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3.81 AVERAGE
3.81 AVERAGE
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
Honest, vulnerable, dark, funny, all the feels. Exactly what I want an autobiography to be.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Drug abuse, Drug use, Medical trauma
dark
emotional
hopeful
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
Having grown up watching friends, I never knew the behind the scenes struggles Matthew Perry was going through, but this book? Man this book broke me.
To read his story was both heartbreaking yet moving and I’m so sad he never got his happy ending after how hard he fought to get clean once and for all.
To read his story was both heartbreaking yet moving and I’m so sad he never got his happy ending after how hard he fought to get clean once and for all.
DNF - after reading quite a lot. I kept hoping it would get better. It did not.
My thoughts, not in any order.
1. Matthew Perry seems as if he was honest about his personal struggles and demons (I can never know as I wasn't there), and for that I give him credit. I've thankfully never been close enough to an addict to be aware of their struggles, so I can't know how much this book might help someone, but I can see how it might.
2. The writing is quite bad.
3. Matthew Perry seems, unfortunately, to lack emotional maturity and self-awareness.
4. Some people have said Perry takes no responsibility for his actions and poor behaviours, and blames everyone else and the world. He does blame others liberally, but I'm not sure the statement is wholly true. He does apologise for some of what he's done. But those apologies seem to come from a man who lacks self-awareness and emotional maturity, so they sound hollow. Not lacking in being genuine - it feels Perry did believe he made poor choices, did wrong, hurt people and felt bad about it - at least when he thinks about it. But it's all superficial. He never learned from his poor behaviour, so he seems doomed to repeat it. Which makes his apology hollow, that is, when he's not actively working to be better the next time.
4a. Also, I don't get the feeling he truly understands how hurtful his behaviour was towards some people, especially women. His apologies aren't enough for the damage he probably caused, because he's not done the work to even notice the extent of the damage, let alone provide a truly meaningful apology. Making amends isn't even a thought that seems to ever cross his mind. But it doesn't feel like a non-apology apology where the person making it doesn't feel like they've done anything wrong, but more an apology where the person knows they were wrong but is too afraid to examine their behaviour because they might hate themselves for it. Or maybe he does know, and this is a way to avoid censure.
5. Perry is horrible to many, many women. The way he talks about them makes me cringe. They seem to be objects to him, not people. My heart broke for his girlfriend Jamie Tarses when he dumped her the moment he got sober so he could sleep with loads of other women after she'd supported him through 2 years of addiction and then months of rehab. He talks about her as wonderful, magical, an 'angel', as well as how awful he was to her. But the regret seems surface level, maybe because of a lack of emotional maturity? Or an inability to feel anything deeply?
6. He has huge privilege and no conception of it.
There are so many other things that could be said about this book,, but I'll stop there.
My thoughts, not in any order.
1. Matthew Perry seems as if he was honest about his personal struggles and demons (I can never know as I wasn't there), and for that I give him credit. I've thankfully never been close enough to an addict to be aware of their struggles, so I can't know how much this book might help someone, but I can see how it might.
2. The writing is quite bad.
3. Matthew Perry seems, unfortunately, to lack emotional maturity and self-awareness.
4. Some people have said Perry takes no responsibility for his actions and poor behaviours, and blames everyone else and the world. He does blame others liberally, but I'm not sure the statement is wholly true. He does apologise for some of what he's done. But those apologies seem to come from a man who lacks self-awareness and emotional maturity, so they sound hollow. Not lacking in being genuine - it feels Perry did believe he made poor choices, did wrong, hurt people and felt bad about it - at least when he thinks about it. But it's all superficial. He never learned from his poor behaviour, so he seems doomed to repeat it. Which makes his apology hollow, that is, when he's not actively working to be better the next time.
4a. Also, I don't get the feeling he truly understands how hurtful his behaviour was towards some people, especially women. His apologies aren't enough for the damage he probably caused, because he's not done the work to even notice the extent of the damage, let alone provide a truly meaningful apology. Making amends isn't even a thought that seems to ever cross his mind. But it doesn't feel like a non-apology apology where the person making it doesn't feel like they've done anything wrong, but more an apology where the person knows they were wrong but is too afraid to examine their behaviour because they might hate themselves for it. Or maybe he does know, and this is a way to avoid censure.
5. Perry is horrible to many, many women. The way he talks about them makes me cringe. They seem to be objects to him, not people. My heart broke for his girlfriend Jamie Tarses when he dumped her the moment he got sober so he could sleep with loads of other women after she'd supported him through 2 years of addiction and then months of rehab. He talks about her as wonderful, magical, an 'angel', as well as how awful he was to her. But the regret seems surface level, maybe because of a lack of emotional maturity? Or an inability to feel anything deeply?
6. He has huge privilege and no conception of it.
There are so many other things that could be said about this book,, but I'll stop there.
3.5 stars
Brave topic to speak about and I’m sure it will help others massively. I’ve never really understood how addicts felt until now and it sheds a new light to it that’s almost freeing. Instead of feeling frustrated with a friend of mine who struggles with addiction, I now feel as though I have some insight into why he does certain things he does and I get it a bit better. I could never fully grasp the depth of his struggle but this book helped me shift my perspective. The writing itself is a little random almost like stream of consciousness from time to time but it almost added to the authenticity of his struggle. I enjoyed the book but it wasn’t my favourite. May he now rest in peace.
Brave topic to speak about and I’m sure it will help others massively. I’ve never really understood how addicts felt until now and it sheds a new light to it that’s almost freeing. Instead of feeling frustrated with a friend of mine who struggles with addiction, I now feel as though I have some insight into why he does certain things he does and I get it a bit better. I could never fully grasp the depth of his struggle but this book helped me shift my perspective. The writing itself is a little random almost like stream of consciousness from time to time but it almost added to the authenticity of his struggle. I enjoyed the book but it wasn’t my favourite. May he now rest in peace.
dark
emotional
inspiring
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
I literally cannot even give this book one star. I was determined to finish it because as a person in recovery myself, I was looking for that hope shot. Did he deliver it? No.
This book is filled with anger, resentment, repetition, and jokes that don’t land. I’m not sure what journey he was trying to take us on but Perry is no Tarantino. I felt lost and pissed off through most of this.
What I liked -
Perry explained some of his “spiritual awakenings” and they were very few moments sprinkled throughout the book.
The clear love he has for his cast mates on Friends.
The awesome relationship he developed with Bruce Willis and learning about how Bruce ended up on Friends.
What I didn’t like -
The misinformation about medication assisted treatment like methadone and suboxone. I realize that he is speaking on his experiences. As a celebrity, saying things like “you shouldn’t stay on suboxone for longer than 7 days” is very dangerous to the general public and could do a lot of harm.
The generalized and regurgitated AA jargon throughout the book. “You’re not allowed to say no to an AA request.” You can be in recovery, self-identify, set boundaries and say no to things. I’m in no way knocking any 12 step program. He just comes off as so flippant through this whole thing. He’s gone to treatment x amount of times, he knows all the steps, he can do this and that. We get it.
Perry spends so much time blaming others, taking no responsibility for his actions. When he has the event with his sponsor, decides to use, then they stop talking and he’s no longer in his life. There was No responsibility there. The amount of times when he kept saying that if he could trade his life and wouldn’t, it just read as ego.
The anger at treatment centers and rehab facilities because they are “garbage and wastes of money”. However much you put into your recovery is what you get back. I don’t say this lightly.
The two very unfortunate, uncomfortable “jokes” that didn’t land about Keanu Reeves being ALIVE while other actors like Chris Farley and River Phoenix died. Would someone like to explain this one for me?
The lack of timeline was so hard to track. I didn’t know when or where I was half the time. Was this supposed to be a screenplay? You’re writing for the general public here. What’s with all the interludes?
In conclusion, this reads like a an assignment from a therapist and less like a memoir.
I hope he’s able to find happiness and feel like he’s enough without the need for using drugs, alcohol, women, or anger.
This book is filled with anger, resentment, repetition, and jokes that don’t land. I’m not sure what journey he was trying to take us on but Perry is no Tarantino. I felt lost and pissed off through most of this.
What I liked -
Perry explained some of his “spiritual awakenings” and they were very few moments sprinkled throughout the book.
The clear love he has for his cast mates on Friends.
The awesome relationship he developed with Bruce Willis and learning about how Bruce ended up on Friends.
What I didn’t like -
The misinformation about medication assisted treatment like methadone and suboxone. I realize that he is speaking on his experiences. As a celebrity, saying things like “you shouldn’t stay on suboxone for longer than 7 days” is very dangerous to the general public and could do a lot of harm.
The generalized and regurgitated AA jargon throughout the book. “You’re not allowed to say no to an AA request.” You can be in recovery, self-identify, set boundaries and say no to things. I’m in no way knocking any 12 step program. He just comes off as so flippant through this whole thing. He’s gone to treatment x amount of times, he knows all the steps, he can do this and that. We get it.
Perry spends so much time blaming others, taking no responsibility for his actions. When he has the event with his sponsor, decides to use, then they stop talking and he’s no longer in his life. There was No responsibility there. The amount of times when he kept saying that if he could trade his life and wouldn’t, it just read as ego.
The anger at treatment centers and rehab facilities because they are “garbage and wastes of money”. However much you put into your recovery is what you get back. I don’t say this lightly.
The two very unfortunate, uncomfortable “jokes” that didn’t land about Keanu Reeves being ALIVE while other actors like Chris Farley and River Phoenix died. Would someone like to explain this one for me?
The lack of timeline was so hard to track. I didn’t know when or where I was half the time. Was this supposed to be a screenplay? You’re writing for the general public here. What’s with all the interludes?
In conclusion, this reads like a an assignment from a therapist and less like a memoir.
I hope he’s able to find happiness and feel like he’s enough without the need for using drugs, alcohol, women, or anger.
*4.5 UGHHH. ugh. so devastating but also so good. RIP
It’s very daunting reading this book after the sad death of Matthew Perry, especially when he talks about how he is scared to die and how he knows his addiction will kill him. I think if you are suffering from addiction yourself then this is something you should read.
dark
emotional
funny
informative
reflective
sad
fast-paced
dark
emotional
funny
lighthearted
sad
medium-paced