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It is brave to expose your deepest, darkest feelings for all to see, but this is not exactly what happens.

The way this book is marketed is as an unflinchingly honest look at addiction. And while it certainly talks about addiction, what happened in actuality is that Perry revealed who he is, but by accident - the messed up but ultimately good guy he tries to portray himself as is drowned out by his immense ego and arrogance. One particularly clear look at who Perry truly is comes from the following line about Perry House, a sober living facility he set up, seemingly to help people get clean:

"Perry House was floundering. Not enough people attended—it was simply too expensive, so I had to cut my losses and sell the property."

And there he is. The man who spends no small part of the book talking about how he was rolling in money, closing a sober living facility because people couldn't afford to attend. Maybe cut the price a bit Matty? Move it out of Malibu? I am not surprised Lisa Kudrow's foreword felt so forced.

Importantly, despite being a self-proclaimed expert in AA and therapy, Perry doesn't seem to have learnt a whole lot. The narrative is flat and does not truly delve deeply into motivations and his psyche - sure, he talks about his commitment issues and lack of confidence, as well as the fact that addiction is an illness, and yet there are many moments where I found myself hoping for introspection, some uncovering of the underlying reasons for his behaviour, and every time I was left wanting. As he admittedly always does, Perry loses courage at the last minute and changes the topic, moves on, doesn't truly let you in. He distracts you with graphic details of addiction and detox, all the while skipping past a meaningful discussion on his reasons for relapsing in the first place. While that is painfully ironic, it is also not surprising. Mostly what I get from this book is endless self pity, with sincere moments and realisations sprinkled in.

Stylistically, this also isn't a well written book. The memoir is repetitve, and as it is not in any chronological order it often simply makes no sense, it is more a series of anecdotes rather than a coherent narrative, and reads as a stream of consciousness rather than a fully thought out memoir. At one point by the end he starts repeating the same story from the start and I honestly thought I accidentally ended up at the beginning (as I was reading electronically). Perry also name drops incessantly and reveals a lot of details about other people's behaviour, which I am not sure he cleared with them first. It feels as if he is exposing them rather than himself, and always, always, in a self -agrandising way.

I appreciated some aspects of the book, like the author's humour, and believe he has truly been through hell and back, which I commend him for. The one good thing to come from this book should be that we thoroughly investigate the care people receive in sober living facilities. These places are clearly preying on the vulnerable and need to be reformed. I also hope others in a similar situation find a way to get clean and find inspiration in this memoir. Unfortunately, it would appear the author himself still has a very long way to go.
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A heartbreaking exploration of addiction and its impact on his career and his family and friends. Perry's memoir is very evidently shaped by his participation in NA/AA, largely his continued discussion of spirituality/God and optimism that he has shaken some of his habits. His early passing as a result of ketamine use deeply shapes this in retrospect and makes it even harder to read. Perry was a beloved, talented actor who found his addiction defined him late in his career. He writes that he would change places with a friend who is dirt poor and doesn't know if they can make ends meet but is clean despite the fame. This will linger with me for a while.

3.5 stars because it is slightly disjointed and repetitive and really needed a good editor, rounded up to four stars because it's also a glimpse into the mind of an addict that mirrors my experience and is poignant in its own way. I wonder how much of his hopefulness at the end was wishful thinking or just trying to talk himself into a better ending than he kept predicting for himself all throughout the book. His loneliness and pain were palpable. I did learn that he hated leaf blowers as much as I do, and thanks to that tiny little tidbit I will always hold a special place for him in my heart.

Książka ciekawa, mocno kontrowersyjna zważywszy na dziwne zachowanie autora w wielu sytuacjach. Czasem mocno chwiał mu się kompas moralny zwłaszcza w relacjach z kobietami. Przy tym pomieszanie pompatycznych wypowiedzi o wrotach piekieł Bogu wyższym celu, Bólu przez duże B I innych wzniosłych metafor w połączeniu z wulgaryzmami i czasem bardzo prostymi wstawkami mocno mnie raziło. Brak chronologii też wytrącał mnie z rytmu ale bądź co bądź książka była ciekawa pokazująca wiele niekorzystnych czasem sytuacji. Plus za szczerość i otwartość autora między innymi przy pokazywaniu wyniszczających konsekwencji nałogu.
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Incredibly raw and real
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