it didn’t make the impact I was hoping it would.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Misogyny and Sexism
Moderate: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Toxic relationship, and Grief
Minor: Addiction, Cancer, Death, and Emotional abuse
corneliusmcstrawberry's review against another edition
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
3.75
this book is a bit self-help-y but it’s not that bad. previous reviews have noted that bell hooks shames monica lewinsky, and she does, which seemed anti-feminist and insensitive. aside from that, there were moments that really stuck w me and applied to my own life. survivors of abuse may find this book insightful, comforting, and eye-opening, and i’d recommend it to them. there were some points where i found myself skimming on autopilot - reading a 200 page book solely about love becomes a bit monotonous after a while and so i had to take breaks. but bell hooks’ writing style is clear and direct, and as i alluded to earlier, she makes a lot of great points about how love and abuse cannot coexist even though our culture begs to differ in many ways. i’ve seen this book quoted and recommended online a lot, which is why i read it, and indeed it is chock-full of inspiring and thoughtful quotes about love. overall, i liked it. this is not the first of bell hooks’ works that i have read - i read an article of hers titled ‘women at work’ and i do believe that she deserves the praise she gets for her writings about patriarchy (which, naturally, are prominent in ‘all about love’ too).
Content Warnings
Graphic: Misogyny and Sexism
Moderate: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, Drug abuse, Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Racism, Toxic relationship, and Grief
Minor: Addiction, Cancer, Death, Suicidal thoughts, and Terminal illness
krys_kilz's review
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
I really appreciated the conversational style this was written in. It made it easy to read and digest. I also enjoyed the explorations of abuse, the oppression of children, and grief. Her analysis of the nuclear family as a fascistic and authoritarian unit of domination and control felt really spot on.
I struggled with her cisheteronormative framing of romantic relationships and love - every time I read the words male and female I wanted to screech - along with the more Christian/religious content. I also didn't like the section on love and work - an analysis that really lacked an examination of capitalism and hierarchical power dynamics in the workplace - or the vaguely saneist language throughout around narcissism, madness, and addiction.
Overall, I think this is an important read and offers a lot of sweet wisdom about love and the importance of community. I would just suggest reading with a critical eye.
I struggled with her cisheteronormative framing of romantic relationships and love - every time I read the words male and female I wanted to screech - along with the more Christian/religious content. I also didn't like the section on love and work - an analysis that really lacked an examination of capitalism and hierarchical power dynamics in the workplace - or the vaguely saneist language throughout around narcissism, madness, and addiction.
Overall, I think this is an important read and offers a lot of sweet wisdom about love and the importance of community. I would just suggest reading with a critical eye.
"Even though we are more likely to be hurt by someone we know than a stranger, our fear is directed toward the unknown and the unfamiliar. That fear brings with it intense paranoia and a constant obsession with safety."
Content Warnings
Moderate: Child abuse, Domestic abuse, and Misogyny