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ninabest's review against another edition
dark
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? N/A
2.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Animal cruelty, Death, Physical abuse, Racism, Torture, Violence, Blood, Excrement, Stalking, Car accident, Murder, Alcohol, and Classism
parasolcrafter's review against another edition
dark
emotional
mysterious
sad
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
0.5
oh, this book was an ENTIRE mess. it was like a D-list indie horror movie as a novel in the worst possible way. oh my god.
the set-up is fairly standard and boring - a group of teenagers getting locked up inside a mansion with a crazed killer is hardly the most unique or interesting preface - which failed on every level of making it a good read.
first off: the characters are some of the most annoying, privileged brats you could ever meet, which is quite unfortunately the point of their characters. they are - with few exceptions - wholly unlikable; the scant few i liked were only the least annoying of the bunch, and the last remaining are characters we hardly met before they died so i dont have much of an opinion on them. everyone was also very, VERY one dimensional.
second: the killer, gage the clown. he was like an unholy mix of a demonic mary poppins (where did he continue to pull murder weapons from???) and a kind of god, capable of being everywhere and nowhere all at once. even with the 'twist' (i use that as lightly as possible as it was the most obvious part of the book) it didnt make his character make sense. like a killer clown is standard enough for bottom-of-the-barrel horror like this, but for him to be as omnipresent as he was is just ridiculous. the beginning and first few kills werent that far fetched - slicing and stabbing and using garden tools are all boring and predictable but make sense - but after that it just gets downright silly. like, how did he get a miniature horse into the house? how did he possibly have hundreds of mice at his disposal? he also somehow had bear traps? none of the later kills made any sense and truly took me out of the book; it was comical, and i know it wasnt meant to be. the neighbours death was also strange; he just had a bomb he could manage to somehow wire through the doorbell that would explode under her? sure. why the fuck not. not to mention the biometric padlocks he uses to close the doors...oh my god. things really were written to just be as absurd as possible with no real rhyme or reason: it was ridiculous to be ridiculous, not to be interesting.
third: the story, or lack thereof. i truly understand what the author was trying to get across, but my god did it fail. the main character, noelle, is one of the most useless protagonists in a horror book ive ever experienced. for someone who CONSTANTLY mentions how shes the ultimate 'Final Girl' she constantly fails at every turn (also, if you constantly need to say how good of a final girl you are, youre NOT as good as you are). like i understand she must be panicked and stressed beyond belief in this situation, but she fumbles so many situations in the end its pathetic. the end bit was especially bad, when she leaves a knife on the bookcase NEAR THE CLOWN??? at that point i mentally checked out and sped through the book as fast as i could; it was so, so horrible. the 'plot' was shoehorned so forcefully into the story that it was clear the author just had things she needed to say and she didnt care about working it into the story craftfully. i agree that the horror genre especially needs more diversity in its leads and a Black female lead was something i was really interested in reading, but this book failed on every front. its not a worthwhile addition to the genre it tried so hardly to emulate. its hardly horror - the mishandling of EVERYTHING by the characters is more stupidity than scary and the clown was, as i stated previously, ridiculous - and even its slasher elements are just shoddily written gore with a thin veil of a 'got'cha!' over it. noelle only stays alive because the author kept her alive, not because she did anything in the story to protect herself.
fourth: this story falls into the predicament of 'im not the killer, im BETTER than that trope'. like...please. by the end of the book, gage has killed nearly everyone in the house; it wouldnt be murder if anyone killed him, it would be self-defense. besides this:NOELLE ENDS UP KILLING HIM ANYWAYS. there were multiple options to have killed gage throughout the book (the one that sticks out is when they use his thumbprints on the locks to try and get out; they had a knife. it would have been SO EASY to kill him then and get out.) and they just...dont? like the alternative is that YOU die!
fifth: the killers reasoning is absolute and utter bullshit that holds no water. you mean to tell me he did all that because theyre rich and privileged??? it just seems as though the author couldnt get a good enough reason for this whole mess and picked the easiest one she could.
another thing: the motivation to not leave because it's 'raining and cold and they cold get hypothermia :(((' is just so flimsy of a reason. they were literally IN A MANSION. raid some closets, put on as many layers as you can handle, and leave. there is absolutely NO possible way the house was as locked down as it ended up being in the beginning; as is evidenced by the fact that they ended up outside more than once. it would have been hard, yes, but not impossible.
last nitpick: why were charlie and maddie introduced as dating, then later in the book only referred to as friends? i realize thats something thats very small in comparison to the rest of the story, but it baffled me. why isnt that something that was kept straight???
overall, dont waste your time on this book. its not worth it, at ALL.
the set-up is fairly standard and boring - a group of teenagers getting locked up inside a mansion with a crazed killer is hardly the most unique or interesting preface - which failed on every level of making it a good read.
first off: the characters are some of the most annoying, privileged brats you could ever meet, which is quite unfortunately the point of their characters. they are - with few exceptions - wholly unlikable; the scant few i liked were only the least annoying of the bunch, and the last remaining are characters we hardly met before they died so i dont have much of an opinion on them. everyone was also very, VERY one dimensional.
second: the killer, gage the clown. he was like an unholy mix of a demonic mary poppins (where did he continue to pull murder weapons from???) and a kind of god, capable of being everywhere and nowhere all at once. even with the 'twist' (i use that as lightly as possible as it was the most obvious part of the book) it didnt make his character make sense. like a killer clown is standard enough for bottom-of-the-barrel horror like this, but for him to be as omnipresent as he was is just ridiculous. the beginning and first few kills werent that far fetched - slicing and stabbing and using garden tools are all boring and predictable but make sense - but after that it just gets downright silly. like, how did he get a miniature horse into the house? how did he possibly have hundreds of mice at his disposal? he also somehow had bear traps? none of the later kills made any sense and truly took me out of the book; it was comical, and i know it wasnt meant to be. the neighbours death was also strange; he just had a bomb he could manage to somehow wire through the doorbell that would explode under her? sure. why the fuck not. not to mention the biometric padlocks he uses to close the doors...oh my god. things really were written to just be as absurd as possible with no real rhyme or reason: it was ridiculous to be ridiculous, not to be interesting.
third: the story, or lack thereof. i truly understand what the author was trying to get across, but my god did it fail. the main character, noelle, is one of the most useless protagonists in a horror book ive ever experienced. for someone who CONSTANTLY mentions how shes the ultimate 'Final Girl' she constantly fails at every turn (also, if you constantly need to say how good of a final girl you are, youre NOT as good as you are). like i understand she must be panicked and stressed beyond belief in this situation, but she fumbles so many situations in the end its pathetic. the end bit was especially bad, when she leaves a knife on the bookcase NEAR THE CLOWN??? at that point i mentally checked out and sped through the book as fast as i could; it was so, so horrible. the 'plot' was shoehorned so forcefully into the story that it was clear the author just had things she needed to say and she didnt care about working it into the story craftfully. i agree that the horror genre especially needs more diversity in its leads and a Black female lead was something i was really interested in reading, but this book failed on every front. its not a worthwhile addition to the genre it tried so hardly to emulate. its hardly horror - the mishandling of EVERYTHING by the characters is more stupidity than scary and the clown was, as i stated previously, ridiculous - and even its slasher elements are just shoddily written gore with a thin veil of a 'got'cha!' over it. noelle only stays alive because the author kept her alive, not because she did anything in the story to protect herself.
fourth: this story falls into the predicament of 'im not the killer, im BETTER than that trope'. like...please. by the end of the book, gage has killed nearly everyone in the house; it wouldnt be murder if anyone killed him, it would be self-defense. besides this:
fifth: the killers reasoning is absolute and utter bullshit that holds no water. you mean to tell me he did all that because theyre rich and privileged??? it just seems as though the author couldnt get a good enough reason for this whole mess and picked the easiest one she could.
another thing: the motivation to not leave because it's 'raining and cold and they cold get hypothermia :(((' is just so flimsy of a reason. they were literally IN A MANSION. raid some closets, put on as many layers as you can handle, and leave. there is absolutely NO possible way the house was as locked down as it ended up being in the beginning; as is evidenced by the fact that they ended up outside more than once. it would have been hard, yes, but not impossible.
last nitpick: why were charlie and maddie introduced as dating, then later in the book only referred to as friends? i realize thats something thats very small in comparison to the rest of the story, but it baffled me. why isnt that something that was kept straight???
overall, dont waste your time on this book. its not worth it, at ALL.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body horror, Child death, Confinement, Cursing, Death, Gore, Physical abuse, Racism, Torture, Violence, Blood, Excrement, Grief, Stalking, Murder, Fire/Fire injury, Injury/Injury detail, and Classism
Moderate: Drug use
Minor: Animal cruelty and Animal death
puddleshoes's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
tense
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? It's complicated
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body horror, Child death, Death, Gore, Physical abuse, Violence, Blood, Excrement, Stalking, Car accident, Fire/Fire injury, Injury/Injury detail, and Classism
amy_salieri's review against another edition
dark
mysterious
tense
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.5
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body horror, Confinement, Death, Gore, Panic attacks/disorders, Physical abuse, Torture, Violence, Blood, Excrement, Stalking, Murder, Fire/Fire injury, Alcohol, and Injury/Injury detail
Minor: Infidelity and Car accident
itzbrianna's review against another edition
dark
funny
mysterious
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
There’s No Wat I’d Die First was a tense roller coaster of excitement and tense mystery. Noelle is having a party to promote her upcoming podcast Jump Scares, and when one of her plans goes awry all shit breaks loose.
There are some parts of this book that will make you gag, cringe, and even say WTF out loud. But it’s a very fun and entertaining read. While I think this book went on longer than it needed to, I do like how most things came together.
*****The Following Section may Contain Spoilers. Readers Discretion Advised*******
What I loved about this book was the connection to horror. As a horror fan, I was enthralled. I loved the horror references and the movie quotes before each title. The cover is also very cool. I loved that this book took place in one setting too. Those kinds of horror thrillers are always the most interesting.
However, I do think this book went on longer than it needed to. Because it was in one setting some things for repetitive like Noelle constantly comparing different scenarios to horror movie moments. At first, it was cool and had it not been so often I don’t think I would have had much to say about it. But too much of a good thing is never good.
There were a lot of inconsistencies in the book to like how suddenly windows can be broken when it was covered in protective coating before. But those were minor grievances I let slide, because this is horror and I love it even the things that make no sense.
I think the high body count compared to who ends up alive at the end was great. But the romance between Archer and Noelle was a bit cringe at times. Possibly because we didn’t get much backstory on their relationship it was just told instead of shown.
One part I really hated was the so called “extremism” that the murderer goes through. Without spoiling it too much, rich kids getting attacked because they are rich isn’t new. The why was a little unoriginal and the who was up in the air between two people so it wasn’t much of a shock. Though I’m glad I guessed who :)
All that to say I still enjoyed this book and think I’ll read it again to see if I feel different in the future. Regardless of how some parts dragged on this was a pretty exciting read. Definitely take a chance on it if you enjoy horror movies!
There are some parts of this book that will make you gag, cringe, and even say WTF out loud. But it’s a very fun and entertaining read. While I think this book went on longer than it needed to, I do like how most things came together.
*****The Following Section may Contain Spoilers. Readers Discretion Advised*******
What I loved about this book was the connection to horror. As a horror fan, I was enthralled. I loved the horror references and the movie quotes before each title. The cover is also very cool. I loved that this book took place in one setting too. Those kinds of horror thrillers are always the most interesting.
However, I do think this book went on longer than it needed to. Because it was in one setting some things for repetitive like Noelle constantly comparing different scenarios to horror movie moments. At first, it was cool and had it not been so often I don’t think I would have had much to say about it. But too much of a good thing is never good.
There were a lot of inconsistencies in the book to like how suddenly windows can be broken when it was covered in protective coating before. But those were minor grievances I let slide, because this is horror and I love it even the things that make no sense.
I think the high body count compared to who ends up alive at the end was great. But the romance between Archer and Noelle was a bit cringe at times. Possibly because we didn’t get much backstory on their relationship it was just told instead of shown.
One part I really hated was the so called “extremism” that the murderer goes through. Without spoiling it too much, rich kids getting attacked because they are rich isn’t new. The why was a little unoriginal and the who was up in the air between two people so it wasn’t much of a shock. Though I’m glad I guessed who :)
All that to say I still enjoyed this book and think I’ll read it again to see if I feel different in the future. Regardless of how some parts dragged on this was a pretty exciting read. Definitely take a chance on it if you enjoy horror movies!
Content Warnings
Graphic: Body horror, Death, Physical abuse, Racism, Torture, Violence, Injury/Injury detail, and Classism
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