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serendipitysbooks's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.75
Among the things I struggle with when reading are surrealism (I don’t always understand or enjoy it) and messy older teens and twenty somethings (I’m possibly too old to relate and get impatient with their inability to get their act together). Notes of a Crocodile included both and yet it somehow worked for me. I think the reason ties back to the book’s subject - the lives of a group of queer friends, including Lazi the protagonist, who are university students in Taiwan during the late 1980s, a time when martial law was gone but society was still fairly conservative and repressive. So much of the messiness, especially from Lazi, came as she wrestled with her queer identity, sometimes embracing it and other times hating herself for being attracted to women and attempting to reject that part of her herself. It was heartbreaking to witness her emotional and mental distress and struggles, and an important reminder that this struggle is still very real for many, especially if they live in places not accepting of gender and sexual diversity. The surrealism came in the form of crocodiles who can speak, think and dress like humans. They clearly represented Taiwan’s queer community, and gave the book a broader focus than just Lazi and her friends. I though they were an effective metaphor, helping to emphasise the points the author was making in an indirect way. This wasn’t always an easy or enjoyable read but it is an important book and I’m glad to have read it.
“I was determined to transform myself into a real girl…I wasn’t going to fall in love with another woman. This time I was going to make a clean break with the past and pursue a normal happiness. For my entire life I had been attracted to women. That desire, regardless of whether it was realised, had long tormented me. Desire and torment were two opposing forces constantly chafing me, inside and out… I was a prisoner of my own nature and one with no recourse.”
“I was determined to transform myself into a real girl…I wasn’t going to fall in love with another woman. This time I was going to make a clean break with the past and pursue a normal happiness. For my entire life I had been attracted to women. That desire, regardless of whether it was realised, had long tormented me. Desire and torment were two opposing forces constantly chafing me, inside and out… I was a prisoner of my own nature and one with no recourse.”
Content Warnings
Graphic: Suicidal thoughts and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Self harm, Addiction, Homophobia, and Lesbophobia
dyslexicgirlreads's review
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
Very interesting, i dont think i fully understood what was going on and finished the book feeling very confused.
I found it hard to track who was saying what, but i enjoyed the writing style and how things were described. The last few chapters really picked up overall im very happy to be finished this book and for the experience of reading it!! :)
I found it hard to track who was saying what, but i enjoyed the writing style and how things were described. The last few chapters really picked up overall im very happy to be finished this book and for the experience of reading it!! :)
Content Warnings
Graphic: Addiction, Self harm, Drug abuse, Suicidal thoughts, and Mental illness
robinks's review
dark
emotional
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.75
This story was definitely a bit chaotic at the beginning, and I had a hard time keeping track of when the events of each notebook took place relative to each other. This is also the first time I’ve read something translated from Chinese, and I think some of the cultural differences end up very visible in the syntax and situations our characters find themselves in. I really enjoyed the crocodile chapters and would love to see them reassembled on their own or expanded.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Lesbophobia, Suicide, Addiction, Homophobia, Suicidal thoughts, and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Alcohol, Suicide attempt, Drug abuse, and Self harm
Minor: Sexual content and Vomit
wrensinthewoods's review
dark
reflective
sad
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
- gorgeous prose
- sad, self destructive, lesbian, main character(so me)
- interesting cast of characters
- the style of it all was so interesting, i just loved the way the book was constructed
- i want to reread soon, especially since parts of the book i struggled to comprehend because i was reading while exhausted
- sad, self destructive, lesbian, main character
- the style of it all was so interesting, i just loved the way the book was constructed
- i want to reread soon, especially since parts of the book i struggled to comprehend because i was reading while exhausted
Content Warnings
Graphic: Self harm, Alcoholism, Suicidal thoughts, Mental illness, and Alcohol
Moderate: Sexual content
Minor: Addiction and Drug abuse
elwirax's review against another edition
dark
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
CW: homophobia & internalised homophobia, heroin addiction, suicidal ideation, mental illness, self-harm.
"I am a woman who loves women. The tears I cry, they spring from a river and drain across my face like yolk."
"Most people go through life without ever living. They say you have to learn how to construct a self who remains free in spite of the system. And you have to get used to the idea that it’s every man for himself in this world. It requires a strange self-awareness, whereby everything down to the finest detail must be performed before the eyes of the world."
"Man’s greatest suffering is born of mistreatment by his fellow man."
""You can’t hold on to a beautiful thing forever—not in your memory, not even if you keep loving it. If you tried, it would only die in your possession. Beauty must be free to run its course.” I decided to free you from my heart in a gesture that is nothing short of poignant, for beauty belongs to no one and must be relinquished to the eternal."
I'm really disappointed that I didn't love this book as much as I wanted to but it definitely wasn't the worst thing I've read and it wasn't all bad.
Throughout the book, Miaojin weaves a recurring image of crocodiles that act and look like humans. I loved this use of surrealism as a way to communicate the hardships faced by LGBTQIA+ individuals when finding one's place. While the story itself is an account of the protagonist's experience, the crocodile imagery can very much pertain to the whole LGBTQIA+ community. It highlights constant attempts to pass of as "normal" in a society that shuns differences. I really think the crocodile imagery is this book's highlight and my rating is likely due to its genius though, it alone deserves 5 stars in my eyes.
The style of writing in this book was also quite interesting and changed depending on the circumstances. Between being very personal to sardonic to poetic to satirical, it made the reading experience seem more personal like reading into someone's scattered thoughts in an actual diary (almost biographical in nature supported by minor details like age and going to Europe). Some passages seemed to have been written immediately after the events or during them, others seemed to be written later with the advantage of hindsight. Depending on what was used, they elicited different emotions.
The entries in this book were also written in many different ways such as journal, epistolary, reportage and conversations. These formats paired with Miaojin's writing style made for an interesting atmosphere and reading experience.
However, while I was genuinely enjoying the book and was expecting to give it 5 stars, the 20% mark totally threw me off (Meng Sheng sent her a fingertip and basically stalked her and she's just gonna become pals with him? The dialogue between these two was also pretty bad). Strange scenes like this kept arising at times and I didn't really understand their purpose other to perhaps show that the characters suffer from mental illness. In terms of plot there wasn't much going on to really keep me invested and it was way too melodramatic for my taste (though quite self-aware). While the protagonist was complex and multifaceted, she didn't leave much room to be liked. She was bold about being a lesbian but then would hide and destroy any chances for a potential partner. As a matter of fact, most of the characters were rather self-sabotaging and nihilistic, which while it made for an interesting perspective, did not allow me to like any of them. Some of their actions like sleeping together to see if they could both get rid of their feelings for the same sex where a bit strange (justifiable to an extent but uncomfortable all the same). I do, however, understand that their self-hatred was used as a coping mechanism (albeit an unhealthy one) propagated by the constraints of a closed off, heteronormative society. The theme of individual versus society was an interesting one explored through the characterisation of these protagonists and Lazi's self reflections.
Overall, Notes of a Crocodile was impactful in some areas namely the crocodile imagery, the struggle of accepting and coming to terms with your sexuality and mental illness, but I did not love it as much as I wanted to. Personally, it lacked a clear direction despite the conversations that were brought up (while this can be due to the diary format, unfortunately, some of it was just a wee bit all over the place).
Despite this, I'm glad I read it, it's a cult queer classic for a reason. I also think it will require a re-read in the future with a more in depth analysis.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Suicide attempt, Addiction, Homophobia, Self harm, and Suicidal thoughts
Minor: Suicide
isabella_reads's review
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Suicidal thoughts and Toxic relationship
Moderate: Sexual content
Minor: Addiction and Drug abuse
lilly_anne's review against another edition
challenging
emotional
reflective
sad
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Alcohol, Suicidal thoughts, Homophobia, Mental illness, Violence, Self harm, and Addiction
thewordsdevourer's review against another edition
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
3.25
dense, visceral, contemplative, though a lil too eclectic story-wise for my taste, it's undeniably apparent why notes of a crocodile is a queer classic.
my rating merely reflects my own personal liking for the book, and is in no way indicative of the novel's actual great quality. it's wonderfully written, provocative, and unapologetically queer. never have i read a book that so masterfully captures the deep longing, passion, and self-loathing of a lesbian; sometimes it's like qiu reaches into the depths of my inner self that are unknown even to me, seizes whatever that thing is, and just tosses it right out.
the characters are also imbued w/ depth and complexity, and i find their personal rationale fascinating, even if they're oft warped. the pendulum-like swings of lazi's alternately reclusive and wildly busy periods in college are weirdly familiar, as are the musings on college life and growing up that are relatable and quite nosgalgic.
this isnt a book i would ever reread, however, as it's too emotionally exhausting. like, none of the romantic relationships in this book are happy or non-toxic/problematic; thats so sad/depressing. the novel ventures into the slice-of-life (or in this case, sh!ttyness-of-queer-life) territory too far for me. like this is def some good - hell, undeniably classic - stuff, but not so good for the heart.
my rating merely reflects my own personal liking for the book, and is in no way indicative of the novel's actual great quality. it's wonderfully written, provocative, and unapologetically queer. never have i read a book that so masterfully captures the deep longing, passion, and self-loathing of a lesbian; sometimes it's like qiu reaches into the depths of my inner self that are unknown even to me, seizes whatever that thing is, and just tosses it right out.
the characters are also imbued w/ depth and complexity, and i find their personal rationale fascinating, even if they're oft warped. the pendulum-like swings of lazi's alternately reclusive and wildly busy periods in college are weirdly familiar, as are the musings on college life and growing up that are relatable and quite nosgalgic.
this isnt a book i would ever reread, however, as it's too emotionally exhausting. like, none of the romantic relationships in this book are happy or non-toxic/problematic; thats so sad/depressing. the novel ventures into the slice-of-life (or in this case, sh!ttyness-of-queer-life) territory too far for me. like this is def some good - hell, undeniably classic - stuff, but not so good for the heart.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Toxic relationship, Emotional abuse, Infidelity, and Lesbophobia
Moderate: Mental illness and Self harm
Minor: Addiction, Sexual content, Drug abuse, Sexual harassment, Suicidal thoughts, and Vomit
talonsontypewriters's review against another edition
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
4.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Homophobia, Lesbophobia, Mental illness, Toxic relationship, and Suicidal thoughts
Moderate: Alcohol, Medical content, Death, Vomit, Violence, Gore, Body horror, Infidelity, Self harm, and Suicide attempt
Minor: Forced institutionalization, Addiction, Pedophilia, Drug use, Car accident, Rape, Sexual content, Ableism, Drug abuse, Murder, Physical abuse, Domestic abuse, and Excrement
leanne_miron's review against another edition
dark
emotional
reflective
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
5.0
Content Warnings
Graphic: Mental illness, Suicide attempt, Emotional abuse, Self harm, Suicidal thoughts, Toxic relationship, and Toxic friendship
Moderate: Physical abuse, Hate crime, Violence, Injury/Injury detail, Domestic abuse, and Homophobia
Minor: Addiction, Body horror, Drug abuse, Medical content, and Sexual harassment