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3.33 AVERAGE
3.33 AVERAGE
adventurous
emotional
tense
fast-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
N/A
Diverse cast of characters:
N/A
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
I was kind of afraid I wouldn't be in the right frame of mind to read this, based on its trigger warnings, that it would be too heavy. And, while it deals with heavy things, it is written with lightness and healing. The narrative moves fast with a propulsive mix of plot and character development moving in tandem. Set in an alternate America where a cult has bought up a park and former zoo in the middle of Baltimore, it spends only one chapter in that insular place before exploding the cult member's lives and having their sanctuary raided by the FBI. So as readers we don't ever get an objective view of the Fellowship of the Anointed - we focus on 5 of its members, 2 most of the time, with the leader shown in flashbacks, and we see the daily life through the perspectives of the members, which are unreliable as far as our reality goes, especially for Lark, who believes wholly in the destiny and purpose of the Anointed. These are children raised apart from their biological parents, partnered in order to produce magic through pain and care, so they can go out into the world to fight monsters and FOEs at age 25. These missions seem doomed to fail in many ways, but especially because the first one to reach 25 doesn't believe anymore. Once the cult is raided, the story becomes a chase and a quest, following Lark as he forms a tentative alliance with two outsiders and tries to use his magic to find the monster he must defeat while evading the FBI. Along the way he wrestles with what he's been taught, with the loneliness he feels now that he's in the world and betrayed by his partner, and with the crush he's developing on Calvin, one of the outsiders helping him. It's really a lovely story about defining friendship, love, and family for yourself, for taking what served you from a former life and divorcing it from abuse and hurt, and finding and healing yourself. Also some hot sex scenes, uncomfortably mixed in with memories of nonconsensual abuse from the elders in the cult - I definitely see the truth in the criticisms that the rape was voyeuristic.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Emotional abuse, Physical abuse, Sexual content
I understand what people are saying in regards to the abuse in this book, but the thing that caused me to drop this one was the character of Calvin. This guy was so overwhelmingly, unbelievably incompetent and childish. He makes sense in theory, but in execution he just felt so tragically stupid and desperate. Couldn't keep reading, even though the premise is very interesting.
I really wish I could mark this as 3.5
I loved Docile, so I went into this knowing I like Szpara's writing style and my eyes were open to how dark he likes to take his stories. I did not enjoy First, Become Ashes as much as I did Docile. The story was interesting - following 3 young adults who were raised in a cult each dealing with the cult being disbanded/investigated by the authorities differently, coming to terms with what they were told, what is real and what is not real.
What brings this story down in rating is I felt like it did too much. The story should have either been a fantasy or a story of leaving an abusive cult, trying to be both made it messy. There's a cult that did horrible things to its young members based on lies, that should be a black and white scenario but given the fantasy elements the message of abuse being unacceptable was not as clear as I would have preferred it to be.
I also didn't need Calvin (the outsider who becomes involved). Mark, Kane, and Des were enough for me and it was their story I was interested in.
I loved Docile, so I went into this knowing I like Szpara's writing style and my eyes were open to how dark he likes to take his stories. I did not enjoy First, Become Ashes as much as I did Docile. The story was interesting - following 3 young adults who were raised in a cult each dealing with the cult being disbanded/investigated by the authorities differently, coming to terms with what they were told, what is real and what is not real.
What brings this story down in rating is I felt like it did too much. The story should have either been a fantasy or a story of leaving an abusive cult, trying to be both made it messy. There's a cult that did horrible things to its young members based on lies, that should be a black and white scenario but given the fantasy elements the message of abuse being unacceptable was not as clear as I would have preferred it to be.
I also didn't need Calvin (the outsider who becomes involved). Mark, Kane, and Des were enough for me and it was their story I was interested in.
adventurous
dark
hopeful
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Thank you so much, NetGalley, Macmillan-Tor/Forge and Tordotcom, for the chance to read and review one of my most anticipated reads in 2021!
TW: sadomachism, violence, sexual abuse, rape, consent violations
For thirty years, the Fellowship of the Anointed isolated its members, convincing them that pain is power, that the outside world is full of monsters they had to kill. Lark was raised to kill them. All his life he believed in his leader's, Nova, words and in her teachings. Pain is power. Discipline, control, he had to avoid temptations and nurture his power. But when his lover, Kane, betrays the Fellowship to the FBI and tries to convince him that everything they were taught isn't real, Lark can't accept it. He knows magic is real and he has a monster to slay and his own quest.
Those who are touched by the Fellowship have to face a choice: adjusting to the world they were taught to fear or following Lark? Kane rejects the magic and the pain he and his lover suffered for it, Deryn sees this opportunity as a chance to prove their worth to the world even though they are not Anointed. Calvin sees in Lark a way to find the magic he's been seeking his entire life.
First, become ashes is a fantastic and brilliant novel about self-discovering, traumas, brainwashing and the strength of facing abuse, loving oneself and healing. Told by four different POVs, Kane's, Lark's, Calvin's and Deryn's and swinging from past, with Kane, to present, with Lark, Calvin and Deryn, the story is skillfully written, intense and, sometimes, painful to read, but really intriguing.
The plot swings from Kane, and how he realized the truths behind Nova's teaching and her lies, to Lark, who is convinced magic is real and he's struggling with his beliefs, to Calvin, who wants to find magic in his world and he's ready to support and follow Lark, to Deryn, Lark's sibling and how Nova's separation between Fellows and Anointed hurt them.
Each character is brilliantly written and relatable. The characterization and the worldbuilding, how the Fellowship was structured, its rituals and teaching...everything is intriguing and well written.
We follow Kane with his doubts and love for Lark, Lark with his beliefs and how he starts to question everything, Deryn with their desire to be seen and listened to, Calvin with his passions and love.
The questioning, the self-discovery, the seeing traumas exactly as it was, everything happens during a road trip and I loved this ploy. While on his quest, Lark starts questioning his beliefs, Nova's teaching, trying to understand what happened to and with Kane, to realize the trauma and abuse.
I love how the plot was woven between the four POVs, with plot twists, painful and tender moments, memories and understandings.
I really enjoyed reading this book and exploring each POVS and how, through Kane's POV, the reader is able to understand his reasons and how he realized everything and decided to do something to save and protect the people he loves; how, though Lark's, we can see how he struggles to adapt and to get to know a world he's been taught to fear and how, slowly, he starts to understand what's real and what's not and what he's been through; how, through Calvin, we follow Lark and his magic, hoping for something more in the world; how, through Deryn, we see their anger and jealousy and also their growth and the willingness to help Lark and to build a bond with him, away from Nova's lies and hurtful teachings.
The relationships between characters were skillfully written and I really loved the bond between Kane and Lark, Lark and Calvin, the friendship between Calvin and Lilian, the relationship between Miller and Kane and Deryn...they were relatable, intense and sweet.
I was really impressed by this book and how the author focused on consent, control and self-discovery and self-love. How the characters went through so much in order to understand one another better and to learn how to love each other and themselves.
First, become ashes is a brilliant book about facing traumas and healing about self-discovering and self-love, about relationships and magic. I loved everything.
TW: sadomachism, violence, sexual abuse, rape, consent violations
For thirty years, the Fellowship of the Anointed isolated its members, convincing them that pain is power, that the outside world is full of monsters they had to kill. Lark was raised to kill them. All his life he believed in his leader's, Nova, words and in her teachings. Pain is power. Discipline, control, he had to avoid temptations and nurture his power. But when his lover, Kane, betrays the Fellowship to the FBI and tries to convince him that everything they were taught isn't real, Lark can't accept it. He knows magic is real and he has a monster to slay and his own quest.
Those who are touched by the Fellowship have to face a choice: adjusting to the world they were taught to fear or following Lark? Kane rejects the magic and the pain he and his lover suffered for it, Deryn sees this opportunity as a chance to prove their worth to the world even though they are not Anointed. Calvin sees in Lark a way to find the magic he's been seeking his entire life.
First, become ashes is a fantastic and brilliant novel about self-discovering, traumas, brainwashing and the strength of facing abuse, loving oneself and healing. Told by four different POVs, Kane's, Lark's, Calvin's and Deryn's and swinging from past, with Kane, to present, with Lark, Calvin and Deryn, the story is skillfully written, intense and, sometimes, painful to read, but really intriguing.
The plot swings from Kane, and how he realized the truths behind Nova's teaching and her lies, to Lark, who is convinced magic is real and he's struggling with his beliefs, to Calvin, who wants to find magic in his world and he's ready to support and follow Lark, to Deryn, Lark's sibling and how Nova's separation between Fellows and Anointed hurt them.
Each character is brilliantly written and relatable. The characterization and the worldbuilding, how the Fellowship was structured, its rituals and teaching...everything is intriguing and well written.
We follow Kane with his doubts and love for Lark, Lark with his beliefs and how he starts to question everything, Deryn with their desire to be seen and listened to, Calvin with his passions and love.
The questioning, the self-discovery, the seeing traumas exactly as it was, everything happens during a road trip and I loved this ploy. While on his quest, Lark starts questioning his beliefs, Nova's teaching, trying to understand what happened to and with Kane, to realize the trauma and abuse.
I love how the plot was woven between the four POVs, with plot twists, painful and tender moments, memories and understandings.
I really enjoyed reading this book and exploring each POVS and how, through Kane's POV, the reader is able to understand his reasons and how he realized everything and decided to do something to save and protect the people he loves; how, though Lark's, we can see how he struggles to adapt and to get to know a world he's been taught to fear and how, slowly, he starts to understand what's real and what's not and what he's been through; how, through Calvin, we follow Lark and his magic, hoping for something more in the world; how, through Deryn, we see their anger and jealousy and also their growth and the willingness to help Lark and to build a bond with him, away from Nova's lies and hurtful teachings.
The relationships between characters were skillfully written and I really loved the bond between Kane and Lark, Lark and Calvin, the friendship between Calvin and Lilian, the relationship between Miller and Kane and Deryn...they were relatable, intense and sweet.
I was really impressed by this book and how the author focused on consent, control and self-discovery and self-love. How the characters went through so much in order to understand one another better and to learn how to love each other and themselves.
First, become ashes is a brilliant book about facing traumas and healing about self-discovering and self-love, about relationships and magic. I loved everything.
adventurous
challenging
dark
emotional
mysterious
sad
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Yes
Diverse cast of characters:
Complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
Magic (or maybe not?), cults, fandom culture, queer folks who get to exist and go on quests, this book hit so many marks for me. The themes of friendship and support and trust were really compelling. Though the darker parts of this book were incredibly hard for me to stomach (so please refer to the Trigger Warnings). I also felt that the author didn’t even need to include Deryn’s perspective to the split narrative. It wasn’t as present or fleshed out as the others, nor did it have much to offer to the story or plot. Overall, Deryn felt further neglected (which whether that irony because of Deryn’s story was intentional or not, tough to say). I think the text would have been stronger had that been scrapped. The rest of the then/now split worked for me, and it made sense to see Lark, Kane, & Calvin on this journey. This is a really heavy read about navigating trauma, life outside of a cult, and the possibility of magic. Moving, but tough tough tough.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Confinement, Physical abuse, Rape, Self harm, Sexual assault, Sexual content, Sexual violence, Torture, Violence, Fire/Fire injury
challenging
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
A mix
Strong character development:
Complicated
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Complicated
Content Warnings
Graphic: Child abuse, Emotional abuse, Rape, Self harm, Toxic relationship, Blood
Diverse cast of characters:
Yes
First Become Ashes felt like a fever dream. Reality didn't seem to matter too much to the overall plot, and that was exactly the point.
Meadowlark is part of the cult known as the Fellowship of the Anointed. He was born and raised with a set of beliefs given to him by the leader, Nova. Among those beliefs are magic and monsters and enduring pain to center oneself. When Lark's partner Kane leaves to go on his quest of slaying the monsters, he soon returns with the FBI in tow. Lark's world is thrown into a dizzying spiral of FOE's (Forces of Evil), unreliable magic, and a world where nothing and everything is real.
First thing's first - please take heed of the content warnings in this book. There are graphic scenes of non-con with BDSM practices, as well as mental abuse.
This is one of those books where you have no idea where it's going because the journey is so murky. It's set up in a way where it seems like something we've seen before. A cult, shut off from the world, is discovered and its leaders are arrested, members set free, etc., etc. But this one is more than that. The magic that's described in the book is never really made clear. Are they actually doing magic or aren't they? Is there actually a monster? Is everything happening or is this all in Lark's head? I think in the end it's a journey about abuse and how one starts the healing process, especially when you don't know that what's happened to you is actually abuse. The process is not linear, no healing ever is. We see Lark stumble through his fears and doubts and determination to slay the monster...but I found myself asking if maybe the monster is something else? Maybe it's that thing that lives inside us and eats us all up if we let it. If we don't allow ourselves the room to heal.
Lark is almost alienlike in his personality, as cut off as he's been, but he was a bit charming for all that. I really loved the scenes between him and Calvin, the cosplay nerd he stumbles into and forms a fast friendship with. Lark just really needed someone to not question him, to just trust him and his process and I think Calvin gave him that and set him on the path to healing because of it. The other side characters admittedly didn't bring a whole lot to the story, even Lark's partner Kane. But they were diverse and queer, and I appreciated that.
Overall, I think if you're going to read this book, it's important to go into it with an open mind. Not everything is as it seems, and not everything is as it doesn't seem. It's definitely an eyes wide open kind of book!
Meadowlark is part of the cult known as the Fellowship of the Anointed. He was born and raised with a set of beliefs given to him by the leader, Nova. Among those beliefs are magic and monsters and enduring pain to center oneself. When Lark's partner Kane leaves to go on his quest of slaying the monsters, he soon returns with the FBI in tow. Lark's world is thrown into a dizzying spiral of FOE's (Forces of Evil), unreliable magic, and a world where nothing and everything is real.
First thing's first - please take heed of the content warnings in this book. There are graphic scenes of non-con with BDSM practices, as well as mental abuse.
This is one of those books where you have no idea where it's going because the journey is so murky. It's set up in a way where it seems like something we've seen before. A cult, shut off from the world, is discovered and its leaders are arrested, members set free, etc., etc. But this one is more than that. The magic that's described in the book is never really made clear. Are they actually doing magic or aren't they? Is there actually a monster? Is everything happening or is this all in Lark's head? I think in the end it's a journey about abuse and how one starts the healing process, especially when you don't know that what's happened to you is actually abuse. The process is not linear, no healing ever is. We see Lark stumble through his fears and doubts and determination to slay the monster...but I found myself asking if maybe the monster is something else? Maybe it's that thing that lives inside us and eats us all up if we let it. If we don't allow ourselves the room to heal.
Lark is almost alienlike in his personality, as cut off as he's been, but he was a bit charming for all that. I really loved the scenes between him and Calvin, the cosplay nerd he stumbles into and forms a fast friendship with. Lark just really needed someone to not question him, to just trust him and his process and I think Calvin gave him that and set him on the path to healing because of it. The other side characters admittedly didn't bring a whole lot to the story, even Lark's partner Kane. But they were diverse and queer, and I appreciated that.
Overall, I think if you're going to read this book, it's important to go into it with an open mind. Not everything is as it seems, and not everything is as it doesn't seem. It's definitely an eyes wide open kind of book!