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challenging
inspiring
fast-paced
challenging
informative
inspiring
I can't recommend this book enough! As someone who grew up at the height of the purity culture era, I experienced a lot of the harms caused by it. This book presented evidence-based, research-driven conclusions on overcoming the harmful messaging that many conservative evangelical churches and individuals continue to preach. This book outlined healthier options for our daughters. #shedeservesbetter
I appreciate the work that Sheila Gregoire has put in on this subject and related subjects for many years now.
I've seen criticisms of the methadology for the survey and the related extrapolations, but that may be because people have trouble understanding how surveys work and / or what constitutes a robust set of data. (I'm being charitable.)
You won't have to agree with everything 100% to appreciate this book. You don't have to be rethinking your theology. All you have to agree is that our daughters deserve better than the false {prosperity} gospel that was "purity culture."
Because they do. My four daughters deserve better. They deserve better than the topsy-turvey "anything goes" worldly system and they deserve better than the "blame it on the woman" paradigm power-obsessed false-Christianity promotes.
Read the book. Throw out the parts you don't agree with, fine, but use it to actually talk and listen to our girls. When we know better, we do better. (And if there's some aspect of this discussion you think Gregoire missed or should have covered better, well, go ahead and write that book. We need all the books we can get to counteract the church libraries full of terrible advice and downright messed-up theology.)
I've seen criticisms of the methadology for the survey and the related extrapolations, but that may be because people have trouble understanding how surveys work and / or what constitutes a robust set of data. (I'm being charitable.)
You won't have to agree with everything 100% to appreciate this book. You don't have to be rethinking your theology. All you have to agree is that our daughters deserve better than the false {prosperity} gospel that was "purity culture."
Because they do. My four daughters deserve better. They deserve better than the topsy-turvey "anything goes" worldly system and they deserve better than the "blame it on the woman" paradigm power-obsessed false-Christianity promotes.
Read the book. Throw out the parts you don't agree with, fine, but use it to actually talk and listen to our girls. When we know better, we do better. (And if there's some aspect of this discussion you think Gregoire missed or should have covered better, well, go ahead and write that book. We need all the books we can get to counteract the church libraries full of terrible advice and downright messed-up theology.)
I was not the target audience for this book. However, as someone who was raised in the environment of purity culture and is still processing its effect on how I view dating and romantic relationships, it was such a relief to have its many tendrils deconstructed by this book from a solidly Christian perspective. I’m looking forward to reading The Great Sex Rescue soon.
challenging
hopeful
informative
Regardless if you're raising your daughter in the church or not (but especially if you are) this is a great resource on how to talk to your daughter about her worth in relationship to sex and men. The authors provide a deep dive into the teachings in popular Christian books aimed at Christian teen girls and the devastating outcomes those messages produce.
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
After stumbling onto Bare Marriage (To Love, Honor, and Vacuum at the time), the entire trajectory of my marriage, my parenting, and my life has changed...for the better. I can honestly say that I thought I was doing the "right" thing by thinking my life was meant to be defined by submission, respect, and support for my husband. I drowned myself in defining myself by motherhood and marriage and lost...me. Now that I have three girls and I've seen what purity culture and complementarian thinking in marriage has done to my life, I want better for my girls. I deserved better. They deserve better.
I started Bare Marriage's The Whole Story puberty course with my oldest a few months ago, and we'll progress to going through She Deserves Better together when the time is right. She hasn't started youth group yet, but I see so many of these negative messages for her in everyday life.
She Deserves Better has given words to what I've noticed was wrong for a long time but couldn't put words to. It shows me what would have set me up for success in my own life and marriage. I so appreciate the mother-daughter sections at the end of each chapter that will help in discussion with my girls about relationships and speaking up for themselves in everything. I am grateful for a book that doesn't make excuses ("boys will be boys") and doesn't shift the blame ("what else did she expect if she acted like that/wore that/went there?").
This team has done excellent work and I feel empowered to help my girls to make better choices than I did, in words, actions, deeds. Now I'm waiting on a book for the boys because I have a son, too!
This book has helped to heal my younger self and has helped my future self.
I started Bare Marriage's The Whole Story puberty course with my oldest a few months ago, and we'll progress to going through She Deserves Better together when the time is right. She hasn't started youth group yet, but I see so many of these negative messages for her in everyday life.
She Deserves Better has given words to what I've noticed was wrong for a long time but couldn't put words to. It shows me what would have set me up for success in my own life and marriage. I so appreciate the mother-daughter sections at the end of each chapter that will help in discussion with my girls about relationships and speaking up for themselves in everything. I am grateful for a book that doesn't make excuses ("boys will be boys") and doesn't shift the blame ("what else did she expect if she acted like that/wore that/went there?").
This team has done excellent work and I feel empowered to help my girls to make better choices than I did, in words, actions, deeds. Now I'm waiting on a book for the boys because I have a son, too!
This book has helped to heal my younger self and has helped my future self.
challenging
hopeful
informative
medium-paced
Sheila and her fabulous team once again use evidence-based research and real life data to show whether the messages taught to young girls in evangelical circles over the last several decades are helpful or harmful. Sheila frequently quotes this verse in Matthew: “You will recognize them by their fruits” (7:16, ESV). Their research found that the fruit of a lot of these evangelical teachings was toxic and rotten, so they set out to show how the church can do better, and this book is the result.
The authors walk through several topics that they found to be poorly addressed within evangelical teachings, including: self-esteem, dating, setting boundaries, sex-ed, and consent. Each topic is a chapter, and in each chapter they explain better ways to talk about these things with our daughters. They end with a mic-dropping chapter about girls being second to Christ alone, explaining that teaching girls to be small so that boys can be big is contrary to the gospel. This is the book I was looking for as I entered into adulthood and began to wrestle with what I had been taught (or not taught). Several times while reading I found myself nodding in agreement and even audibly saying, “Yes! That is exactly what XYZ teaching made me feel like!” Alternate titles for this book could be “What I wish I had been taught instead of going to another Silver Ring Thing event” or “What all of our children - boys and girls - should learn from their church community.”
This book is for women everywhere - aunts, sisters, cousins, mothers, daughters, etc. whether or not you have kids or have daughters, may this book bring healing and insight to you in your journey. I’m a mother of two boys, and I have found so much grace through reading this book. So many of the suggestions apply to boys as much as girls, and I think this book can truly help us to raise strong, resilient, emotionally healthy men and women.
One of my favorite quotes from the book comes from the first chapter: “. . . If something is of Christ, then it should not cause harm. This is the journey we’d like to invite you on—a journey along the road less traveled, where hopefully you will find a much richer relationship with Jesus in the process” (p. 31). This should be the goal of churches and believers everywhere - to throw off what easily entangles us and to learn to run the race with endurance (Hebrews 12:1, paraphrased).
If you are a parent or a youth leader who has taught some of these toxic messages, allow this book to help you learn and grow in this area. Apologize, learn from your mistakes, and do better! Jesus desires to give us abundant life, free of shame. Let’s all do better because we all deserve better!
The authors walk through several topics that they found to be poorly addressed within evangelical teachings, including: self-esteem, dating, setting boundaries, sex-ed, and consent. Each topic is a chapter, and in each chapter they explain better ways to talk about these things with our daughters. They end with a mic-dropping chapter about girls being second to Christ alone, explaining that teaching girls to be small so that boys can be big is contrary to the gospel. This is the book I was looking for as I entered into adulthood and began to wrestle with what I had been taught (or not taught). Several times while reading I found myself nodding in agreement and even audibly saying, “Yes! That is exactly what XYZ teaching made me feel like!” Alternate titles for this book could be “What I wish I had been taught instead of going to another Silver Ring Thing event” or “What all of our children - boys and girls - should learn from their church community.”
This book is for women everywhere - aunts, sisters, cousins, mothers, daughters, etc. whether or not you have kids or have daughters, may this book bring healing and insight to you in your journey. I’m a mother of two boys, and I have found so much grace through reading this book. So many of the suggestions apply to boys as much as girls, and I think this book can truly help us to raise strong, resilient, emotionally healthy men and women.
One of my favorite quotes from the book comes from the first chapter: “. . . If something is of Christ, then it should not cause harm. This is the journey we’d like to invite you on—a journey along the road less traveled, where hopefully you will find a much richer relationship with Jesus in the process” (p. 31). This should be the goal of churches and believers everywhere - to throw off what easily entangles us and to learn to run the race with endurance (Hebrews 12:1, paraphrased).
If you are a parent or a youth leader who has taught some of these toxic messages, allow this book to help you learn and grow in this area. Apologize, learn from your mistakes, and do better! Jesus desires to give us abundant life, free of shame. Let’s all do better because we all deserve better!