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3.33 AVERAGE
3.33 AVERAGE
dark
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Loveable characters:
No
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Look. I did this to myself. I knew I wasn't going to like this book, because I hated Docile and thought it fundamentally failed to engage with ideas of race, slavery, abuse, and consent in any kind of meaningful way, but I saw the premise of First Become Ashes and I was curious. I checked it out of the library. I suffered.
To be fair, while I found First Become Ashes considerably less readable than Docile, it was also less offensively upsetting. It didn't engage with state-sanctioned slavery and therefore didn't set itself up for failure in terms of the legacy of racism and anti-Black violence in the United States; it did depict, very graphically, sexual and physical abuse, but it made slightly more of an effort to depict those things in non-titillating ways. It had explicitly queer characters, including an explicitly non-binary character, on the page. That said, I think that's about where the good parts end.
Let's start with the thing that everyone mentions about this book: the sexual violence. Wow the sexual violence. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with depicting sexual violence, abuse, manipulation, brainwashing, or self-harm in literature. Those things happen in real life and I think it's important to engage with them. I don’t have a problem with erotica, or books that have flimsy plots and lots of sex. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with consensual BDSM, in real life or on the page. This book, however, does not engage with any of these topics well. In the span of about 300 pages, we have two of our protagonists (Kane and Lark) seriously injuring each other and/or themselves at the behest of a cult leader to charge up their “magic”, our third protagonist (Calvin) brutally beating Lark at Lark’s behest to charge up Lark’s “magic” and then never bringing it up again, Lark being raped by a cult elder while Kane watches and gets hard, Kane being raped by the cult leader so she can collect his semen, and description after description of the forced chastity cages Kane and Lark wear . The characters do, to the book’s credit, either eventually or immediately admit that all of this is horrifying and abusive; however, the ramifications of this horrifying abuse are never dealt with (these characters would be so unbelievably traumatized) and the horrifying abuse is often written in a way that straddles an uncomfortable line between depicting rape and abuse to examine it and depicting rape and abuse as titillating or shocking. You can't just say that sexual violence is bad while simultaneously writing it in a way that feels like it's meant to be sexy.
Next up, let’s talk about the worldbuilding, because my god is it bad. First Become Ashes centers on a cult run by a woman named Nova; the members of the cult are completely isolated from the outside world and believe that the outside world is overrun with FOEs (Forces of Evil), who are controlled by monsters. At age twenty-five, cult members are sent out into the world to kill monsters. However, this book would have dramatically benefited from any kind of research on how cults function and what survivors of cults go through, because nothing about the cult (or the FBI investigation of the cult) holds together. For example:
- Nova somehow purchased an entire plot of land that used to be a zoo in the middle of Baltimore, turned it into a compound that no one was allowed to enter or leave, told her followers to shoot at helicopters with arrows, and was never stopped. The FBI and other governmental agencies were aware that children in the compound were not being documented or sent to school and that people were being essentially held prisoner, and no one did anything for at least twenty-five years, because, what…they didn’t have an insider to testify? It was private land? I have no idea.
- There is no way on god’s green earth that an FBI agent who
was the daughter of a cult leader would be allowed to kick off an investigation into said cult leader’s cult, lead a raid on the cult and keep the members in pseudo-detention at a random hotel, and then chase after an escaped cult member with two other former cult members and no backup or supervision. It would not happen. It undercut so much of the tension in the book through sheer implausibility. - The intricacies of how people were convinced to join the cult and then how Nova kept them there were never explained. She told the original members she had magic, which got them to join, but she somehow managed to convince them that the outside world was full of monsters and FOEs even though presumably they had lived in the outside world for most of their lives. She took children away from their parents and trained them with swords and potions to fight monsters, but the only example of how she kept parents from protesting was that she un-Anointed the children of parents who resisted (basically, took away their status as special monster hunters). None of this makes sense.
- Cult members were sometimes ignorant of very basic things (straws, the internet, dogs) but very aware of other things (cars, highways, pronoun usage). It was beyond jarring to have a member of an abusive sex cult introduce himself as “Lark, he/him” while telling people on the street that he was there to save them from monsters. I want nonbinary representation in books. I want trans representation in books. I don’t want that representation to feel disingenously and almost offensively shoehorned in. Is Nova, abusive sex cult leader and child rapist, somehow progressive enough to teach all her disciples about gender identity?
- The magic. Calling the magic in this book a magic system is generous — at no point is it clear how magic functions, where it comes from, what its limitations are, what it can do, or how real it is. A huge driving force in the book is Calvin, random cosplayer who meets Lark by accident, trying to figure out if magic is real, while Kane simulatenously tries to figure out if the magic he’d grown up believing in was a lie.
Nova told the cult that magic comes from pain, and she forced cult members to hurt each other to fuel their magic; it would make sense, given this, that magic isn’t real, and that it’s a tactic she uses to make herself special and worth following. However, it’s clear that Lark’s magic is actually real, although sometimes his spells work and sometimes they don’t. He can heal wounds, unlock doors, cast protective wards, influence peoples’ thoughts, and communicate telepathically, all with magic. At the end of the book, he kills an enormous monster that emerges from a rift in the highway, and there’s no indication that this is meant to be a metaphor. It’s implied, towards the end, that magic doesn’t actually come from pain, but if magic is real, then Nova did, to some extent, possess secret and incredible knowledge; this wildly undercuts any point the book is trying to make about brainwashing, manipulation, and abuse.
The characters were also, across the board, flimsy and two-dimensional. Lark was an absolute zealot until suddenly he realized, just because
And, to top it all off, the peripheral passersby seem bafflingly willing to help Lark, armed cult escapee on a journey to kill monsters, avoid the police. They feed him, clothe him, post Instagram stories supporting him, and literally barricade a highway so the FBI can’t get to him. Helping him is treated like helping an oppressed person and the language used to talk about it is very anti-cop, in the specific way that modern progressive activists might be anti-cop. I am all for anti-cop rhetoric and this felt like a wildly disingenous use of it.
Sometimes I don’t like books for personal, subjective reasons. Sometimes I’m not interested in the subject matter, or the writing isn’t for me, or I just don’t vibe with the story. This is not one of those books. This book is straight-up terrible, reading it is a bad time, and I do not recommend it to anyone. I will go to my grave wondering how on earth it got published by Tor.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm
As with Szpara's debut novel Docile, I found his sophomore work compulsively readable. Unfortunately, this second book also has the same problems as the first-- namely lack of world-building and logic-- and more besides. There are definitely some interesting concepts in First, Become Ashes but those ideas aren't executed well. The tone is all over the place, especially when switching between the multiple POV characters. The plot seemed directionless at times, and I got the idea that the author didn't know what they were trying to accomplish. The ending is ambiguous as far as whether magic actually exists or not, which could be interesting but in this case was just unsatisfying. The scenes of sexual abuse felt completely gratuitous and divorced from the main plotline; they were told in flashbacks from only one of the POV characters, and never addressed in the POV of Lark who is arguably the main character and suffered much of that abuse. I don't object to the presence of the content itself, but in this case it was not adequately explored in the narrative to justify its inclusion, imo.
My overall impression is that this book is a mess with some interesting concepts at its core that could have been executed better. But I vibe with Szpara's writing style so I didn't entirely hate the reading experience. 1.5 stars
Rep: mlm MC, wlw SC, nonbinary SC uses they/them pronouns, East Asian MC
TW: "explicit sadomasochism and sexual content, as well as abuse and consent violations, including rape"(as given by author). I would add: child abuse, grooming and brainwashing, self-harm, hunting and detainment by law enforcement
Thank you so much to the publisher for providing me with this eARC via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review!
Spoiler
I think the book would have benefited from ditching Kane's character altogether, and having Lark be a bit more introspective/torn about his past abuse. Deryn's POV was also unnecessary as written, but could have been better utilized to serve the plot and character dynamics.My overall impression is that this book is a mess with some interesting concepts at its core that could have been executed better. But I vibe with Szpara's writing style so I didn't entirely hate the reading experience. 1.5 stars
Rep: mlm MC, wlw SC, nonbinary SC uses they/them pronouns, East Asian MC
TW: "explicit sadomasochism and sexual content, as well as abuse and consent violations, including rape"(as given by author). I would add: child abuse, grooming and brainwashing, self-harm, hunting and detainment by law enforcement
Thank you so much to the publisher for providing me with this eARC via Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review!
**First things first: there is a content warning at the beginning of the book, but it is laughably insufficient. This book is basically end-to-end graphic descriptions of ambiguously aged children and adults experiencing violent sexual and psychological abuse as well as physical and mental torture, and, crucially, it is all minimized as sexy and edgy. This review talks quite a bit about these topics. I will be containing any specific text-based examples in bold warning text, but I will not be tagging any non-triggering spoilers.**
A charitable review of this book would start by saying that it’s all a metaphor, that the processing and healing of abuse is messy and nonlinear, and that desire and trauma and pain are easily tangled. A charitable reviewer would say, hey, we all like what we like. Don’t kinkshame; don’t be an anti. Just because it’s not for you doesn’t mean it’s not for somebody else.
And to all of that, I say: this book shouldn’t be for anybody. This, friends, is not a good book.
Our protagonists are Lark and Calvin. Or, if you squint, Lark, Calvin, Deryn, and Kane. L, D, and K are raised on a commune by a woman named Nova. Though Nova is technically the antagonist, she appears extremely rarely and is really more of a concept than a character--she’s a cardboard cutout with “Cult Leader” Sharpied on. When they turn twenty-five, the members of the cult are allowed out of the compound to go on a quest to slay a monster. We’re told that it’s a relatively new cult, so Kane is the first to age out. He goes on his quest and immediately brings the FBI down on their asses. Lark eventually escapes from the FBI, where he serendipitously meets Calvin, a hot Lord of the Rings cosplayer, who immediately agrees to help him as he decides to pursue his own quest, dragging along his own cardboard cutout named Lillian, who has “Best Friend” Sharpied on her.
From the outset, the rules and structure of the cult boggle the mind, but like most erotica, the plot is a cobweb you brush aside to get to the sex. No detail of this story holds up against the barest scrutiny. Where are anybody’s parents? Who let this creepy woman buy this park and just...run a commune on it? Why are the kids in the cult the only ones with magic (yes, it’s a Magic Cult, if I didn’t say that already)? Are there other kids in the cult besides the five who get names? How did Lark get away so easily from the literal FBI? What’s up with that rock monster he fights at the end?
We could spend thousands of words listing what doesn’t make sense, but let’s move on to what does: Szpara has basically just taken all of the beats of his debut novel Docile and rewritten them into something somehow even more upsetting--and at least as racist, if not more. Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Lark is a hot young man with no control over his circumstances. Kane is a hot young man who knows that what he does to his hot young man companion is bad, but he just loves him and thinks he’s sexy and it’s just the system, man, what can you do? Eventually Lark is ripped from the arms of his beloved abuser by “normal, moral” society and forced to view his abuse as bad. A third hot young man, Calvin, helps the first hot young man heal from his sexual abuse by having sex with him, naturally. Then they confront their demons in a neat three-page tie-up (no pun intended) and in the end they’re all poly. Done!
Where Docile minimized the sexual violence against enslaved people under the quasi-woke pretense of “interrogating the debt crisis” (gag me with a spoon), First Become Ashes places Lark, a white person, as the “oppressed” existing in opposition to the “system” (basically one lone cardboard cutout with “FBI Agent” Sharpied on her). Several times throughout the book, characters assure Lark that they aren’t going to call the cops on him, post Instagram stories in support of his journey, block off highway ramps so the cops can’t get to him, and otherwise materially and emotionally aid in his journey to...fight a monster…? A goal that is not explained whatsoever until the last few pages, when an actual literal monster emerges from the ground and he kills it in like five sentences. Then suddenly the FBI are chill and it’s all good. There are characters of color (Kane is specifically described as East Asian), but the only identity that has any currency or material consequences is “cult member.” And any action to protect the cult member is activism. By this logic, Kane, the only primary character of color, is responsible for oppressing Lark, our white hero.
What I find so odious about this is that Szpara uses a lot of pro-queer, “antiracist,” anti-cop language and framing to obscure the absolutely heinous sexual scenes that are absolutely designed to be arousing and exciting to the reader. I’ve read plenty of ~erotic fantasy~ with niche sexual perspectives that simply didn’t do it for me, or squicked me out personally, and I didn’t write a 2000 word review on why they sucked. I just finished them and moved on. In this book, however, the rape-disguised-as-sex-scenes aren’t just a commentary on abuse, or designed to give the reader an unflinching look at the true physical nature of the abuse they suffered. They’re supposed to be sexy. Warning: specific examples take up the rest of this paragraph. Kane is drugged and forced to orgasm by Nova twelve times, including after he passes out, and she tells him she’s putting his semen in everyone’s food to strengthen their magic. After this scene this is never mentioned again, except to say that it happened to both Kane and Lark several more times. Kane and Lark have to wear chastity cages, which Szpara lovingly describes at every available opportunity. And let’s not forget when Lark is brutally raped by an older man, at the behest of Nova, and Kane jealously watches from the woods with an erection.The man is then kicked out of the community not for being a rapist but because he encouraged Lark to orgasm. Specific descriptions end here.
There’s maybe one sex scene in this book that isn’t a graphic description of rape. But by couching all of it in leftist buzzwords and Consent 101 terminology, we’re supposed to believe that it’s OK, that it’s commentary.
As in Docile, Szpara gives himself plausible deniability by saying in the last few chapters that what happened to the cult members was Definitely Very Bad, No Thank You. But don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining. Your thinly veiled Shadowhunters slave fic isn’t fooling anyone.
A charitable review of this book would start by saying that it’s all a metaphor, that the processing and healing of abuse is messy and nonlinear, and that desire and trauma and pain are easily tangled. A charitable reviewer would say, hey, we all like what we like. Don’t kinkshame; don’t be an anti. Just because it’s not for you doesn’t mean it’s not for somebody else.
And to all of that, I say: this book shouldn’t be for anybody. This, friends, is not a good book.
Our protagonists are Lark and Calvin. Or, if you squint, Lark, Calvin, Deryn, and Kane. L, D, and K are raised on a commune by a woman named Nova. Though Nova is technically the antagonist, she appears extremely rarely and is really more of a concept than a character--she’s a cardboard cutout with “Cult Leader” Sharpied on. When they turn twenty-five, the members of the cult are allowed out of the compound to go on a quest to slay a monster. We’re told that it’s a relatively new cult, so Kane is the first to age out. He goes on his quest and immediately brings the FBI down on their asses. Lark eventually escapes from the FBI, where he serendipitously meets Calvin, a hot Lord of the Rings cosplayer, who immediately agrees to help him as he decides to pursue his own quest, dragging along his own cardboard cutout named Lillian, who has “Best Friend” Sharpied on her.
From the outset, the rules and structure of the cult boggle the mind, but like most erotica, the plot is a cobweb you brush aside to get to the sex. No detail of this story holds up against the barest scrutiny. Where are anybody’s parents? Who let this creepy woman buy this park and just...run a commune on it? Why are the kids in the cult the only ones with magic (yes, it’s a Magic Cult, if I didn’t say that already)? Are there other kids in the cult besides the five who get names? How did Lark get away so easily from the literal FBI? What’s up with that rock monster he fights at the end?
We could spend thousands of words listing what doesn’t make sense, but let’s move on to what does: Szpara has basically just taken all of the beats of his debut novel Docile and rewritten them into something somehow even more upsetting--and at least as racist, if not more. Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Lark is a hot young man with no control over his circumstances. Kane is a hot young man who knows that what he does to his hot young man companion is bad, but he just loves him and thinks he’s sexy and it’s just the system, man, what can you do? Eventually Lark is ripped from the arms of his beloved abuser by “normal, moral” society and forced to view his abuse as bad. A third hot young man, Calvin, helps the first hot young man heal from his sexual abuse by having sex with him, naturally. Then they confront their demons in a neat three-page tie-up (no pun intended) and in the end they’re all poly. Done!
Where Docile minimized the sexual violence against enslaved people under the quasi-woke pretense of “interrogating the debt crisis” (gag me with a spoon), First Become Ashes places Lark, a white person, as the “oppressed” existing in opposition to the “system” (basically one lone cardboard cutout with “FBI Agent” Sharpied on her). Several times throughout the book, characters assure Lark that they aren’t going to call the cops on him, post Instagram stories in support of his journey, block off highway ramps so the cops can’t get to him, and otherwise materially and emotionally aid in his journey to...fight a monster…? A goal that is not explained whatsoever until the last few pages, when an actual literal monster emerges from the ground and he kills it in like five sentences. Then suddenly the FBI are chill and it’s all good. There are characters of color (Kane is specifically described as East Asian), but the only identity that has any currency or material consequences is “cult member.” And any action to protect the cult member is activism. By this logic, Kane, the only primary character of color, is responsible for oppressing Lark, our white hero.
What I find so odious about this is that Szpara uses a lot of pro-queer, “antiracist,” anti-cop language and framing to obscure the absolutely heinous sexual scenes that are absolutely designed to be arousing and exciting to the reader. I’ve read plenty of ~erotic fantasy~ with niche sexual perspectives that simply didn’t do it for me, or squicked me out personally, and I didn’t write a 2000 word review on why they sucked. I just finished them and moved on. In this book, however, the rape-disguised-as-sex-scenes aren’t just a commentary on abuse, or designed to give the reader an unflinching look at the true physical nature of the abuse they suffered. They’re supposed to be sexy. Warning: specific examples take up the rest of this paragraph. Kane is drugged and forced to orgasm by Nova twelve times, including after he passes out, and she tells him she’s putting his semen in everyone’s food to strengthen their magic. After this scene this is never mentioned again, except to say that it happened to both Kane and Lark several more times. Kane and Lark have to wear chastity cages, which Szpara lovingly describes at every available opportunity. And let’s not forget when Lark is brutally raped by an older man, at the behest of Nova, and Kane jealously watches from the woods with an erection.The man is then kicked out of the community not for being a rapist but because he encouraged Lark to orgasm. Specific descriptions end here.
There’s maybe one sex scene in this book that isn’t a graphic description of rape. But by couching all of it in leftist buzzwords and Consent 101 terminology, we’re supposed to believe that it’s OK, that it’s commentary.
As in Docile, Szpara gives himself plausible deniability by saying in the last few chapters that what happened to the cult members was Definitely Very Bad, No Thank You. But don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining. Your thinly veiled Shadowhunters slave fic isn’t fooling anyone.
Another extremely wild book from K. M. Szpara, a man who saw the limitations of traditionally published books and used a ramp built of kink and found family to jump a monster truck over them. In First, Become Ashes we explore power imbalances from a different angle, with maybe-magic set in the real world... within a cult that convinces young adults and children they're chosen to fight evil beyond its walls. Whenever I ask myself "how can this possibly have a happy/acceptable-to-me ending" I should know better... K. M. Szpara has the goods. Big rec for people who grew up reading messed-up things wanting an LGBTQ adventure. Not as heavy as Docile but content warnings still apply.
challenging
dark
reflective
slow-paced
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
hopeful
mysterious
reflective
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
This book constantly challenged my expectations, especially around the theme of magic. I loved how queer it was, and that it honoured the different ways people heal from [religious] trauma. I felt uncomfortable with the level of detail around some of that trauma, particularly the sexual trauma - it felt like torture porn in places, and distracted from the overall message. Honestly I could have used more dialogue and less sex in general. But I think it’s still a book that will stick with me.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Adult/minor relationship, Gun violence, Physical abuse, Rape, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Torture, Toxic relationship, Violence, Blood
adventurous
challenging
dark
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Someone else might enjoy this but that someone isn't me.
adventurous
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Physical abuse, Sexual assault